Protest THIS!

Posted by Joshua White on 05.03.2006

Some on the right claim that we're being "invaded" by illegal aliens. Scare tactics? Maybe, but the fact is they are coming (the illegal aliens, not those on the right). What should be done? I have three possible solutions.

Welcome to A.D.D. Politics, the newest column in 411's political zone. Now, you may ask, "Josh, why do you call your column A.D.D. Politics?" If you were to do so, I would tell you that I have chosen this title for two reasons:

1. The media never stays on one topic for more than a week (unless that topic is Natalie Holloway...in which case, they really need to let it go), and

2. I'm A.D.D. So I may wander all over a topic, going off on tangents, and the like. It does make for a fun read though.

With that said, enjoy my debut column.



On Monday May 1, 2006 those who support rights for illegal immigrants staged large protests throughout the United States. There were plenty of American flags and signs. And while I didn't see it firsthand, I'm sure that some of those signs said "We're not criminals!" Other signs were in Spanish...so even if I wanted to agree with their sign I couldn't because I don't speak Spanish. With that in mind, here is what I think needs to be said and possibly should be done:


Any alien who (1) enters or attempts to enter the United States
at any time or place other than as designated by immigration
officers, or (2) eludes examination or inspection by immigration
officers, or (3) attempts to enter or obtains entry to the United
States by a willfully false or misleading representation or the
willful concealment of a material fact, shall, … for the first
commission of any such offense, be fined under title 18 or
imprisoned not more than 6 months, or both, and, for a subsequent
commission of any such offense, be fined under title 18, or
imprisoned not more than 2 years, or both.

"We are not criminals" - Victor Ibarra (a protestor in Houston)


Let's be real clear here: if we are to say that there is a country called the United States of America, and that it has laws that should be followed, then I think that it pretty obvious that, strictly speaking, Mr. Ibarra and every other illegal alien that has invaded our country is a criminal. He has broken the law. Does this mean that he is a bad man? A mean man? A man that starts breaking the law by coming to the US illegally and then ends up raping and murdering people? No. But a criminal he is.

So what does this mean? What should we do about these people? Well, I guess that we should say it now that they aren't going anywhere. None of them (ok, maybe some of them). It is just totally impractical for them to go back. Why? Let's do some quick math. Let's just say that there are only 10 million illegal aliens in this country (this is one of the lower estimates I've heard). Now, we have to go find 'em, process 'em, and then send 'em home. Let's of course assume that Vincente (Vincente and I are on a first name basis) lets us fly planes into his country or even drive buses in. How much is this going to cost us? I think that it is safe to say that each person taken back to Mexico (we'll start with Mexico because it is closer) will cost at least $200. 10 million times $200 equals 2 BILLION dollars. Billion brother! There is no way that the US will ever spend that kind of money to get rid of people that are putting a sizeable amount of money into the economy (through sales taxes and the such). For 2 billion we could practically build the wall (to which they will simply build a taller ladder).

So they are here and they're protesting. Now we could accept the amnesty that the Congress is offering. And let's not mince words, if you have lived here illegally for five years, and then are given legal status that is AMNESTY!!!! And that may be the most realistic option. Yes, we did do this once again and we didn't solve the problem. But maybe that is because we were living in a pre-911 world. Now, we might actually fix the solution.

But what if we don't want that. What if we really want them gone? This is a legitimate desire. We never offer all thieves that which they stole by saying "Ok, this ONE time we'll let all you guys have your stolen possessions. But never again!" So why should we do practically the same thing with the illegal aliens? Why should we say, "Ok, you've broken the law and acquired something that you shouldn't have (a job, benefits, etc.), but this ONE time we'll give it to you." It's absurd.

So, if we actually want them to leave what should we do? Well we're certainly not spending 2 billion. The tax payers would be furious (even if, in the grand scheme of things, a pittance). So here are a couple of other options:

The first is a type of amnesty but it is done through punishment. Normally, people pay around $10,000 or so to get into our country legally. These people have skipped this process and have been taking advantage of the system. So I say we fine them much like a parking ticket, only a LOT more. If they want to be legal, then they have to pay all back taxes and then an extra $40,000 fine. This can of course be paid out over the course of a number of years. But if it isn't paid in a certain amount of time, then they are kicked out of the country. They don't get their money back. That is kept. Thank you for living in America we'll spend this money well. This obviously has the drawback that people might not (probably won't) pay this fine. And then what do we do?

A second option is suggested by libertarian talk-show host, Neal Boortz. I have to admit that I kinda like Boortz's idea. He suggests that we just take away all public services to the illegal aliens. No Medicaid. No Medicare. No food stamps. No nothing besides emergency health services. He feels that if we give them absolutely nothing, then they'll go back to Mexico on their volition. Personally, it sounds reasonable, but there is always the possibility that the Mexicans will say "Well, we're not getting anything here...but it's still better than Mexico!" If they do that and then they find charities, then they have found the loop-hole in the Boortzian system.

There is one final option that I have come up with. Now, I admit that it is a touch far-fetched...but bear with me. I call it the "Get out or else" option. If we don't institute either of the first two policies then I suggest the following: illegal aliens have 90 days to leave the country. They must use their own means. And what happens if they don't leave? Well, simply put...we'll kill them. Now I realize this sounds drastic...but the illegal alien problem is drastic. And think about it 10 million bullets...bought at Wal-mart....that can't cost more than like $4.32. That is a savings of over 1.9 billion dollars! They don't have to die. They will know about this, and they will make a decision. Then they have to face the consequences of their choice. (And don't worry, you cry baby libs out there...they can come back. They just have to do so legally.)

Obviously this last solution is infeasible. We're a moral country. But what I've tried to show is that no solution is really that good. The idea of total amnesty seems to let the theif have his stolen property. And everyone has an issue that makes the other three options problematic. Attempt 1 seems the most fair to me, but it won't work. Boortz's idea seems pretty good as well, but there are loopholes. And my final try seems fairly practical and cheap, but highly inhumane. So what do we do? They're here. And it seems like they're here for good. Maybe the question really should be how do we stop more of them from coming.

Happy protesting!