The Political Mock 5 09.24.07

Posted by Cedric King on 09.24.2007

Mahmoud Ahmadinejadananaphofana got a mixed response when he asked if he could make a visit to Ground Zero while Mitt Romney gave him a resounding "hell no!" Fox refuses to let the MoveOn.org advertisement die until you realize they're evil and for some reason no one seems to think the new Attorney General is a little on the evil side. Why does Fred Thompson need to steal Barack Obama's gimmick? Why is Hillary Clinton a communist? Why is Jena getting into trouble despite being integrated? WHY AREN'T YOU VOTING IN POLL POSITION?!



5. Reply Hazy, Try Again.
The New York Police Department decided not to permit Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to visit Ground Zero amidst public outcry that he would even suggest such a thing! While it's become fashionable to compare the guy to Hitler (I'd say less Hitler…maybe Mussolini? Someone that didn't really do much outside his own country…probably wondered if Hitler really liked him?) and cry about his request, he was given the run around about security and construction work that allowed the NYPD to reject him tactfully. While traditionally we don't take kindly to despotic holocaust deniers, the Police Department said if he were to try and stop by Ground Zero they would be prepared to handle his visit. Wait...that's an interesting bit of double talk. So…he can't go to Ground Zero because there now isn't enough time to prepare a security plan for his arrival, but if he stops by at Ground Zero they're ready to protect him?

4. Fox Accuses MoveOn.org of Liberal Bias.
A bitter Fox News couldn't deal with the fact that the exploits of ultra-liberal MoveOn.org weren't getting people angry enough so they decided to run an article that would get people angry! Dammit! Unfortunately for Fox the rest of America had taken a hint from the group's name and moved on. The Fox article hit the interweb last Tuesday and chronicled the rise of the evil super group more powerful than the National Rifle Association (which isn't a Political Action Committee, it's a pro-gun lobby)! Fox News has essentially published their version of the "History of MoveOn.org" article from Wikipedia—complete with paranoia over the pending liberal takeover of the world. The article is filled with words from the news recently that should flag your attention and make you think twice about giving money to these "newcomers" to the political scene, after all the Nazi's were relatively new weren't they? Oh, and if you were wondering (you probably weren't…) Fox thinks you should know that MoveOn.org hasn't donated a cent to a Republican election.

3. Don't Touch That, Its A Little Mukasey.
Did you know Alberto Gonzales stepped down from the office of Attorney General? Did you know that President Bush nominated someone *gasp* qualified for the position? Not only is Michael Mukasey (not pronounced Mucus-ee) being generally accepted by the media! It turns out the New York Times and the Washington Post didn't really have much bad to say about the guy who defended the Patriot Act. All this liberal love that the guy would eventually get did nothing to sway the Slate away from declaring Mucus would be a weak attorney general! Let me tell you, it takes balls to predict someone that will be in office for just over a year won't be able to do much to sway the tyrannical government of Bush Deux. The nominee was quick to point out that there wouldn't be any funny business during his time in office, trying to distance himself from the memory of the firing scandal that will most likely be the legacy of Gonzales' time in office (if we remember him at all).

In The Pits: Barack Obama
The political figure that spent this past week in the pits is Barack Obama, it's not for the reasons one would think. Senator Obama didn't do anything to hurt his contention for the Democratic nomination. I'd also say that no Democratic candidate has done anything to overtly challenge his run for the oval office. The event putting Barack Obama in this past week is the blatant stealing of his shtick.

It's common to have a politician stand up and say nothing, until this most recent election I have yet to see someone do it with as much success as Barack Obama. Perhaps I'm just too young to remember the last time a campaign was based entirely on "hope" and "visions of a better tomorrow" without ever giving any real unique substance on how a candidate would go about accomplishing such goals. It's not that Obama isn't educated on the issues, whenever he is questioned he seems to fire off an intelligent and well formulated response—he's obviously just got a horrible speechwriter or hasn't taken the time to write any of his brilliant ideas down? Things may get a little crowded in the talking but saying nothing portion of this election though, with the addition of Fred Thompson.

It was 411's Joe Rivett clued you in on how Thompson adds little if anything to the Republican side of the race and Thompson has since spent his time in the spotlight adding more fuel to Rivett's fire. Thompson took part in a Republican meet and greet with the NRA last week during which he bucked the political system which usually consists of either deriding your opponents position or building up your own. It looks as though Fred Thompson has chosen the stand there and look pretty routine. Unfortunately, Mitt Romney has him beat.

2. Clinton Clothing Questionable, Care Plan Communist!
The other Clinton unveiled her Healthcare Plan last week to much criticism. Words like illogical, emotional, and "how many different colors of that outfit did she buy?" were used to describe the 110 billion dollar plan (read: 1/6th the War in Iraq) for universal healthcare that has been lambasted by Republican candidate Fred Thompson as an idea that Europe is moving away from anyway… Clinton maturely responded to all her criticism by claiming it fell into the realm of "politics as usual". Hills thought she'd get the jump on her critics by listing the reasons it wasn't socialism, but she refused to ever outright say that she had never been a member of the communist party or attended a meeting of the communist party. Returning to the outfit, Mrs. Clinton has literally worn this thing in so many different occasions that she must have a Crayola Fun Pack of color options and accessories.

1. Jena! Proudly Integrated Since 1996!
Jena (pronounced "gee-nah"…I said it wrong and people looked at me like I was an idiot), Louisiana found its demographics tilted slightly when the town of 3,500 played host to over a thousand protestors outside its courthouse. The crowds were drawn to the small southern location because of the prosecution of six black teenagers that allegedly beat a white student. One woman from the small town appeared on television to defend Jena as an integrated community that was being unfairly portrayed in the national media. The woman insisted the town was not as backwards as many had characterized it and that its schools were at least up to par with standards of the late 1950's. Similar demonstrations were to occur throughout the country while the Facebook event itself that many young participants claimed to have fueled participation was filled with all the teenage angst, bickering, naivety, and far left/treasonous statements one would expect from a high school/college networking tool.

Poll Position: The GOP Candidate
It was an interesting second round of Poll Position. Freddy climbed the ladder to take a two point lead over young Mittchard Romney and Giuliani sank to third with a +3 for last week's performance. We also see the debut of Ron Paul in the rankings and watched Huckabee slide out of the top five. For some reason John McCain's presidential bid refuses to die and he holds on with a three points earned. You can see that the point differential isn't anything too daunting so reader participation will greatly affect who we see taking the lead!

Each week points will be tallied and candidates ranked based on the following criteria.

+10 Points for passing a candidate in national polls.
+5 Points for strong debate showing.
+3 Points for positive national news.
+1 Point for reader vote.

To participate in Poll Position simply drop me an e-mail at [e-mail] with the subject "Poll Position". In the body include your vote and a witty one to three sentence argument as to why they're better than the other options. Everyone is allowed one vote per week so feel free to vote again in the future.

Rankings	Points	Weekly Blurb
	18	Thompson polls well across the nation and his effect on the numbers has gotten his desired press. He also brought it home at an NRA meet and greet.
	16	Got press for an open letter to the GOP but added to his flip fop allure at the NRA rally. Yelled loudest about the Iranian President's Ground Zero request.
	13	Kept his lead in most polls despite a climbing Fred. A poor (though funny) NRA showing and his liberal rep makes him appealing to me, but not to the GOP.
	3	Ronnie bumps Huckabee and hops McCain to debut on the position. Gaining the endorsement from Maher is what earned him his tre.
	3	John earned some press when he got the support of Bush Sr. and a succesful spinning of the surge could save his pro-war campaign--should've been a lock.

Not Quite Receiving Points: Mike Huckabee (0), Sam Brownback (0), Tom Tancredo (0), Duncan Hunter (0)