The Weekly Monitor 01.20.06
Posted by Brandon Crow on 01.20.2006
The Brokeback Monitor has finally come out of the closet!
Ang Lee won Best Director for "Brokeback Mountain" at the Golden Globes this week. The Weekly Monitor congratulates Mr. Lee on his accomplishment.
Brokeback Mountain winning the Golden Globes caused a lot of concern about "appropriate material."
Angry conservatives now want a good, clean, values-driven, non-offensive movie to offset "Brokeback."
They demand wholesome, family films like a sequel to "Passion of the Christ."
Hmm...is it just me, or do these awards look a little phallic?
In conjunction with National Geographics, Director Ang Lee is already filming "Brokeback Mountain II: AIDS Revolution."
While the sequel is expected to make big money, very little is known about the original prequel-- "Brokeback Mountain Lions."
With tensions high, this week, conservative media watch groups condemned ice skating as "inappropriate sexual material on TV" because of all that rhythmic motion and sweating and heavy breathing.
This country should not be exposed to the indecent, solicitous clothing this woman wears. Plus, look at her "flash dance" mentality, for crying out loud.
And here, this man is clearly checking out the woman's ass...on live national TV!
We aim to put an end to broadcasts of "inappropriate cuddling" such as these.
Oh My God! Jesus Christ! That is filthy! Where are the decent, moral censors?!
My eyes! My eyes! Mine eyes hath never layeth glance upon such wantoness.
And shame on the NBA (National Brokeback Basketball Association) for immorally depicting illicit homosexual acts and conduct.
Condoning this ménage à trois stuff on TV will surely corrupt our children.
And this clearly demonstrates our slide into beastiality!
Meanwhile, I believe some REAL news happened this week, as Osama bin Laden surfaced again via videotape.
And in other news, a new, deadly plague has hit Eastern Asia-- it's a mixture of Monkey Pox and Bird Flu. Its origins have, so far, baffled scientists.
And finally, for those nutty sex-deprived conservatives, here is this week's moment of zen...
STAY CURRENT