SPOTLIGHTS
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| GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra Review |
| Posted by Erik Luers on 08.14.2009 |
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So I forced myself to sit through this one earlier in the week, and surprise, surprise, the movie is hardly anything to talk about. It's got the special effects of a Nintendo 64 game(remember Wave Race? There's a scene here involving driving through rings underwater that directly reminded me of it), or at least a summer action flick from 1990. If the budget for this was really $170 million, where did all the money go? The silicone on the women (very hot but too hot to be taken seriously)? I suppose Stephen Sommers' heart was in the right place, as this film isn't out to offend like Michael Bay's Transformers 2 was a month and half ago, but his efforts are still poor.
Who is Cobra anyway? When a certain brother character puts on a cheap 99 cent store mask, he becomes Cobra? Why bother? He already has an interesting Cenobite look going on that would've sufficed and scared the kiddies.
The film is all about this green liquid of which everyone is out to capture or protect. When the liquid gets "unleashed" in Paris, it causes a lot of destruction, and I liked this scene in all of it's frenetic exuberance. And then, a character digitally shuts the liquid off. How can a liquid be shut off? Logic returns to rear its ugly head.
Why is Jonathan Pryce in this movie? Does he still have David Mamet's number? Why must there always be a president character in these kind of flicks? And why must he always be a good guy? I wonder.
So many flashbacks does not a good film make. Wait till you see one that takes place when two characters were young children. They fought with food and retained their characters' original wardrobes for over twenty years (well, at least that Shadow guy did).
Why are there closeups of characters wearing masks? We can't see any of their concentrated internal thought as we're not allowed to see their faces. Seems like a wasted effort.
Marlon Waynes gives a better performance here than Dennis Quaid. That's saying something. When you see Quaid as a hologram near the beginning of the film, your hopes of a good performance from the man will be dashed. Hopes being dashed is a common theme in this film.
GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is what it is, of course, but what it is isn't very good.
Final Rating: 3/10 |
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