Why I Want The Democrats To Win!

Posted by Joshua White on 09.28.2006

Because I love funny things and I listen to a lot of conservative talk radio, I want the Democrats to win the 2006 elections.



Hello again to all my loyal readers. It has been seven long days since we've last been together, and I've missed each and every one of you dearly.

So before I go on to my column, I wanted to make a few quick points about this week's news:

1. Clinton did not fly off the handle, go into a rage, or show his real side or temper. He didn't blow up, fly off the handle, or explode. Clinton responded (rightly or wrongly, I don't really care) with passion. The only thing that could have been a touch extreme was when he tapped Wallace's paper. But good Lord the media is making a big fuss out of this.

2. Gas is not going down because of some Republican conspiracy (Daily Kos kooks). There have been no hurricanes, no terror attacks or alerts, and the summer driving season is over. Supply goes up, demand goes down....come on people, if you took any sort of economics class then you know what happens when this situation arrives. The price goes down!YAY!! Oh, and today I paid $1.99!!!! Below two dollars! That is insane and wonderful!


I have to admit that I love a little bit of drama. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy debating the serious issues that come into the political arena. But come on, when Ray Nagin called Ground Zero "a hole" who didn't laugh a little? Didn't we all find it great when with President Clinton was putting cigars in interns' hoo-has? This stuff makes life more fun for me, and it makes for some quality Comedy Central late night television.

Another thing that you should know about me: I'm not a Democrat. Sure they got some fun-time, lollipop ideas that I can get behind, but if you've a few of my columns, then you'll know that I'm not Pelosi or Kennedy lover. However, I have to admit that there are times when I get sick of hearing the conservative radio shows bashing everything and anything that is proposed or done by the left. I find it very hard to believe that nothing that Democrats do is good. Everything that they do is politically motivated to destroy Bush. Further, everything that the Right does is done out of love of country and a strict moral nature. They can do no wrong.

Now, here is interesting part. If you combine my love for drama (and schadenfreude) with my dislike for the sort of media commentators that think only good of the right and never of the left, then what do you get: I'd like to see the Democrats take back both houses of Congress, and win in 2008.

I am basically a newbie when it comes to the game of politics. I have only really been keeping up to the extent I have (which is nowhere near as good as Mr. Easley's) since the Kerry-Bush drama fest. Sure, I knew that Bush ran against Gore in 2000. I knew that it was a contested victory and that the Left was none to pleased. But I followed the 2004 election a lot closer. Before these two races I knew very general happenings but nothing anywhere near specific. (Though to my dad's credit he did try desperately to get me interested in the news. My response was typical of most kids at that age "Shut up DAD! I don't care that we're fight Iraq and saving Kee-wait...whatever that is! I'm trying to play Super Mario Brothers Three!")

As I have a little of the A.D.D. I'm an impatient man. When riding my bike to class, grocery shopping, driving across, and other mundane activities I started listening to the radio. I soon learned (as I have mentioned before) that music sucks. So, I started listening to talk radio. And since then, all that I've heard is how bad everything on the left is. They hate America. They hate freedom. They hate democracy. They hate God. If they could, they would resurrect Stalin and Marx themselves and appoint them co-presidents of America, after they make all abortions (including those preformed during ninth month, and post-birth) legal, tax everyone over 75%, and allow hardcore homosexual-sadomasochist-bestiality pornography into the MoMA!

Honestly, I'm a little tired of it. Perhaps it is because I am naive. As I have admitted that I'm new to this, and maybe the Left is as terrible Rush and Hannity (Rushity?) make them sound. But I think that I'm ready to make up my mind. I am ready to have the Left run my country for 6 years. I'm ready to take one for the team. I realize that I won't like some of what they are going do it (i.e. help the poor) and I'm certain that some taxes will be raised (on cigarettes, booze, and other fun things), but dammit, I'm an adult now and I want to make this decision for myself.

I realize that the country has moved in a general rightish direction. So the Left of today is not necessarily as leftish as those of Clinton's era might have been. But I'm acute enough to see that there are still grand difference between the Left and the Right. They aren't all a bunch of Communist scum as Michael Savage will have us believe.

So I'm here Democrats. Prove the Right wrong. Show me that you're right. Please, if anything, show me that you'll be strong on security. If nothing else, shut these talk-show hosts up about this point. For at least the first little while don't let someone blow something up in America. Stand up for yourselves. I may not agree with you, but I don't have to think that you're wusses. Right or wrong, put up a fight.

Here's the catch. If you on the Left are as bad as they say, I'm going to complain. And you, my followers, will hear about it. Weekly. I will most likely not recall all the "facts" like Mr. Easley can, but I'll complain nonetheless. And I'll be damned if I don't convince people to follow me. You have six years to not lose my vote in 2012.

If nothing else, I just want the news to be interesting. I want a new leader, voted in cleanly, who will keep the news interesting for me. And that will happen if Rushity is pissed off. If it becomes clear that they can not agree with a good system I will enjoy this.

I previewed this column to a very wise man. He thought that I would have some sort of punch line. He asked "was this meant seriously or tongue in cheek." My answer: I'm serious. I think it would be funny to see all these people pissed off. To have to admit that the country has changed and they don't trust the Republicans anymore would be fun to witness. I'd be willing to suffer under the Democratic authority to see this happen. Ok, that may be too strong. But at least a part of me would. Part of me would truly find this funny. This is why I want the Democrats to win.

What do you think about this idea? Are you too young to remember how "bad" the Democrats are? Do you want to give them one more shot? Email me and let me know.

Still at work and bored? Read these:

For my plan to come to fruition, then Crow's can't. Go get your daily dose of Crowcaine.

While I feel that Steve just gives us the Republican party line, I do agree that the Right are not pussies.


That is all for now and as always...

Until next time…believe nothing unless you read it here