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411mania » The 411 » Bryan Kristopowitz
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Name:Bryan Kristopowitz
Current Roles:TV Rants and Raves, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, movie reviewer, occasional book and DVD reviewer
Past Roles:What?!! This Column!??
Other credits:
Quote:"Shut down the Third World? They lose, you win. Shut down America, you lose, they win. The more things change, the more they stay the same." Snake Plissken, "John Carpenter's Escape From LA"
And we're rolling... - 05.30.2007

Yeah, so, here we go again with another long day at the crappy "paying" job and no real time to get anything of value done. Which is all the more sad considering I'm sitting here right now suffering through another episode of "So You Think You Can Dance?" I really have to find a way to stop watching this show because it's going to either give me ulcers or I'm going to set my television on fire. Maybe I should get one of those punching bag things and have it around the computer and TV, maybe weigh it down a bit so when I do slug it there's some oomph in it. I mean, really, where the hell do they find these degenerates to be judges?

Fox keeps running commercials for its new fall shows, especially that one about New Orleans cops. That show looks interesting. It's too bad it's not on right now. If that show was on "Dance" wouldn't be on and all would be right with the world.

But, hey, we can't have that, can we? There's got to be some level of misery in entertainment.
And we're rolling... - 04.18.2007

Well, holy hooey it's been a year, a freaking year, since I actually put anything in this blog. And that's a shame since it's something I promised myself I would use more often. Of course, I also said that with my myspace page, and if you head over there you'll see that my posts on there have been few and far between.

So, I got through like 50 pages of "The DaVinci Code" and just got bored with it. It's now sitting in a pile of stuff "to be read." I think I may try it again soon. Maybe. I just have to get over the fact that Dan Brown may be one of the worst novelists I've ever read.

My paying job is awful. I hate every minute of it. Every single minute of it.

I'm cooking something up for the column, not so much a wholesale change but an addition. I'm working on how to introduce it. It's a little weird considering. It would be like an ongoing mini movie marathon. Stay tuned for that.

And that'll be it for now. Tune in again next year when I get around to telling you more. Ha.


Jack Deth rules.
And we're rolling... - 04.18.2006

I just finished reading Richard Clarke's The Scorpion Gate. Very interesting. It's not quite the action packed book you'd expect. There's a great action scene at the end, but the book is mostly government officials and those in the know sitting around talking. Since Clarke knows all of this stuff, having been there, the narrative is authoritative. The whole thing could be a bunch of hooey but it "feels" like it would actually be, and in this case it's a plus ("authority" and "reality" have little to no bearing on whether or not a book or anything is going to be any good).

Am about to start reading The DaVinci Code. Just to see what the all the hooha is about. And, well, it's become a worldwide cultural thing. It would be irresponsible for a citizen of the world not to.

On Sleuth, they stopped showing "new" "A-Teams" after the third season and started back at the beginning. What a bunch of foolba. Now we don't get the two Hulk Hogan episodes. I'm outraged.

Just got the Cigarette Burns DVD. Cool stuff all the way around.

Waiting for more to think about.

Hope the new column works out.
And we're rolling... - 03.19.2006

Last night's SNME wasn't a very good wrestling show. Too much talking, not enough wrestling. We don't need WWE to do TNA type stuff, where it's all flying off the ropes and AJ Styles stuff, but we do need them to have actual wrestling on the show. Over the last while it's just been skits and interview segments and maybe two matches, one an hour. Does anyone think that they may have a pay-per-view that's like Raw and Smackdown, a couple back stage segments, a few interviews in the ring, a match, and then another interview to cap off the program, all for $39.99. It's just boring. Why do matches need to be faster now, 6 minutes or less, but interviews can go on for twenty minutes?

Just got "A History of Violence" the DVD. Good stuff all around. Can't wait to get the "A Sound of Thunder" DVD because, ha, I actually like that movie.

And just finished reading the last Dark Tower book. Yeah, I can agree with big Steve that the ending felt right, but then again... whatever. It's a little pretentious to have the whole point of the book, and the series, to be the "constant universe," the thing that is the universe. Roland is the only constant, always travelling, always searching. What a load.

Looking to get into Richard A. Clarke's novel The Scorpion Gate. Against All Enemies was a great read, so I'm interested to see how Dick can handle fiction. Although, and this isn't so much a comment on Clarke's book, but how many novels and book series are out there dealing with special forces teams? It seems like we have a new series debut every week. And how many former special ops assassins can we have? Do authors (and readers) think these people are THAT interesting? Is this the equivalent of TV shows and movies detailing the sordid lives of professional thieves?
And we're rolling... - 03.01.2006

Good God I watch too much television. And without doubt the worst show on TV now is the one that keepsd garnering the biggest broadcast ratings. Yes. "American Idol." Tonight's episode was simply mind boggling. Did Simon Cowell actually say that that last guy was the only one who had a break out performance, and was in "the real world." What exactly makes his performance good enough for anything when other times the only thing the judges are "worried" about is stage presence. Does anyone ever get the feeling that show is rigged? No one seems to be questioning why the three judges are the three judges. But then, too, I'm about 4 years too late with those observations.

And so I'm almost done with Stephen King's last Dark Tower book. I can't wait to get to the end. I'm taking my time with it, savoring every second of it, more so than usual. Richard A Clarke's novel is up next, after some comics. Good God I read too much.

The Boondocks is going on hiatus! I hope that doesn't mean Aaron McGruder isn't going Berkely Breathed on us.

And we're rolling... - 02.19.2006

Watched Daytona today. Terrible crapola there. I hate Jimmy Johnson, the whining little puke. Just a punk through and through. It's going to suck for the next week having to listen to the unending human interest story of him and the team overcoming their cheating ways to come out on top.

Bret Hart is going to be inducted into the hall of fame. Where the heck is Randy Savage? Is he like Bruno?

Anyone waiting for a Mack Bolan flick?

Until next time and such...
And we're rolling... - 02.08.2006

I finally got a chance to watch most of the "Batman" 1989 2 disc DVD. Cool stuff all around. I still have to watch Bret Hart and "Warriors of the Wasteland." I need to stop watching Sleuth. It's just that simple.

I just saw an episode of the A-Team that features Chinese gangsters. I swear to God the Chinese gangsters were the entire Chinese cast from "Big Trouble in Little China."

Simon Cowell is a scumbag. Like we all didn't know that.

And I just watched the first few laps of the new Silver Crown cars at Phoneix from last month's "Copper World Classic." One word comes to mind, and one word only: awful. Who the hell thought this was a good idea right after the test at Kansas? Insane.

Good God I need to watch more stuff.
And we're rolling... - 01.17.2006

Well, isn't that interesting? Hoodwinked! is numero uno at the box office. Who would have thunk it? I know I sure as hell didn't.

So what the hell do I know, anyway?

Long live Hoodwinked! !
And we're rolling... - 01.15.2006

I've got DVD's coming out the ying yang, just sitting there on the pile labeled "to be watched." So why haven't I been watching them?

The Sleuth channel. The A-Team. Knightrider. Simon and Simon. Homicide: Life on the Street. I can't stop watching. It's not like these shows haven't been on for years in perpetual rerun.

Cold Case was boring again this week.

Criminal Intent was decent. Michael York has become Leslie Nielson, though. He tries to do "serious" work, but, much like when I see Leslie Nielson in an old movie, waiting for him to break out the Police Squad badge and shoot 63 bullets from a six shot revolver without reloading and then throw the gun, when I see Michael York all I can think of is Basil Exposition (and to some degree his shilling on Trinity Broadcasting Network for the absolutely horrendous Megiddo: Omega Code 2).

Grey's Anatomy is good as always.

So hopefully in the next few days I'll finally watch "Warriors of the Wasteland" and the Batman Special Edition. And then over the next weekend I'll finally watch the Bret Hart DVD.

And we're rolling... - 01.08.2006

Is it me, or is this one of the most boring episodes of "Cold Case? ever? The whole Bruce Springsteen soundtrack thing is quite the annoyance. The whole episode is about the music, not the story. I swear to God I have no idea what this episode is even about.

And just looked on the New Years Revolution Live coverage thing. Yes, we all knew it was going to happen, but why have Triple H go over Big Show? This feud could have gone on for a while. I'm not saying it can't now, but, it would have been interesting to give Show a big victory over HHH before HHH ascends to the top spot, like always.

Hopefully Grey's Anatomy tonight doesn't blow. The show has been more or less good since it started, but I'm just here, waiting for that episode that goes... very eww. Wish them all good luck.
And we're rolling... - 01.08.2006

If it does work, we can all read this.
If not, well, this was all for naught.
full blog
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Force of Execution and The November Man (09.01.2014)
A Steven Seagal September begins with Seagal’s 2013 movie Force of Execution along with a bonus review of Pierce Brosnan’s The November Man, plus two new batches of Things to Watch Out For This Week, a B-Movie News Roundup, and more. Check it out!
The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Reverend Al Sharpton (08.31.2014)
Would Jesus engage in fat shaming?
Cabin Fever: Patient Zero DVD Review (08.31.2014)
A very gross prequel sequel. Awesome stuff.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Enemies Closer and In the Blood (08.25.2014)
“August Awesome” concludes with reviews of Enemies Closer (2013) and In the Blood (2014), plus a B-Movie News Roundup, two more batches of Things to Watch Out For This Week, and more!
The 411 Douchebag of the Week: The National Football League (08.24.2014)
Yeah, because the NFL doesn’t make enough money now.
The Expendables 3 Review [2] (08.18.2014)
You need to see this movie. Yes, you do.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Sharknado 2: The Second One and The Dinosaur Experiment (08.18.2014)
In this issue Awesome August continues with reviews of Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) and The Dinosaur Experiment (aka Raptor Ranch) (2013), plus two more batches of Things to Watch Out For This Week, a B-Movie News Round-up, and more. Check it out!
The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Shepard Smith (08.17.2014)
Shepard Smith should stop calling sick people cowards.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Jesse (2011) and Rage (2014) (08.11.2014)
“Awesome August” continues with reviews of the 2011 low budget mob movie Jesse and the 2014 Nicolas Cage effort Rage, plus a TV Quick Hit, two new batches of Things to Watch Out For This Week, the B-Movie News roundup, and more. Check it out!
The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Anthony Cumia (08.10.2014)
Is Anthony Cumia a racist? Sure looks like it.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Super and Ironclad: Battle for Blood (08.04.2014)
In this issue “Awesome August” begins with reviews of the 2010 superhero comedy Super and the gory 2014 sequel Ironclad: Battle for Blood, plus some TV Quick Hits, a B-Movie News Roundup, two new batches of Things to Watch Out for This Week, and more! Check it out!
The 411 Douchebag of the Week: Scott Hall (08.02.2014)
Scott Hall wins 411's first Douchebag of the Week award!
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 7.28.14 Issue #317: Firewalker (1986) (07.28.2014)
July: A Month of Chuck Norris concludes with a review of the 1986 adventure comedy Firewalker, two new batches of Things to Watch Out For This Week, a new B-Movie Babe is named, a new Douchebag of the Week is crowned and more!
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 7.21.14 Issue #316: The Delta Force (1986) (07.21.2014)
A Month of Chuck Norris continues with 1986’s The Delta Force, some TV Quick Hits, a new B-Movie Babe is named, a new Douchebag of the Week is crowned and more!
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 7.14.14 Issue #315: Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985) (07.14.2014)
July: A Month of Chuck Norris continues with the 1985 sequel/prequel Missing in Action 2: The Beginning, plus a TV Quick Hit, two new batches of Things to Watch Out For This Week, a new B-Movie Babe is named and more!
411 Movies Top 5 7.11.14: Top 5 Animal Movies & TV Shows (07.11.2014)
From Jaws and Lake Placid to The Birds, Arachnophobia, Deep Blue Sea and more, the 411 staff counts down the top 5 animal-focused movies and TV shows of all-time!
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 7.07.14 Issue #314: Lone Wolf McQuade (1983) (07.07.2014)
The 3rd Annual July: A Month of Chuck Norris continues with Chuck’s 1983 effort Lone Wolf McQuade plus a new batch of Things to Watch Out For This Week, a new B-Movie Babe is named, a new Douchebag of the Week is crowned and more!
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 6.30.14: Issue #313 - Good Guys Wear Black (1978) (06.30.2014)
The 3rd Annual July: A Month of Chuck Norris begins with Chuck’s 1978 effort Good Guys Wear Black, a new B-Movie Babe is named, a new Douchebag of the Week is crowned and more!
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 6.23.14: Issue #312 - The Dead (2010) (06.23.2014)
“Zombies!” concludes with a look at the 2010 low budget zombie movie The Dead, some thoughts on Louie season four, a new B-Movie Babe is named, a new Douchebag of the Week is crowned and more!
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 6.17.14 Detention of the Dead (2012) (06.17.2014)
“Zombies!” continues with a look at the 2012 zombie comedy Detention of the Dead, plus two more TV Quick Hits, two new batches of Things to Watch Out For This Week, a new What’s Going On Here?, a new B-Movie Babe is named, a new Douchebag of the Week is crowned, and more. Check it out!
full archive

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