Story Time with E: Madame Speaker Pelosi Goes to Damascus

Posted by Enrique on 04.12.2007

What does Madame Speaker’s meeting with Bashar Assad mean for the future of feminism? The answer may surprise you.

Happy Thursday, dudes and dudettes. Hope you've enjoyed your week of remarkably chilly weather. The Midwest hasn't been fun. In Wisconsin, we've had frost followed by snow showers. The snowfall in Cleveland has been so bad that the relocated Indians will be playing against the Angels in Milwaukee's own Miller Park this week (while the Brewers take their darkhorse style on the road to Miami). I've been watching this Marlins series, and I must say I'm surprised that attendance is so consistently low, especially considering the number of Cubans in Florida. The Marlins have two world championships in the last decade, and no one comes out to show their love. Where my fellow Cuban-Americans at? ¡Abajo Fidel!

In any case, you must NOT consider for even a moment that this cold snap is evidence that refutes The Global Warming. The Global Warming is very real, and as much as we'd all like to be able to grill out in April, these cool temps are in no way representative of the mountains of scientific evidence that The Global Warming exists. And if you don't want to believe science, then believe the movies. Al Gore won an Oscar, people. They don't hand those out to just any blow-dried jackass. And plus, the UN recently released a report that acknowledged human beings have a tangible impact on The Global Warming – and if there's one organization on the face of the earth that is above reproach, it would be the UN.

I love the UN. Despite all the bureaucratic waste and corruption, this is an organization that can effectively rape children in any country it's deployed, no matter what the conditions on the ground. Take note, Benedict.

But today's tale isn't about loss of innocence. It's about a plucky young gal that busted her ass and made something of herself, and carried with her the hopes and dreams of a nation. They call her Madame Speaker.

The story so far…

You may have heard of Nancy Pelosi. Madame Speaker has been in the House since 1987, representing one of the safest Democrat seats in the history of the universe. Dems have held the San Francisco congressional seat since 1949, and until Republicans get over their aversion to homosexual Americans, the district will likely remain blue to the core. According to Wikipedia ("the free encyclopedia – caveat emptor"), Pelosi has garnered at least 75% of the vote each time she's been reelected.

I wonder if Pelosi has ever met Barack Obama. If they did happen to get together, I'd like to think this exchange would occur:

Pelosi: Do you know what I think is great?
Obama: Pray tell.
Pelosi: I've never had to win a competitive election in my life. And look where I am.
Obama: No shit. Ain't it grand? High five.

And LOOK where she is. First Madame Speaker of the House, right behind Cheney in the line of succession. No woman has ever been this close to the U.S. Presidency (Condi gnashes her teeth). She's the first female Speaker in history and the most beautiful thing about it is that it wasn't even that big of a deal. Yeah, so a woman is Speaker of the House. Yawn. It's so totally normal. That's the wonderful thing about feminism. It made the first Madame Speaker seem mundane.

Nevertheless it is a milestone, so let's remember her eloquent (if pro forma) words during the Speaker acceptance speech:

"This is a historic moment - for the Congress, and for the women of this country. It is a moment for which we have waited more than 200 years. Never losing faith, we waited through the many years of struggle to achieve our rights. But women weren't just waiting; women were working. Never losing faith, we worked to redeem the promise of America, that all men and women are created equal. For our daughters and granddaughters, today, we have broken the marble ceiling. For our daughters and our granddaughters, the sky is the limit, anything is possible for them."

Inspiring, in a boring political kind of way. But still, a significant triumph for women's equality no matter how you slice it. (When did that become a marble ceiling? I thought it was glass.)

Last week, Madame Speaker went on a trip to Israel and Syria. I think we can all agree that it's a good thing for Congresspersons to get outside the capital and visit foreign countries. As you may be aware, the average U.S. Congressperson is insufferably stupid, and knows nothing about foreign policy. These trips are useful in the knowledge-broadening sense, and we the American people should encourage that.

But every silver lining has a cloud.



That's our Madame Speaker, observing the local custom by wearing the headscarf in the mosque. Frankly, it's quite fashionable. I wouldn't say fetching, but it's not unattractive.

But if you look at it long enough, it's becomes eerie. Does anyone else get a woman-should-know-her-place vibe off of that image? I'm not saying that the Islamic faith has a retrograde attitude towards the fair sex – but there's something creepy about the most powerful woman in the world wearing that headscarf. In Islam, the headscarf denotes otherness, segregation. Women are supposed to keep themselves covered so that they aren't overly appealing to men. In 2007, there are many countries where strict Islamic law treats women as property. Saudi Arabian women aren't allowed to drive, or even be seen in public without a male escort. In the horn of Africa, the good news is that the practice of female genital mutilation is now officially frowned upon and relatively under control.

I'm not suggesting that Madame Speaker undermined the ideals of feminism by showing respect to local tradition and donning the headscarf. I'm saying that the image of Nancy Pelosi in the mosque perhaps suggests the dawning of post-feminism. The most powerful woman in the world adopts a symbol of gender apartheid as a sop to multiculturalism, and we all nod our heads approvingly. Women have finally achieved equality – on the world stage, they are as banal as men.

In any case, Nancy's fashion statement certainly isn't the most embarrassing heardscarf photo to come out of the Middle East in recent years.



One day we'll be able to look back on this and laugh I'm sure. And when that day comes, we'll ask ourselves, what the hell is that guy supposed to be? The wicked witch? A character from a Tim Burton animated film? Didn't I kill this guy when I played Silent Hill 2?

So relatively speaking, as far as propaganda victories go, Madame Speaker's visit to Syria rates as "quaint."

But still, Madame Speaker – Would it have killed you to be less accommodating? Assad is up to his ass in Hezbollah – you might have been a little more forceful on the whole stop-supporting-terrorism-or-we'll-let-Bush-loose-on-your-sorry-ass thing. When you have a card like that, YOU PLAY IT.

After the Imus debacle apparently Madame Speaker has said that she would never appear on his show. However, on the heels of her Syria trip, she's expressed interest in visiting President Ahmadinejad of Iran.

Imus = No.
State Sponsors of Jihadist Terrorism = Yes.

Bless Madame Speaker for making her priorities transparent.

I leave you now with some hope for the future of feminism – Saudi newscaster Buthayna Nasser debates the role of unveiled women on television with some swine Wahhabist cleric on Saudi state TV (clip translated by Middle East Media Research Institute). The cleric's main point seems to be that women shouldn't be on television at all, because their uncovered appearance in public is a sinful temptation. The fact that Nasser has to actually make the point "I demand that my face, which constitutes my identity, be shown" while this cleric guy won't even look her in the eye is breathtaking. THIS is true feminism. THIS is courage. THIS is speaking truth to power. Pay attention Madame Speaker, and next time you're in the Middle East you might want to meet Nasser for lunch. Just throwing it out there.