411Mania's Squared Circle News Report 03.28.09

Posted by Dustin James on 03.28.2009

Come on in as I discuss the unfortunate death of Steve Doll, WWE and the UFC as competitors, and Juventud Guerrera once again causing trouble. It's all here in the latest edition of 411mania's Squared Circle News Report.....

Welcome back inside the Squared Circle! It's been a fairly slow news week as far as "big news stories" are concerned, but I'm sure you will bear with me as usual. It's been a fairly interesting week in my world. My birthday is coming up on Monday, so please feel free to email me and ask for my address so you can mail me a gift. I would just post it here, but some of you people are nucking futz.

Either way, did any of you catch the awesomeness that was LOST this past Wednesday? What's going to happen now that Sayid killed "little" Ben? Will "older" Ben fail to exist? Is "little" Ben even dead? This show makes me want to pull my hair out at times.......

But that's not why you came here......

You came here for some wrestling news, right?

Well......


LET'S GET IT ON!!!!!

---

Biggest News Of The Week:




Steve Doll Found Dead At 48


The good old days of Portland Wrestling....Crush, Steve Doll, The Grappler, and of course Don Owens!

This may not be a "big" story to the majority of the mainstream wrestling fans, but to me this one hits close to home. When I was about 9-10 years old I attended a Portland Wrestling show which featured Pacific Northwest Champion Steve Doll. Well, during intermission they had the faces come out of the locker room and into the ring where you could then get your picture taken with them for about $5. And yes, it was back in the glorious days of Polaroid. Either way, I choose to get my picture taken with Steve Doll who also gave me an autograph. The cool thing was, a month later when I attended a WWF show at the Memorial Coliseum in Portland, Doll was there in attendance with other members of the Portland Wrestling roster. They were sitting about three rows back and when I spotted him and acknowledged him....he actually remembered my name! That was huge for a little kid who LOVED pro wrestling.

Needless to say I became a huge fan of Steve Doll's. I continued to follow his career as he went to the WWF as one half of "Well Dunn". Of course his WWE run didn't last that long, but I still had hope! I was actually pretty enthusiastic when I saw that Doll had signed with WCW (he was actually in the ring when Scott Hall began the nWo invasion). Doll was never able to catch on Nationally, but here in Portland....the man was huge. His feuds with Scotty The Body (Raven), The Grappler, and Billy Jack Haynes kept me tuning back into Channel 49 every Saturday night at 2 AM. Ohhhh man...those were the days.......

When I heard about the news of Doll's death, I was floored. I knew the guy was in bad health, but still, you hope for the best and a possible full recovery. To see yet another wrestler die at a young age is just insane. I honestly hope this is one trend that dies quickly........

RIP Steve Doll

---

Who Shit In Juvi's Bag?


Maybe next time someone will shit on his chest?

In an extremely hilarious story from The Wrestling Observer, WWF, WCW, and TNA veteran Juventud Guerrera recently had a little "fun" during his latest stint in Mexico. Apparently Juvi has a lot of heat down in Mexico for various reasons. Chances are the heat he has down there is somehow related to the fact that he isn't currently working for either the WWE or TNA anymore. Well, at a show on March 20 in Ciudad Madero, somebody took a dump in Juvi's bag. Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently the thing to do in wrestling is to ignore it (or "no sell it) if it happens so you don't give the prankster any kind of satisfaction. Well, our old friend Juvi did the exact opposite of that.

At first he accused some of the younger guys of doing it and some of them were about to kick Juvi's ass before the veterans talked them out of it. Then he went into the American locker room and accused Konnan of doing it. He then picked up a chair and went after Konnan but was cut-off by Jack Evans who grabbed the chair. Konnan then reportedly punched Juvi once before Evans and Guerrera started fighting. Evans then took Guerrera apart with numerous knees from a Muay Thai clinch...Anderson Silva style baby. Guerrera reportedly needed eight stitches for a cut and also suffered a broken nose. Here's his take on the whole situation:

"This was my second show back with AAA, and the real boss of AAA, Konnan, was not happy about it. I tried to talk to him earlier in the show, and he ignored me. We have had problems for years. I have been negotiating with AAA for my comeback since October, but each time he was blocking me. Finally, I made y return at the Rey de Reyes show and everyone was cool with me backstage. Konnan was really late in arriving to the event, five minutes before his match. Now at my second show, the vibe was different. I guess some of those guys got in trouble with the boss for talking to me.

I went out and had my match, which was really juicy, and when I returned to the locker room, I found my bag in a different area, and it was wet. I knew immediately Konnan was behind it. I opened the bag to find human feces inside. I immediately grabbed the bag and brought it to the owners of AAA. They were in shock. They knew of my problems with Konnan, and knew he was behind it, but didn't do anything about it, because they are scared of him. They I went up to Konnan and asked him what his problem was, and he sat there like a coward and denied everything. When we were in WCW he broke my ribs on purpose in a match. And remember, when I got fired from WCW for that incident in Australia, well, Konnan is the one who laced the pot with LCD and `forgot' to tell me. Even when I was in WWE he was trying to fuck with me. I am the one who got him his job in AAA. It took two years of convincing Antonio Pena to make that happen.

All of a sudden, I felt someone attack me from behind and start choking me. It was Jack Evans, who had been stiffing me in our match earlier in the night, kicking me multiple times in the face. At this point, Konnan got out of his seat and starting holding me down for Jack to hit me, and then started punching me, too. None of the other wrestlers tried to break it up, because again, Konnan is the true boss of AAA and will screw with their careers. Finally Sr. Roldan, the owner of AAA, came in and broke it up.

My nose has fractures and I have lots of bruises. My eye is completely red but I am still Juicy. It took two guys to hurt me, but I still have my integrity and pride."

Whew. Talk about some drama in AAA! Of course, can it really be called drama when Juvi is involved? The man is known to bring bad vibes with him wherever he goes as well as being a total prick. I honestly can't blame anyone who decides to drop a deuce in his bag. Just next time, tape it so we can see it on YouTube! I think the bigger question here is.....why the hell isn't Jack Evans looking into a possible MMA career? According to the report he destroyed Juvi in the same style that Anderson Silva destroyed Rich Franklin. That's pretty damn impressive.

Juvi's future is currently up in the air but I'm sure whatever he does it will be done with pure class.......

---

Vince Is Wrong.....GASP!


When money shots go bad.....

WWE head honcho Vince McMahon recently did an interviewer with the "Hollywood Reporter" and had the following to say regarding the UFC:

"Most people thought at one point that we would be competitors. But it turns out they are not competition to us at all, or hardly at all. They are sport. We are entertainment. It's a huge difference. The revenue they have cut into is that of boxing."

Vince could not be any more wrong. You want proof? This January I ran into a little problem. There were three huge MMA PPV's. UFC 93, UFC 94, and Affliction's "Day Of Reckoning". That's a lot of MMA on PPV and a lot of money leaving my pocket. It actually got to the point that I couldn't order the WWE's Royal Rumble because I wanted to avoid having a $200 cable bill. Now, you may say that not everyone would make that decision. Perhaps some people would just buy the UFC shows, and the Royal Rumble and say "Screw you Affliction". Or perhaps you buy 1 UFC show, and the Affliction show and the Royal Rumble. Truth be told.....IT DOESN'T MATTER.

It doesn't matter if it's the UFC, TNA, Affliction, Strikeforce, WEC, boxing, or even porn. If it's on PPV, it's competing with Vince's product. Vince says that the UFC is not competition because they are "sport" and the WWE is "entertainment". Well, porn is entertaining and it's on PPV....so is the WWE's main competition actually porn if it's not the UFC or any other MMA promotion? Swallow on that one......

---

Remember This Guy???





Flash Funk

OK, listen....I'm tired of the hatred for the gimmick that was Flash Funk. I was/still am a HUGE fan of 2 Cold Scorpio's. I was thrilled when I learned that he was finally getting his shot in the WWF and to tell you the truth....for some scary unknown reason....I enjoyed his Flash Funk gimmick. Even when they removed his dancers, I still enjoyed it! Perhaps it was his flashy colors seeing as flashy colors seem to appeal to people with ADD, and that would be me. Funk actually had a pretty decent run for a guy featured in this section. He joined the WWE in 1996 and lasted until 1998 when it was revealed all along that he was actually Scorpio! SAY WHA?!?! Scorpio was released in early 1999 though. However, in 2006 Flash Funk had signed a new contract and fans everywhere were rejoiced that Funk would be returning to a WWE ring near you!

That was until he was released just months later.......

OHHHHHHH FLASHHHHH!!!! YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO FUNKKYYYYY!!!

---

Random News Bits:

- Mike Brendli (Mikey from the Spirit Squad) recently failed a surprise drug test in Kentucky at the March 21 show in Elizabethtown, KY. He tested positive for marijuana and has been suspended. Poor guy. First his WWE run was a tremendous flop and now he's testing positive for smoking grass. Maybe he can turn this into a "stoner" gimmick. You know, a gimmick where he shows up late for matches and leaves midway during a match to get a snack....and that's why I should be booking WWE TV folks.

- ROH Champion Nigel McGuinness recently suffered a pretty serious injury to his left arm. Look for him to drop his title soon (most likely to Jerry Lynn) and miss up to several months of action. Horrible news for a great worker. Let's hope he recovers quickly and returns to the squared circle sooner rather than later.

- On the March 25 edition of "The Howard Stern Show", Robin Quivers mentioned that she and Kurt Angle had exchanged text messages earlier and that he had actually asked her out to dinner. She actually declined his invitation. Rumor is she really loves MMA fighters and guess what Kurt isn't.....that's right, an MMA fighter. Maybe one day Kurt, maybe one day.

- Angle also made an appearance on "The Opie & Anthony" show and made a comment that 95% of wrestler's don't use pain killers. He also mentioned that Mexico is filled with an 83% Asian population.

- The March 30 edition of "Sports Illustrated" will feature a story on former WWE champion/current UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar. In the story Lesnar mentions that he left wrestling because it got old and he hated the travel. He also claims that the rumors that he walked out on a $45 million contract are completely false. His contract was used as evidence in his lawsuit against the WWE and it showed that he was only owed $1 million a year over 7 years. Lesnar makes more money now as UFC champion with half the headaches of the travel and he's not constantly in pain. Which career would you choose?

- First "Test", then Steve Doll, now Abismo Negro. It just never ends......

RIP Abismo Negro.

- During a recent interview Shawn Michaels was asked who he liked to have induct him into the Hall of Fame. He mentioned HHH, Ric Flair, his wife, his son, Vince, and Bret Hart as possible candidates. Bret Hart inducting Michaels into the hall of fame would be one of the greatest moments EVER. Although I wouldn't hold my breath on this one......

Credit goes to The Wrestling Observer for the handful of delicious treats above!

---

Saturday Morning Story-Time:

In this section I will be taking a TRUE story that is wrestling related as well as related to myself and sharing it with you. These will be short stories, so have no fear!

Previously in "Saturday Morning Story-Time":

Now, back to the match. I can't tell you how excited I was to finally get to see Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. I was waiting in anticipation for MONTHS for this match and it was finally going to go down. The match itself was pretty good and by now my voice was gone thanks to my constant screaming. I was kind of hoping the show would just end so I could get something to eat due to the fact I wasn't willing to pay $10 for a hot dog. Seriously, all I could think about was a Big Mac meal at McDonald's when it finally happened.....

The moment I had been waiting for for over two years.......

First, let me explain my little obsession with seeing Brock Lesnar do the Shooting Star Press in the WWE. Upon his WWE debut, I had heard rumors that this big ass dude could do a SSP. I didn't believe it so I spent HOURS trying to track down some footage online. Needless to say, back in the early 2000's it was hard for a guy living in Oregon to find good OVW footage. But somehow, someway I FINALLY found it! There he was in all his glory....Lesnar doing one of the best looking SSP's I have ever seen. Seriously. It was damn impressive. After seeing that I was DYING to see Lesnar do a SSP in the WWE and I knew it would come one day.....

I just didn't think it would come at Wrestlemania 19 and I would be there live to see it all! When Brock hit Angle with an F5 and didn't go for the cover but instead opted to head to the top rope, I drunkenly grabbed my friend and shouted at the top of my lungs "SSP" like I was a teenage girl at a Jonas Brothers concert. By then my voice was gone, I was hungry as hell, and I knew I was going to be hungover the next morning, but none of that mattered. Why? Because Lesnar was going to do the SSP at Wrestlemania baby!

Then it happened.....

Angle was a little too far out and Brock landed square on his head knocking himself silly. Even from the 123rd row I could see that Lesnar was hurt pretty bad. Was he actually going to be able to finish the main event? From my view it looked pretty bad and I was honestly worried about the man's health. But you gotta give it up to Kurt Angle, the man is a professional and was able to help Lesnar regain enough composure to finish the match. I wasn't really let down by Lesnar's botched SSP because I was too worried about him now. I thought his neck could have possibly been broken or worse, paralyzed. Then I remembered I had the drunken munchies and wanted to beat the Wrestlemania crowd to McDonald's so we left.

I could go on and tell you the rest of the story, but this is a wrestling column and I figured I should focus on the wrestling side of things. Besides, you don't really want to hear about me jumping out of my friend's car at a red light because I was pretty sure I saw the "golden arches" now, do you? Didn't think so.....

---

Wrestlemania Top 10 Lists:



With Wrestlemania right around the corner, every Saturday I will present you with a special Wrestlemania-themed top 10 list. Trust me, it will be good times!


Top 10 Wrestler's Who Have Never Won At Wrestlemania

(These are my personal top 10 wrestler's who have NEVER won at Wrestlemania! Maybe one day these men will finally realize their dream and pick up a win at the biggest show of the year. Yay!)

This list is in no particular order......


10) Barry Windham

Windham is 0-2 at Wrestlemania. His big claim to fame was competing at the first ever Wrestlemania where he teamed up with Mike Rotunda (I.R.S) and lost the WWF Tag Team Titles to the Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff. Perhaps there will be another gimmick battle royal at an upcoming Wrestlemania and Windham can compete as "The Widowmaker", or "The Stalker", or "Blackjack Windham", and pick up his first win!

9) The Dudley Boys

The Dudley Boys are one of the most legendary tag teams in WWE history, yet are 0-4 at Wrestlemania. They have even competed in some of the most memorable matches at Wrestlemania....yet they have never picked up a victory. I'm sure one of these days we will see The Dudleys at Wrestlemania again, but this time will they actually be on the winning side?

8) Dustin Rhodes

It's true, "Goldust" is 0-5 at Wrestlemania. Vince, give this man a win already!

7) Jeff Hardy

Jeff Hardy is 0-4 at Wrestlemania in his career, but he has a great chance at picking up his first win this year when he faces his brother Matt.

6) Jimmy Snuka

Jimmy Snuka is 0-2 at Wrestlemania and will be looking to pick up his first Wrestlemania win when he faces Chris Jericho this Sunday at Wrestlemania 25. Wow, there's a sentence I thought I would never type.

5) Sid

It's true! Sid is 0-2 at Wrestlemania! What a tragedy for a man who has half the brain of us. Well, if you listen to Sid he say's he's coming back to the WWE....so maybe he can finally get his first win at the big show.

4) William Regal

William Regal has been employed with the WWE off and on since like 1998. However, the man is only 0-2 at Wrestlemania in his long career. When I saw that stat, I was a little shocked.

3) Raven

Raven has had a long career in wrestling. He's wrestled in Portland, WCW, ECW, WWE, and many others. However, the man is 0-1 at Wrestlemania. I guess it's not really shocking given Levy's history with the WWE.

2) Bob Backlund

Poor Backlund. The legend is 0-2 at the WWE's big show and it doesn't look like he's ever going to get a win seeing as he's like 94. That's a shame too because "crazy" Backlund from 1994 is one of my all-time favorite WWE gimmicks.

1) Dean Malenko

Yes! It's true! "The Man of 1,000 Holds" is winless at Wrestlemania! Part of it has to do with the fact that he spent a majority of his U.S. career in WCW. Malenko isn't the only "Radical" without a Wrestlemania win though....Perry Saturn also gets that title as well.

---

YouTube! Find Of The Week!

Steve Doll in action, featuring Scotty The Body (pre-Raven days!)........

---

Your Turn:

Here's a fun little idea. I have been accused of "ignoring" the comments left by the lovely readers here at 411, so I have decided to give you guys your turn.....



There was nothing better in the old days than hearing Fink announce..

The winner of this bout...and NEEEEEEW World Wrestling Federation Champion...

No one today can hold a candle to him.

Posted By: Guest#2141 (Guest) on March 21, 2009 at 09:01 AM



Which was my point exactly. It's almost sad how the WWE spoiled us with the Fink because now nobody can compare to the guy.



"finkel will always be my einhorn".
i saw what you did there, kudos to you Ace....Tom Ace

Posted By: setobakura (Guest) on March 21, 2009 at 10:01 AM



I'm glad at least one person caught it. It's always a risk when you do a joke from a movie because the majority of the people won't get it.



awesome vid of andy kaufman


'I'm frum mamfis tannasee'

hilarious

Posted By: tony danza (Guest) on March 21, 2009 at 12:09 PM



You think that YouTube video was awesome, I highly recommend checking out the Andy Kaufman/Jerry Lawler special that aired on Comedy Central a few years ago called "I'm from Hollywood". Talk about an entertaining time....



L.T. was not the only celebrity to main event Wrestlemania. The guy just above him on your list, Mr. T, was in the very first WM main event.

Posted By: Guest#0909 (Guest) on March 22, 2009 at 08:34 PM



You are correct. I meant to add that LT was the first celebrity to main event a Wrestlemania in a singles match. I'm sending you a prize guy.

---

And that's it for me this week. Remember, don't be a stranger to 411! Bookmark the site and visit it countless times a day. Hell, be brave and make it your homepage! Trust me, it will make you a better person......

See you next Saturday back in the Squared Circle! Until then, you can find me on MySpace or Facebook! I also recently broke down and got a Twitter as well.