The Starting Five 1.15.08
Posted by Jason Goodman on 01.15.2008
I return to the 411 fold, much like the Giants returning to Championship contention.
Hi Everybody, and a Happy belated New Year! Welcome to the "Second Coming" of The Starting 5! It's been a while since I've written, and it really feels great to be back in the saddle. Originally I targeted last week as my return, so I might cover the BCS Championship game. I learned something very valuable as I sat in front of my television that Monday night: I am completely indifferent to College Football. I tried, good people, I really did. I just can't take a championship seriously when the teams challenging for it have been "chosen," as it were. Give me a good ol' elimination-style tournament any day. Really, From December 20, 2007 and January 7, 2008, there were 31 Bowl Games, PLUS the Championship??? Are you kidding me?? 2 ½ weeks of "championships!" You name a corporation, odds are they had a Bowl game this season. I think there was a Lemon Pledge® Bowl on the FX channel, for crying out loud! Tell you what, when there's a Marvel or DC Comics Bowl game, I'll get interested again.
THAT BEING SAID, congratulations should go to the LSU Tigers, the very first two-loss team(despite being voted #1 in the final Associated Press poll), on completely devastating the Ohio State Buckeyes. The SEC once again asserted its dominance in championship play, becoming the seventh team from said conference to defeat Ohio St. Hey Buckeyes, look: First Florida, now LSU… third time's GOT to be a charm, right?
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And now…
I am pleased to present, once again:
The Starting 5!!
1) Division Championship Weekend!
Alright, I wanted to tackle these games in the order that they were played… but, I'm a Giants fan so forget all that: Congratulations to MY New York Football Giants, for opening up a can of the almighty whoop-@$$ all over their NFC East rival Dallas Cowboys. In my office I picked the G-Men to win but, based on the previous matchups this season, never did I imagine New York's defense clamping down in the second half like they did! Eli Manning asserted himself exactly how NY fans imagined when he came to us in the draft. The D-line did what they've been doing for the last few weeks – making the quarterback throw from the ground! This was a very impressive win which places the Giants in the NFC Championship game for the first time since 2000! Some of my best friends are Cowboys fans, and I will thoroughly enjoy ragging on them for the rest of the postseason. I'll be nice and not say a single word about the post-game press conference. (snif, snif)
Which brings me to Big Blue's opponents in the forthcoming NFC Championship game – the Green Bay Packers. Led by an aging quarterback – who, has had a season SO GREAT, I'm quite surprised we haven't heard his name mentioned in the Mitchell report – Green Bay completely turned around what looked to be the beginnings of a huge postseason collapse, and DOMINATED the Seattle Seahawks. Bret Farvre was Bret Farvre., and may have executed one of the slickest shovel-passes I've ever seen. Rookie running back Ryan Grant recovered from two early fumbles put on a show which, I am almost certain, made former MVP Shaun Alexander weep for the good ol' days when he too could dominate a defense.
Remember about 3 months ago, when people were practically burning San Diego Chargers coach Norv Turner in effigy? That's ok, I'm sure he remembers for you, while he guides his team toward a AFC Championship showdown with New England. Who did they go through to accomplish this? The DEFENDING CHAMPION INDIANAPOLIS COLTS, that's who! Look, last week everyone continued to gang up on the Powder Blue Bunch, claiming that all they did was win a game they were supposed to against a beat-up opponent. Well, regardless of how injured they were, THIS was the COLTS, who were dominating most of the season despite the injuries. THIS was the COLTS, who lay claim to having one of the most talented, skilled, and savvy quarterbacks on the planet, AND one of the best coaches in the game. This was the Chargers, starting to live up to their potential AND their hype. Things will be interesting next week in Foxboro, if Norv can have his guys ready to play. And, of course, if L.T. and Phillip Rivers are even ABLE to play.
And I guess that's it for divisional play this weekend, nothing else of note. Nope, not a thing.
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Oh. Right. That other team. What, they play or something? Yeah. They're good. Really, really, reeeeeeeally good. And that QB, heh, ain't he something? Yes, yes, still undefeated, how quaint…
2) MLB Justice
I couldn't figure out a good television court show to lampoon for the title of this piece, so I just took "Texas Justice." I like Texas, and I like justice, so why not? This Tuesday, before Clemens and McNamee and Pettitte and anyone else speaks, Bud Selig, Donald Fehr, and George Mitchell himself will be standing before Congress. Buster Olney, of ESPN, wrote an excellent list of things these three men need to be asked, so you can look at that. I'm still not sure what in the world Congress is doing here – besides wasting my tax dollars. Look, the desire to know exactly what happened is very appealing, and I understand that. The fact is that we will NEVER know exactly who used what back then, and we can add all the asterisks and crumple up all the hall of fame ballots we want, and it still won't mean a thing. There will always be something to give people a leg up in competition, and the more we pay our athletes, the more they will look for way to live up – and hold on – to those lofty contracts. And the more money the sports organizations bring in, the less inclined they'll be to ask questions. If Congress really wanted to get rid of this stuff, they woulda passed a law banning it, and then actually made sure it was being enforced. But, perhaps I'm just an idealist.
3) NBA Do-Over
On March 8 in Atlanta, for the first time in 25 years(going by the dates of the original games), there will be a replay of an NBA game. Last December, with 51.9 seconds left in overtime of a Hawks-Heat matchup, Miami center Shaquille O'Neal fouled out with the Hawks up 112-111, a game Atlanta went on to win. The problem? Shaq only had 5 fouls. Coach Pat Riley filed the protest, and Stern definitely got it right. The game has already been stricken from the NBA website, and if you look at the scoreboard, you'll see that the game is listed as "in progress." What's on the line? Well, for Miami it's pride in a season started off horribly wrong. For Atlanta, it's mediocrity, which, in the Eastern Conference, is good enough to make the playoffs.
Nice to see when a league office gets it RIGHT, isn't it?
4) 124 Million-Dollar Man
Congratulations to the Washington Capitals' Alexander Ovechkin, on signing a sweet $124 MILLION, 13-year contract extension. This is apparently the first NHL contract on record which guarantees a 9-figure income. What's more is he worked the contract out BY HIMSELF. 22 years old, does and says the right things, is a pure goal-scoring machine (currently 2nd in goals with 33). He's fully understanding of the responsibility this contract carries with it, or as understanding as a 22 year-old can be. This gives Washington a much-needed superstar to build around, and will put fans in seats. A happy win for all involved.
5) Marion, oh Marion
There was a point in time, long ago, where I was 96.75% sure that Marion Jones needed to have my children. Then I saw her jacked up Olympic-weightlifting husband, and decided I could wait a while. Then they divorced, and was again back to 96.75%. When the initial allegations about her and the steroids first came out, my assuredness level jumped up to 99.90%. The way I figured it, with my looks, my brains, her looks, and her strength & speed, we could usher in an age of some sort of "super-child." My plan may have had a chance to gestate, if not for her recent sentencing. 6 Months, it isn't all that bad, especially considering that she could have been given consecutive sentences for her idiotic crimes. The lying to the law. Just don't do it. The judge handed down this sentence, hoping it would serve as a warning to future athletes. It won't. Not while culture dictates you need to be #1. Not while people continue to be afraid of getting caught. But that's not my point in all this, I simply want to express that Marion should really still consider seeing me. I figured the best way would be via the art of Haiku:
legs of light brown steel
let "that stuff" leave your system
give a call when freed
Yes, that'll do nicely. What? She remarried??? Oh, ya gotta be kiddin me!
Parting Shot:
Every once in a while, somebody says something so incredibly stupid, so incredibly insensitive, that you just have to sit for a moment and go "Geez!" Good people in the back, can you roll the clip?
Alright, I love bringing these things up, for one reason. The comments people make about them. Yes it was a stupid racially insensitive remark. YES it's particularly aggravating, when you consider the entire show that was made of publicly stoning Don Imus not so long ago. But every time this happens, there is an insane amount of assertions made, both attacking anchor Kelly Tilghman(who was suspended for two weeks as a result of this… no, gaffe is not the appropriate word here…) and defending her, and BOTH going to ridiculous extents. No, the Golf Channel isn't inherently racist because of this, and no, nobody's losing their first amendment privileges as a result of people being angry, and no, it's not too much to ask people to THINK before they let things come out of their mouths.
I think I've said this before to you guys, but I have no qualms about saying it again: There IS a racial divide in this country, just as there IS a class divide. Anybody who doesn't think that some of these idiotic things said by people, and the reactions they garner, are a direct result of that divide is FOOLING THEMSELVES. Just know that there is ALWAYS going to be something offensive said in public forums, at some point, sometimes to purposefully push buttons and get a reaction, sometimes just out of sheer foolishness and ignorance. We'll get past it, eventually. You know, when we reach the point in time that we're all wearing the standard-issue "earth uniform."
To put it in perspective: Tiger isn't yelling all over the place. That doesn't mean he thinks it's ok. He just knows that spending all his time on every single thing someone says is simply a waste. He does what he does best, plays golf. And wins. She feels like a first-class moron, and it will live forever on YouTube. This will undoubtedly give ammo to the scores of "blonde joke" writers out there, and give some moron a reason to say "Women shouldn't be anchoring on TV, anyway!
Walkin' Off:
Well alright, I'm back in the saddle again! Join me next week, as we take another look around at the world of sports. See you next week!
