The Land of Lakes and Lizard People

Posted by J.D. Dunn on 11.22.2008

What Minnesota tells us about an outdated process.

Minnesota Public Radio is keeping track of some of the more interesting ballots being challenged in the statewide recount in the Senate race between incumbent Norm Coleman (R) and challengers Al Franken (D) and Dean Barkley (I).

Franken trailed Coleman by 215 votes going into the recount, but after two days of voting, Coleman's lead dropped to 136. Both candidates were initially conservative with their challenges, but, as often happens in recounts, one side saw that the other side was more aggressive in challenges and sought to catch up. The Minneapolis Star Tribune reported that Coleman was on pace to send more than 1,000 ballots to the canvassing board while Franken was on pace to send just 3/4 of that total. Franken's team has since stepped up their challenges.

Not surprisingly, many of the challenges seem a bit silly, but then the election process as a whole seems silly when you start looking at the ballots. One ballot shows a darkened circle for Franken but the name "Lizard People" written in the write-in section. Even more disturbingly, someone wrote in the name of possible pathological liar Michelle Bachman. "Lizard People" doesn't seem so bad after that.

But the list of challenged ballots isn't just limited to ones with reptilian write-ins. Franken is challenging one with a fingerprint on it as having "personally identifiable information" that disqualifies it. Coleman is challenging one that has darkened circles for both he and Franken but has an "X" through Coleman's name. I guess "X" marks the spot as far as Coleman is concerned.

All of this seems childish and inane for a nation that prides itself on being the leader of the free world and one of the global leaders in advanced technology. If I can vote for such important questions as which Hollywood diva is hotter, Scarlett Johansen or Megan Fox, online, then why not the President of the United States? (There is no wrong answer when choosing between Scarly Jo and Megan Fox, by the way.)

I would propose a fairly simple process. The election commission sends out PINs (just as they do now), which gives you access to a webpage, not unlike the FAFSA. You can either fill it out on your home computer, or if you don't have one, travel to your nearest polling place and fill it out. No touch screens, just point-and-click. You print a copy and mail/hand it to the election worker, and off you go. The system has a vote with your PIN on it, and the election worker has a paper trail with no smudges, "X"s, hanging chads, dimpled chads, arrows, or partially darkened circles.

We need a system consistent with the millennium we're living in, and if the many highly publicized recounts over the years prove anything, it's that the archaic system in place reduces us to arguing over whether or not someone really intended to vote for a lizard person – or Pat Buchanan.

Update: 236.com has a hilarious look at some "contested" ballots. Also, the Franken campaign now claims to be within double digits.