The Singles Guy 03.18.09: HAPPY HANGOVERS!
Posted by Jacob Crogie on 03.18.2009
Hope everyone had an amazing St.Patrick's Day! I spent mine writing this column, is that enough guilt for you? This week we get MORE Flo Rida, some U2, Miley and a great track from Maino (Who?) with some help from T-Pain. Read The Singles Guy, now 100% hangover friendly!
So its St. Patrick's Day as I am writing this article...and instead of drinking I have to do this, followed by an essay on the moral universes in "Adam Bede" and "Waiting for Godot"...F.M.L. Anyways, Bryan Adams was amazing last weekend and if you are presented with an opportunity to witness him live, I highly recommend it! Let's get down to business with the latest from...
Miley Cyrus- "The Climb"
What a great way to start off an already shitty week, with this track from the Hannah Montana movie. One thing I'll give her here, this song has a much stronger country background in comparison to her overly pop-tart hits. That doesn't mean its any good. Her voice sounds absolutely horrid in some parts and downright unbearable in others. It seems as if she is attempting to sing out of her range here and the song itself is just virile in its stupidity. Another one of those faux inspirational tracks about reaching for the top. Unless you are 16 years or younger and female, there is no reason to pick this one up.
The Epic Moment of Insane Awesomeness: Hmmm...singing about hard work and reaching the top, this coming from a Disney pop-tart. GTFO.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 1/5
U2- "Magnificent"
HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY BOYS! The intro to this track is pretty sick, however, its too bad that the rest of the song is mediocre at best. The guitar work is remniscint of classic U2, but the rest just fails. Vocally, Bono seems to be understated and not in a good way. This is better then "Get On Your Boots" for the sheer reason that it actually sounds like a U2 song but it is more "City of Blinding Lights" than "Angel of Harlem". Personally, I doubt I will ever listen to this song beyond this review. That says alot about the overall enjoyability of the track, it is just rather bland overall with nothing standing out as either bad or good.
The Epic Moment of Insane Awesomeness: Well...this sounds more like U2...I guess.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 2.5/5
Flo Rida ft. Wynter Gordon- "Sugar"
So, you are releasing two singles in three weeks...perhaps I was correct about the overall shittyness of "Shone". That is not to say this track is much better, sampling the Eiffel 65 song "Blue" does not make for the same kind of retro goodness evident in "Right Round". Furthermore, the hook of this club track is absolutely horrid...as are the lyrics. Flo Rida as always has some solid flow, riding the beat up and down redeeming this track somewhat. This is clearly a guilty pleasure if you find any pleasure at all. Looking more and more like "Right Round" was an anomaly, this one lacks the catchy punch that drove the aformentioned hit to the top of the charts.
The Epic Moment of Insane Awesomeness: WHAT THE HELL IS SHE SINGING? Just wait for the chorus.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness:2/5
Plain White T's- "1,2,3,4"
Wonderful, more pretentious acoustic pop that caters to idiotic teenage females. "OH MYYY GODDD they are soooo sensitive". Hint: They fucking suck. Easily one of the worst tracks I have ever heard in my life was their smash hit "Hey There Delilah", everytime I hear it I want to stab either them or my eardrums. This song is just as stupidly simplistic and no its not a Feist cover, just a blatant name grab. Musically, it's simple with a nice little acoustic guitar solo. It is in the lyrics that I lose my mind, typical acoustic love ballad without the intelligence of Jason Mraz, James Blunt or John Mayer. The guy can barely sing on top of all that. These guys are like the All-American Rejects without all the asskicking, Plain White T's have no balls to speak of. Music video is hilarious...guy should get used to busking, its what his future holds.
The Epic Moment of Insane Awesomeness: Guitar solo...now...why not make real music?
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness:1.5/5
David Cook- "Come Back To Me"
YAY! More inoffensive pop rock from my personal favorite American Idol winner...which isn't that impressive conisidering I can't stand most if not all of them. This song is just as crappy as the rest of them, and he still hasn't taken my advice. Screw your record company handlers, go out and find a band...also, write your own stuff. The songs they are having this guy sing are just generally idiotic. Musically its stock rock, and lyrically its just horrendous. What a crappy song in general, David is capable of so much more.
The Epic Moment of Insane Awesomeness: The waste of David's talent.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 1.5/5
Mutemath- "Spotlight"
Just because its off of the "Twilight" soundtrack doesn't mean it sucks...right? WHOA! Epic opening with the huge orchestral flourish followed by a rather catchy clapping backbeat. The drum kick in is epic, as is the drum work throughout. It's too bad the rest of the song is so average. Lyrically, there is nothing special and nothing that makes you want to sing along with. Musically, the rest of the band subscribes to the Coldplay school of blandness. All those things combined make for a very unmemorable track, too bad really, it the first twenty seconds blew me away.
The Epic Moment of Insane Awesomeness: First twenty seconds ftw.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 2/5
Carolina Liar- "Show Me What I'm Looking For"
I thought this track sounded vaguely European on first listen and now I know why, this band is composed entirely of Swedes with only the lead singer originating from South Carolina. This track came up just short of Song of the Week honors, two weeks in a row if you can believe that! It's a great Alt. Rock tune with amazing melody throughout and some nicely used orchestration. The lead singer has an amazing voice which suits the style of music they play. Clearly, there is alot of talent in this group as musically, each of the members has their moments in the sun with some excellent drum work in particular. The vocal harmony section is just amazing and is the highpoint of the track. Catchy as hell chorus, this is everything I look for in a modern rock track as it is just steeped in emotion.
The Epic Moment of Insane Awesomeness: Vocal Harmonies.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 4/5
Could only find a live version...oh well...its still pretty awesome.
Sugarland- "It Happens"
God...how I hate Sugarland, the lead singer has the single most annoying voice in country history. Her twang is horrid, and seems almost forced, she is just generally annoying. Musically the song isn't that bad with some pretty solid country instrumentation throughout. Lyrically, its typical "my life sucks" kind of fare with a total cop-out in the chorus. Why not just say "Shit Happens", that's right...you suck too much, no balls here. Furthermore, I want to stick nails through my eardrums so I don't have to listen to her incredibly annoying voice.
The Epic Moment of Insane Awesomeness: JUST. STOP. SINGING.
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 0.5/5
SONG OF THE WEEK!
Maino ft. T-Pain- "All The Above"
Who would have thought that T-Pain would ever be part of a Song of the Week! This track came out of nowhere and absolutely blew my mind. This Maino guy has some serious flow and T-Pain's autotune voice actually fits this song incredibly well. Instrumentally there is some nice orchestration in the background with an amazing bassline that demands you to move along with it. The hook really shines with some solid autotune vocal harmonies, that don't suck! I can't get this track out of my head, it has made it onto my dance playlists. This track is something to groove to, lyrically, I could care less about the subject matter, something to do with rising out of the streets and achieving greatness. This is just a solid dance track that I could listen to on repeat.
The Epic Moment of Insane Awesomeness: Who the hell is Maino, and why have I never heard of him before? This guy has some pretty solid flow!
The Arbitrary Rating of Goodness: 4.5/5
Sorry guys...no Kickass 5...I have a paper due, and its St. Patrick's Day!
So that's it for another week, be sure to tune in same time next week when we get all the latest and the greatest plus all the crap that everyone else likes...
