Face Off 03.10.09: Wherein Mike and Randy Switch Formats Temporarily for the Good of Music Everywhere!
Posted by Michael Adler on 03.10.2009
This week's face off: Mike and Randy don't get things quite right, but read on for commentary on Dio, Faith No More, et al.!
Alright, here we go, this week faceoff, for one time only, attempts the fact or fiction format. Can we do it? Only time will tell!
1. Faith No More are reuniting for some European tour dates with Mike Patton on lead vocals. This is stupid; Courtney Love is the only true lead singer of Faith No More.
Michael Adler: Fact - Let me rely on some visual aides here.
vs.
Clearly Doll Parts is slightly less irritating than Mike Patton's A Capella. Faith No More without Courtney Love is like Van Halen without Gary Cherone. Fun Fact: Gary Cherone was the inspiration for the Knicks My Cherona.
Michael Adler: Fact - Let me rely on some visual aides here.
vs.
Clearly Doll Parts is slightly less irritating than Mike Patton's A Capella. Faith No More without Courtney Love is like Van Halen without Gary Cherone. Fun Fact: Gary Cherone was the inspiration for the Knicks My Cherona.
Score: 1 for 1
2. Parents who let their children listen to the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, et al. are comitting a minor form of child abuse.
Michael Adler: Fact - If you only give your child bread and water, that's child abuse. It's neglect. The Jonas Brothers, and Disney's various other pre-fabricated "musical" acts are the bread and water of the music industry. The fact that this is what America's youth seem to be listening to is terrifying and will lead to God knows what in the future of music. They are a plague.
And what the hell is the deal with the Jonas Brothers in 3-D? Why do they need to be in 3-D? That makes no sense! It's a watered down pop act. The only thing adding the third dimension is going to do is bring the band further out front from the five guys in the background (who all look suicidal) actually playing most of the music.
Regardless of that, when I was growing up, I listened to bands like the Who, Led Zeppelin, and the Beatles (who I still don't like.) And look how I turned out-I spell band names right 90% of the time. The Jonas Brothers are gateway music to listening to such bands as Matchbox 20, Wilco, and The Killers. Parents don't let this happen to your child!
Michael Adler: Fact - If you only give your child bread and water, that's child abuse. It's neglect. The Jonas Brothers, and Disney's various other pre-fabricated "musical" acts are the bread and water of the music industry. The fact that this is what America's youth seem to be listening to is terrifying and will lead to God knows what in the future of music. They are a plague.
And what the hell is the deal with the Jonas Brothers in 3-D? Why do they need to be in 3-D? That makes no sense! It's a watered down pop act. The only thing adding the third dimension is going to do is bring the band further out front from the five guys in the background (who all look suicidal) actually playing most of the music.
Regardless of that, when I was growing up, I listened to bands like the Who, Led Zeppelin, and the Beatles (who I still don't like.) And look how I turned out-I spell band names right 90% of the time. The Jonas Brothers are gateway music to listening to such bands as Matchbox 20, Wilco, and The Killers. Parents don't let this happen to your child!
Score: 2 for 2
3. Michael Adler will lose his upcoming war with Ticketmaster/live nation.
Michael Adler - Fiction. I don't see how I can possibly lose. I write the most widely read and powerful column in the music industry. Within a month I predict people will stop buying tickets to all concerts, and the Ticketmaster/Live nation behemoth will fall. That's all there is to it. The Convenience fee and my mighty word will bring them down. The fact is that with Internet 2.0 the concert as we know it is a thing of the past. I predict a future where anyone can go on the internet to a site similar to Amazon.com and order a live performance from any band they want to see. There'll be a two week waiting period, and then the band will come to your house and perform for you. Despite this, somehow the encore will still manage to contain a song you didn't need to see performed and cause you to miss your train. Some things technology just can't solve.
Michael Adler - Fiction. I don't see how I can possibly lose. I write the most widely read and powerful column in the music industry. Within a month I predict people will stop buying tickets to all concerts, and the Ticketmaster/Live nation behemoth will fall. That's all there is to it. The Convenience fee and my mighty word will bring them down. The fact is that with Internet 2.0 the concert as we know it is a thing of the past. I predict a future where anyone can go on the internet to a site similar to Amazon.com and order a live performance from any band they want to see. There'll be a two week waiting period, and then the band will come to your house and perform for you. Despite this, somehow the encore will still manage to contain a song you didn't need to see performed and cause you to miss your train. Some things technology just can't solve.
Score: 3 for 3!
SWITCHEROO!
Alright, looks like I'm up. Are you sure this is how fact of fiction is supposed to work, Mike?
4. Queensryche'sAmerican Soldier is fixing to be their best album yet, if not the greatest album of all time.
Randy: Fiction. Well, that's a pretty ludicrous statement, isn't it? Queensryche's in an interesting position of having kept their original membership intact, except, of course, for their main creative force and one of their lead guitarist, Chris Degarmo. Degarmo gave us Operation: Mindcrime, Rage for Order, and Promised Land, but also the disastrous Hear in the Now Frontier. Without Degarmo, singer Geoff Tate is left as the intellectual and spiritual leader of the band, with the writing being done by people outside the band. That led the excellent Mindcrime II and Take Cover, but also the abysmally dull Q2K. With the exception of Mindcrime II, Queensryche's output of the past decade has been focused on (unsuccessfully) generating middle of the road classic rock-tinged hits. American Soldier seems poised to be more of the same in that direction. There's nothing wrong with that direction, per se, but where' the Rage for Order-era ingenuity that made Queenryche the 80's most unique metal band? Soldier may lead to a few fine moments, but won't be the album Queensryche's fans (and, equally important, their non-fans) have been waiting for.
Randy: Fiction. Well, that's a pretty ludicrous statement, isn't it? Queensryche's in an interesting position of having kept their original membership intact, except, of course, for their main creative force and one of their lead guitarist, Chris Degarmo. Degarmo gave us Operation: Mindcrime, Rage for Order, and Promised Land, but also the disastrous Hear in the Now Frontier. Without Degarmo, singer Geoff Tate is left as the intellectual and spiritual leader of the band, with the writing being done by people outside the band. That led the excellent Mindcrime II and Take Cover, but also the abysmally dull Q2K. With the exception of Mindcrime II, Queensryche's output of the past decade has been focused on (unsuccessfully) generating middle of the road classic rock-tinged hits. American Soldier seems poised to be more of the same in that direction. There's nothing wrong with that direction, per se, but where' the Rage for Order-era ingenuity that made Queenryche the 80's most unique metal band? Soldier may lead to a few fine moments, but won't be the album Queensryche's fans (and, equally important, their non-fans) have been waiting for.
Score: 4 for 4.
5. Heaven and Hell'sThe Devil You Know contains the silliest song titles ever.
Randy: Fact. And that's quite a feat after Death Magnetic was released. "Atom & Evil"? "Eating the Cannibals"? Really? What exactly is the demographic they're trying to impress here? Do they have a South Park-style tank of manatees coming up with these titles? At least they guarantee ridiculous introductory remarks from Dio before they're performed in concert. The band has said that this one will sound like their last album, Dehumanizer. That could be fine, aside from the unfinished quality of most of the songs on Dehumanizer. And let's hope some of the riffs are a bit faster than 20bpm.
Randy: Fact. And that's quite a feat after Death Magnetic was released. "Atom & Evil"? "Eating the Cannibals"? Really? What exactly is the demographic they're trying to impress here? Do they have a South Park-style tank of manatees coming up with these titles? At least they guarantee ridiculous introductory remarks from Dio before they're performed in concert. The band has said that this one will sound like their last album, Dehumanizer. That could be fine, aside from the unfinished quality of most of the songs on Dehumanizer. And let's hope some of the riffs are a bit faster than 20bpm.
Score: 5 for 5. One more to go!
6. If Guns N' Roses does in fact go on the rumored stadium tour this summer, it will be the greatest move they ever made.
Randy: Fiction. I just don't see the logic behind this one. Why does Axl even want to do a stadium tour? How does he go from not promoting the amazing Chinese Democracy at all to expecting to be able to fill stadiums? They couldn't possibly be the only ones on the bill, of course, as Van Halen has been rumored to join them. That would obviously be disastrous; GnR would have to open, and Axl wouldn't be happy. Regardless, this isn't the tour GnR or GnR fans need right now; they should be doing a theatre or arena tour celebrating the release of Chinese Democracy. The stadium tour will leave them again having to do mostly old material to placate non-fan audiences. I thought Axl was trying to move on? Oh well.
Randy: Fiction. I just don't see the logic behind this one. Why does Axl even want to do a stadium tour? How does he go from not promoting the amazing Chinese Democracy at all to expecting to be able to fill stadiums? They couldn't possibly be the only ones on the bill, of course, as Van Halen has been rumored to join them. That would obviously be disastrous; GnR would have to open, and Axl wouldn't be happy. Regardless, this isn't the tour GnR or GnR fans need right now; they should be doing a theatre or arena tour celebrating the release of Chinese Democracy. The stadium tour will leave them again having to do mostly old material to placate non-fan audiences. I thought Axl was trying to move on? Oh well.
Score: 6 for 6. Imagine that!
Another great week of hard hitting debate! Alright, join us next week to see weather or not I still have a job with 411mania after using the fact or fiction format without explicating getting an ok from my editor or its inventor!
