The Weekly Monitor 01.06.06

Posted by Brandon Crow on 01.06.2006

The Weekly Monitor has already returned any and all donations given to us by Jack Abramoff!



This week, 12 West Virginia coal miners lost their lives. The Weekly Monitor extends its deepest condolences to the families of the miners.




The final thoughts of Martin Toler Jr. May the miners all rest in peace.




Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke earlier this week. He is said to be in stable condition. The Weekly Monitor wishes Sharon the best and hopes he makes a full recovery...




...so that he may continue his life's work of concealing pictures of himself, such as this one, doing his "girlie man dance."




...and this one, taken during his first unsuccessful run at Prime Minister, where he modeled his media blitz after Michael Dukakis' 1998 presidential run.




Congratulations to the University of Texas Longhorns on winning the Rose Bowl and becoming national champions.




While the victory gave UT players a reason to celebrate, it offered first daughter Jenna Bush a major freebie to get sloshed in public one more time.




Quarterback Vince Young grimaces at the coach's suggestion that he dawn a combat helmet and slide into a tank to advertise his prowess for the upcoming NFL draft.




I tell ya, American consumerism and one-upsmanship is getting out of hand...look at this game ball made of diamonds!




This week, large numbers of people died in Iraq due to insurgency fighting.




And all President Bush can talk about is "hook 'em horns!"




Hardcore training of the Iraqi army wrapped up in 2005 with the ever-useful "Flag Twriling" maneuver.




And the serious training of Iraqi soldiers continued in 2006 with their first lesson on "Riverdance."




Iraqi Defence Minister Saadoun al-Dulaimi (wearing a suit) congratulates armed forces chief Babakr Zebari on the color-coordinated outfits of their "Spirit Squad"... uh, I mean military.




Here, we see the Iraqi Armed Forces entry into the 2006 Rose Parade: "Presidential Tank Ride."




The New Iraqi Insurgency Commercial:

One Muslim boy who hates America, recruited for the cause: FREE
One semi-automatic weapon: $100
One round of bullets: $65
Living proof why America can never win the war in Iraq: PRICELESS




Bad news for Republicans in 2006...lobbyist Jack Ambramoff pled guilty in his corruption case.




And in even more bad news, Abramoff will name names!




George W. Bush and Tom DeLay have already called Abramoff's decision to reveal names "shameful!"




Ceremonial headdress...try a tank helmet! It's more fitting for those who are about to crash and burn.




Well, it's not a tank helmet, but it's getting there...Happy Trails, Mr. Abramoff.




And today's "moment of zen:" Dude, pull my finger!