Face Off 02.03.09: Wherein Mike and Randy Discuss Metallica, Eric Clapton, Rod Stweart and Stevie Nicks

Posted by Michael Adler on 02.03.2009

Lots to cover this week. Join us as we fix Metallica, argue over Clapton, and settle who bleets better.

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Mike rambles on:Alright, it's time for another week of faceoff and we'll cover a few things that came up in conversation this previous week, stemming from a Metallica concert we recently attended, which brings up a few questions:

First of all, Randy and I differ on how many beats Lars missed; I seem to think he only flubbed during "One", but Randy claims he was off 30% of the time. Should Metallica get a new drummer and fire Lars Ulrich? I think the answer to this one is obvious-he shouldn't be fired, but he perhaps needs to play the Rockband Drum Trainer feature to sharpen his skills.

Other thoughts from the concert: "Master of Puppets" needs to be extended into a 20 minute extended jam song, and Rob Trajillo adds that overweight Latino element to Metallica that they've been lacking up to now.

This leads me to my second thing. As of right now, I'm going Eddie Vedder on Ticketmaster's ass, and calling for a boycott, that I Hope Randy will agree with me on. What has me so angry? The fucking convenience fee. What the fuck is this, other than an oxymoron. There's nothing convenient about a fee. You know what would make me ok with the Ticketmaster convenience fee? They would have to change the name to an assrape fee, because that's what it is, an assrape fee. Concert tickets are a luxury item, and I'm fine with Ticketmaster charging whatever they want for them. That's their choice. What I'm not fine with is being lied to and scammed. So, I want all of our millions and millions of readers to join with us in boycotting Ticketmaster; find a concert you want to go to, then don't go. Email Ticketmaster, and tell them you're not going because of the convenience fee, and then don't go to the concert. If everyone stops going to concerts, they won't have any choice but to not charge the convenience fee. Fucking Ticketmaster.

And speaking of not going to concerts, we seem to have some disagreement on Eric Clapton'sawesomeness. Let me clarify, and feel free to argue. I will openly admit that entering into the late 70's and on, he has put out some drivel, but prior to that his work is legendary. He was in the Yardbirds, who were early rock gods. His work in Blind Faith with Steve Winwood was amazing. They put out an album of only six songs that was more complete than a lot of albums getting put out today with 14 songs. Let's not forget that Cream is one of the greatest rock groups ever, and their reunion concerts a few years back were smashing successes. His guitar work on "Crossroads" alone would make Cream one of the greatest groups of the 60s. Derrick and the Dominoes and his solo 70's work was also fantastic.

And finally the Metallica concert gave us a second to compare Rod Stewart and Stevie Nicks, mostly because they both sound like melodic goats, which is fine. In short, Rod Stewart comes out on top. His work with the Faces and in the Jeff Beck band trumps Stevie Nicks; work with Fleetwood Mac, although giving credit to Nicks, she can hit a lot more notes than Rod Stewart can, who sings in a more boring Lemmyesque style of hitting only two or three notes depending on the night. Stewart's solo work beats out Stevie Nicks two to one: Stevie Nicks has "Edge of Seventeen", while Rod Stewart has "Do you think I'm Sexy" and "Maggie Mae".

QED.

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Some more rambling: Wow, lots to cover today. You might say this is too scattered for one column. Almost!

Lars screws up the tempo fairly regularly during live Metallica shows. Even on Metallica records, he sucks. On "Blackened" he sounds like a twelve year old who just got his first drum kit. And I really don't see how "Hetfield/Ulrich" is a writing duo - I'm so sure Lars was actively involved in writing the Battery riffs.

That said, he's had a few moments, like "Sad But True", and the end of "Seek and Destroy". OK, he's had two moments. Fact is, at this point, I can kind of envision a Metallica without Lars. It's possible, and maybe even preferable though - Dave Grohl or Dave Lombardo behind the kit would be nice. I shutter to think what kind of atrocity Lars would unleash on the world if he wasn't in Metallica, though. It would be like a shitty version of Velvet Revolver. Snicker.

Alright, Eric Clapton just isn't that great. Most of his notable moments can be attributed to someone else. His best work ("Crossroads", "Cocaine"), are minor reworkings of standards. Derrick & the Dominoes was made by Duane Allman. And as a player...eh. There's not too much to separate him from other blues players, let alone stand out from Chuck Berry, Muddy Waters, or anyone else who's black.

The Rod Stewart/Stevie Nicks debate may be too close to call. Rod has "Maggie Mae", and he's just so freakin ugly. Stevie Nicks' solo career is unspectacular, but she does have writing credits on "Gold Dust Woman" AND "The Chain". We may need to go the 411 boards with this one.

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Mike's a rambling man: I thought Velvet Revolver was a shitty version of Velvet Revolver? Certainly Liberdad was a shitty version of Contraband. I'm pretty sure Metallica could go on without Lars though. The only issue would be without his anti-internet illegal music downloading crusade, Metallica might go backrupt.

Moving, on let's discuss Eric Clapton here. First of all, weather you disagree or not on if it's evolution, music does develop and derive influences from past music, so dismissing Eric Clapton because it's attributed to someone else is nonsense. EVERYTHING is attributed to someone else in way or another. For the sake of removing any argument over the quality of guitar playing, let's look at Jimi Hendrix, more or less universally adored as the world's best guitar player. (although Jimmy Page wrote better songs.) Should we completely dismiss his work because he used an electric guitar, which HE DIDN'T INVENT AND CAN BE ATTRIBUTED TO SOMEONE ELSE? Of course not.

Have you listened to the original version of "Crossroads"? Sure it was revolutionary for its time, and people thought Robert Johnson was possessed by the devil...but compare that to what Clapton did to it. Sure, it can be attributed to someone else, but he and the rest of Cream owned that song.

Furthermore Derrick and the Dominoes was not made by Duane Allman. He was doing session work at the time. Yes, he was certainly a key element in making their album a classic, but he didn't MAKE them. It was a group effort. That's like saying Rob Halford made the Queens of the Stone Age for his work on Rated R.

As for Rod Stewart, he's a little craggy these days, and Stevie Nicks looks ok, especially when she hides the weight under all those black cloaks she wears these days...hhhmmm...super group: Cloaksalot featuring Rob Halford and Stevie Nicks. Anyway, I still say Stewart's rock credentials run a little deeper, but sure, let's let the boards decide. Closing comments?

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I've run out of cute intros for tonight: What the hell does "backrupt" mean? It sounds like something Lars does to Rob Trujillo after a long, stressful concert.

Clapton's contributions above those his predecessors is minimal. He didn't even bother to write new songs. You might say he re-imagined them, but Jimmy Page did an overall more extensive and creative job reworking classics than Clapton did.

So who's the hotter chick, Stevie Nicks or Rod Stewart? I guess we'll never know.

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Alright, that wraps it up for another week, and as usual we've settled very little, but the important thing is we've hopefully caused our loyal readers to think. Remember we welcome questions, comments, and death threats; just click the link below. Join us next week when we further discuss Rod Stewart and storage solutions using his wrinkles.