A Sternly Worded Letter From the Democrats
Posted by Dan Labbe on 02.20.2007
Are you unhappy that the best the Democrats could do on Iraq so far is offer up a non-binding resolution? Well, you obviously haven't seen the "sternly worded letter" they're planning on sending to President Bush. It may change your mind.
Dear Mr. Bush,
We're writing you today to express our sincere displeasure in your decision to increase troop levels in Iraq. We believe the number you stated during your State of the Union address was 20,000.
By the way, we attended your State of the Union and, we have to say, we're a bit unhappy. Do you remember us? We were the ones that didn't applaud much of what you said. One of our really good friends was sitting right behind you, right next to Dick Cheney. That was pretty cool that she got to be up there. I mean, Mr. Cheney kind of has old man smell, at least that's what she said, but it's still pretty cool.
But we digress.
See, back in 2002, things were a little bit crazy with us. Honestly, a lot of us were still a little bitter that you even were President. I mean, come on, even you have to admit that was pretty unbelievable. Plus, we were the minority and the Republicans were just so big and scary — my God, Mr. Bush, they had a guy nicknamed The Hammer.
Our apologies for using the Lord's name in vain. We forget that you don't like that very much. You know, we're religious too. Yeah, most of us like God. There was that Keith Ellison guy, the one that wanted to be sworn in on the Koran. He's from Minnesota, so you need to cut him a break. (By the way, don't let him read this. He thinks we all thought it was okay. And we kind of did. But don't let the American people know that. We don't want them to think we're, like, soft on terror or anything.)
Sorry this letter is so long. It's just that there is so much to talk about.
Anyway, about this whole Iraq thing. You know, there are whole lot of us that voted to invade Iraq way back when. Man, that was a looooong time ago. A lot has changed since those days. First off, we were given some bad intelligence. Don't be offended. That could have been anyone's fault. Honest mistake, right? I mean, look, we keep getting told by building maintenance to let them know when the toilet paper in the bathroom is empty. Then somebody goes into the bathroom and right in the middle they look and see there's no toilet paper. The point is, Mr. Bush, everybody makes mistakes. Not us, though, in that vote. No, that was your fault. And that's okay. You'll get ‘em next time!
As we were saying, though, a lot has changed since then. First off, we realized that the best way for us to regain power was to take a strong stance against the war. No problem. That's what we did. I'll tell you what, Mr. Bush, no offense, but you have really screwed this war up. I think it's safe to say you pretty much won the election for us. Most of us barely had a platform. We just let you guys do the talking and we did the walking…right into the halls of Congress.
Good times.
And now that we've got the power, we're pretty freaking stoked. It has been a long time and damned if we aren't going to do something with it.
And the first thing is, we all got together and we decided to write this letter. Thing is, we don't really agree with your troop increase. We kind of think it (and please, pardon our French) stinks. We just really don't want it. Now, what we do want, well, that's still kind of up in the air. Some of us want a deadline to leave Iraq, others not so much. Some of us think we should cut funding. Most of us call those people crazy. Some of us kind of want to just leave now. The rest, not so much. We're having some trouble agreeing, honestly, but what we can agree on is that this sternly worded letter should send you a clear message that we're not going to stand for a troop increase.
Mr. Bush, the American people are pissed, and we are here to be their voice. Don't get us wrong, we're not going to yell or anything. We don't want to cross the line. But we'd like to sit down and have a civil discussion with you about the issues of the day and say, "No. No troop increase." And maybe you'll say, "Okay." More than likely you'll say, "I don't care what you say, we're increasing the troops." And that's alright with us, because at the very least we've voiced our displeasure and the American people know that, even though we weren't able to actually do anything about it, we at least told you we weren't happy.
Mr. Bush, you may not put much stock in this letter, but we do. And we're going to make sure that everyone knows we sent it to you. And if you don't listen to this letter, well then watch out. We might start making some very angry phone calls.
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