The Ugly Un-American: End of Year “Shut the Hell Up” Awards Part Two

Posted by Ray Church on 01.05.2007

Part Two of the End of Year "Shut the Hell Up" Awards, featuring the "The Pet Goat", "Ward Churchill" and "Reality Used to Be a Friend of Mine" awards, as well as the "Village Idiot" Awards for the dumbest thing said here at 411Politics.

Well, if you haven't read part one, you can check that out as well for the "Heartless Bastard", "Blackwhite" and "Career Suicide" awards, or alternatively if you're the lazy type you can read the summary at the bottom, but without further ado, lets get on to the awards.

The "The Pet Goat" Award

Awarded for either stupidity or a breakdown in logical skills. This award is different from the blackwhite award because it is not award for simply getting the facts wrong, but for taking the facts and making the drawing bizarre conclusions.

This category is certainly the most clear-cut in terms of first, second and third, so instead of wasting time, let's just get on with the show.

Honourable Mention: Joe Biden

You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.... I'm not joking

OK, this one zipped right by me this year, which probably opens me up for accusations of bias, but so be it. Biden made the same type of racist statement that burned Conrad Burns, and hereby earns an honourable mention in the Shut the Hell Up Awards.

2nd Runner Up: Trent Lott

Vote Tally: 3rd place – 1, 2nd place -1, 1st place – 2

Why do they kill people of other religions because of religion? Why do they hate the Israeli's and despise their right to exist? Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me.

The reality is that the majority of American's probably can't tell the difference either, but as house minority leader (or minority whip as Jon Stewart pointed out), he should know the difference and not fall into the same blind ignorance as the rest of us.

"Trent Lott is back as the Republicans leader in the Senate, mull that one over."
Jason Easley

Well, Ryan Latimer, that puts paid to your request.

"To Lott: Stop talking. Just stop talking"

1st Runner Up: Bill O'Reilly

Vote Tally: 3rd place – 2, 2nd place – 0, 1st place – 3

It's not a civil war as NBC wants you to think... It has to do with a lot of bad guys going into an area and seizing the opportunity to create death and mayhem. And they're all Muslims, and they're doing what they do. They're killing each other. And they're killing Americans.

Bill O'Reilly was a big favourite for this award, and I'm a little surprised he didn't go all the way, but now I've seen the winner it all makes sense. Still, it did have some of the best one-liners from our panelists.

Ryan Latimer: "To Bill: Dictionaries are our friends."

Joe Rivett: "Saying they're killing each other but not saying it is a Civil War makes no sense."

Jason Easley: "This is more like a lifetime achievement award for O'Reilly. Defying logic and all common sense has made Bill a very wealthy man, and that is no spin."

So, a well deserved 2nd for Bill O, but he was handedly beaten by…

The "The Pet Goat" Award Winner: Ray Nagin

Vote Tally: 3rd place – 0, 2nd place – 5, 1st place – 1

I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day.

Nagin, of course, has claimed that he meant that it would be a multi-cultural city, but that begs the question of what the hell all this crap about "Uptown" means. Although he got few first place votes, he was the second place vote of the majority of the panel putting him well over the top.

Josh White was incredulous about it.

"really dumb...this should have been in the career suicide category...but he freakin' WON!!!"

Ryan Latimer explains how he has been indelibly affected by these comments.

"To Nagin: Thanks to you, I can't walk by Nestle Quick at the grocery store again without laughing."

But Jason Easley gave the most vivid interpretation of Nagin's comments.

"Using Nagin logic, I have come to the conclusion that God is black. I have always pictured God to look like Redd Foxx, and calling tarnished souls big dummies before he sent them to hell."

The "Ward Churchill" Award for Gratuitous Use of Analogy

This one is awarded for the worst use of analogy. You may remember Ward Churchill last year comparing the victims of 9/11 to Himmler. This year there are plenty of people deciding to compare almost anything to Nazis, Hitler, Satan or any number of atrocious comparisons.

Honourable Mention: Virgil Goode

Virgil Goode came in a bit late in the year, otherwise he would surely have been a nomination, if not for this award for some other award in this ceremony. Why here?

I'll let Justin Baragona explain.

"Goode went over the top with the Muslim hate in a letter sent to his constituents in regards to Rep. Ellison using a Quran when being sworn in to office. Worse, he tried to tie it to his immigration policy (most, if not all, Muslims enter this country legally.) "When I raise my hand to take the oath on Swearing In Day, I will have the Bible in my other hand. I do not subscribe to using the Koran in any way. The Muslim Representative
from Minnesota was elected by the voters of that district and if American citizens don't wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran."

I can't say it better than that.

2nd Runner Up: Dennis Prager

Vote Tally: 3rd place – 2, 2nd place -1, 3rd place -1

Devotees of multiculturalism and political correctness who do not see how damaging to the fabric of American civilization it is to allow Ellison to choose his own book need only imagine a racist elected to Congress. Would they allow him to choose Hitler's" Mein Kampf," the Nazis' bible, for his oath? And if not, why not?

OK, last column I mistakenly attributed this quote to Sean Hannity, when it was in fact Dennis Prager comparing the Koran to Mein Kampf.

As Jason Easley explains:

"Prager … demonstrates why the GOP is such a diverse, open mined, inclusive political party"

Sarcasm noted, Prager was a long way behind our second and first place winners.

First Runner Up: Hugo Chavez

Vote Tally: 3rd place – 0, 2nd place – 1, 1st place -3

The devil came here yesterday. Yesterday the devil cam here. Right here. And it smells of sulfur today

This was, of course, Hugo Chavez describing President Bush, which had our panelists talking, and some weren't exceedingly negative about their vote.

"Chavez deserves to win something. Colorful metaphors aside he has added some intrigue to Western Hemisphere politics."
Dan Martin

And Jason Easley explained why he got so far in the awards.

"President Bush may be many, many things, but comparing him to the Devil is way over the top."

Brandon Crow explained why he didn't vote for him…

"I don't see Hugo Chavez' remarks as a stretch. I mean, when I visited Washington DC last Christmas, the area around the White House totally smelled like sulfur!"

Which is probably part of the reason he didn't go all the way, and the winner is…

The "Ward Churchill" Award for Gratuitous Analogy Winner: Sterling Burnett

Vote Tally: 3rd place – 1, 2nd place – 2, 1st place – 3

You don't go see Joseph Goebbels'' films to see the truth about Nazi Germany. You don't go see Al Gore'' films to see the truth about global warming

Many of our panel had not heard this quote before it was nominated, but with 6 out of the 9 panelists voting for it, it became the clear winner.

As Jason Easley puts it, "i hadn't heard this one until you pointed it out...that is FUNNY"

Ryan Latimer explained his difficulties voting for this one this way.

"This is getting hard. Although it is refreshing to know that Al Gore stopping for a minute to think about the enviroment is equal to Gobbell's...you know what? It's easier to just call these people stupid."

The thing that took this statement over the top was not Gore himself, but Burnett. You see all the time he was accusing Gore of propaganda, he was being paid by ExxonMobil. So there you are, two for one… Nazism and hypocrisy at the same time.

The "Reality Used to Be a Friend of Mine" Award

Somewhere between lies and stupidity are those things so bizarre and out there that we're not sure if they are lies or just stupidity or both. The "RUTBAFOM" (that anacronym will never catch on) award is sort of half way between a Blackwhite award, except they seem to believe their own bullshit, and a "The Pet Goat" Award except that it is just too bizarre to be mere stupidity.

This one was so close that I actually had to count nominations to decide between the winner and the runner up. I know, I've included ties for 2nd place, but I want a clear winner for each award.

No write-ins, so lets just get into this one.

2nd Runner Up: Rick Santorum

Vote Tally: 3rd place – 4, 2nd place – 2, 3rd place -1

As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else. It's being drawn to Iraq. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the eye to come back to the United States

Again, many hadn't heard this one but it proved to be a very popular vote. As Jason Easley puts it:

"I find it tough to fathom that Pope Ricky I is also a Lord of the Rings fanboy. This is the kind of crackpot lunacy we had to live with in Pennsylvania for 12 years!!!!"

Brandon Crow, perhaps correctly, thinks I mislabeled this one.

"I think Rick Santorum's quote belongs more in the "overzealous analogy" category"

And it almost was, but as the rest were used to vilify it seemed out of place there.

However, as bizarre as that was there was more to be witnessed this year.

1st Runner Up: George W. Bush

Vote Tally: 3rd place – 0, 2nd place – 3, 1st place -3

You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror

Dan Martin thought the President should go all the way.

"the President who does not live in a "reality based community" wins"

And Brandon Crow pointed out the difficulty with only allowing one nomination per person.

"Bush should be number one here in this category and not just solely for the nominated quote either."

The panel was torn on this one, unsure as to whether to call it a mistake or a truth slipping out. Contrast Josh White

"I think that it is clear that the bush comment was a slip up and not "a moment of lucidity""

With Ryan Latimer:

"Perhaps this one should be called The Truth Comes Out Award, because gosh darn it, we learned so much here"

As popular as the Bush vote was, however, he was narrowly beaten by…

The "Reality Used to Be a Friend of Mine" Award Winner: John Gibson

Vote Tally: 3rd place – 3, 2nd place – 2, 1st place -3

[d]o your duty. Make more babies,…You know what that means? Twenty-five years and the majority of the population is Hispanic.

It must be said that Justin Baragona called the trifecta on this one, first second and third. Here's what he had to say.

"Santorum quoting 'Lord of the Rings' was great, as well as Bush making is comment about terrorism, but I give Gibson the edge here. First off, it shows he subscribes to the idea of a race war being fought in our country, if not the world. Second off, he's basically telling white people to get to humping, and right now. And conservatives think liberals are obsessed with sex.

Joe went one further,

"Gibson's comment should have got him fired, it was worse than macaca and Kramer's tirade against blacks."

And Josh White chimed in as well

"yeah, this was is a nice and racist doozy"

The "Village Idiot" Award

This one was simply meant to be a little fun to show that we have a sense of humour here at 411. Little did I know that it would turn into an ego exercise for us all. The Village Idiot Award goes to the 411politics staffer who, for any of the reasons for the previous awards, had made the single most idiotic comment.

So why did this column have more write-in votes than any other category? Because everyone was voting for themselves. It seems our 411 staffers will do anything to win an award, no matter how unattractive this award should be.

I'll also point out that they totally ignored my injunction to nominate silly things Josh White said this year. Josh, you got off lightly.

OK, so lets start with the write-ins.

Honourable Mention: Ryan Latimer

for implying in my first political column that Bill O'Reilly was "likeable," confusing it with the word "entertaining". We all screw up. Even me. Yup. Even me

Yup, you did, but this wasn't your screw up Mr. Latimer. Your screw up was saying that Olbermann will never be as popular as O'Reilly. The ratings will prove my point soon.

Honourable Mention: Justin Baragona

I give myself 2nd due to my 'Republicans are pussies' column. This is mostly due to my argument lacking clarity and and coherency. I generalized my points to try to validate my argument, but went way to broad. If you generalize too much, you can make any argument valid.

Fair enough, Mr. Baragona, but you've already got a lot of grief from our right wingers for this comment, so we won't rub it in anymore.

Honourable Mention: Joe Rivett

I messed up a Kerry quote in a column

Joe, you know if you have to mention this to get the award you're really scratching too hard. As I remember you immediately redacted this and corrected your argument (hmm, that sounds familiar). I think you're trying to hard to be wrong here Joe.

OK, lets get on with the real awards. Notice that I haven't included the vote tally. Only I know who voted for whom. Note to 411staffers, for a small fee I can tell you who voted for you.

Anyway, let's hit it…

2nd Runner Up: Ray Robinson

And lest we forget why we are fighting this battle against terrorism, the report shows terrorist attacks went up world-wide from 2,800 in 2004 to 11,111 in 2005 with only 30% of those attacks in Iraq. That gives nearly 8,000 terrorist attacks outside of Iraq. Clearly the forces of Islamic extremism are surging around the planet. Now is not the time to appear weak by losing our nerve in Iraq

This quote was proof positive that Ray Robinson doesn't follow the talking points, because the talking point had always been "we're fighting them over there so we don't fight them over here". As one staffer put it "Ray Robinson takes 1st with justifying the Iraq War by saying that terrorism attacks are up since the start of the war. Huh?!?"

Well, he didn't get first, but he made the list, beaten by two worthy opponents.

1st Runner Up: Ray Church

Cambodia became involved with the whole affair after the Tet Offensive, a major push by the US army about 3 years into the conflict

And after accusing everyone else of ego issues, here I am receiving an award that I nominated myself for. I must say that comments were very kind, although maybe that was just because I was putting this together.

"I put Ray Church third, just because he got his facts wrong. What he doesn't tell you is that he was big enough to post a seperate correction and apology for his mistake. He does not deserve to be third"

Well, to be honest I did deserve it, especially if I'm going to justify voting for Rush Limbaugh's "Sherrod Brown is black" comments. The ultimate irony about the statement was that it was a column about getting your facts straight, so it was a good lesson in humility for me.

However, as much as I deserved this, someone deserved the prize more.

The "Village Idiot" Award Winner: Brandon Crow

As I watched the Sunday news programs these past few weeks, there is one theme that seems to be played on a feedback loop—will the Democrats take back control of Congress (one house or both) come November? And as of today, six weeks from Election Day, I say the Democrats will not win back the Congress. They will not win back the Senate; they will not win back the House. They will not win because the Democratic Party has been a woeful, measly mouse.

Again, no one seemed to think that Crow truly deserved the award, but so many people voted for him.

"I'm only giving Crow 3rd place for his comments re: Democrats losing because I just think he was being pessimistic. We know he really wanted the Dems to win, and probably thought they would, but just figured they would find some way to screw it up like they have the past 6 years. He just failed to realize that the GOP was really doing its best to lose going down the stretch."

"I think Crow went a little overboard with his prediction. Yes, the Democrats suck at elections, but shit does happen"

"Crow wins because he managed to get something 100% wrong, that 2 year olds were predicting correctly by the first week of November. Josh and I got into a big argument over exactly that column."

OK, so maybe at least one person thinks he truly deserved this, but I'll let Brandon Crow have the last word himself, and let him explain the whole thing.

"Fine, I'll be the first to break the cardinal rule and actually rack one of our own on a cross. My vote for the zone's "Village Idiot" award goes to…ME! In retrospect, my prediction that the Democrats would not win either house was perhaps a bit too pessimistic. But I will say, in my own defense, that I made those remarks three weeks before the Mark Foley debacle, followed shortly thereafter by the Reverend Ted Haggard fiasco, both of which came just weeks before the election. I believe these two incidents turned the country around as they reminded the voters, once again, of all the corruption and hypocrisy of the Republicans. Without these two, I still think the Dems would have remained in the wilderness, as they say."

Award Summary

The "Career Suicide" Award

Honourable Mention: Donald Rumsfeld
1st Runner Up (tied): John Kerry
1st Runner Up (tied): George Allen
Winner: Mark Foley

The "Blackwhite" Award

Honourable Mention: The Truthers
2nd Runner Up (tied): Rush Limbaugh
2nd Runner Up (tied): Anne Coulter
1st Runner Up: Sean Hannity
Winner: The Producers of the Bill O'Reilly Show

The "Heartless Bastard" Award

Honourable Mention: Glenn Beck
Honourable Mention: Charlie Rangel
2nd Runner Up (tied): Tony Snow
2nd Runner Up (tied): Matt Drudge
1st Runner Up: Rush Limbaugh
Winner: Anne Coulter

The "The Pet Goat" Award

Honourable Mention: Joe Biden
2nd Runner Up: Trent Lott
1st Runner Up: Bill O'Reilly
Winner: Ray Nagin

The "Ward Churchill" Award for Gratuitous Analogy

Honourable Mention: Virgil Goode
2nd Runner Up: Dennis Prager
1st Runner Up: Hugo Chavez
Winner: Sterling Burnett

The "Reality Used to Be a Friend of Mine" Award

2nd Runner Up: Rick Santorum
1st Runner Up: George W. Bush
Winner: John Gibson

The Village Idiot Award

Honourable Mention: Ryan Latimer
Honourable Mention: Justin Baragona
Honourable Mention: Joe Rivett
2nd Runner Up: Ray Robinson
1st Runner Up: Ray Church
Winner: Brandon Crow

Comments? Criticisms? Do you have your own take on who should have won the awards? Feel free to write in and I will publish your comments in next weeks Ugly Un-American.