The End of Year Shut the Hell Up Awards: Part Two - The “Pet Goat” Award
Posted by Ray Church on 01.14.2008
Part two of our eight part series on the dumbest things said in politics last year. In this column, the award for the comment that shows the person just wasn’t reading above a third grade level
My apologies that this is a week later than I said it was. It was my final week with one of my classes, so I had the inevitable marking to get on top of. To make up for it, we will get two out today and two more tomorrow.
If you missed last week, check it out here for how this works. Once more, my thanks to Joe Rivett, Brandon Crow, Dan Martin, Mark Radulich and Ryan Latimer for their assistance and votes.
So, without further ado, the "Pet Goat" Award for those mistakes that exposed the ignorance of the person who made it. Last year, this award went to Ray Nagin for his "Chocolate City" remarks. Let's see how it goes this year…
Dishonorable Mention:
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
In Iran, we don't have homosexuals, like in your country. We don't have that in our country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who's told you that we have it.
This was all my fault. I forgot to put Ahmadinejad on the nomination form, so this is to make up for the error. Ahmadinejad made his speaking debut at Columbia University, and rather than poisoning the ears of the gullible, as some thought he might, he went onstage and proved why he is the laughing stock of the educated nations.
Dishonorable Mention:
CNN
We were warned: Iran goes nuclear
(Title of a documentary, which was planned to be released on December 12)
This one was lost amongst the other worthy nominees this year, but it gets the nod for Ryan's notable one liner.
Ryan Latimer: I hear that one was going to proceed Inside the XFL's Second Season special.
Dishonorable Mention:
George W. Bush
I thought an interesting comment was made when somebody said to me, I heard somebody say, where's Mandela? Well, Mandela is dead, because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas
Joe Rivett: We get what he was trying to say but he really put it poorly.
Brandon Crow: Yeah, and Hussein also killed Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
I have to side with Joe on this one. We get the point he was making, but boy did your president trip over his tongue this year.
2nd Runner Up:
Alberto Gonzales
There is no express grant of habeus in the constitution, there is a prohibition against taking it away.
Joe Rivett: (some people aren't) supposed to be smart but the attorney general should know the bill of rights.
Ryan Latimer: That's why he's the Attorney General! And to think some people are worried where our tax dollars are going.
I apologise for censoring Joe's quote here, but I don't want to give away the winner yet. This would perhaps be a good epitaph for an Attorney General who managed to find unique ways around basic logic.
1st Runner Up:
Bill O'Reilly
And I'm not trying to convert you to be a Bible-thumper. I'm just saying it's an interesting read. This was written -- what? Five thousand years ago? I mean, this is really interesting.
Dan Martin: Um wow. Now O'Reilly is Catholic like I am so he maybe gets a pass for not being a Bible Thumper but 5000 years? Come on Bill you are giving Catholics a bad name.
He's a Catholic who doesn't really know his bible, and a history major who seems to have no idea of history. It should be noted that Bill O'Reilly took away the same runner up last year for his comments about the Iraq and how it's not a Civil War, despite the fact that "they're killing each other".
"The Pet Goat" Award Winner
Sherri Sheppard
Jesus came first (before Greeks and Romans)… I don't think anything predated Christians
This one went right around the voting table, getting a thumbs up, or should that be thumbs down, from everyone who voted. First up, Ryan Latimer…
Ryan Latimer: Really? Well, damn, all that stuff I learned in all those years of school were a lie? Why am I always the last to know this shit?
Yup, but I'm assuming you weren't taught history by Bill O'Reilly. Otherwise you might survive this.
Joe?
Joe Rivett: Amazing how Jesus was a Jew but Christianity is the oldest?
Yup. Brandon?
Brandon Crow: If ignorance were people, Sherri Shepard would be China. This comment must win first place for the absolute ridiculousness of it all. Nothing predates Christians…yeah, tell that to the Chinese who has a WRITTEN history dating back at least 6500 years. And what year are we "supposedly" in…2008 AD? Sherri Shepard, try carbon dating your brain; I'll bet it predates Christians.
This seemed far too basic for most of us, but let's throw it over to a real expert on this, Dan Martin, who actually makes a living from his historical knowledge of religion.
Dan Martin: So that Roman Empire that sent Pontius Pilate to govern Judea did not predate Jesus? I mean technically she could argue the whole Logos coming first (In the beginning was the word … but I do not think that is what she was getting at). It is so crazy that I am trying to think of ways it could be interpreted as true from a certain world view.
OK, OK… but you still voted for her, so let's take that as a yes then. So this year's "Pet Goat" Award goes to Sherri Sheppard.
We will be back later today with the "Reality Used to Be a Friend of Mine" Award, for those things said that made you doubt the sanity of the speaker.
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