The Round Football Column 01.28.2008: 136th Edition – Real Madrid Win Again, Carling Cup Finalists Revealed, Plus More

Posted by  on 01.28.2008

Non-league Havant & Waterlooville scare Fat Rafa in the cup, Robinho shines as Real Madrid edge past Villarreal, Tottenham finally beat the Arsenal, plus more. One Click Away.


What did the lesbian vampire say to her victim after doing her stuff?

"See you next month."

Now we've started.



People said that Leeds were too good to go down, but it still happened. There is no reason why Valencia won't suffer one of the most shocking relegations of all-time if they don't sort themselves out with haste. Ronald Koeman's shit-kickers lost again at the weekend, this time at home to Almeria. They should have sold David Villa while they had the chance to snatch ?35 million. He's worth no more than ?15 million the way he's performed this season. The fella is still a potential superstar, so he really needs to move on before his career fades into obscurity. Anyway, I'm digressing. The moral of this story is that VALENCIA ARE THE FUCKING SHITTEST OF SHIT!

In-form striker, Fernando Llorente bagged a late equaliser as Athletic Bilbao secured a point at home to Barcelona, after the ever-improving Bojan had given Rijkaard's overrated superstars the lead.

Real Madrid still aren't playing consistently well throughout entire matches, but they always, always, always do just enough to win. Villarreal played some really slick stuff at The Bernabeu, but Real still had all the breaks. Thirty seconds after the fantastic Capdevila equalised for The Yellow Submarine, this happened:

Fantastic pass from Gago (he may actually start living up to the hype soon!), but you've got to love the shit whinging of Sir Pascal Cygan. My hero.

A word for Giuseppe Rossi, who scored again at the weekend. I saw him in the Copa del Rey against Barcelona on Thursday and he was fantastic. He's got a good goals tally and he's scoring goals like the one against Real. I think Fergie's had another Forlan moment.

Two lovely finishes from Robinho, too, who is turning into a genuinely exceptional player. Like Cristiano Ronaldo, he just needed to improve his end product to reach that top bracket of individual talent in world football. For me, he's reached that now. His run-and-finish for the first goal, after a beautiful assist from the continually underrated Guti, and the composure for the second. Just great stuff, truly. Judge for yourself:

Good, right?

Luis Fabiano continued his excellent goalscoring run with a last-minute (re-taken) penalty winner against Osasuna on Saturday evening. It was a bit harsh on Osasuna, who are a really neat football side. They are just not getting any breaks and are flirting dangerously with the relegation zone.

Espanyol's poor form continued with a rather embarrassing 2-1 home defeat to lowly Real Betis.

The battle for third is still open, as Atletico lost at Mallorca.

The biggest shock of the weekend was without doubt Levante actually deciding to win a fucking football match. La Liga's version of Derby went to Murcia and grabbed a 3-2 win.

Diego Milito scored again as Real Zaragoza drew 2-2 at Racing.




After losing to Atalanta in midweek, AC Milan really needed to beat Genoa to maintain their push for a top four spot………..and they did that, with much thanks going to the pimp that is Alexandre Pato. I still haven't seen him throughout the 90 minutes yet, something I may have to wait until The Emirates for (uh-oh), but from the highlights I've seen the kid certainly seems to have something special about him.

Here's his second:

I love the little cushioned header to put himself back into position.

Udinese's awesome 3-4-3 system couldn't get through Inter Milan, but they still managed to shut them out in a 0-0 draw.



Two games to talk about, both involving the Villa.

Firstly, the reasonably entertaining Monday night match at Anfield. All I can say is thank someone for Villa's two-minute double. Liverpool were dragging the life out of the game at 1-0, but we had a really good last half hour because The Reds were chasing the game. They are such an uninspired, boring team at the moment and Roberto Mancini couldn't have picked a better game to scout his Champions League oppo. Seriously, at this rate Inter will win by four at Anfield next month. Gerrard looks bored, Finnan and Carragher are having horrible seasons, Riise is inexplicably bad, Kuyt is so bad I can hardly believe he still has a contract, Babel is Liverpool's Theo Walcott and they have literally no decent wide men. Fernando Torres is one of the league's best players and Javier Mascherano is certainly the best defensive midfielder in the Prem, but aside from that I'm totally bored by Liverpool at the moment. Sure, they could get pumped for the Champions League and make another push to the final, but Rafa has a lot of work to do. I wouldn't be surprised if the only way they could reach next season's Champions League is by winning it. Fourth is by no means there's to lose. They need to earn that shit.

As for Villa, well they didn't play that well and nearly won……..that tells you everything.

I love Marlon Harewood's celebrations, by the way. He really is Mr. Intense.

On a more recent note, a fantastic Ashley Young free-kick saved Villa a point at home to Blackburn.




The FA Cup is really opening up this season and there are a lot of non-Prem sides in this final 16.

The story of the weekend was not about one of those sides that did progress, but more about one that didn't. Havant & Waterlooville, take a bow you brilliant bastards. They took the lead twice at Anfield and not even Yossi Benayoun's second hat-trick of the season could trump Havant's story. The lad Pacquette even brought out the old A-Star celebration. What a bunch of heroes.

Elsewhere, Emmanuel Adebayor shone as Arsenal squirmed past a Newcastle side who really seem to tire out in second halves of games. Two great goals from Ade though, and I may have to get off his back soon. He's had a phenomenal spell in January.

Great cup tie at Old Trafford as Man. United beat Tottenham 3-1. Ronaldo was pretty quiet, but the Portu-geezer bagged yet another brace so it's hard to say anything even remotely negative.

Nicolas Anelka looked good during Chelsea's hideously boring win at Wigan.

Derby's season went from the lower end of purgatory to hell, after a 4-1 home defeat to Preston. They really are the worst team in Prem history. Seriously, not one good player……….and that includes Giles Barnes. Where's his rep come from? He's shit. Really shit.

Sheffield United used balloons to shock a Man City side that really shouldn't have fielded a weakened side.

Not one FA Cup draw in the fourth round, so no replays. That must be some sort of first.

Apparently there were some Carling Cup games last week. I can't really remember them, honestly.

Erm, I guess we should start at White Hart Lane. Damn, this is going to be tough to write about, but hey after a ridiculous 21 games without defeat, I guess Arsenal were due their comeuppance against Tottenham.

To say they received that is beyond any type of understatement. 5-1. After 21 games without a win over their fierce rivals, they beat them 5-1. This football malarkey is one crazy business.

Folk gave Spurs shit for not being ruthless enough in the first leg, but they made up for it at The Lane. I've been watching a lot of Spanish action for a few years now, and I was so impressed with Ramos' Sevilla that it's been a matter of waiting for him to implement that style on Tottenham. Last Tuesday was that day. An exact replica of his Sevilla-mould, Spurs were playing with unrivalled aggression and a speedy counter-attacking game that almost seemed unstoppable at times. Arsenal were dominating possession, but Spurs always had them on the break. People rave about Keane and Jenas, but for me it was Aaron Lennon who really shone. He could be Ramos' equivalent to Daniel Alves, with that confidence and raw pace. For 90 minutes on Tuesday night he looked like a superstar. Whether or not he can keep that consistency is a different topic, but for now he can soak up the limelight.

As for the Arsenal, well I have high hopes for Armand Traore, but he's been shit this season. Barry Bendtner seems void of ideas on the deck. Justin Hoyte and Theo Walcott prove why Wenger rarely buys English. It was another great run for the youngsters, but they just weren't good enough.

I guess we've got to discuss that little spat between Adebayor and Bendtner. Apparently, after scoring that cracker within two minutes of coming on, Adebayor told Bendtner he was shit. Correct or not, it was hilariously wrong for The Togonator to get all arrogant like that. You can't slap a team-mate without a smile on your face, surely!

The following night, Chelsea probably produced their second-best performance of the season (after the 6-0 win over Man City) to dispatch Everton and reach Wembley. Alex had his best game in a Chelsea shirt and Ricardo Carvalho was just unreal. Joe Cole scored a fantastic goal. Florent Malouda seems to be happy again. Nicolas Anelka was fantastic in an isolated role. They're just looking really good at the moment. Everton fought well and their supporters were brilliant, but as David Moyes admitted afterwards, they are definitely lacking that world-class spark to win them big games like this.

The Africa Cup of Nations continued, and it's all whizzed by in a flash. I can't even remember what the fuck has happened. All I do know is that Mohamed Zidan looked like a pimp as Egypt beat Cameroon, and a shit-load of long-range goals have been scored with that crazy-coloured ball.

Great goal from the Man Utd-bound Manucho chap, against South Africa. You don't see goals like this anymore:



He scored another two against Senegal…….could be a good Fergie signing under ?10 million, for once.

Jonathan Woodgate should be on his way to Tottenham this week, for a rather paltry ?7 million.

Luis Fabiano looks set to shockingly turn down a move to Man City. Wow, didn't see that coming. Man City are a Euro giant now, aren't they? Maybe even the biggest club in the world.

AC Milan Baros has joined Pompey on loan.

Tottenham are close to signing rapid Hertha Berlin left-back Gilberto.

Djibril Cisse hilariously bagged a hat-trick for Marseille at the weekend. I nearly pissed when I read that. Apparently it's true, though. Seriously.

GRETNA WATCH…………… They bagged a great result against Hibs – the game was postponed.




05 – Adebayor v Tottenham
04 – Manucho v South Africa
03 – Joe Cole v Everton
02 – Campbell-Ryce v Southend
01 – Mohamed Zidan's second v Cameroon




A mildly sexual number of Prem games this week……..19 to be precise. I'm pumped. Not too excited, of course, but I'm definitely pumped.

A big week for United with Portsmouth at home and Tottenham away, all in the space of four measly days. Knowing them, they'll probably bag six points, but it's still an interesting week for them. Why the game at The Lane isn't on TV is beyond me.

As for their title rivals, well Arsenal will be confident of dispatching Newcastle for the second time in four days, but a matinee show at Eastlands on Saturday may be a different proposition. Man City's home form is superb, but they have looked really ordinary in recent weeks. Really ordinary. I must be missing something with Micah Richards, because I think he's a pretty shitty centre-back. Of course, he has gifts the likes of Carragher and Taylor could only dream of, but his positioning and decision-making is so poor. Either way, this could be a good week for the Arsenal, with City's home record disappearing in the process.

Chelsea should be comfortable at home to Reading, but a weekend trip to Fratton Park could be tricky. It'll be interesting to see how Lassana Diarra is coping in the starting line-up.

Elsewhere, West Ham should fancy their chances at home to Liverpool.

Sunderland v Birmingham will be scrappy, nervy and the first chance for those pesky commentators to reel off the "six-pointer" analogy.

After their Carling Cup disappointment, Everton will need to show their proverbial backbone to keep their league ambitions alive. Spurs at home and Blackburn away will test their credentials big time.

The Bundesliga returns this weekend and it's a lot tighter at the top than many expected. Bayern Munich and Werder Bremen are tied at the top, and after an insane seven-week break Germany is ready to see where this title race goes. For me, with Klinsmann already installed for the summer I can't imagine how much drive Hitzfeld will have to succeed. I'm opting for Diego and co. to nick the title.




As noted last week, Hobbo went to Vegas and wow. He got thrown out of the MGM Grand. Only he would be thrown out of the MGM Grand. An asshole.




Last Week's Match Predictions (Bold = Prediction ……. Italics = Actual Result)

Carling Cup Semi Finals – Second Legs (First Leg scores in brackets)

Tuesday 22nd

Tottenham (1) v Arsenal (1) 1-1

Wednesday 23rd

Everton (1) v Chelsea (2) 1-0

Barclays Premier League

Monday 21st

Liverpool v Aston Villa 3-1


Next Week's Match Predictions

Barclays Premier League

Tuesday 29th

Arsenal v Newcastle 2-1
Bolton v Fulham 1-0
Middlesbrough v Wigan 2-2
Sunderland v Birmingham 2-0

Wednesday 30th

Chelsea v Reading 3-2
Derby v Man City 0-1
Everton v Tottenham 0-1
Man Utd v Portsmouth 3-1
West Ham v Liverpool 1-1

Saturday February 2nd

Birmingham v Derby 1-1
Blackburn v Everton 1-2
Liverpool v Sunderland 4-1
Man City v Arsenal 1-2
Portsmouth v Chelsea 0-0
Reading v Bolton 2-1
Tottenham v Man Utd 2-1
Wigan v West Ham 1-2

Sunday 3rd

Fulham v Aston Villa 0-1
Newcastle v Middlesbrough 1-0




THE WHOLE DAMN SPORTS ZONE

TOP 50 MOMENTS OF 2007:

part one

part two

part three

411 soccer forum


Before we go, the comments are great so thanks, but no more Tottenham talk please. It makes me vomit.

O'Sullivan

Done.