411mania.com: J. Yayo Hernandez

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411mania » The 411 » J. Yayo Hernandez

Picture:
Name:	J. Yayo Hernandez
Email:	yayowonder@gmail.com
Current Roles:	Sometimes writer and sports editor
Past Roles:	SD! Recap. Wrestling news report. Black Zone columnist. Sports columnist. Also have provided the odd column for Music, Movies, and Politics (making me a threat in every zone). Also a fan forum moderator.
Other credits:	2004 Column Whore of the Year. 411 Idol. Evocator Manes Arch-Nemesis for 2004. Recipient of man crush by former 411 NBA columnist BL Anderson.
Quote:	"To err is human, To forgive divine, But you do not have to be a dick when you let someone know they erred.."
History:	I do not think I can add much that is not already in my past roles. I had "retired" for about four months earlier this year, but decided that 411Sports still needed some of my help.

Blog

And we're rolling... - 05.14.2007

It seems that at least half of my blogs always revolve around women, so I end up asking myself what the hell am I writing about the other half of the time? I love my wife, but I can't help but admire the rest of the menu. Is there something wrong with checking out the desserts, that is until you realize it costs more then your willing to pay (as Eddie Murphy circa 1987 would say: "I want HALF Ed-dee!"). I bring this up because a while back I had selected what I thought was a delectable item from the menu that I had wanted to try for a while. But it seems that every time I ordered it the restaurant was out. Each time that I didn't get it I got more and more frustrated.

Why? Because if you're not going to have it, why put it on the menu?! Just take it off and say it's not available. Don't tease a guy with the picture and then never let him get a taste. Well after a few months of ordering unsuccessfully I thought the moment was finally upon me. I had the dessert right in front of me and I started to get a taste and it was great!

I'm not sure if it was the anticipation or the actual confectionary delight but I was really enjoying myself. I was working my way from the top down, slowly taking in more and more of my treat. But as I reached the bottom and went to pull my spoon out to stick it in, I was told I couldn't go any further. When I asked why the explanation didn't make sense. Just vague words about not wanting to spoil my appettite. Although this isn't what I wanted to hear I was comforted by the fact that the next time I came to the restaurant I could be certain my dessert would be there and hopefully I could complete my dish.

Sadly since that time everytime I went to the restaurant they were out of my dessert. Since then they've teased me with bringing it back, but it's always been that... a tease. I heard and then saw with my own eyes that the restaurant started serving up my dessert to another guy that I don't think deserved it as much as me.

Should I be happy I got a taste? Should I call the inspector and get the restaurant shut down? Should I burn it down myself? No, the real question is why do I still care about the dessert that never was. Is it because I wanted it or is it because I never had it? The answer is fuck it! I'll just burn that bitch down!!!

And we're rolling... - 12.22.2006

And now you know why I left my column... Sorry, real world responsibility trumps online slacking again!

And we're rolling... - 09.11.2006

Hello fine folks of 411! No it is not a mirage you see before you, it is the one and only Yayo. Since I stepped aside from my duties as an active contributor to 411 a few months back I've been working hard due to new duties with my job. I wish I could say that is the reason I haven't been writing lately, but it wouldn't be true. Last week I decided I would try and write a new column about the decline of my beloved Hurricanes. I got one paragraph in and then had to get back to my real job... I haven't seen that column since.

So what now? With the NFL season underway I hope that I will be reinvigorated to throw up a weekly column throughout the season. More likely, I'll look back at each week as a wasted opportunity to get back to one of my first love's... writing. It just seems that my heart isn't into writing about sports anymore. Maybe I just burned out from helping launch that zone and keeping it running for as long as I did. Maybe I don't it as fulfilling as I used too. Maybe self-doubt about the quality of my work has made it less enjoyable. Maybe I got Tivo. In the end I think I'll give it the old college try, and if after that I still don't feel my work is up to par, I'll see what other way I can help 411. Until then, keep looking up at the scoreboard!

P.S. I realize the significance of today and don't mean to belittle it in any way by deciding to write my incoherent blog. But if you want true coverage and rememberance of what today means, check out our Politics section, or turn on any channel, goto any website or read any newspaper.

And we're rolling... - 06.05.2006

It's a dark night at the U.S.-Mexican border. The only light emanates from a half full moon thousands of miles in the sky. But here on Earth something else is travelling. In the dark, at first all you can make out is the darting eyes going left to right.

But as your eyes become comftorable, more and more of a solitary figure can be made out. It's a man wearing a hat. After a few minutes you can finally see him.

It's a Mexican. What is a Mexican doing at the border at this time of night? He looks like he is dressed for tonight only. No suitcase or anything else on him. Suddenly you hear a brustle in a bush near the border. Could this be what you think it is?

"Do you think you are slick trying to do this at this time of night?" says a voice. "We know you guys wait until it is dark. But we are ready for you. Now come out where I can see you."

A figure comes from around the bush. It's a caucasian wearing a suit and tie. He has a briefcase in one hand and his coat in the other.

The first voice yells "You need to go back where you are from. You are not wanted here."

The second voice filled with anger yells back "But we don't have any jobs where I'm from. Please let me stay. Me being here will only make things better for your country."

The first voice replies "Look at the sign pendejo! We don't want you here!"

The second voice yelps "But the Indians took all of our white collar jobs! Anyways don't you prefer cutting grass?"

The first voice yells "Hombre's del minuto cojenlo!" And with that an army of Mexican MinuteMen chase the white collar worker back to America.

And at least for one more night the U.S.-Mexican border is safe.

And we're rolling... - 02.25.2006

Listen I'm a Bulls fan by nature but watching what's happening in New York is like watching a train wreck, you just can't look away. What exactly is Isiah trying to do? Make a splash to make a splash? Are they going to start running five man starting line-ups of guards? It seems the only thing Zeke is good at is drafting players, so he trades one of those away (Ariza) for ball hog with headaches. And what has Larry Brown done? Without the right parts it seems that the only thing he can do is rip his players. How do you think Senor Franchise will like that? Knicks fan you have only one choice... change loyalties. I know it sounds drastic but between Brown and Thomas we all know Thomas is going to survive. And no matter what happen's he'll always land on his feet, can you say the same for the Knicks. So run Rob run!

And we're rolling... - 02.19.2006

Cost me $6 at Best Buy. Has some decent matches in it. But the best two matches HBK v. Bret Hart Iron Man at WMXII and HBK vs. Mankind at Mind Games are cut very short. Luckily they have two almost full matches against Psycho Sid (1996 Survivor Series and 1997 Royal Rumble). I know Sid isn't the best wrestler ever, but his Psycho Sid character was one of my favorites growing up and I can't hate on that. Also we have the 1996 In Your House: Good Friends, Better Enemies match with Diesel. For those that don't remember this match has amazing comedic value due to Diesel knocking down Mad Dog Vachon and stealing his prosthetic leg to attack HBK. Now if this sounds like a tape you have laying aroud, it may be, becayse this is a re-release of a prior Coliseum VHS release titled "Heartbreak Express Tour". If you have a chance pick it up as it has 2 hours of action for $6.

And we're rolling... - 01.31.2006

It was GREAT!!! Boobs everywhere... Royal Rumble in full effect... lots of naughty things I can't tell you... GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And we're rolling... - 01.27.2006

Okay folks I am about to embark on perhaps the greatest weekend that I'll have in 2006 and wanted to share my joy. Tomorrow morning I will wake up and do the dirty with my wife. I'll then be heading off to hang out with a friend who is having his bachelor party that evening. I don't think anymore needs to be said about that... except that we're also renting a hotel room to make sure the party lasts all night long.

When I wake up (if I get any sleep) I'll be helping one of my closest friends pack up as he's moving into a new house he just purchased. When I'm done seeing my friend for what will likely be the first of two times this year (as he now lives almost two hours away), I'll be getting ready to go watch the Royal Rumble live from the American Airlines Arena!

Then Monday I have off from work so I can stay home playing video games and beating off. YAY ME!!!

And we're rolling... - 01.23.2006

Finally the real Jake Plummer reared his ugly head out from beneath all that hair to show why he's known as Jake the Mistake. Ben Roethlisberger DOUBLED Plummer's QB rating. Plummer had four turnovers (two fumbles and two interceptions). And the Broncos weren't missing any firepower from the offense. Ashley Lelie who was taken off of punt return duty in the 2nd quarter due to injury came back to score a touchdown. The Broncos were outgunned from the beginning and when the game was put into Plummer's hands to win he showed why he will never be an elite quarterback.

But I think the best part of the Plummer storyline was how the CBS announce team spent the first quarter of the game telling us how Plummer was not talked about in the mainstream sports media and how he was well worth the mention. Well I'm sure today Plummer wishes nobody would talk about him.

Cry Jake cry. Your tears make my soul sing!

That's right I'm a Jake hater and have been for years. Besides cruelly giving Cards fans a taste of glory he hasn't done anything to be held in any kind of esteem in this league. So Jake, don't be surprised if you get booed your next game in Invesco... bitch!

And we're rolling... - 01.17.2006

Edge as champion... Edge as champion... Edge as champion...

It's like saying bloody Mary three times except when your done you know this nightmare is true. I'm sorry but Edge is sooooooooooooo boring. When he talks I start staring even harder at Lita's cleavage. Why has my Lord forsaken me and made this blowhard champion? Listen I understand Cena as champ was starting to wear out, especially since he stopped doing alot of the things people liked about him on promo's. And although Edge had a good match last night with Flair (and what was up with Flair looking around like he wanted to go home during Vince's verbal fellatio?), I don't know if the same can be said for an Edge/Cena main event without a gimmick stipulation (which is why last night's match was good). I've never seen the appeal of Edge who isn't a great wrestler or a great talker (if Christian would have gotten this push I'd be happy). C'est la vie.

As for the Colts and their "protection problems". What happened? The Steelers just kept blitzing the first half of the game and Manning had no time to take advantage. Everyone will call Manning a choker, but with no protection in the first half he was lucky to get out alive. The question becomes in the second half when Bill Cowher almost coached himself out of a win (Hey our passing game has been sensational so far... let's stop! You know what else has been working out great for us? Blitzing the crap out of Manning... let's stop that too!) why didn't the Colts capitalize? All the weapons in the world can't help you if your most important player is on his back or running for his life most of the game. And for those that think the Steelers got lucky and Denver is going to trounce them, remember the Patriots handed the Broncos the win, the Broncos didn't actually outplay the Patriots. Read more in our roundtable available this weekend.

I've also been on a diet since 12/28/05 and have lost a whopping 8 lbs in a three week period. In essence I've had to give up two of my favorite vices soda and pizza to actually make it work. I'm not doing much in the way of excercise (at least not on a consistent basis) but I'm not resorting to pills either. If I can keep up a 8-10 lbs monthly pace in 7 months I should be where I want to be and in a year I should be at my actual recommended weight. Cross your fingers for this fat guy and send any suggestions that you have.

And we're rolling... - 01.09.2006

Sorry but every time I load up trusty old 411 I see one of those dating service ads with cleavage hanging all over the place... AND I LOVE IT!!! BOOOOOOOBS!!! That is all.

And we're rolling... - 12.30.2005

In June of 2004 a crack commando was sent to 411Mania by the internet Gods for a column to recap WWE Smackdown!. He promptly escaped from this maximum security recap to 411 Black and finally 411 Sports. Today, still wanted by his fans, he survives as an editor/writer of fortune. If you want a column, and no one else will write it, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire the 411-Team (background music swells: Dun-dun-dun, du-du-du-du-dun, du-du-du-du-du-dun, dun-du-dun-dun-dun).

What's that? A team should be more then one person. Hhhmmmm.... An interesting idea, but nonetheless irrelevant. Watch as I wave you off dismissively... *waves hands dsimissively* See! You see how I did that?! Now be GONE!!! I don't want to see you again until next year.

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