The Weekly Monitor 12.09.05
Posted by Brandon Crow on 12.09.2005
The Weekly Monitor is very secure with the size of its member...
December 7, 1941-- a day that will live in infamy...because Japan brought a set of big balls to the playing field.
Last week, John Kerry finally admitted to being the illegitimate love child of Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemming.
For once, Bush was happy to play puppeteer instead of being the puppet.
"Hey Katrina losers, look, black people love me!"
Kerry: You lucky son ofa bitch! That should be me signing the executive order!
To prove he's happy Bush is president, John Kerry cited his facial expression as evidence.
"Five times. I'm going to run for president five times."
"Is that your daughter over there? Hmm...I think it's high time I did a little reverse Thomas Jefferson with her."
"Five times. I had sex with the president's daughter five times."
Bush and Cheney start out another evening with their usual chat-- who has a bigger dick, King Kong, or the Sphinx?
Bush: I've got the biggest, ahem, "log."
Cheney: No, I have the biggest shaftage on my log!
And wearing number eight, Condi Rice decides to join the penis parade.
Tired of the childish peacocking, the city of Buenos Aires, Argentina put an end to the "who has the biggest dick" debate by whipping it out.
"Five times. My penis is five times the size of the president's."
Right about now, Singapore's Nadia Chen is elated she doesn't even have anything resembling a penis...
After stepping out of the White House and seeing the Washington Monument, Bush kicks himself for letting Argentina trump him in the penis debate.
"Five times. I would have told Argentina about the Washington Monument five times!"
Bush does not debate whether these are "holiday" candles or "Christmas" candles. He is interested only in their lenght and girth...
After suffering his humiliating "penis loss" to Dick Cheney, George Bush asked for a face transplant.
This week, the Southeast Asian Games got underway. Or as they are more affectionately known, "The 5'4" and Under League."
After intense competition, the Thai soccer team celebrate their victory...not for winning any games, but because on average, as a team, they sported the biggest dick!
Teams Philippines and Myanmar race to see who finishes first...AND who has the biggest, longest, widest boat...
REUTERS: Vietnam's Nguyen Quang Tung competes before winning the gold medal in the anyo arnis competition during the 23rd Southeast Asian Games.
And you thought there was a penis joke coming...didn't you?!
"Five times. I've had penial implants five times."
In their wettest of dreams, Bush and Hussein fancy themselves actual warriors duking it out.
In super slow motion, it is revealed that The Flash is really Osama bin Laden...no wonder we haven't been able to capture him!
In the spirit of Christmas, can we all say, "Jesus Christ!"
Help! Santa's fallen and he can't get up!
"Five times. My penis could not get up five times."
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