The Weekly Monitor 11.17.06
Posted by Matthew D.S. on 11.17.2006
For the article of humour, it is to be clicked!
So I hear you people like to get your news from Borat nowadays.
But I thought you loved me???????
What happened to ME???
Your old buddy not good enough for you huh??
BORAT vs MATT
He SO ripped off the "AT" in my name.
Don't believe me?? I have only FIVE words to say to you, turkey.
But okay, okay, fine. You still love moustache man. Borat eh?
You mean SACHA BARON COHEN.
He's not EVEN Borat.
BORAT IS FAKE.
Let me say this again clearly:
BORAT IS FAKE.
He's nothing but a rip-off of some Turkish comedian, Mahir Cagri (if you believe him).
I believe you; I nose you wouldn't lie.
But okay, I can pander (like I did last week by posting those girly pics after all).
I present to you:
TTE D.S'S MAKE GEAT 411 Ғȡ!
Ah welcome reader fair, yes! To what is called as you much appreciate often here THE NEWS.
Man not smart as genitals very important to man. Accident! He uses the gun and shoots at them, in robbery dispute over things for sound, called the speakers. Left testicle injured, right one not, but so stupid might as well shoot both.
None for you tonight!
I know not you, but I enjoy the criminal stupid. Now for the old lady stupid criminals, who make me not want to do what above picture suggests. Finding bag on station of train in land where Queen rules, they take the bag from station of train, although belongs to young punk. Pictures of old women go on newspaper so grannies go police, and admit to the felony.
Only words to you is silly old bitches.
Now no more old woman pictures they make me lose desire. Now for smell manstory, which makes me laugh; perhaps he lacks basic sanitary skills like using of the toilet paper, but I know not I am journalist but I do not want to know of this dirty information regarding toilet habits.
So smell man goes on plane and a young woman (perhaps with large chest? I am hoping) makes complaint saying he is a smelly fellow. Plane kicks man off so he sues plane for costs of staying behind because of smell. But court in Third Reich (people like to call it Germany now for whatever reason) refuse his suing. Smell man lose.
This smell man lose Congress too recently.
Also losing because they are losers are the immigrants illegal (unlike me I am most legal of all immigrants although I born in Canada work in Canada, I still am very legal) and more specifically their illegal flag such as Mexican one, in Nevada. Rednecks for they abound in United States outlaw flying of any flag alone (including Kazakhstan?) save for flag of stars and stripes and green clovers, America. They apparently dislike the Mexican flag flying in protests earlier in year by ragtag bunch of immigrants protesting of rights.
HAHA rights of immigrants only include picking of vegetables for meagre wage HAHA.
And I as good journalist have photo of town rally in celebration of place that passed such law:
Now give to me Pulitzer Prize for such cleverness.
One more news item before boring other news and big burger it involves of the delicious cheese and bacon variety. In the country known for big Armada in 16th century (know of it?) and conquering helpless Aztecs, known to you as Spain they have disagreement with Fat Food company with Whopper sandwich known as Whopper, for advertisements showing BIG BIG BIG SANDWICH with cow meat, cheese and bacon, saying this is a No no, it is too unhealthy to advertise.
No not in Spain but Asian person in Asian land for no Spanish picture available; do not cry.
Company Burger King the King of the Burgers I take it (I did not go to coronation however) says on other hand that it up to customers if they wish to eat such thing clog arteries and look like former Speaker of House Hastert HAHA.
Oh the burger called the XXL Burger.
I only prefer the XXL boobs.
I have sugar in coffee but I take mine double double.
I have now exhausted myself of the jokes, so now boring other news to be the final:
*Vatican Church people say celibacy stay for priest. Boo. Why bother it has never worked haha.
*Afghan civilians harmed by British in Afghan land. Blame cheap British alcohol.
*Nerds wait for Playstation so need not play with selves any more.
I sign off now for the pleasing of article HAIL MASTER EASLEY.
STAY CURRENT