411 Politics Fact or Fiction: Week 36

Posted by Ryan Latimer on 03.26.2007

Making politics fun since Week 29...

Howdy good folks, and welcome to FOF Week 36. I'm your host Ryan Latimer, and I'm glad to report I kept my job as a federal attorney under the Bush Administration. It must have been that "Loyal Bushie" T-shirt I wear to the meetings.

Sorry to say I've been quite sick the past week with an odd combination of the common cold and the flu, perhaps because my body couldn't decide how it wanted to screw with me for a good 6 days. I say this not to make small talk but explain I'm not on my game and therefore unable to write a witty opening this week. I'm sure you'll survive. This week we have 411 Elder Jacob Ziegler going up against reader "Krunchy" Law. That's the coolest name ever. Expect him on here a lot. No theme this week, either. Just a lot of yummy questions to wet your whistle.

Get wettin'…


1) The latest Bush Administration Scandal of Doom is the widely publicized firing of 8 federal attorneys in January 2005 for apparently not being "loyal Bushies." There are plenty of debatable topics concerning the integrity or competence of the Bush staff, but this isn't one of them. The Bush Administration has every right to do this, as these attorneys do indeed serve to the pleasure of the president, and Bush's willingness to offer staff members for interviews is proof he has little to hide in this case.

Jacob Ziegler: FICTION - Federal Attorneys, like Bush himself, are there to serve the interests of the American people, not the President. Bush has proved time and time again that when the American people question him he just gets defensive and fires back with things like calling himself the "Decider," or urging Americans to "trust" him. Perhaps it's just the wordage "loyal Bushies" that gets under my skin, as it implies that they will just be subservient to him without questioning him, when clearly there's plenty to question.

Krunchy: FACT - Bush has every right (just check the current Patriot Act) to hire and fire federal prosecutors at his every whim, like shooting out his imperial window as peasants wander by the castle. It's their job to focus on what the justice department considers a priority, and covering the administrations ass could definitely be considered a priority. When you realize how much is "regulated" by the Department of Justice (ie. DEA, FBI, Immigration, ATF, Civil Rights, prisons, etc.), you want to make sure that your underlings are following what you consider to be important. That Rove thought about firing all of them, as though he was Reagan shit-canning air traffic controllers, shows you that the administration wasn't happy with what was going on, and firing just 8 of them was probably a compromise, or at least a lesser purge than what was considered. Say what you want about the president, he is a loyal person, and expects his underlings to be loyal as well. Bush personally has nothing to hide since it was his staff that takes care of details, but he is still trying to protect them by only offering background information, and not sworn testimony.

This whole thing at first reeked of desperation by the Democrats to add another controversy to the Bush White House, but a lot of new information has come forth as time progressed. Something smells funny to me, and while I do indeed believe Bush has the right to hire and fire (whether you agree or not), the administration comes through again for its enemies by being so dog-gone secretive about everything it does. Considering all the emails that have been intercepted, I‘m betting Dubya wishes Al Gore didn‘t invent the Internet by now. Damn the Democrat Congress!! 0 for 1


2) Speaking of the scandal, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is one of the key targets of criticism directed at the administration, with some even demanding his resignation. President Bush has sternly and directly described his support for Gonzales and says he is going nowhere. If history is any indication - not to mention the circumstances involving the alleged scandal - Gonzales' days are numbered.

Jacob Ziegler: FACT - Just because Bush says something, as we've learned time and time again, doesn't mean it's true. In fact, just blanket that to all politicians, it's not like their word is worth much anyway. If this scandal doesn't get swept under the rug right away, Gonzales is as good as gone.

Krunchy: FACT - Not necessarily for the reason listed above. I think his days are numbered because of the lack of anything meaningful happening from his office since he became Attorney General, other than this scandal. Ashcroft had a war on drugs, war on terror, patriot act, obscenity, etc. Gonzales has this "scandal". It's not like this is unprecedented either; Janet Reno asked for all Federal Attorneys to resign when she came into office. It does not seem like his office has done anything for Bush since he's been there, other than defending the previous AG's work. If Bush wasn't so loyal (see above) he probably would've been gone by now. I'm guessing that Gonzales will fall on his sword, and be nominated for Supreme Court if there is another opening before Bush leaves office.

This could really go either way, but it‘s on thin ice ready to break at any moment. It‘s not like the administration isn‘t used to shuffling its staff member roster. Who knows with these people anymore. 1 for 2


3) Suspected 9/11 mastermind Khalid Shaikh Mohammed has confessed to the crime (along with more than 30 other suspected terror plots and attacks where he was at least partially responsible) at a military hearing held in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, last week, according to the Pentagon. Mohammed was more than likely under harsh interrogation methods in order to get the confession out of him. This is proof that such dire methods work and should be allowed when necessary as long as it doesn't involve real torture (ie, mutilation, starvation, etc). Cold rooms, sleep deprivation, loud music and even waterboarding do not equate to torture.

Jacob Ziegler: FICTION - "Cold rooms, sleep deprivation, loud music and even waterboarding do not equate to torture." That's a statement I can agree with. However, I don't feel that the methods were limited to that; call me a cynic. Is Khalid Shaikh Mohammed really the mastermind behind 9/11? I have no idea, and the only idea we get is what They tell us, so it's really hard to say. Whoever is behind it does deserve to get tortured, but is it a case of just pinning it on someone just to say they found him?

Krunchy: FICTION- I think they are spoiling the hell out of them at Guantanamo. They all seem to go in there looking like Lindsey Lohan on a 3 day coke bender, and come out in court wearing a Fat Albert costume. Perhaps we are using some new sort of torture called "Death by Chocolate" or something. "OK Khalid, for every crime you admit to, we cut off a finger … of cheesecake … mmmm, yummy cheesecake, you like?"

I never understood the rules of torture. I mean, my college buddies would've LOVED to have Metallica cranked 24/7 so you could hear it a mile away. You name me a torture, and I can name you a website that charges you 19.95 a month to view it on webcam, and my friends, that is the REAL torture; knowing that one day, you'll be running for Congress, and they'll bring up your credit card bill for latinabbwicynippletweak.com.

Hmm, both fiction, but for totally different reasons. That might be a first. I‘ll have to pair you guys up more often. 2 for 3


4) The mega-hit movie "300" has come under criticism from some Iranians and Iranian-Americans for what they feel is rewriting the past as well as making Persians (Iranians) look like monsters (sometimes literally) against the free and noble Spartans during the war in 480 B.C. The film may have been a hit, but it does indeed take quite a few liberties with the past, and these critics have the right to take issue.

Jacob Ziegler: FICTION - I say, who cares? It's just a movie, and anyone who goes to it expecting a true, accurate portrayal of history is an idiot. "300" is meant to be a kick-ass fun time with lots of blood and beheadings, with some gratuitous nudity thrown in for kicks. If I (or anyone else) want to find out the real story of the Battle of Thermopalyae it is MY responsibility to find out, not anyone in Hollywood's to present it to me. "Based on a true story" doesn't mean, nor should it have to, "100% accurate."

Krunchy: FACT - Fact to the right to take issue part.

Haven't seen the movie, but I know a bit of the history due to being a non-fiction wonk. Critics will argue because, ummm, by definition that is what they do. Until recently, history has been primarily written by the victors. Nowadays we must have some sort of fair and balanced reporting where all sides are valid. Even Judas Iscariot wasn't the betrayer of Jesus, he was the only one that understood who Jesus was, and betrayed him with his blessing. How authentic is any media representation of the past? Did Andrew Jackson sound like Larry the Cable Guy? I bet Anne Frank had really bad body odor from being in the same room all the time. You are condensing days, months, years into a 2 hour viewing experience; something that happened 2400 years ago. Shouldn't they be more concerned about movies like Aladdin's flying rugs and stuff; not to mention it's based on a freakin' comic book? Loosen up the turban a bit, grab a few beers at the titty bar and remember, those bosoms are fraudulent too.

The whole thing is comical to me, no pun intended. Firstly, the film is based off of a Frank Miller graphic novel, which is based on only a single plot line of the real battle in 480 B.C. I could be incorrect here, but I don‘t believe Miller nor director Zach Snyder ever said it was even based on a true story, only the plot line. People are so darn quick to be offended. Get a hobby. 3 for 4


That does it this week. Speaking of movies, TMNT rocked. I don't care what anyone says. I would have preferred live-action, but life ain't fair. Just ask any politician.

Also, I'll be attending Wrestlemania 23 this Sunday in Detroit - a mere 1-hour trip from my current residence - and I'll let you know how it goes. Ask nicely and I'll provide pictures. Maybe life IS more fair than I thought.

-rl