The House of Crouse 10.19.08: The Week 7 Edition
Posted by Mark Crouse on 10.19.2008
Let's look at Week 7 with Mark. Also, relish the deliciousness of being a Cowboy-hater this week!
Welcome to The House of Crouse for Week 7 of the NFL season. Things are starting to heat up, and previews are a-comin'. But first, I'm going to indulge myself.
Remember when Alanis Morissette released the mistitled, "Ironic" that included a litany of circumstances that weren't ironic, but just awful coincidences? Rain on your wedding day? Having only spoons when you need a knife? A guy dying the day he wins the lottery? Those situations aren't ironic, they just suck. But I digress.
Hearing about the week the Dallas Cowboys had reminded me of the endless list of bad news described in Dave Coulier's former lover's big hit. As an east-coast football fan hailing from a city that has the biggest inferiority complex in America (Charm City, baby!), seeing Sportscenter every morning was like an advent calendar of schadenfreude featuring America's Team. For those keeping score at home, here's the breakdown, starting from Nick Folk's game-tying field goal at the end of regulation against Arizona on Sunday:
-Folk kicks a game-tying 52-yard field goal after Arizona employs the classic "Play not to win" strategy of protecting a lead with under two minutes left by running three times for no yardage when a single first down would have put the game away.
-Dallas wins the overtime coin toss and proceeds to lose seven yards and go three-and-out. Mat McBriar's punt is blocked by an untouched Shane Morey and is returned for the game-winning touchdown by Monty Beisel. It is later reported that McBriar's foot is broken on the play, forcing him to the injured list.
-Team officials admit that Tony Romo broke the pinky finger on his throwing hand during the overtime drive. The team announces that Romo will miss up to four weeks.
-Juvenile delinquent Adam "Don't Call Me Pacman" Jones is suspended indefinitely by taskmaster general, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for an alcohol-fueled just joshin' around session with is bodyguard that ends with the police being called. It is reported that Jones will miss anywhere from four games to the rest of the season.
-Rookie sensation and Jerry Jones erection trigger Felix Jones is ruled out for 2-4 weeks with a severely strained hamstring that some outlets report as slightly torn.
-Romo receives a pep-talk phone call from all-time gamer Brett Favre, who encourages Jessica Simpson's boyfriend to "Play if you can handle the pain," forcing Romo to try to play or admit he's a true pussy in the eyes of his boyhood idol.
-Romo immediately returns to practice and tells the media he will try to play Sunday against the somewhat inspired St. Louis Rams.
-Dallas trades a 1st, 3rd, and 5th round draft choice to Detroit for disgruntled wideout Roy Williams, giving the team another huge target to complement Terrell Owens, not to mention a complete monopoly on Roy Williamses in the NFL. The 'Boys also learn they will receive a 5th rounder back from Tennessee as a result of the Pacman suspension triggering trade stipulation.
-Romo is listed as the second quarterback for Sunday, with Brad Johnson expecting to start. Rams fans get a little excited.
Personally, I can't wait to see what other thrills and spills befall the loosest ship in the NFL. If they lose to the Rams, my head may explode with glee.
Here are your Week 7 previews, with fantasy owners in mind, of course.
-Baltimore Ravens at Miami Dolphins-The Ravens defense was more exposed than Britney Spears in her new video against Indy last week, almost changing my opinion of them in one fateful contest. One thing they can still do, though, is stop the run. I expect Ronnie Brown to have a lackluster week, with Raven defensive coordinator Rex Ryan studying enough "Wildcat" footage to turn him into a zombie. Miami loves to put pressure on the QB, and with Joe Flacco struggling, don't expect any of the Ravens fantasy players to score well, even Willis McGahee. Seek other options if they are available to you.
-San Diego Chargers at Buffalo Bills-The Bolts travel east after whuppin' the Patriots but good last week without a marquee performance from Tomlinson, but west coast teams are historically crappy when traveling east, and the Bills have made teams visiting northern New York look bad. Nonetheless, I see both teams' offenses scoring points, and strong fantasy games from LDT and Marshawn Lynch. On the injury front, check the reports before the game regarding Chris Chambers, who is listed as questionable. If he misses the game, Malcolm Floyd starts after posting 75 yards and a score last week.
-New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers-Drew Brees is sensational, and I won't be even thinking about benching him against anyone, even a quality defense like Carolina. This feels like a game Reggie Bush should be the difference-maker in. Deuce McAllister should also make an impact, since the Saints will try to keep the Panther offense off the field at least a little. Start any Panther you want, since the Saint defense isn't as good as they looked against a crappy Oakland offense last week. They are the kind of unit that looks great against bad teams, but get crushed by balanced offenses, like the Panthers.
-Minnesota Vikings at Chicago Bears-The Viking defense hasn't fared as well as expected so far, so don't be afraid to start super-rookie Matt Forte. I'm still skeptical about the rest of the Bears though. Don't worry about playing any Viking except Adrian Peterson, who has had some great games against the Bears. Not much else to say about this game, except that both defenses are solid starts.
-Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals-The Ryan Fitzpatrick (from Harvard, so I've heard) Era continues against a rival defense that will try to literally decapitate the Ivy Leaguer. Expect three things to happen: Willie Parker will miss another game, Marvin Lewis will look constipated throughout the contest, and Chad Ocho Cinco will bitch like a teenage girl who just lost her cell phone privileges. Needless to say, I'm not wild about any Bengals this week. I would feel very good about Ben Roethlisberger and Santonio Holmes hooking up in this one.
-Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs-The Chiefs caught Denver with their pants down and beat them a few weeks ago, but that won't happen to a well-coached, army boot-tough Titan team that thrives on physical play. Brodie Croyle makes his triumphant return to the lineup, which means...well, it means nothing except he'll happen to be the guy that ends up on his butt a bunch of times in the wake of the Titan pass rush. Oh yeah, and Larry Johnson went and got himself suspended for "violating team rules." On the Tennessee side of the ball, only Chris Johnson is a good play since they will rely on their defense in this one.
-San Francisco 49'ers at New York Giants-Let's see, west coast team going east? Check. A pissed off reigning Super Bowl champ that just got victimized by an inferior team on national television? Check. J.T. O'Sullivan still starting at QB? Check. This one will get ugly. Niners bad, Giants good. That is all.
-Dallas Cowboys at St. Louis Rams-I would say Dallas will sack up and embarrass the lowly Rams, but I just don't see Dallas as tough enough to make it happen. The 'Boys are soft, and this will be a competitive game. Steven Jackson is a good play, as well as Torry Holt against a depleted Dallas secondary. If the Cowboys are smart, they will ride Marion Barber and not force Brad Johnson to make plays downfield. T.O. should have another down week, and Roy Williams won't be able to acclimate himself quickly enough to make an impact this week.
-Detroit Lions at Houston Texans-I know what you're thinking. "Detroit only gave up ten points to Minnesota's offense last week." Trust me, that's more of a reflection on the Vikings than the Lions. Their defense is below average at best. Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, Steve Slaton, start 'em all. The only Lion I can condone starting is Calvin Johnson, since he's Dan Orlovsky's only viable target and they will likely be playing from behind most of the game. Hopefully Orlovsky won't run out of the back of the end zone without being touched again (sorry, couldn't resist).
-Indianapolis Colts at Green Bay Packers-Manning and company returned to form in a big way last week, and face a lesser defense, particularly against the run. Joseph Addai won't play again, so Dominic Rhodes becomes the waiver wire darling of the week, and if you snatched him up, you'll be happy with starting him this week. Reggie Wayne will continue his stunning consistency, and Dallas Clark will finally show up. You can start any Packer, with Rodgers needing to air it out if they are going to hang with the Colts.
-New York Jets at Oakland Raiders-The Raider offense couldn't manage a touchdown against New Orleans last week, so I don't have much faith in their players against the Jets this week. Darren McFadden is reportedly healthy, so if you must start a Raider, go with him. Jerricho Cotchery should post big numbers this week since Lav Coles should draw Pro Bowl corner Nnamdi Asomugha. Thomas Jones should also have a big game against a Raider defense that doesn't have much of a run defense.
-Cleveland Browns at Washington Redskins-Cleveland showed signs of life as they beat the Giants on Monday night, while the Skins humiliated themselves against the Rams. That means the House of Crouse patented Law of NFL Wackiness is in effect. The Law states: Teams that win emotional games and are on short weeks will stink and teams that lose in mortifying fashion will rebound the following week if they are really good. I believe the Skins are really good, therefore I'm not supportive of any Browns this week, and I highly recommend Clinton Portis to continue his fantasy superstar ways, with Jason Campbell scoring higher than usual.
-Seattle Seahawks at Tampa Bay Buccaneers-Okay, so I was a little harsh with Charlie Frye last week, but he didn't exactly make a fool of me against Green Bay. He'll get eaten alive by Tampa, and that's a promise. All Seahawks will be underachievers this week. On the contrary, expect big things for Earnest Graham as he returns to the starting lineup after filling in at fullback last week. I don't like Jeff Garcia as a high scorer since the Bucs won't need to score a ton of points and should be able to just control the game and wear down the visitors from the Pacific Northwest.
-Denver Broncos at New England Patriots-One overriding rule for this game: no one on the Pats defense can keep up with Brandon Marshall. Look for Cutler to wear out his favorite target, much to his owners' satisfaction. Matt Cassel mitigates all the Patriot skill players' production, most of all Randy Moss. After seeing Cassel start for four games, it is obvious that he can't go downfield adequately and he holds onto the ball for far too long. Be concerned if you own any Pats for this reason, even against a lackluster Bronco defense.
That's it for this week, kids. Feel free to send any feedback, questions, or hate mail to my new email address, markcrouse1@gmail.com. Until next week, Godspeed!
