The 5 Step Drop 10.11.07: Regular Season Week 6

Posted by Javier Zuniga on 10.11.2007

My totally unbiased and balanced look at the match-up between America's Team, the Dallas Cowboys and that roving band of cheating adulterers, the New England Patriots. Also, four other games the rest of you mouth-breathers might care about.

Welcome to this edition of The Five Step Drop.

Last week, I went 5-0 in my predictions, bringing my season record (minus The Week That Shall Not be Named) to a robust 16-4. But that doesn't matter.

This week, there are several NFL stories off the field: the Atlanta Falcons are doing battle with Michael Vick and the NFLPA to get back a huge chunk of his $19 million signing bonus. The injury to Miami QB Trent Green has talking heads again discussing the long-term dangers of concussion in football. Matt Leinart is out for the season and suddenly has even more time to hang out with Lauren and Heidi on The Hills.

But none of that matters either.

What really matters this week, the only thing that matters this week, is the game between two undefeated super powers, two teams that at this point in the season look like the favorites to represent their respective conferences in this year's Super Bowl: Cowboys. Patriots. Without any hint of exaggeration I can honestly say that this may be the single most important event in the history of mankind.

Throughout time we have repeatedly seen epic battles of this nature: two opposing forces clearly representing the forces of Good vs. Evil. The Allies vs. The Nazis. Optimus Prime vs. Megatron. Marlena Evans vs. Satan. Zack vs. Slater. Hulk Hogan vs. Hollywood Hogan.

But this weekend, all those battles of the past will look like two babies wrestling around in fluffy pillows and hitting each other with butterfly kisses compared to this game. So let's take an in-depth, point-by-point look at …

Sunday, October 17th, New England Patriots (5-0) @ Dallas Cowboys (5-0): Let's start the breakdown by looking at:

The Franchise The Dallas Cowboys are America's Team. I know there are some people out there that hate to hear that but what can you do? It's in the Bill of Rights. They hold NFL records for the most consecutive winning seasons (20, from 1966 to 1985) and most seasons with at least 10 wins (24). The Cowboys have earned the most postseason appearances (28, which includes another league record of 54 postseason games, winning 32 of them), the most appearances in the NFC Championship Game (14), and the most Super Bowl appearances (8), two more than any other NFL team. The Cowboys became the first team in NFL history to win 3 Super Bowls in just 4 years (a feat that has been matched only once since, by a team who's name I can't recall at the monetn). They are also in first place for having the most Super Bowl wins (5). In 1982, Dallas Cowboys linebacker D.D. Lewis said, "Texas Stadium has a hole in the roof so God can watch his favorite team."More than 25 years later, God has yet to deny this claim.

The Patriots were formed in 1959 and then proceeded to lay a giant turd for the next forty years or so. Oh, except for 1985 when they stumbled through a series of road games, beat the Miami Dolphins in the AFC Title game and deprived all NFL fans of what would've been one of the greatest games of all time, and then got curb-stomped by the Chicago Bears in a match so incredibly one-sided that Chicago fans lived vicariously through a 400 pound black man for the next four years because of it. They lost AGAIN in the Super Bowl in 1996, stunk some more, and finally ended up hiring Bill Belichick in 2000. Over the last seven seasons, and backed by a group of Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon agents, the Pats have managed to stumble fortuitously into a string of successes, at one point winning an NFL record 18 consecutive regular season games. They also won three Super Bowls (by an impressive NINE WHOLE POINTS combined), once when Rams head coach Mike Martz apparently forgot he had Marshall Faulk on the roster and another time when Donnie McNabb soiled himself on national TV. Oh, and the year they won that first Super Bowl…that was the year of the tragic 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers. Would the NFL go so far as to fix a Super Bowl so that a team called The Patriots would be sure to win in year when America needed a morale boost? I can't comment.

Advantage: Cowboys

The Logo: Now, just take a look at the Cowboys logo, especially on the silver background:



That just screams, "Hey, America…I'm a big blue star..now slide me some Apple Pie because I Love Democracry!" Now look at the Pats logo:



Not a whole lot to say about that, except it's a bit dull. But take a look at the throwback logo:



What is that? Is that some kind of Colonial Era gay porn? It looks like the cover for a movie called ‘The Red Coats are Coming (and Cumming)!" Disgusting. Advantage: Cowboys

The Coach: Wade Phillips was brought in to the Cowboys because he is considered more of "a player's coach" than Bill Parcells. In other words, he's not going to get in people's face the way Bill did. This is true. Wade is just not very threatening, unless you're the last slice of pizza in the box. That has worked wonders with the roster, which seems to be pressing less. However, Wade was also brought in because of his proficiency in calling the 3-4 Defense. Wade was spectacular in San Diego, creating a defensive unit that specialized in putting pressure on the opposing QB. Unfortunately, while the Dallas defense is creating more pressure this year, the new scheme has exposed a weaker secondary, especially a pair of safeties that apparently can't cover anyone.

The real gem on the staff is Jason Garrett. The former Cowboys back-up QB nearly became the head coach this past off-season before it was decided he needed more experience. With the way he's rejuvenated the Cowboys offense, that promotion should be coming sooner rather than later.

On the other side of the ball is Bill Belichick: football's version of Machiavelli, Dr. Strangelove and Sun Tzu. Earlier in the season I killed Bill for his use of ‘spies' and his bizarre personal affairs. But Bill Belichick does one thing better than any other coach in football, maybe in all of professional sports: he puts his players in a position to best use their talents. Whether its bringing in LBs to play offense on short yardage situations or playing four free safeties in "nickel" packages, the man knows how get the most out of his roster. It's almost elegant.

If Tony Romo looked confused against Buffalo, I can't imagine how he'll look against a New England defense. Advantage: Pats

The Quarterback: I'm starting to really like this Romo cat. I love his attitude. I love his willingness to make the tough pass. He's obviously willing to do what it takes to win, even if it means sacrificing his body and his QB Rating. And I LOVE the fact that, more than anything, his team believes in him. But he's only started 15 games. And seeing him hang his head like someone stole his lunch money after throwing his 4th pick on MNF was ridiculous. I know he led the comeback charge, but YOU'RE THE FRICKIN' QUARTERBACK! No matter what is going on, you should always look like you're in control.

And who do the Pats have? Only the single most clutch performer in Super Bowl history. Tom Brady has ice water in his veins. No matter the situation, no matter the defense, no matter how many paternity suits are filed against him, he always looks in control. And for the last few seasons, with a receiving corps that was borderline terrible, Tom has been absolutely carrying the Patriots offense. Now, with all the off-season acquisitions, he's on pace to break the single season TD record and might as well be playing NFL Blitz.

HUGE Advantage: Pats

The Star Wide Receiver: Let's set aside Terrell Owens' attitude or the accidental suicide attempt last season. Let's set aside the vastly improved attitude this season and the fact that his rapport with Tony Romo has made it so much easier for the young QB to be seen as the leader of this team. Set all this aside and this is what you see: a WR who is almost 34 who has clearly lost a step and, as demonstrated on MNF against Buffalo, is no longer automatic when it comes time to make the big catch. There's a reason he led the NFL in drops last year. If you saw TO in his prime, the reason he was so dangerous was because he could catch a simple slant, push of a defender, and be gone in a heartbeat. That doesn't happen anymore. He's no longer The Man. This is probably the last season Owens is considered a premiere WR.

On the other side is the despicable Randy Moss. I'm not even talking about his attitude issues. I'm talking about the way he barely pretended to care while playing for the Raiders the last two seasons.

Vince Carter tanked the first part of the 04-05 season to force the Toronto Raptors to trade him, dragging his ass up and down court and barely putting in an effort despite signing an $84 million contract a few seasons earlier. That might be the only more egregious tank job in sports history.

Moss' play was so poor that Oakland managed to get only a 4th round pick for his services and of course, now that he's on a contender, Moss has decided to play like he cares and is on pace to set career highs in yard and TDs. If there was Football Karma, Moss would get a season ending injury in Week 15. But like I said last week, Football Karma is a myth. Moss is the better player of the two, but he makes Owens seem so much more likeable. Which is saying quite a bit. Advantage: Moss

In the end, the Cowboys are the better franchise in terms of image and their place in Americana. But on the field, where it counts, the Pats are going to win. As much as it kills me to say it.

The last time these two teams met, it was Week 11 in 2003 and the Pats were on their way to a Super Bowl. The Pats won 12-0 in a typical Parcells/Belichick type slugfest. The Cowboys kept it close, played tough defense, and if it weren't for some missed deep passes by Quincy Carter throughout the game, the Cowboys possibly get the win. That Pats team was a juggernaut, and this game was like the last confrontation between Leonidas and Xerxes in "300." The Cowboys lost, but the Pats knew how close they came to being beat. Well, screw all that.

If the Cowboys have any chance THEY CAN NOT play that type of game. They have to make this the shoot-out that the Bengals and Browns wanted. Tony Romo has to throw the ball around the yard. They have to do something that no other team has done: pressure Tom Brady. And somehow they have to force the Pats to make mistakes they don't normally make. It's not much, but that's their shot at winning this game. I don't think this is going to happen. But I also think we'll get another chance in Arizona come February.

The rest of the previews will be short but sweet.

Sunday, October 17th, Washington Redskins (3-1) @ Green Bay Packers (4-1): The Skins are statistically a tough team with a strong running game and top tier defense. But they've also had a cream puff schedule. Despite all their flaws, the Pack would be 5-0 if not for a second half collapse against the Bears on Sunday night. I'm not really convinced Washington is that good, but Green Bay may actually be hurt by playing at home as the season progresses. They can't run. And I doubt anyone is throwing for 300 yards in sub-zero temperatures and snow. The Skins will win because they're the more physical team.

Sunday, October 17th, Oakland Raiders (2-2) @ San Diego Chargers (2-3): True story: 7-11 stories in the Oakland and Los Angeles area have recently debuted a Raiders Doughnut. Here's what it looks like:



ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Have you seen Raiders fans? These people don't need encouragement to eat more doughnuts. They look like they are one carne asada burrito from having a massive heart infarction…and those are the women!! I can see the conversation in 7-11 now:

"Orale, vato, I thought you were a Raiders fan..why are you having that oatmeal for breakfast? Get the Raiders doughnut. REPRESENT!"

"Chale, homes, a few more of these and I'll look like Art Shell!"

Fantastic. Chargers win. And when the health care rates go through the roof in the L.A./Oakland area, you'll know why.

Sunday, October 17th, Carolina Panthers (3-2) @ Arizona Cardinals (3-2): Both teams have winning records (who knew?). Both teams just had any ‘quarterback controversies' ended the hard way; QBs Matt Leinart and Jake Delhomme are out for the season. And both teams are probably noticeably better for it. But the Cards look like the physically tougher team and Kurt Warner has given them a sort of moxie that comes from having taken a team to two Super Bowls. The Panthers have basically beaten up on inferior opponents. A win here shows me something for Carolina. I have a feeling that isn't happening. Arizona wins.

Sunday, October 17th, Houston Texans (3-2) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (3-1): Another true story: my fantasy team was hurting at RB. I have Peyton Manning starting. Matt Schaub was my back-up and my only really marketable commodity. So last week I trade him to get Jamal Lewis of the Browns. Of course, Lewis proceeds to play one snap and the injure his ankle. Just to add insult to injury, I'm pretty sure Scchaub is going to throw for about 400 yards this week. Because it's the one week I would;ve played him with the Colts having their bye. It's just been that kind of season fantasy-wise. Texans win.

Well, hopefully you all enjoyed the more extended breakdown of the Pats-Cowboys game this week. If not….kick rocks. It's been a while since the Cowboys had a game this big. I plan on savoring every opportunity. So until next week, this has been The 5 Step Drop…..GO DEEP!!!