The Weekly Monitor 01.13.06

Posted by Brandon Crow on 01.13.2006

The Weekly Monitor loves to suckle!



1984 - 2006

Here lies Tom DeLay's abusive and underhanded political career. May "The Hammer" feel the "whip" of his own corruption.




More friends and allies would have come out to DeLay's Career Burial except some could not leave the courtroom and many could not get out of jail.




And the political games are immediately afoot...

Bush: Tom Who?
DeLay: George Who?




And just how fat did Washington politicians get off of self-interested lobbyists?




REUTERS: McKenzie Lee of Britain accepts the award for Best New Starlet during the 23rd annual AVN (Adult Video News) Awards Show in Las Vegas, Nevada January 7, 2006.

The good news is, the search for "Weapons of Massive Construction" ended this past week.




Rumsfeld: We said we knew exactly where they were...and now we've proven it. Those weapons of massive construction are there in the east, west, north, south, jiggling and bouncing...it's time to suckle the warhead!




And a line immediately formed to suckle the "titillating" warheads...




Before stepping down as House Leader, DeLay took one parting shot at Democrats calling those who disbelieved the administration's claims on weapons of massive construction "shameful."




Prince William made a brief appearance at DeLay's political funeral; then took his place in the "Line of Suckling."




Just like Iran, porn star Jesse Jane tried to conceal her "weapons"...




...lucky for us, President Bush has personally led the investigation into Jesse Jane's weapons. Bush confirms that they do exist, and they are in fact, real.




On Wednesday, Lindsay Lohan announced she would like to trade her WND's (weapons of no distraction) for their larger, more public-friendly cousins, the WMC's.




The Los Angeles Auto Show kicked off 2006 with lots of miniature cars!




In a stunning twist, car makers responded to public fears of carjackings by creating the first ever "Peoplejack" automobile.




Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean poses next to the vehicle named after him: the Honda Screamer




And Pope Benedict XVI revealed the new Pope Mobile at the LA Auto Show this week.




Shortly thereafter, Arnold Schwarzeneggar showed off the new, official Governor Mobile.




"This new Governor Mobile was especially designed to protect my lips!"




And when asked what his dream car was, President Bush said, "The Chevy Black Hawk!"




To simulate real life conditions in their testing, Ford puts their vehicles through the final exam: Los Angeles traffic.




"Oh, you all ought to try some of that first rate suckling back there! Bloody hell!"




Larry Flint, creator of "Hustler" magazine announced he will run for president in 2008 based on the fact that he was the first ever to find WMC's.




"The war is a just war because Weapons of Massive Construction are evil and shameful!"




Tragedy of the Week: "Girl Next Door" Elisha Cuthbert was not nominated for any of the Adult Video News (AVN) awards.




Meanwhile, in this week's "Moment of Zen:" Shirley MacLaine was named AVN Actress of the Year.