Quick ‘n’ Dirty Music News 12.05.08
Posted by Mitch Michaels on 12.05.2008
Mitch & Brittany Kick Out The Jams with Guitar Hero, Gwen Stefani's uterus, Staind frontman going solo, Weezer for the holidays, Live Earth in India, Britney Spears is a moron with a nice rack, GN’R/Velvet Revolver and why Chinese Democracy is not a bomb, Creed and Led Zeppelin are both screwing with us now, some Grammy nominee thoughts, Amy Winehouse and more! Plus, stocking stuffers, chart news and the Pussycat Dolls as lingerie models are your Pieces of the Week!
Hello my preciouses. Welcome back to another vibrant edition of the 411 Friday Flagship – the Quick ‘n' Dirty News. I'm Mitch Michaels and I hope you had a fucking stupendous Thanksgiving and that neither you nor any members of your family were killed the next day trying to save a few bucks at a Wal*Mart sale.
Big thanks to Brittany for taking this whole deal on her shoulders last week. I was too busy stuffing myself with turkey and pumpkin-related desserts to pound my half out for you, but Britt is a vegan so…seriously, what was she gonna do after the parade was over? Jack shit!
Anyway, plenty to get to this week, but first here's another contest plug, this time for a free CD by Innerpartysystem and a copy of the new "Guitar Hero: World Tour" game for whatever system your heart desires. I was rocking GH last night…I was in the fucking ZONE on "Kick Out The Jams". But I wonder why the game couldn't get rights to the original live recording? I don't know which I hate worse – replacing "It's time to…KICK OUT THE JAMS MOTHERFUCKERS" with "It's time to…KICK OUT THE JAMS BROTHERS AND SISTERS", or just not saying anything at all. I heart profanity.
Anyway, enough rambling, let's get to it.
It's quick, it's dirty, it's news BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
Hey there. Hope you had a good week. Just kidding, I don't care. Mitch is back recovering from a horrible herpes episode so I don't have to write this alone again this week. Bastard. I just wanted to put this out there, my 21st birthday is on Sunday and I probably wont live through it, so if you don't hear from me anymore, you know what happened. Let's get on with the news.
Gwen Stefani is supposedly pregnant again with her third child and she won't stop until she has a girl. Hopefully this time she won't name it something ridiculous. I really feel like celebrities are taking baby name ideas from Michael Jackson.
Speaking of female fronted bands, there is talk of a new Paramore album being released late next summer, unfortunately. They are writing "darker" material because members of the band's parents broke up. This is going to have off beat emo tweens cutting themselves to the new Parmamore album for a long time to come.
Kate Nash, Radiohead's Ed O'Brien and Blur drummer Dave Rowntree are among the artists hoping to establish a new committee dedicated to give bands in the music industry more of a voice. Well actually, they just want people using their music in movies to pay them for it. There is a loophole in the law to avoid paying I guess. They are calling this FAC - Featured Artists Coalition. It should be called QJMSAPM - Quit Jacking My Shit And Pay Me.
Douchy McDoucherson Aaron Lewis of Staind is working on a new solo album. Here is what he had to say about it to Billboard.com:
"I can write songs on the acoustic guitar, in an acoustic-type manner, extremely easily, it's not a difficult thing for me. I was making 'Outside' up as I went along for that first original recording of it. There's a handful of songs that are already there that just have to get revisited, and I don't think I'll have any trouble coming up with more."
In other words:
"I know basic chords on my acoustic guitar, I don't play it the way I would play an electric guitar, it's not hard to play acoustically on an acoustic. I made up Outside during the first recording of it and that's why it is so horrible. There are a handful of songs that I need to completely rewrite, but no matter what, they will be shitty. I love talking about myself, even though I always look sad and constipated."
Nancy Grace has accused Sevendust for the alleged murder of Caylee Anthony in Orlando, Florida because her mother was playing the song repeatedly at the time of the girl's disappearance. Someone get Dee Snider on the phone and have him sort this out. Thanks.
If you are "Guitar Hero" fans like I am, you will appreciate this. Gamestop is having a sweepstakes for roundtrip airfare to Los Angeles, hotel accommodations, 1000 bucks of spending money and a character in the game. That is bad ass. I am going to try and win and I think you should too, so if any of you win, you can tell us all about it, and I can say ‘hey, I've talked to that guy' enter here.
I'd make my character's name Brittanica Badassington. Yeah, that's good.
The Grammy nominations are in and they are just as much of a joke as they are every year. The Grammys, Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, pretty much any music award show is a long commercial. What happened to the world? When will real artists get the credit they deserve? I mean, they give Grammys to almost anyone!
Geffen Records are blaming bad album sales of Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy on Axl Rose's two month disappearance. I blame it on a shitty album maybe?
In a recent interview with K-Fed he seems to be stoked on his kids and is rooting for his psychopath ex-wife Britney Spears. He unfortunately didn't say anything about another album, because I know we are all just waiting to hear some of his new material. I guess Britney beat him to the punch on a new album that is going to one day be a classic. Woo!
Britney was also out the other night looking skanky as always and in dire need of some crack.
Alright guys and gals, try to have a hangover free weekend, because I know I wont.
Peace, Love, and Aural Sex.
Mitch's Quick News
Weezer's getting into the Christmas spirit this year by putting out six newly recorded carols for some iPhone game. The band is also still planning on releasing a compilation of their one-offs and throwaway tracks, which would be in addition to the demo series Rivers Cuomo has been putting out the last two years. I love it when bands do this. Some people could call it a cash grab (and it doesn't hurt that it makes money, I'm sure), but when you have a band like Weezer that has a hardcore fanbase, it's nice for the band to take the extra time to put together these supplemental projects. Because, face it, when you've had as much success as Weezer, you really don't benefit that much from a demo compilation that won't move 10% of what a studio album would, do you? So thanks guys!
Travis Barker and DJ AM will be reuniting to play a gig on New Year's Eve. It'll be the duo's first performance together since they were involved in a fatal plane crash in September. Don't worry – it's local, so they'll be driving.
A Live Earth show in India that was to feature Jon Bon Jovi and Roger Waters (What? They couldn't afford full bands?) was cancelled this week due to the recent terrorist attacks there. In other news, India is also very excited about the hot new band called the Backstreet Boys. Come on, everyone else had their Live Earth in 2007 and terrorist attacks are SO 2001, guys. Get with the times!
Britney Spears said this week that, "In five years I would like to be married and have a father figure for my kids…Someone who is a provider and can be really stable. It's hard doing it on your own."
A father figure for her kids?
HOW ABOUT THEIR FUCKING FATHER?!?
I don't buy all of Kevin Federline's bullshit, and I'm sure he likes the money that comes along with being Britney Spears' no-talent ex-husband, but you can't deny that the guy, at least publically, has come across as having nothing but his kids' best interests in mind. You don't see Federline out partying, you don't see him working on a new album, or a cologne line, or a clothing line – all the guy fucking does is take care of Britney's kids. And even the courts STILL AGREE that Britney has no business raising them.
Or when she says "father figure", does she mean someone who can rob her of her childhood, control her ungodly fortune and pimp her out the moment she graduated from her training bra like Jamie Lynn Spears did for her?
Britney: shut up and sing your little over-produced whore songs and let the adults worry about the kids, OK?
From the 10/10/08 QnD:
And finally, a source no less reliable than Twisted Sister's Dee Snider says that Led Zeppelin could tour with Alter Bridge frontman Myles Kennedy if Robert Plant doesn't quit holding out. Apparently Dee Snider and Robert Plant's wife get their makeup and nails done at the same place or something. So, if Kennedy joins Zeppelin, does that mean the Alter Bridge guys could get back with Scott Stapp and reform Creed? Thank a lot Robert Plant. Thanks a whole fucking lot you asshole.
Look guys, I was only kidding. I swear it. I had no idea that this might actually happen. But lo and behold, Billboard announced this week that a 2009 Creed tour was all but a done deal. This is like a bad joke. So many terrible implications. Look, I'm no Creed hater, but those guys – I hate to break it to you Creed, but we have Nickelback now. Just as we had Bush before you. We already have a band that everyone says they hate but still manages to score a gazillion big Rock radio hits that all sound the same. We don't need a Creed reunion. But apparently there are BIG BUCKS involved. Who's paying to get Creed back together??? It's like some kind of Coachella promoter from hell.
But worse yet, that only lends credence to the rumor that Alter Bridge's Myles Kennedy is in line to replace Robert Plant on a Led Zeppelin tour. Look – Myles Kennedy is a decent singer. But you know what? So is that Filipino guy, but that doesn't make it fucking JOURNEY without Steve Perry. This isn't BOSTON, where they can go and find some guy cutting 2x4's at Home Depot and call him the new Brad Delp. THIS IS LED FUCKING ZEPPELIN. If you're gonna go ahead and replace Plant, you're gonna have to find a MAJOR player to step in. I'm talking like…fuck, someone so huge I can't even think of a person.
2009 could be a shitty year – a Creed reunion and a sub-par Zeppelin tour. Might as well hang yourselves on New Year's Eve, kids.
In more rock fuckery, Velvet Revolver rumors say they've found some guy to replace Scott Weiland as lead singer. Some guy with a hard name from some Irish band. I don't think Velvet Revolver remembers that they're supposed to be a fucking SUPER GROUP. It'd be like the Traveling Wilburys bringing in fucking James Blunt to replace Roy Orbison. You have to play by the super group rules!
But then again, some are saying Axl Rose himself set out across the land for two months to track down each classic era ex-member of GN'R about reuniting. Geffen execs are saying this is why Chinese Democracy undersold – because Axl wasn't around to promote it. Chill DGC – EVERYONE KNEW THIS ALBUM WAS COMING OUT.
Can we quit calling Chinese Democracy a bomb, by the way? It fucking sold huge (around 300k), especially considering it's limited availability (I said over and over that Best Buy was no Wal*Mart). And it's only been a week! We've got all of Christmas to see how this one turns out.
Anyway, the big question here is: why did Axl take two months hunting down GN'R members? Does he not have a cell phone? Steve Adler is in rehab on TV and the other guys are in Velvet Revolver, so I'm pretty sure all you needed were like two contact numbers and a couple phone calls.
No wonder it took Axl 15 years to make this album. It must take most of his time just to bike to the Comcast HQ and pay his TV bill every month.
Paris Hilton is releasing a new album. This seemed like terrible news in 2006, but since Paris didn't seem to have any lasting terrible effects on the music industry, I guess that news isn't too offensive. Turns out her first record was more like a case of crabs than herpes – you're ashamed and uncomfortable, but after a couple weeks the whole ordeal is over.
Amy Winehouse and her recently released from prison and thrown into rehab estranged husband Blake Fielder-Civil seem to be having a hard time of things. Amy looks to be on the verge of dropping him for good, while Blake thinks that he can save the relationship by…going on "Celebrity Big Brother". Looks like Amy Winehouse must have stopped paying that "security fee" while Blake was in prison, because Big Bubba obviously fucked his last brain cells right out of him.
Newswoman Nancy Grace made comments on her show recently that Sevendust's track "The Past" was inspiration for the killing of Caylee Anthony. Sevendust has since responded against Grace, saying "The Past" was a song of hope. Wow, a 50-year old woman that thinks hard rock/metal is evil? This IS news. Grace went on to blame backmasking for the suicide of that emo girl and went off air screaming "It stands for Knights In Satan's Service!" over and over.
I can't believe we still have to deal with "metal is the devil" in 2008. Of course, how much credence can you give to a woman who publically crucified the INNOCENT Duke Lacrosse team before it came out that the girl accusing them of rape was a pretty shady ho. You wanna kick Nancy Grace's ass, Sevendust fans? Get in line.
Flea could be stepping in as bassist for the reunited Faces. I think that's a perfect match for the loose blooze rock of that band, if they still have the chops. You show me someone who says "Stay With Me" doesn't get them going and I'll show you a cocksucker with bad taste in music whose mother didn't love them.
The Grammy nominees list is out and Lil Wayne appears the most. That's pretty easy, seeing as how he's featured on EVERY FUCKING TRACK THAT'S BEEN RELEASED THIS YEAR.
You can check out the full list here, but let me just give you my initial reactions on the General and Pop categories.
[RECORD OF THE YEAR] - Adele, Coldplay, Leona Lewis, M.I.A. and Plant/Krauss. Are we still in the US? It's funny to see Plant & Krauss getting so much praise. Has anybody actually heard this album?
[ALBUM OF THE YEAR] – Coldplay, Lil Wayne, Ne-Yo, Plant/Krauss and Radiohead. Not bad, really. I like the inclusion of Wayne, who was undeniable as far as sales go. The In Rainbows nod is the Grammy's way of saying their cool with looking towards the future. But hasn't that album been out for more than a year now?
[BEST MALE POP] – Kid Rock, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Paul McCartney, Ne-Yo, James Taylor. Honestly, I don't think the Grammys would know what to do if Paul McCartney went a year without releasing something. They'd probably nominate his fucking answering machine message. And, of all the categories to put "All Summer Long" in, they went with Pop??
[BEST POP GROUP] – Coldplay, Eagles, Gnarls Barkley, Maroon 5, OneRepublic. Seriously, an album track from that awful Eagles album gets a nod? I guess I'll blame the lack of real pop groups for this strange category. If Coldplay or OneRepublic doesn't take this, the Grammys are really out of touch.
[BEST POP ALBUM] – Sheryl Crow, Duffy, Leona Lewis, Eagles, James Taylor. Sheryl Crow? Seriously??? They were GIVING that thing away. I have all of Sheryl's albums, but I didn't even by Detours. James Taylor's Covers is another strange choice. Total snoozefest. Viva La Vida should have been in here.
More next week.
And finally, Britney Spears was out in full force promoting Circus this week and this picture is your moment of zen:
MITCH'S STOCKING STUFFERS
I decided to put our annual review lists on hold for the rest of the year and spend the next few weeks doing this little public service. See, you're most likely not done with your Christmas shopping yet. And there's always that one tough cookie to crack on your list of people that you don't really love but feel obligated to get a decent gift for. So each week leading up to Christmas, I'm going to offer up three different gift ideas. Sound good? These items are all MITCH MICHAELS APPROVED.
Van Morrison - Keep It Simple: This album came out without a lot of fanfare in April of this year. I believe I recommended it even then. It wasn't too many months ago that it hit me what an insanely amazing talent Van Morrison is and what an impact he's had on the music industry. Just take a look at any of his compilation albums for proof. And yet, his new releases still manage to fly under the rader. Keep It Simple is a bluesy, stripped down album filled with dingy delta-style rhythm and blues and country. Very good groove here and your loved one will trip on this all the way to the mall on December 26th as he returns those shitty presents that other people got him.
Baja: Edge Of Control [PS3, Xbox 360]: Afraid to buy that certain someone a CD? How about a game? "Baja" was released back in September by the folks who put out the "MX vs. ATV" games. It's pretty standard racing fare – you race different Baja cars, buggies and 4x4s on different style tracks. It's really easy to pick up the controls if you've ever played any type of racing game. But mastering it? That takes some real time. The best thing about "Baja" though is its depth of cars (160+) and tracks (100+) available. You can race for 10 minutes or up to four hours, but either way you'll be pulling your fucking hair out every time you roll that damn buggy or get stuck up trying to climb a hill that a fucking mountain goat would lose its footing on. Good for any level gamer with any amount of spare time.
Bikini Bloodbath Carwash: If cheesy horror movies are your cup of tea, you'll want to check out this sequel to Bikini Bloodbath. This was released just after Halloween and, while it's a little disappointing in the T&A department compared to its predecessor, Carwash is just as funny and completely ridiculous with the same student film charm. And don't worry - Carwash doesn't pull a Halloween III on you, as Chef Death is back to slice up all the hotties. If nothing else, you get to look at Playboy Playmate Rachael Robbins, who stars, so if you've got a perv with a taste for gore and a warped sense of humor on your list, he'll be giving you a hug for this one.
NEW RELEASES FOR DECEMBER 9, 2008
WHAT EVERYONE WILL BUY:
Brandy - Human - Even though there are three more release Tuesdays till Christmas, most people seem to be putting their eggs in the 12/16 basket. Christmas Eve eve is dead (as is the next week), and this coming Tuesday is kind of a push. You've got a remix album by Maroon 5, new joints from Musiq Soulchild and Common and this one by Brandy. Out of all of them, I would say Brandy has the most common appeal. Plus, her last three albums made Top 3 and with Human she has a brand new label behind her.
WHAT WILL BE NUMBER ONE:
I wasn't around last week, but Brittany called Beyonce to grab the #1 spot because "she has a nice ass". Couldn't agree more Britt. And apparently, America thinks so too. Beyonce's double disc I Am…Sasha Fierce debuted at the top spot…two weeks ago. This week it fell to #4. Way to go Brittany! For the here and now, Kanye West grabbed the #1 slot, followed by Guns N' Roses, who only mustered #3 behind that Taylor Swift record that's been out for 4 weeks now. Ouch. Sales for both Kanye and GN'R were below expected, though both managed to move a few hundred thousand. Like I said, this time of year is about staying power, too, so let's see what the end of December brings before we start calling Epic Fail on either. And wait – what about those 1-2 days that weren't tallied? Why hasn't anyone mentioned that? Anyway, Ludacris managed a good 200k+ week too, even if he did top out at #5. And The Killers weren't far behind at #6.
This week – what else – Britney Spears should wipe away the memory of Blackout and grab the top spot. Brit's been promoting the hell out of this thing, "Womanizer" is a hit – it's the perfect pop storm. Kanye, Taylor Swift, Beyonce and GN'R and maybe even Ludacris should stick around the Top 10, and I look for Akon to be the only other party crasher there right now. Oh, and that damn Now 29 will continue gathering steam till Christmas. People love that shit around the holidays.
WHAT YOU SHOULD BUY:
Like I said, it's a bum week, but there's a couple of things worth dropping money on:
Neil Young - Sugar Mountain: Live At Canterbury House 1968 - No doubt this vault live set is supposed to whet our appetites for the big Archives release next year. It should work too. Hearing Neil in his very early years doing his acoustic thing feels just right this time of year.
Cadillac Records: Music From The Motion Picture - Cadillac Records just screams "Remember Dreamgirls! Give me an Oscar!" to me, but I can't deny how strong the soundtrack looks. Beyonce's version of "The Material Girl" Etta James' "At Last" is something that really interests me.
WHAT'S HOT ON THE DIAL?
Billboard has about a million charts, so each week I'm gonna round up the #1s from each format. That way, no matter WHAT station you flip to when not using your presets, you'll be aware of what you might hear. Newly crowned #1s are in bold:
The Pussycat Dolls are promoting a new line of lingerie for Bebe that they designed. The line was a big hit earlier this year at L.A. fashion week. Here are some pics of the Dolls and their models, who are our fashionista Pieces of the Week!
THE END
Hope you all had fun. Be sure to drop us a line on what you liked, didn't, etc.
I think basically when you do some investigation and figures regarding Chinese Democracy you learn some startling facts. No the album did not cost $30 million to make. Where that came from is just a damn joke . The figure every magazine and credible site was at $13 million.
Well it recently came to light that Best Buy paid $14 Million for 1.6 million copies of "Chinese Democracy". They cleared that...but Geffen was smart , they also managed to hold onto all international sales and digital sales. Plus whatever they put the tunes into ad wise I'm sure.
In all the record company has made a great deal here. By the time you figure that there is only 862 Best Buy stores in America ...moving 200,000+ units at a store like that is an incredible feat. AC/DC & the Eagles had Wal-Mart which have over 4,000+ stores across America and can promote and sell an album better .
So given all this and Best Buy's lack of promotion (plus overall lack of promotion worldwide) and the album sales near (or over) a million worldwide in a week ...thats a hell of a fucking number and shows the album is selling on the strength of the Guns n Roses name.
Now part of me thinks ...well what does Geffen need to gain here beyond Digital and overseas sales ? They need promotion since Axl Rose isn't doing it. (And trust me the band has 2 managers...if Geffen needed to...they could likely get a hold of Axl Rose)
They need promotion til the next single explodes good and video is likely ready. So of course if they do news articles slamming that maverick genuis Axl Rose and his insane behavior...its more free press !
Thus far the album hasn't been a failure. Sure its a failure to many who hate the band now and want the old guys back. But well its not a failure at this moment so keep trying...
Posted By: The Dude (Guest) on December 05, 2008 at 01:03 AM
"2009 could be a shitty year – a Creed reunion and a sub-par Zeppelin tour. Might as well hang yourselves on New Year's Eve, kids."
Thinking about it. I need to test out the shower curtain rod and see how strong it is...
MM
Posted By: Michael Melchor (Registered) on December 05, 2008 at 01:24 AM
Nice column, I hope Gnarles Barkley will win because, as in my opinion, some of the best music out there and they deserve some praise.
Posted By: Gary (Guest) on December 05, 2008 at 01:41 AM
It's terrible to think thank Brandy's new label is pushing her so hard since she killed that person...guess she needs a way to pay off that $50mil lawsuit against her.
Chinese Democracy will have staying power. Word of mouth is finally getting around about it being a good album, albeit not for GnR, but musically, the album is great. Sales will stay the course through the holidays and it'll hit platinum within two months. Not bad for an album available very limitedly.
Posted By: Ramsey (Guest) on December 05, 2008 at 06:27 AM
"You wanna kick Nancy Grace's ass, Sevendust fans? Get in line."
I'd actually wana do Nancy Grace, but it would be one of those hate fucks.
Posted By: Jay (Guest) on December 05, 2008 at 12:25 PM
Of course people have heard Plant/Krauss - it's Robert fucking Plant and while the album is a bit dreamy/hazy sounding, they delivered on the live end of things and it certainly is as good or better than just about all the other nominees in that and other categories.
Posted By: the_fiXer (Guest) on December 05, 2008 at 12:28 PM
Awesome read, Mitch. Nancy Grace is an idiot. FOX News certainly as its share of un-credible but she is a dope. She just makes that network look bad. And Axl Rose is an idiot, but I think that's obvious to everyone. At least he's still getting paid to self destruct...that earns props (not).
Posted By: Fred Richani (Registered) on December 05, 2008 at 01:59 PM
wow are we really gonna do the miley cyrus countdown thing I mean look how good that turned out for Mary Kate and Ashley the monkey twins
Posted By: jokerdoom (Guest) on December 05, 2008 at 07:55 PM
MITCH'S STOCKING STUFFERS
