Your Wednesday Enlightenment 07.18.07
Posted by Matthew D.S. on 07.18.2007
Nine out of Ten Crooked Businessmen Recommend Telling YWE to go F*ck Itself.
*The camera fades in to find someone in a rush. He doesn't have time for this introduction crap. Why don't you try doing this? I don't THINK SO. The age is at hand.*
*It is the age of the Enlightenment.*
[YourWednesdayEnlightenment.]
Okay fun is to be had by all, I'm going to give you a lot of great news here at YWE yadda yadda yadda…bloody well read! DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
The NEWS.
Conrad Bad: Lord Black Found Guilty
Chicago, Friday, July 13: In one of the most watched and analyzed cases in recent Canadian history, ex-Canadian newspaper tycoon Conrad Black, aka in the United Kingdom Baron Black of Crossharbour, was found guilty in a Chicago federal court on four of thirteen charges. The charges, which carry a maximum jail sentence of 35 years, include convictions on accusations of obstruction of justice and fraud. His lawyers, who include eminent Canadian lawyer Edward Greenspan, stated their intention to appeal at some point against the conviction charges, which Black once declared as, "pure fiction." Even after this case has closed, Black still faces lawsuits which total in the hundreds of millions of dollars, from shareholders of his past company, Hollinger, and Hollinger itself. Most observers believe Black will face some jail time, and very well may face bankruptcy if the lawsuits brought against him are successful.
Gracious and gentile Lord Black.
I'm not sure what to make of the Conrad Black conviction, in all honesty. I didn't follow the trial enough to know whether or not to think the guy got what he deserved, or whether this was a case of people wanting to persecute the man for the fact that he was rich, and in the light of Worldcom and Enron, he would be another excellent example of corporate corruption. I do know that the charge of obstruction of justice in the least was viable, because of CC footage showing Black removing documents from his Toronto office. This leaves me to wonder: why didn't you use a disguise? You know, the false moustache and nose with eye glasses?? Or why didn't you use some goons to do your dirty work? Come on Conrad, I expected better from you. At least he didn't disappoint on the arrogant/stoic scale, as he came across as insufferably aloof during the trial; a reputation that proceeded him. Poor bugger. He may go from riches to rags. But at least he'll have his nice crimson robes of the House of Lords (which he scarcely attended) to keep him warm. Maybe he should hire Matlock.
Libya Spares Medical Workers
Tripoli, Tuesday, July 17: In a move that will no likely delight foreign observers - to some extent - Libya's highest court has decided to commute death sentences against six foreign medical workers to life imprisonment. The six, five Bulgarians and one Palestinian, were accused of deliberately infecting hundreds of children with HIV back in 1999. An Appeal was heard in court previously in February 2007, but was rejected, until the sentences were overturned. Libya's hold on the medics has angered the international community, who believed that the case against the medical officials was weak, and that infections began prior to the arrival of the medics.
Freedom, but behind bars.
Libya's once pariah and international menace leader, Muammar al-Qadafi likely had a hand in commuting the death sentences against these people, so sayeth I. As the BBC aptly pointed out in the story which I read for this piece, Qadafi would not have wanted to cause angst amongst his new found buddies in the Western world, and so spared himself the diplomatic (and perhaps economic) grief of putting these six people to death. Life in prison won't be any walk in the park for these individuals, but there will be a diplomatic effort between Bulgaria (where the six hold citizenship) and Libya to have them transferred to Bulgaria, rather than serve time in Libya's less than five star hotel like prison system.
Who Says Scottish People Are Cheap?
Edinburgh, Tuesday, July 17: Scotland's wealthiest man, Sir Tom Hunter, has announced plans to donate at minimum £1 billion over the next several years to charity. The move is "thought to be" the most generous philanthropic donation in British history, and will aim to help the underprivileged in his homeland and abroad. Hunter, who once owned a chain of sports stores, explained his motivation for the donation: "My own personal belief is that with great wealth comes great responsibility."
Nay as generous as Tom? Auch, aye, true!
You've waited all week for this, so I'll relieve you all with this week's "Moment."
"A Moment of Yum."
Hey, you can go blind doing that. Honest. Oh and she just won some silliness called, "Canada's Next Top Model." Kudos, baby.
Now for the real reason you nickel-and-dime ham-and-eggers come to read this crap. Yes. The excitement of a spinning globe. You're a sad, sad, person. But please keep reading. I want to be gainfully employed by some major metropolitan newspaper someday, not unlike Clark Kent, but without the unflattering athletic cup. None necessary, believe me. Or something.
*spins the globe*
Congratulations REPUBLIC OF GHANA, it's your turn to shine!
My finger was kinda in the ocean, but it was skirting the borders of Ghana, so I said, what the hell, let's go for it. Mischief apparently abounds in the African state after German airline Lufthansa said it would no longer fly to said African state. The Minister of Aviation, Gloria Akuffo, described the move as mischievous and unfortunate.
STAY CURRENT