Five-Star Conversation 03.23.09: WrestleMania Hype, Five-Star Style Continues

Posted by Geoff Eubanks on 03.24.2009

I Love You, Man? Chris Brown/Rihanna sex tape? FORGET ALL THAT! It's WrestleMania time!

Many differing and interesting comments regarding WrestleManina 22, all answered in COMMENTPALOOZA, but we have another WM to discuss this week, so let's get this donkey show on the road! Your referee…Bronco Lubich!

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: When Triple H was being booked at the police station after the altercation at Randy Orton's house, the officer sitting at the computer asked routinely, "Name…?" Tri replied with wide-eyed, innocent lucidity, "Kevin Nash…"

WrestleMania 20: Where It All Begins Again, 14 March, 2004, Madison Square Garden, New York
UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH, The Big Show defends against John Cena
By just a few years, it's uncanny to contrast Cena's reception here with that which he receives today, although, as we've discussed here in 5SC, this was before McMahonagement decided to turn Cena into its own box office action hero, thinking it had learned something from having lost The Rock to Hollywood.

Cena hits the ring first, in true challenger fashion, and lays down some blue freestyle in Show's regard and the toughest room on the continent is eating it up! The bell rings, and, unfortunately, it is pretty well here the real intrigue and draw I may still have for this match taps out. Taken as a match in and of itself, it is formulaic and, as I recall from the concurrent build, pretty well foreshadowed that Cena was walking with the belt, so I guess it stood to reason that Show should pound on his challenger for the better part of the brief opener, only for Cena to find life and overcome the odds for the storied, WWF/E-MSG heroic come-back victory.

Two things, though, elevate this match from just that which was certainly an over-achieving, if one-dimensional, curtain-jerk this year: 1) The fans. The MSG Chain Gang was out en masse and in clear, full and aggressive support of The Doctor of Thuganomics. From the sense that their hero was just cutting a promo on a neighborhood rival in their living room to a new face skyrocketing to the top of his profession and about to take his army with him on The Golden Express' first stop, Cena's faithful electrified this match.

2) The clever finish. This was a traditional MSG finish all right, but with a modern twist. The foreign-object-bait-&-switch is so old its' cell phone has a rotary dial (please be gentle…). But Cena displayed his crafty streetwise sensibilities by luring the crowd, and, as such, the referee, into believing he'd finish off Show (who, to his credit, had just kicked out of an FU, which, to Cena's credit, he'd managed to heave Show's 500 pound carcass into such position so as to deliver the maneuver) with the chain he wore to ringside wrapped around his fist. The referee predictably objected, Cena unraveling the chain from around his fist and tossed it to the other side of the ring, the ref chasing it obediently as Cena ducked back to his corner and slid on one of the two "WORD LIFE" custom knuckles he'd worn to the ring, and leveled the champion on the sly. The elation of the crowd upon the ref's hand hitting the mat the third time is the quality of cheer we hear all too seldom anymore, and solidified Cena's place as the first in line of "Wrestlers to Watch".

VICTORIOUS: John Cena and the hope of a new generation of World Wrestling Entertainment

WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE FATAL FOURWAY MATCH, Rob Van Dam & Booker T defend against THE DUDLEY BOYS, LA RESISTANCE: Rob Conway & Renee Dupree, Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade
I just need to get this out right now. Never once, I don't care in what state of consciousness I ever found myself, watching "Twin Peaks" while tripping or tripping around a K-hole, did I EVER need to know what Bubba Ray's knees look like.

This match is a sad reminder of exactly what kind of fare WWE was delivering on Monday nights around this time. I don't know if it was an experiment to characterize the two brands from one another, Raw as the extension of The Attitude Era/Uncle Vince's Sports Entertainment Bonanza while SD! carried on the "boring old-time rasslin" notion of things (until Heyman's SD! eclipsed that of Uncle Vince's Raw, and steps were taken to encourage SD! to know its role, as it were), but there was just something missing, something…empty…or soulless during matches that should have been red hot, but weren't, this being one of them.

If not for the biggest payday of the year for the four youngsters, I'd've highly suggested eliminating the teams of LA RESISTANCE and Jindrak & Cade altogether, allowing RVD & Book to defend against THE DUDLEYS alone. The belts weren't going anywhere and, considering the amount of experience existing between the two remaining teams, there could have been a much more focused and exciting chase for the belts, as opposed to this messy schmozz where the three count came as more a mercy killing than a conclusion. Still, the right team won.

VICTORIOUS: CHOCOLATE SATIVA

GRUDGE MATCH, Chris Jericho versus Christian
Remember back when this program, the evolving love triangle among Chris Jericho, Christian and Trish Stratus (along with Booker/RVD) was the only reason to watch Raw? Yes, this is WWE soap opera-lite fluff to the max, but considering the extremely tongue-in-cheek fun Y2J, Christian and Trish were having performing this confection, made more so by the fact that all three involved knew exactly the right chord with which to act out this clichéd story, yet still make it appropriate for the product, with yet enough urgency to transition to the ring, this entire program was a brilliantly walked tightrope. The reason why I think many more similarly-such McMahon-borne hair-brained ideas crash & burn, assuming everyone in the locker room has the chops, sense, experience and humor to make some of this crap work. But no such concerns here!

This was a benchmark in terms of exemplifying the limits of the quality of match I think both men involved had to give us and one another. That's not to say I think these two were or are limited, rather I'm saying we got all these two had to offer at this point in their careers. To me, that's what WrestleMania and, indeed, what the industry should be about. Create an angle and cast it well, both in front of the camera and in the ring, and let it go, book it smartly and lure the fans into thinking they're getting a blow-off. Turn loose your lions and let them go to war, and then, when all are convinced neither has any more to give, bring out the woman over whom they're battling, and watch them battle some more. The thing is, though, I don't see this Jericho being able to go to war with HBK in the ladder match they had late last year, for example, and this model Christian wouldn't have had the chops to have hung in with some of the battles in which he engaged in TNA. This match is a time capsule to measure "where they were then" against "where they are now".

Finally, Trish enters the ring to aid her beau, Jericho, but ends up "inadvertently" waffling him with a reverse elbow he wasn't expecting, allowing Christian the opportunity to strike and take the match! Trish, realizing what she'd done, apologized profusely to Jericho, begging his forgiveness for accidentally having cost him the bout, our hero, of course, acquiescing and giving his beloved the benefit of the doubt…until she winds up and slaps the plaque off his teeth for him…and then a second time, too! The victorious Christian rejoins the couple in the ring to hook and sink The Unprettier right on cue. Christian and Trish stride triumphantly up the ramp and, pausing at the top of the stage, turn, sneer/grin at the fallen and confused Jericho in the ring, and proceed to make out with one another! Was Jericho set up? For how long was this swerve in the works? Poor, heartbroken Jericho…lost his girlfriend to his conniving ex-best friend! The fans thought this was a blow-off…but it was just the beginning.

VICTORIOUS: Christian

HANDICAP TAG TEAM MATCH, EVOLUTION: Randy Orton, Ric Flair & Batista versus THE ROCK & SOCK CONNECTION: Mick Foley & The Rock
This match was a big deal, and I'll tell you why. It was this program that legitimized Orton to the next level. Being teamed with Haitch & Naitch was step one, the ICT was the next and here was the crucial third step of ascension, The Legend Killer forced to put-up or shut-up against Mick Foley, each with back up. Considering Flair's age and the relative inexperience of Orton & Batista, bravado aside, considering the level of competition facing them in Foley & The Rock, the sides seemed even and both sides were intent upon finishing the grievance. Foley had finally taken enough of Orton's petulance and Orton was eager to prove his ability to back up his claims.

The EVOLUTION promo earlier in the program was perfect. Here was the trio, dressed to the nines, hanging out in a stairwell, the stable revisiting the scene of the crime where Orton first made his claim on the legend of Foley, actually throwing The Hardcore Legend down the flight of stairs to land on the concrete below. Orton gloated then, and he did so here, eyes burning with the fierce confidence of a brash, hungry prodigy on the rise, coming to claim his birthright and make a point…with back-up.

But as unshakably certain as were EVOLUTION, how does one bet against such an intense Foley and a Rock who was most definitely in his own proverbial zone, as well…? This match would go a long way in either legitimizing Orton's ascension or rapping him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper and telling him sharply to go lie down. After all, it IS WrestleMania…isn't this about the big stars and the lights on bright? Did the obnoxious new talent have a shot at being made on the industry's biggest stage by one of the modern age's most beloved teams?

I think the fact that Foley fell cleanly to Orton's RKO here was so shocking at the time for a couple of reasons:

1) Both Foley and then The Rock played such masterful faces-in-pearl for so long, thus allowing EVOLUTION to live up to its billing, that we felt it was inevitable that the two legends, both continuing to persevere and, thus living up to their billing, under brutal, three-on-one odds, would rally and conquer. Indeed, there we were right at that point where the underdogs circle the proverbial wagons and begin their campaign to the righteous win…but this was not to be.

It was here that The RKO really began to come into its own as something of the neo-Stunner, that move we can't help but cheer because its successful execution can happen from virtually anywhere, and we're impressed when we see it occur from seemingly nowhere, as well as aware of the dire results usually following such execution. This was no different.

2) We'd become so conditioned to McMahonagement giving the bright-light nod to the big names and throwing the kids scraps, no one really expected this snot-faced brat to walk with the victory, conditioned and, let's be honest, expecting the snuggly-warm face win, but for once McMahonagement did the right thing. Randy Orton's rise to prominence was a thing of beauty, as the kid really grew neck-&-neck with the pace at which he was being elevated and by the time he got to this stage, it was proof of the old WWF talent model of using the ICT as a means to groom the next-to-ascend had true merit. Orton needed this victory to become legit.

(And if he needed this win to become legit, he required the one-on-one blow-off with Foley the next month at BACKLASH to solidify his status as having "ARRIVED", but that's another discussion for another time!)

VICTORIOUS: EVOLUTION

PLAYBOY EVENING GOWN MATCH, Sable & Torrie Wilson versus Miss Jackie & Stacy Keibler
Really, I understand the draw for these things, but on PPV? At WrestleMania? And who the HELL gave Sable a fucking mic? YOU TORTURER!!!

VICTORIOUS: Kidman's old old lady & Brock's sperm bank, plus anyone else who had the good sense to tie a knot in it and sit out the ROCK & SOCK/EVOLUTION match to go and piss during this yawner.

CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE OPEN BATTLE ROYAL, Chavo Guerrero (with Chavo not-yet Classic) defending against Nunzio, Jamie Noble, Tajiri, Akio, Funaki, Shannon Moore, Ultimo Dragon, Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio
The CWs logged in with their requisite ten minutes at WrestleMania. Ten men, each with individual, if abbreviated, entrances. Now how much time is each going to really have to display his ability and make a connection with anyone in a minute per man?

Such talents as Akio (now known as Jimmy Wang Yang), Funaki, Moore, Dragon and the champion, Chavo, had a whole hell of a lot more to give in this setting tonight and it's a shame fluff like the previous "attraction" couldn't have been relegated to Raw where it belongs, and allow more than lip service to such a strong group of hungry competitors.

Only Nunzio (and even so, only marginally), Noble, Tajiri, Kidman and Mysterio (decked out in an absolutely ridiculous Flash body suit) were allowed to really cut loose a little and pop the crowd, all leading to a pretense loosely existing on SD!, whereby Mysterio just can't seem to score the big victory over Chavo and take the CWT. Excessive cheating extended Mysterio's frustration in this regard here tonight.

VICTORIOUS: Chavo Guerrero

INTERPROMOTIONAL MATCH, Brock Lesnar versus Goldberg, Special Referee, Steve Austin
Lord, if ever WrestleMania saw a legitimate car wreck (although Roddy Piper/Bad News Brown gave it a good run)…

It seemed like a great idea, pitting "Golden Age of WCW" Goldberg against "WWE Great White Hope" Brock Lesnar, and, by all rights it was. Had it occurred fifteen, ten years prior (especially in terms of the kind of match that was booked here for them), it would have been the stand-alone headliner. Unfortunately, though, the internet caught wind amidst all the pre-WM hubbub, that, not only were WWE and Goldberg not coming to terms, thus, there was no renewal contract in the works, Lesnar was leaving the business outright after WM, seeking employment with The NFL. It is exactly this quality of perceived disloyalty that crowds like MSG will absolutely shit…all…over. And they did.

This match can be regarded as Exhibit A as to why fully pre-scripted matches have no place in professional wrestling. It was clear there was a set notion going in that there would be this massive stare-down between Goldberg & Lesnar that would stoke the crowd adding heat to the eventual clash that would resound like thunder off the hallowed walls of MSG…!!! It's easy to imagine the legend being made, but the discomforting reality of the situation is that it didn't quite go down that way.

As the two bulls circled one another, the fans grew restless. In his pre-match synopsis, Jim Ross suggested to Lawler that this match could likely resemble a street fight and I think that's what the fans wanted, apart from wanting to shame them for deserting them. They circled each other for too long, trying to establish that mutual glare that would draw heat, the fans buzz percolating until they erupt as one in cheers for their hero's slightest edge on their foe…except when the fans in attendance finally found a common voice, it was to inform Lesnar they were of the collective opinion that "You sold out!" The disgraced allowed the fans to take control of the show, just about the biggest no-no in show business.

But they didn't allow it just once, it happened again when fans, then, turned on Goldberg, too, singing "Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)", telling the performers, ‘Yeah, we know. And we're not impressed.' And then a THIRD time when Goldberg really seemed to be getting his stare down now, having finally recalled what his acting teacher said about blocking out the superfluous stuff, as the fans completely sided against both competitors and chanted uniformly for the referee.

What was designed to make them appear as intense warriors about to clash, they came off like a couple of pumped-up fifth-grade boys being spurred on to fight by a ring of savage instigators, although too afraid to do any more than butt chests. Ominous beginnings, indeed.

By the time the first "This match sucks" chant had made the rounds, both men had accomplished little more than prove they could imitate a couple of bulls with locked horns, which, I'll grant you, and I don't mean to sound preferential here, but this strategy might have worked better in a more rural area where the context would have a greater significance, as opposed to New York City. Goldberg put together a couple of moves that rattled Lesnar which earned a pop, but when Lesnar fired up and took control, the fans berated Goldberg for having lost the upper hand with a "Goldberg sucks!" chant, and then went absolutely dead silent as Lesnar worked on Goldberg, the worst thing a match can ever earn from a crowd.

By the time the second and much louder "This match sucks" chant echoed off the roof of Madison Square Garden, the surly crowd had twice turned its back on the bout altogether, preferring instead to amuse itself, as fans in the stands are standing and looking up and off into the arena well off-camera, chanting "Hogan! Hogan!" once they tired of booing and chanting "Boring!" at this one. By the time Goldberg hit his spear for a solid two count, the bulk of the fans had their attention diverted to someone else in the crowd and missed the ill-timed near-finish.

Both men ostensibly hit their respective finishers and each earned two on his opponent, each man arguing with Austin about the count, Austin stood his ground with each, the crowd wanting to see both Stunned, far from the reaction desired (although one has to imagine a throaty chuckle from Vince at the Gorilla position. Finally, Goldberg nonchalantly managed to put together a Spear/JackHammer combination for the match and the crowd is largely unimpressed.

After the match, Lesnar stands in the middle of the ring as the fans again strike up "Na Na Hey Hey". Lesnar flips off the fans, then turns the double birds on Austin, who, of course, Stuns him and kicks him out of the ring, prompting Goldberg to return to the ring and share a beer-drinking send-off, figuring he'd get the Austin rub. Nope. Kick, Wham! Stunner, here's your paycheck…only reason you were here anyway.

This match seemed to me to be a warning to anyone who thinks they're bigger than the fans and/or the industry.

VICTORIOUS: The tag team of the MSG crowd and Steve Austin. And UFC.

WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE FATAL FOURWAY MATCH, Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi defending against THE WORLD's GREATEST TAG TEAM: Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas, THE APA: Faarooq & Bradshaw, THE BASHAM BROTHERS: Danny Basham & Doug Basham
Watching this, it occurred to me that Eric Young is just a goatee, a fat Samoan and a Worm away from becoming TNA's Scotty 2 Hotty. And I know where he can find that Samoan…

This Tag Team Fatal Fourway had a lot more flow than did its Raw counterpart and felt a lot better as the eight men involved tried to tell a cohesive story in the little time allotted, but it seemed just as they started to hit their stride and get everyone involved at least once in a meaningful manner, they got the word to go home, tagged in Rikishi, who took absolute control as well as the match to a successfully defended set of titles. Post-match, we got a Worm and some big ol' Samoan popping.

VICTORIOUS: Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi and anyone who had a Stinkface in the office pool. And Jesse Ventura and Donald Trump, who burned away valuable minutes puffing up each other's considerable egos post-contest from which this match could have benefited greatly.

WOMEN's TITLE/HAIR MATCH, Victoria defending against Molly Holly
The fans were still surly following Lesnar/Goldberg and weren't in the mood to watch a women's match at this point; they were looking for something savage, but what they got instead was pretty and mat-based.

Perhaps the stipulation escaped the fans, that, should my Facebook friend Molly Holly lose the match, she'd be shaved bald! Notwithstanding, even the announcers seemed rattled and distracted, Lawler managing to engage Ross in a conversation about his favorite kind of panties for the large portion of the match, and this is all symptom to the sickness of the Women's division at this point. Here's a couple of talented women who can wrestle as well as many men on the roster, but because Molly is a little "hippier" than the other Divas, she gets called a virgin (as if there's anything wrong with that in the first place), and made fun of because she wears "granny panties". Now here she is in a losing effort and the fact that this woman is dedicated enough to have her head shaved bald only really becomes apparent to the fans in attendance after the Angle/Eddie promo package and the camera picks up on Victoria's head-shaving progress. The crowd audibly gasps when they see the otherwise beautiful Molly sheared bald.

VICTORIOUS: Victoria, by the way. And one might imagine the barber, if Victoria tipped him. The folks at Wigs-N-Chin-Straps R Us prolly benefitted from Molly for a few humiliating months as well.


WORLD WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH, Eddie Guerrero defends against Kurt Angle
This is one of those rare matches for which this spectacle we hold in such high esteem was created to host. Forget the LCD build, where Angle is concerned and upset that WWE would allow a self-admitted drug addict to be its champion (Oh, the irony…), vowing to cleanse this debauched blemish from the roster, blahblahblah. You know how he does.

What we had here was a match whose tentative, feeling-out early stage intrigued the fans, coaxing them back to the show, if not out-&-out exciting them, Eddie looking to fluster Angle by working a mat-based game, a decision that likely confounded and threw initially the Olympian; who would expect a high-flyer to throw down in a pure wrestling match against a gold medalist? As things began to amp up, its plain to hear the crowd showing an eager but wary interest, finally succumbing to the glory that was Angle/Eddie one on one on the grandest stage of them all.

It was ironic to see Angle, once he took control of the bout midway through, to select the champion's midsection as the body part to be isolated and abused, simply because it's an odd choice; one would think the ankle might be a wiser choice, all things considering, but then it dawned on me, Eddie with a sore midsection is less likely to attempt his coup-de-grace in the Frog Splash. However, Angle was unable to cause as much harm to the intended area as he'd hoped, as Eddie nearly put him away with such finisher close to the end of the match (although, the fact that such move failed to seal the deal for Eddie argues that perhaps Angle was prudent in his strategy). It was following this close call that the fans in attendance really came alive, as if having been in some drug-induced stupor requiring a Frog Splash to rouse them.

Here, too, does Eddie emerge as that loveable, one-of-a-kind performer that set him above and apart from all else. Having wrestled Angle to a veritable stalemate, even when pulling out the big closer, it became clear to Eddie that he was going to have to think out of the box to leave New York with the belt in tact. So, knowing Angle was partial and would be going back to The Ankle Lock, Eddie, under the auspices of loosening his boot to allow for more room against a swelling ankle, courtesy of said Ankle Lock, Eddie was actually loosening his boot to make it an obvious target for Angle's aggression. The challenger took the bait, Eddie behaving as if he was in painful peril, managing to remove his foot from the boot, outsmarting a shocked Angle who found himself thrown down in a jarring inside cradle for the successful title defense I don't think the fans were expecting!

Again, Eddie managed to maintain his "Lie, cheat & steal" gimmick (foot on the rope, even!), retain the WWET and bring the fans squarely back into the event for the final two spectaculars.

VICTORIOUS: Eddie Guerrero

INTERPROMOTIONAL MATCH, The Undertaker versus Kane
Sigh.

Let's forget for a moment that the basic premise for this match was absolutely identical to that of the build to the first Taker/Kane clash at WrestleMania 14, that being, Kane managing to "irrevocably" rid himself and The WWF/E of his older brother (in 1998, by sealing Taker in a coffin and setting it alight, in 2004 by having interfered in a Buried Alive match between Vince McMahon and The Undertaker on behalf of the former, burying the latter underneath an avalanche of earth), only to be shocked and horrified when the indomitable Demon of Death Valley makes his crowd-rousing return.

As with last week, we see well ahead of time that Taker's undefeated streak is in absolutely no danger here, thus the intrigue of outcome has been effectively and sufficiently neutered, therefore we turn our attention to not the arrival, but the proverbial road trip itself, the "how fun is the getting there" aspect of the contest. But here, too, are all but the most devout of Creatures of the Night, who are stoked to have their dark hero back, disappointed.

This was as pedestrian a match as one might expect to see, not just between these two, period, but in a ring, period. Taker was never in trouble and the one time he did find himself lying flat on his back, Kane foolishly gloating to the newly-returned (soon to be sent home in a block of concrete) Paul Bearer with premature I-Told-You-So's, it was all leading to the Michael Myers sit-up gimmick and a mercifully quick Tombstone victory.

As I mentioned last week, Taker is either absolutely hit or miss at WrestleMania, and although he's had some awe-inspiring wars in the back half of his Undefeated Streak, this was not one of them.

VICTORIOUS: The Undertaker…creepy, short-haired Undertaker…

WORLD TITLE TRIPLE-THREAT MATCH, Triple H defends against Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit
Here it is, the last time Triple H and Stephanie would get matching haircuts, the first and last time Benoit would find himself in a WM main event and one of the last WMs HBK would compete before his eyes crossed (when and how did that happen, exactly…?).

There were so many ways to look at this match going in. For a start, HHH & HBK had been warring with one another since July of 2002, so there was a LOT to be settled between them. HBK even begged Benoit, once the Royal Rumble winner had selected to chase HHH's WT, as opposed to his good friend Eddie Guerrero's WWET on their native SmackDown!, to stand clear and allow him to finally finish that which he and HHH had begun. Benoit said, nothing doing, he had his own dream to chase; all he wanted was the title, the two of them could tear each other apart afterward.

It was unclear at best what we could expect here at the main event of 2004's WrestleMania. We'd been conditioned to believe that WWE was Hunter's company, he just let everyone else wrestle (and job to him) there. However, HBK had already taken The Game's belt once in an Elimination Chamber match at the 2002 SURVIVOR SERIES…was he due to put Tri back in his place? Or was it finally Benoit's turn? The dramatic victory where he displayed clearly that sometimes, size doesn't matter, eliminating The Big Show in a one-on-one showdown to close The Rumble match. Plus, his journeyman best friend, Eddie Guerrero, had made good on his world title aspirations the month prior, and the two had a moving backstage promo earlier in the night, where a cocky Eddie motivated a nervous yet motivated Benoit…dare we dream…?

This was a match that appeared, although HHH & HBK clearly were more concerned with settling their own score, there was no way they could simply overlook the rabid voracity of The Wolverine. As such, the champion found himself fighting for his life against he who wanted his title and he who wanted virtually everything else, thus, HHH becomes an unsung hero in his own right here.

Once HHH had been effectively eliminated, there began a war of attrition of sorts, whereby both challengers with his own goal, his own driving need to be in that ring facing HHH, went to war with the other in the hope of eliminating the other such that The King of Kings might bow to him, a war which saw casualties on either side; HBK was "busted wide open" on a slingshot to the top of the ring post, whereas Benoit was laid out in a fecal spot that saw him crushed through the SmackDown! announce table at ringside courtesy of a double back-suplex, HBK & HHH ironically teaming up so that they might have "their" finish uninterrupted.

Despite the fact that HBK managed to split HHH's face open, leaving him battered, "bleeding profusely" and doing the "HHH sputter", The Cerebral Assassin managed to sink Michaels' face to the canvas in a Pedigree that would have spelled the end had Benoit not managed to answer the chants of the fans, leap into the ring and interrupt the pinfall. Michaels, exhausted, slides out of the ring as HHH means to focus on Benoit, but The Canadian recoils back with a series of mighty chops to the pectorals, and, before the champion knows what hit him, he finds himself in The Sharpshooter! Tri clutches and claws, fingering the rope before Benoit pulls him back to the center of the mat, like a bear and its prey away from the entrance of its cave and the freedom it proffers. But just as HHH is surely to tap, out of nowhere, a blur of red and white brings Sweet Chin Music to Benoit!

HHH is clutching at his back, Benoit is seemingly unconscious and a blood-smeared Mr. WrestleMania has to choose whom he thinks he can most easily pin to end this torture. He selects Benoit (curiously, as his quarrel is with The Game) and he ALmost sees through his goal, but Benoit fires a shoulder up at the last millisecond. Michaels then seeks to send Benoit to the floor with SCM#2, but The Wolverine ducks and HBK goes sailing over the ropes, Benoit turning into a would-be Pedigree, but at the very last opportunity before the deed was to be done, Benoit incredulously counters and hooks HHH in The Crippler Crossface! But HHH is near the ropes, he reaches with blood-stained fingers, but can only brush them…were he to reach out a leg, the hold would be broken, but it seems he's unable to see through the wet, sticky, crimson tendrils of his long hair. All hope is lost as Benoit hooks Triple H and rolls him into the middle of the ring, leaving the proud champion no recourse but to tap. Chris Benoit has finally earned his place at the top of the wrestling industry to the seemingly unanimous adulation of the sold out crowd!

Referee Earl Hebner hands a kneeling Benoit the belt and he can do little more than sob in exhausted disbelief as he takes hold of it. He climbs to the middle buckle, showing the screaming fans the trophy symbolizing not just his toil in tonight's ring, not just his 62 minute war in the Rumble match, but of every sacrifice he'd made, every ounce of pain he'd endured in the last 18 years when he started this quest. He turns and he sees his best friend of 12 years, Eddie Guerrero holding his WWET and they tearfully embrace in this, the moment where they shut out the world and tell each other, "We DID it."

This was a controversial instance, both in the day, because there was a large and vocal contingent vehemently opposed to settling a WrestleMania world title match in triple-threat fashion, citing that the showdown should involve merely two men after all is said and done. Of course, after this phenomenal presentation, not only was there no left complaining, but the rematch at the following PPV, BACKLASH, reprised the battle we'd just seen, only with Benoit as the incumbent.

More controversial still is the obvious. Yes, Benoit went on to apparently murder his wife and son before taking his own life three short years later. If the glorification of this match and its winner offends you, you have an absolute right to feel that outrage. However, at the time of this WrestleMania, what I just described was the story of the day, and, tragedy to follow notwithstanding, I still regard that moment between Benoit & Eddie as being one of the greatest moments the industry has ever seen, and certainly that holds true for WrestleMania. What happened in Atlanta three years following is its own issue, and I grieve appropriately for that, as well, in its own way and time. I'm separating the two events and reveling in the joy of triumph and cringing in sorrow where appropriate. Were this a column being dedicated to "Wrestling's Most Horrific Tragedies", why then we'd be discussing Benoit in a different tone. However, we're talking my own favorite WrestleManias here, and this most certainly qualifies as my second-favorite such event of all time.

VICTORIOUS: Chris Benoit

COMMENTPALOOZA!
"snaggletoothed mat dunce"

haha, don't hold back Geoff, say how you really feel.
Posted By: dAVE!!!

Someone had to say it. Melina is like a spastic Tourettes victim. All that flippy flop shit that is supposed to come off seductive just makes her look ridiculous.

I remember the Edge vs. Foley match fondly. At the time I was sure that Foley's last good match was with Orton at Backlash. The old man proved us wrong here, finally cementing his WM moment.
Posted By: Todd Vote

Is it me or has Melina gotten uglier since she debuted with MNM? I used to think she was borderline hot walking them out and the skirt-split entrance was nice, but damn, she looks manly now!
Posted By: Angry Bear

Okay, I need to clarify something, because I certainly didn't mean to turn this into "Let's bash Melina Hour"! Hers is simply a situation I find all too common in WWE and she is the newest victim of it.

I LOVED Melina as the bitchy, selfish A-list socialite who escorted MNM to the ring and cheated on their behalf. She was WAY more than just a valet or a manager, she really was a member of the team and she contributed in no small fashion to their impressive and all-too-soon-ended tenure as a team. Now I understand and agree with McMahonagement's decision to train her officially such that she could mix it up some, dish it out, as well as take some bumps, I think that's awesome, so she could become physical as well, as it was the logical way to go for her.

HOWEVER, and here's my issue, not just with Melina, but all of these Barbie's trained and sent to the ring prematurely – a woman who has some moves and can bump should be allowed to get involved on her protégé's/team's behalf, even log some ring time in mixed tags; however, unless she really knows what she's doing and has a Trish Stratus/Mickie James/Victoria/Molly Holly/Natalya-level of in-ring achievement under her belt, she has no business being an active member of the women on the roster who fight full time, PERIOD.

Have Kelly Kelly and Maryse improved since debuting? Sure, but do they look confident? Would you want to send your sister or mother or girlfriend against Candice Michelle and feel confident about it? And here's Melina as a FACE CHAMPION! Melina is a catty, spiteful bitch. She plays that end of the character SUPERBLY, why mess with that when there's a cute little girl-next-door-type in Kelly in effect already?

Again, I want to stress that this was not meant as a flame toward Melina, but rather the idiotic manner in which McMahonagement deals with and works its Divas.

You nailed the Mickie-Trish match analysis. I really and truly thought that the WWE'd build a legit women's division. They had several women with in-ring talent and good looks. Sadly, they did not possess Vince's blow-up doll ideals of personality, body type, and in-ring ability.
Posted By: Iron Knee

Geoff: About the Chicago crowd cheering for Mickie so ferociously, go back and watch it again. The bias wasn't there during ring intros or the start of the match. There was a spot when Trish catches Mickie's foot on an attempted kick, and throws it to the mat, forcing Mickie into "unintentionally" doing the splits. It was at that moment that every man in the building fell in love and wanted a new champion. It still cracks me up, and the match itself was one of the best women's matches I've ever seen.
Posted By: Shockmaster

Shockmaster, completely agreed, and I caught that the first time around, although wasn't sure if the overwhelming response in Mickie's favor wasn't also due to the hand-licking-to-Trish's-vag spot wasn't part of it, too. Does anyone know in which Trish/Mickie that spot went down, because I think it was in this match, but that it was edited for DVD so little kids don't go around back-tripping their female schoolmates, licking the palms of their hands and sliding them between their poor downtrodden comrades' legs on the playground. Now I'll admit, I found myself rather immediately smitten by someone I didn't think had any interest in me busting out the splits on my bedroom floor once (and, yes, the particular tryst that followed ended with me having to swap out art hanging on the wall), but to change the whole complexion of a match? Like I said…virgins…LOL! It was a great match, though.

I echo Iron Knee's sentiment 100%, as well. Thing is, they KEEP doing that fake out to us. As it appears we're pairing down to just one set of tag titles, it would be nice if they'd do the same with the women and only allow those with, you know, ability to compete for it among the three brands, but that's just me talking out my head.

Geoff, great point about the crowd during the Trish/Mickie match. In your opinion, what is the worst crowd that you have ever seen? I'm not talking ones that sit on their asses and do nothing, but the ones that boo or cheer different people, but it didn't make any damn sense. Mine would have to be the ECW: One Night Stand from '06. The Cena/RVD match made them look like classless bums that didn't know what they were talking about. WWE booked the end of the match wrong (that's a whole other story) and the crowd just ate it up.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

Easy, now, Schmoove, you're treading on sacred ground there. Look, when the fans throw a tarp over the side of the ledge announcing, "If Cena wins we riot," with what choice is one left? That night, of course, was designed to be Rob Van Dam's big night, the long-overdue world title win by one of the most popular performers of our time in his own arena in front of his own fans. We've discussed here our distaste against the manner in which Cena is treated by virtually anyone with a passing knowledge of wrestling in the last two years an older than 15 years-old, but I'd be willing to wager that anyone facing RVD (save Jerry Lynn) would have received a reaction such as Cena suffered.

As far as the most overwhelming and unexpected fan response, I'd have to say that Lesnar/Goldberg match takes the proverbial cake. I watch that and STILL am floored that a crowd was able to take control of that entire arena the way they did against two so-called seasoned performers. I watched it again for this article and was blown away again.

And now a trip through, "Wow, I fucked up" corner:

WM22 in your top 3? It really didn't do it for me like that. MITB, HBK-Vince, Edge-Foley, and (once we got past the Ford Mustang GT speeding through town and the King Conan entrance) Cena-HHH were all good, but I thought the rest was kind of blah. In no specific order, my favorites are 17, 18, and 19. (I didn't watch 8-12, that was my semi-pro wrestling hiatus)

A co-worker of mine used to have a t-shirt (I think it was some punk band) that said "Phil Collins must die." One of my favorite shirts of all time.

Thanks, Geoff. You da man.
Posted By: Angry Bear

"Much as Toronto turned Hulk Hogan face as he faced The Rock two years prior and New York took a huge dump all over Lesnar/Goldberg the year before,"

The Hulk/Rock Match was 4 years prior and Lesnar Goldberg was 2 years prior to WrestleMania 22.

This is only funny because both the author and a commentor don't pay attention at WrestleMania...

Cena did the Al Capone entrance at 22. He did the Mustang entrance at 23 vs HBK.

Then again in the Top Celebrities in wrestling feature, one of the authors mentions Mike Tyson at WrestleMania 15 so perhaps there's just something in the water lol.
Posted By: Wait...what?

No shit, fucked up on that one. Good job on the correction, "wait...what?".

The Capone entrance was lame, too.
Posted By: Angry Bear

As for Cena, the Al Capone entrance was guaranteed heel heat. He may as well have come out dressed up like John Wayne Gacy.
Posted By: Shockmaster

Well, Bear, between WMs 8-12 you only missed the following: Randy Savage versus Ric Flair (8), THE STEINER BROTHERS versus THE HEADSHRINKERS (9), Bret Hart versus Owen Hart (10), Shawn Michaels versus Razor Ramon (10), Bret Hart versus Bob Backlund (11), Diesel versus Shawn Michaels (11), Steve Austin versus Savio Vega (12), The Undertaker versus Diesel (12) and, of course, Shawn Michaels versus Bret Hart (12). Incidentally, I understand that, in the ‘90s back in the midwest, there were radio stations that promoted "No Phil Collins weekends". Glorious.

And, yes, Wait...what?, you're the shit and I envy your long memory…don't do drugs, kids! Rock/Hogan did occur at WM18, obviously, Lesnar/Goldberg was at WM22 and Cena did the gangster entrance (featuring CM Punk, I was negligent in not having pointed out earlier!) at 22, while the Mustang entrance was, indeed, in Detroit at WM23. I don't think I can claim that discretion involving Tyson, though…

Agreed that the gangster entrance left me cold and ultimately ended up disjointing the momentum of HHH's entrance and failed in its attempted goal of ingratiating Cena to the home crowd. Speaking of these big-time entrances…(and speaking of big time, get over it, Cook, that song SUCKS)

I'm surprised you didn't comment on the amazingly over the top intros for the two world title matches. From Rey's headdress-thingee to Huntar the Barbarian to the DESPERATE attempt to convince Chicago not to boo Cena by linking him to being a gangster ala Capone, the huge entrances really made a mark at 22, and have kept going from this point on
Posted By: Matthew M

Matthew, you're absolutely correct in your assessment of why Cena got the Capone treatment, well done in bringing that up, because I myself didn't make the connection until I read your comment. As for Mysterio…what's with this guy and his visually painful-to-hilarious get-ups? After I saw the Flash costume, I scribbled a note to myself that next year he'd come out as Hawkman…forgetting he already had at WM22.

Bret Hart not interfering in McMahon vs HBK really peeved me off at the time.
Posted By: PhiDeltaSham

You'll have to talk to the king of the heroic tantrum about that one. I think he should have come out and laid waste to them both, tucked his pop in his back pocket and gone home to Calgary to revel, but apparently I'm not saddled with as much integrity as he is…

I caught WM22 live, and while I wouldn't put it in my top 3, it could arguably be in the top 5 (with 3, 8, 10 and 20 being the other major candidates at this time). It was a fairly solid show, with minimal crap (only Booker/Boogeyman and the pillowfight really sucked), and some classic moments (Foley/Edge). The main event was great, particularly as this was the show that really elevated Cena, thanks in no small part to the crowd showing their glorious hatred for someone being pushed down their throats to the point where the WWE had to acknowledge it. Great effort all the way around.
Posted By: Michael L

8? EIGHT??? Wow. At least 10 had the Hart showdown (with the right brother going over) and the HBK/Hall ladder match. Otherwise, we tend to see 22 in the pretty well the same light, with still another great take on Cena's reaction. Thanks, !

This is definitely a fun WM. Also, when you think about it, Foley has to be up there with Flair in the amount of wrestlers he helped turn into stars. Edge, Randy Orton, HHH, and depending on how you feel about it, The Rock. He also helped make The Undertaker into a slightly more human character that still exists today.
Posted By: JLAJRC

In that, while facing a real monster like Mankind, WWF fans got to see how much they really had in common with Taker, or that he wasn't as different and monstrous as previously believed, by comparison? I could buy that, although I think the humanizing of Taker came much more as a result of his stint as biker Taker than anything Foley contributed to the mix. Otherwise, you've got a great point in Foley's regard as starmaker.

Can't understand the love for WM22. Decent card, but in my opinion the least exciting Wrestlemania of the last ten years. Nothing really stood out from it.
Posted By: YouCan'tSeeMe

I respect your opinion, and am actually kinda jealous if you found the last couple WMs more enthralling than 22, because, IMO, when I was screening for this top three, I didn't even have to watch 23 & 24 as candidates…

was it true ricky steamboat proposed one more match with ric flair at mania 22?

as for the event itself, mmmm, i don't think the main events have stood the test of time that well, i found the cena-hhh match a bit boring at times.

favourite match on that card is probably the foley-edge match, but i also love the womens title match, i think the closest they've come to matching the quality of that in a womens match was melina vs beth at one night stand.
Posted By: DaJ

And we're back to Melina. Wow…you think so…? Really? What about Victoria/Trish/Jazz at 19…? Or are you thinking forward?

We're gonna have to agree to disagree on HHH/Cena going boring, too…wow, high standards, there, buddy?

As for Steamboat/Flair, that's a question for Ask 411, cuz I've no idea about that!

I was really surprised when I found out about the Von Erichs HOF induction via the WWE website. Yeah, I knew it was coming thanks to sites like this one, but I would have thought the Von Erichs were worthy of an on air video package announcing their induction.

Then, as I thought about it I realized that the probable reason there was no initial announcement on the air (and likely not part of the eventual one hour USA Network broadcast) is due to the tragic story of the family, and uneasiness on the part of WWE in the post-Benoit world.

Did anyone else think this, or am I just reading too much into it?
Posted By: Dave

I think you just got ahead of WWE in terms of when and how they planned on officially announcing The Von Erichs, which is not surprising to me, as they've done some pretty wonky things in terms of the announcements this year. I was pleased that the Texas legends were allowed a televised video. And, as you saw, they managed to tell a happy-snappy version of their tale, so as not to bring down the whole audience (and diffuse anyone watching looking for ways to point still another finger at the wrestling business). I imagine we'll get the whole story in its entirety at the actual ceremony.

I can't believe people getting upset over Koko B. Ware's HOF induction, as if it's some legitimate institution. There was no credibility there to begin with! It's nothing more than a Vince McMahon vanity project!
Posted By: KanyonKreist

Ssssh!!! Jeez, Kanyon, don't tell everyone! And it's not a Vince McMahon vanity project, it's an award ceremony whereby Vince gives people who 1) have always (or…most always…) have stuck by him and done his bidding, no matter how ridiculous or condescending, or 2) a means to keep old employees with an ax to grind Vince's way in line.

Kevin Sullivan may not be the best technician but he definitely helped innovate the brawling style and had some crazy brawls. On top of that he was a superb villain and sometimes orchestred classics which should be considered.

Nice column but I do disagree with the sediment Sid wouldn't be deserving, I don't like the guy, but he was SUPER over like him or not.

Mango whatever his name was of the Horsemen though should have never been in the Horsemen in the first place -_-.
Posted By: Hmm . . .

If Sullivan was instrumental in having innovated brawls, it was because he picked up what everyone else was doing in Japan at the time while he stood on the apron looking lost and confused from under a Crypt Keeper mask…I shit you not, I can dub off a copy for you. This guy had an evil mind, but no talent and no drive, which is why he ended up being better backstage than he was in the ring…and he sucked backstage. Sorry. I hate the guy.

Much as I dislike Sullivan, though, he was a friggin genius compared to old country dumb Sid. That guy raped more monosyllabic promos in his day…plus, HOW MANY TIMES did he have the wrestling world handed to him, only for him to throw it all away to play softball? Idiot.

I live in Houston and have been to a couple of PWA shows (Book's promotion), and I can honestly say that the entertainment level is on par with that of any other local indy. There is no difference in the talent of those he has trained and that of other indy workers in the area. Great arena though. I don't see it challenging the McMahon empire this century...
Posted By: meh

All I meant, meh, was that Booker's school allows young hopefuls another place to learn to work other than Vince's, so they get a shot at learning how to tell their own story instead of being forcefed how to tell Vince's story as the end-all/be-all of storytelling, not that Book is running some kind of indie nirvana.

WHY DOES EVERYONE SHOOT ON BRUTUS BEEFCAKE, HE DESERVES THE HALL OF FAME
Posted By: PETE K

Easy. He SUCKS.

Thanks for reading this week! Stop by next week when I reveal my favorite WM of all time and run down the line up for WrestleMania's 25th anniversary! RESPECK!