411’s Countdown to WrestleMania 25: Slimmer and Small Watch WrestleMania on YouTube

Posted by Scott Slimmer on 03.31.2009

We’ve got some of the biggest names in WWE history in some of the worst WrestleMania matches of all time. Hey, we’re still basically just Heat reporters. We like bad matches.

Graphic by Meehan

Slimmer: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, 411Mania proudly presents two former Heat reporters watching the Granddaddy of ‘em All. And if you're not down with that, we've got two words for you…
Small: Word.
Slimmer: DO NOT start that shit again, Small. And anyway, I said TWO words.
Small: WHAMMY!
Slimmer: Yeah, I'm regretting this decision already. Anyway, due to the overwhelming success of last year's Slimmer & Small Watch Puro on YouTube, Small and I have decided to team up once again for a very special look at some, um, very special matches in WrestleMania history.
Small: "Overwhelming success?" Didn't you see this:

Slimmer: Oh, um, yeah. That was unfortunate. And yet kind of awesome at the same time.
Small: Hey, I'm a legitimate internet celebrity. I can't let you make me look stupid in front of the Smallophiles and the Smalloholics and the Smallonation.
Slimmer: Small, this is going to end like all of our collaborations, with Larry making derogatory remarks about our sexual orientation. Just make your peace with it.
Small: But I don't want the Smallosexuals to loose respect for me!
Slimmer: Dude, we crossed that bridge long ago. Anyway, there have been many great matches in WrestleMania history. A small handful of them have come close to perfection. And yet for every one of those great matches, there have also been some, um, well, let's just say "less great" matches. Okay, fine. Some of them have sucked. Hard. And from time to time, those matches have involved some of the biggest names in WWE history. And so while much of 411's Countdown to WrestleMania 25 has focused on the great moments and enduring memories in the rich and storied history of WrestleMania, Small and I are going in a slightly different direction. We're giving a little love to a few WrestleMania matches that sorely need it. And hey, after watching these matches, damn near everything on this years card is going to look pretty darn good by comparison.

Match 1: The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez from WrestleMania IX

(Start of Part 1)
Slimmer: So the muscle suit actually doesn't look too bad on a low quality YouTube video.
Small: I feel like I'm watching Watchmen again.
Small: Except for the blue penis.
Slimmer: There was a crazy amount of blue schlong in that movie.
Slimmer: Was Giant Gonzalez legitimately eight feet? (1:00)
Small: Did they really film this show on a tennis court?
Small: Because it definitely looks that way.
Slimmer: And why is Taker's smoke green this year?
Slimmer: And why are the druids half nekkid?
Small: Like Tajiri, Taker's smoke has many forms. (2:00)
Slimmer: I miss Tajiri.
Slimmer: I covered his last WWE match on Heat.
Small: I think I did too, but I don't remember.
Slimmer: What, no cheap pop for Heat?
Slimmer: Giant ass.
Small: Dude, I was drunk for the majority of it.
Small: I was the Don West to your Mike Tenay.
Slimmer: Really, I know he was totally clothed, but why no pants?

(Start of the match)
Small: I love how the Macho Man thinks the Giant is 18 feet tall. (3:00)
Small: I bet he told Stephanie he has an 11 inch penis.
Slimmer: Gonzalez looks like he goes to the same tanning place as Dolph Ziggler.
Slimmer: So Small, does Gonzalez excite you in the same way as Khali?
Small: Not at all. Gonzalez's move set pales in comparison to Khali. (4:00)
Slimmer: DOUBLE GOOZLE!
Small: Clubberin' forearms to start and he goes for a choke-out in the corner.
Slimmer: Is it still a low blow if you hit a seven foot dude who's on the second rope?
Small: Taker escapes a massive right hand and walks the top rope.
Small: OLD SCHOOL!
Slimmer: Is it still old school if it's only 1993?
Small: Yes, it will always be old school.
Slimmer: I'm pretty sure it was just school at that point. (5:00)
Small: High School?
Slimmer: Decent clothesline from Gonzalez.
Small: I was going to say this match is not too awful to start.
Slimmer: Gonzalez moves at least as well as Khali.
Small: I haven't seen it since I watched the show on PPV and at that time, I was still mesmerized by the thonged models that accompanied Lex Luger to the ring.
Small: Gonzalez's rest hold is not Randy Orton like. (6:00)
Slimmer: I've actually never seen this match.
Small: Well that's because you are Amish.
Small: No Cell Phone. No Cable.
Slimmer: Like Robinson Crusoe, it's primitive as can be.
Small: MATCH OVER!!!
Slimmer: Wait, crap!
Small: Taker submits! (7:00)
Slimmer: No, I think we just need to move to PART TWO!
(End of Part 1)

(Start of Part 2)
Small: We are JIP with Taker being out cold.
Slimmer: I hope he does the Hogan arm thing.
Slimmer: Denied.
Small: The urn is powering Taker up.
Small: I'm glad they got rid of the urn.
Slimmer: Whatever happened to the urn?
Small: Kama made it into a pimp chain. (1:00)
Slimmer: Funny, I thought Buh Buh Ray ate it during that horrible feud.
Small: Not only is Gonzalez big, but he's also vicious! ~ VINTAGE MACHO MAN
Slimmer: Michael Cole would totally call Gonzalez a bully.
Slimmer: Taker is doing a respectable job of playing the underdog. (2:00)
Slimmer: GIANT head butt.
Slimmer: And again.
Small: Dude's Taker's not selling here.
Slimmer: That's sorta his whole deal.
Small: I wouldn't call him an underdog.
Small: It's not like JR has mentioned Taker's heart in this match.
Slimmer: What's the point of this match if he's not the underdog?
Small: Uh…
Slimmer: I rest my case.
Slimmer: Harvey Whippleman is going to die… (3:00)
Small: Shit! Gonzalez head butts Paul Bearer into oblivion.
Small: Must be near Warrior's house.
Slimmer: Why is the chloroform not a DQ?
(End of the match)

Small: Because he has five seconds to remove the rag.
Slimmer: So wait, you have a five count to break a hold using chloroform?
Small: Yes. (4:00)
Small: It says so in the manual.
Slimmer: Dude, I'd forgotten how crazy shit was in 1993.
Small: I'm surprised chloroform has not been used since.
Small: The powder trick comes out of the woodwork every six years.
Slimmer: So I totally had not idea that one of Taker's WM wins came via DQ.
Small: "There's a problem here at WrestleMania IX. This is bad." ~ Macho Man.
Small: I love shoot comments that aren't meant to be shoot comments.
Slimmer: Hey, would Captain Slim Jim lie to you? (5:00)
Slimmer: I think not.
Slimmer: DIG IT!
Slimmer: And you can't say Taker isn't selling anymore.
Slimmer: Dude's been out for a few minutes.
Small: He's taking a nap.
Small: Michelle McCool probably wore him out before the match.
Small: He was practicing the gogoplata. (6:00)
Slimmer: Michelle McCool was 13 at the time.
Small: I rest my case.
Slimmer: So she was more Macho's kinda girl.
Small: Just think I paid for this PPV.
Slimmer: Dude, I was totally expecting Taker to sit up.
Slimmer: I paid for ECW December to Dismember.
Slimmer: I win.
Small: And here's Taker!
Slimmer: Taker lives!
Slimmer: This would have been more effective if he would have sat up in the ring. (7:00)
Small: They probably had time to kill.
Small: Yokozuna vs. Bret was no 15 minute classic.
Slimmer: Yeah, but they had to fit TWO WWE Championship matches onto this card.
Slimmer: That's one stacked card.
Small: Stacked? (8:00)
Small: Like a five dollar footlong.
Slimmer: TWO championship matches.
Small: So?
Small: Night of Champions has 11 championship matches.
Slimmer: Speaking of which, avoid the new Quizno's Torpedoes at all costs.
Slimmer: Those things do not hold together.
Small: Neither did this match. (9:00)
(End of Part 2)

Small: WHAMMY!
Slimmer: The scary thing is, as badly as this match was booked, the show kept getting worse after that.
Small: Nah, just the main event was left.
Slimmer: Like I said…
Small: And it wouldn't be WrestleMania without Hulk Hogan winning the title for his best friend, Bret Hart.
Slimmer: Anyway, thoughts on the match?
Small: I loved it.
Small: It had drama, suspense, and some really good wrestling.
Small: Totally better than those Japanese women's matches you made me watch.
Slimmer: Appletinis for lunch again?
Slimmer: You're totally going to be the cause of the first 411 intervention.
Small: I give it 3.5 stars. If the WWE was smart, a Giant Gonzalez vs. The Great Khali match at WrestleMania 29 would rule.
Slimmer: Khali & Rey Rey vs. Gonzalez & Super Porky.
Slimmer: Book it.
Small: If only Palmer Cannon was still around…
Small: Your thoughts, Slimmer?
Slimmer: If everything from the chloroform to Taker's return hadn't happened, this would have been a passable match.
Slimmer: Certainly not Michaels / Tatanka, but passable.
Slimmer: Wait, was there a screwy finish in that match too?
Slimmer: I think there was.
Small: Yup.
Small: That's why they needed Hogan to win the match.
Small: The fans needed to go home happy after three hours of DQs and Doink the Clown.
Slimmer: True dat.
Small: True dat?
Small: And you get pissed at me when I bust out the occasional "word?"
Slimmer: WHAMMY!
Small: DAMN!
Slimmer: Dude, okay, truce. Let's just move on to the next match.

Match 2: Sable vs. Torrie Tori from WrestleMania XV

(Start of video)
Small: Is this the Kat?
Slimmer: No, it's Mrs. Brock.
Small: But it's the same music.
Small: And the King is whistling. (1:00)
Slimmer: Dude, we totally need Sable vs. Gina Carano.
Slimmer: I'd pay for that match.
Small: Sable's looking pretty good here considering she was leaving really soon.
Slimmer: What about the men that want to be her?
Slimmer: And more importantly, what about the women who come to see her?
Small: I'm ready for the GRIND!
Slimmer: And here comes Al Wilson's baby girl. (2:00)
Slimmer: WAIT!
Slimmer: This so isn't the Torrie I was expecting!
Small: Dude, this Tori hooked up with Kane and then X-Pac.
Slimmer: Nice bait and switch, Small.

(Start of the match)
Slimmer: Did this match start?
Small: Uh, yeah.
Slimmer: I thought I heard a bell.
Slimmer: So I take it Tori was the heel at this point? (3:00)
Small: The whole storyline here is that Tori stalks Sable. Sable beat her up. Tori said that if she beat Sable she would strip naked.
Small: Because Tori was all about women's rights.
Slimmer: So it's Trish / Mickie and / or Beth / Rosa.
Small: Except that there were a lot more lesbian overtures with Mickie James
Small: But that might not have been a storyline... allegedly. (4:00)
Slimmer: Yeah, the camel toe claw was awesome.
Small: Shit, Sable almost killed Tori with that cross body.
Slimmer: Dude, these chicks are totally out working Taker and Gonzalez.
Small: And like Gonzalez, Tori has a similar outfit.
Small: And a similar clothesline.
Small: She's punching her titties!
Slimmer: Yeah, but Sable just kicked her ovaries. (5:00)
Slimmer: Worst…
Small: I love how all the spots come from Irish whips.
Slimmer: Sunset flip…
Small: Why do women try pin reversals?
Slimmer: EVER!
Small: Especially women who can't wrestle?
Small: If it's 1999, it's time for a REF BUMB! (6:00)
Small: BUMP!
Slimmer: Would you rather have them trying powerbombs and pile drivers?
Slimmer: Someone would die.
Small: There's your answer.
Slimmer: I totally had no idea that was coming.
Slimmer: Oh, dude.
Small: There's a man in the ring.
Slimmer: You didn't tell me Nicole Bass was in this match.
Small: I am full of surprises.
Slimmer: I thought that was Cute Kip for a minute.
Small: Like a pregnancy test.
Slimmer: BTW, has anyone else noticed that Dolph Ziggler seems to have inherited all of Billy's old trunks? (7:00)
(End of the match)

Slimmer: So was Bass a face here?
Small: Sable's grind is the best part of this match.
Small: No Bass is a heel.
Small: Since Sable's a heel.
Slimmer: Yeah, I'm kinda glad I missed so much of the Attitude Era.
Small: Once Sable left, Bass turned face by hooking up with Val Venis.
Small: True story. (8:00)
Slimmer: Wasn't that how Ken Shamrock turned face?
(End of video)

Small: And then Bass left the company and sued the WWE for sexual harassment from the Brooklyn Brawler.
Small: Yes, Steve Lombardi, a.k.a., Pat Patterson's lover.
Small: I love the wrestling industry.
Slimmer: You serious about Double B and Double P?
Slimmer: I never knew that.
Small: God, you are so innocent.
Slimmer: Although I did think of PP a few weeks ago when Triple H was talking about the worst kept secret in wrestling.
Slimmer: Back in the DX days, he totally would have mentioned Pat at that point.
Slimmer: So Small, thoughts on this match?
Slimmer: I'm going to assume that you're having internet issues at the moment.
Small: Oh sorry, 411 Forums has a Hot or Not thread on Muffin Tops. I got distracted.
Small: What were you saying?
Slimmer: Just that I find it amusing that Triple H thinks he and Steph are a hotter story that Pat Patterson and, um, dudes.
Small: Oh ok.
Slimmer: And Small, you are a sick freak.
Small: Um…
Small: Thoughts on the match?
Slimmer: I'd never seen this match.
Slimmer: And again, much like the first match, I was pleasantly surprised until the booking got bizarre.
Slimmer: But in retrospect, I suppose we were only three years away from the greatest era in WWF/E women's wresting history, so I suppose the quality had to be on an upswing at this point.
Small: Dude, Christy Hemme arrived in six years.
Slimmer: What goes up, must come down.
Slimmer: But if it doesn't come down in four hours, call your physician.
Small: I was aware of that, but thank you.
Slimmer: I think it's important to keep our readers aware of pressing health concerns.
Small: And since you haven't asked, here are my thoughts.
Small: It was lovely.
Small: The muffin top thread, that is.
Slimmer: And here I thought you were talking about Nicole Bass.

Match 3: Bill Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar from WrestleMania XX

(Start of Part 1)
Slimmer: Oh, snap.
Slimmer: I'd forgotten about the ATV.
Small: The best part is that Stone Cold will pick up a DUI at the end of the match.
Slimmer: This was a sad time in the life of Steve Austin.
Small: I remember how my roommate was looking forward most to this match.
Slimmer: I was totally looking forward to this match. (1:00)
Slimmer: Under different circumstances, this could have been epic.
Small: Brock had great music.
Small: I'd give it to Kozlov.
Slimmer: Brock had great everything.
Small: Mic skills?
Slimmer: As long as he used Paul Heyman's, yeah.
Small: Man, the fans are all over Lesnar. (2:00)
Slimmer: I can't believe that Ric Flair defeated the Rock and Mick Foley on this show, and yet J.R. thinks THIS match is about being the man.
Slimmer: Why does Goldberg always do that hair ball thing on the way to the ring?
Small: Because he's a pussy?
Slimmer: Did you just call Goldberg a pussy? (3:00)
Michael Kelso: BURN!
Small: I was never a big Goldberg fan; then again, I never watched WCW.
Small: Dude, the best thing Goldberg was in was Santa's Slay.
Small: That was a great horror movie.
Slimmer: I remember the bagger at my super market going ape shit after Goldberg finally won the title from Triple H.
Small: you have a super market in the country? (4:00)
Small: I thought u picked your own eggs and milked your own cows
Slimmer: Well, it's really a bait shop.
Slimmer: But they have Fritos and Twinkies, too.

(Start of the match)
Small: Fritos and Twinkies = a wrestling fan's diet
Slimmer: And here's the first You Sold Out chant. (5:00)
Small: I wish one of them would have took the mic and addressed the crowd.
Small: Because Lesnar did sellout a few shows.
Slimmer: No, it was better just to let the crowd have their fun.
Slimmer: Neither one of these guys could work the mic enough to get the job done.
Small: And here's the first Goodbye chant.
Slimmer: This is a very ECW crowd.
Small: JR addressing the rumors and he's not even blogging! (6:00)
Small: Slimmer could you do a play by play for this match?
Slimmer: Oh hell yeah.
Slimmer: Stand-off to start.
Slimmer: The crowd is all over Brock.
Slimmer: Austin agrees with the crowd. (7:00)
Slimmer: And HERE WE GO!
Small: 3 minutes in and we have a lockup!
Slimmer: Collar-and-elbow tie-up to start.
Slimmer: Both men jockeying for position here.
Slimmer: And the crowd gets behind Goldberg.
Small: Dude I'm bored. I'm going to take a look at some Nicole Bass bikini matches.
Slimmer: This is not the longest collar-and-elbow tie-up in history.
Small: Which did happen in 1999.
Slimmer: Clean break, and we're right back where we started. (8:00)
Small: What is the longest collar and elbow tie up?
Small: Because I know you want me to ask.
Slimmer: Collar-and-elbow tie-up, part II.
Slimmer: This match is very Sammartino / Graham right now.
Slimmer: Another clean break, and we've accomplished very little. (9:00)
Small: The crowd would agree.
Slimmer: "This match sucks" – MSG
Slimmer: Lesnar with a shoulder block, but Goldberg no sells.
Slimmer: And again.
Small: Make out time! (10:00)
Small: And thank god it's over!
Slimmer: Dude, I think it's only starting...
(End of Part 1)

Small: Do we have to watch the second part?
Slimmer: Yes.
Slimmer: There's a bit of wrestling in the second part.
Small: I could be doing something productive today.
Slimmer: And I think Scott Hall stuns Goldberg with a cattle prod.
Slimmer: Or something like that.
Small: Like working on my Small-For-All!
Small: This week, join me as the Swayze Malebag returns as I give love advice to a fellow 411'er!
Slimmer: Don't lie to the people, Small.
Slimmer: We all know that Lansdell ghost-writes the SFA for you.
Small: I do not know what you are referring to. Just like I ghost write Wilcox's columns?
Slimmer: Yep.
Slimmer: The readers have no idea what kind of crazy shit goes on behind the scenes at 411.
Slimmer: I once saw Randle fuck a moose.
Small: I once read your column.
A long long time ago.
Slimmer: So you were the guy…

(Start of Part 2)
Slimmer: We seem to be at a standstill.
Small: "We Want Bret" chant?
Slimmer: I think that's just a piss-poor "You Sold Out."
Small: Oh man, both men are down.
Small: Are both watching this match on the Titan Tron? (1:00)
Small: Because I'm almost down for the count too.
Slimmer: Yes, yes they are.
Slimmer: BORING chant from the crowd.
Slimmer: I still think this match is better than Batista / Umaga.
Small: I never saw that.
Slimmer: Lesnar finally takes control, but Goldberg whips him to the corner.
Slimmer: Military press into a modified spear. (2:00)
Slimmer: That was sweet.
Slimmer: Unfortunately, Goldberg follows it up by spearing the ring post.
Small: And falling out of the ring.
Slimmer: I have to question that strategy.
Small: GOLDBERG SUCKS chant.
Small: These fans are not impressed with this match. (3:00)
Slimmer: I love how quickly they turned on Goldberg as well.
Small: Snap suplex for 2.
Slimmer: We've got dueling suplex attempts, but Brock gets him over.
Slimmer: Another snap suplex from Brock.
Small: Was that our first count of the night?
Small: I don't seem to recall a pin attempt in the Taker match.
Slimmer: Brock is firmly in control with a modified chin lock. (4:00)
Slimmer: Yes, it was.
Small: Brock needs to learn how to do a chin lock like the Giant Gonzalez.
Small: HOGAN chant!!!
Slimmer: Thanks, now I'm picturing Brock in a big nekkid muscle suit.
Slimmer: Goldberg fights back, but the crown just doesn't care. (5:00)
Slimmer: Brock goes right back to the modified chin lock, at it's right about now that Slimmer: Austin must be thinking how useful a pair of stunners would be.
Small: Double clothesline!
Slimmer: Goldberg fights back yet again, and both men are down.
Small: Feel the excitement!
Slimmer: And we've got a second two count. (6:00)
Small: This match has had less action than our previous two matches.
Small: YOU CAN'T TALK chant
Slimmer: THIS MATCH SUCKS – MSG
Small: I must be hearing things.
Slimmer: Brock in control in the corner, but Goldberg retaliates with a series of clotheslines.
Slimmer: I smell spear.
Slimmer: SPEAR! (7:00)
Small: Oh man, he kicked out of the SLOBBERKNOCKING SPEAR!
Slimmer: And here's the face-off between Goldberg and Austin.
Slimmer: That would have been sweet five years earlier.
Slimmer: And Lesnar hits the F5!
Small: The F5 was such a nice finisher.
Slimmer: It really was.
Small: I wish they give it to someone who needs a better finisher – like Michelle McCool.
Slimmer: Like I said, Lesnar had a ton going for him. (8:00)
Slimmer: McCool needs to start using the Muscle Buster.
Slimmer: Another spear from Goldberg.
Small: McCool should just steal all of the TNA's guys finishing moves.
Slimmer: And Goldberg sets up for the jackhammer.
Slimmer: …1
Slimmer: …2
Slimmer: …3!
Small: Thank goodness.
(End of the match)

Small: The less said about this match, the better.
Slimmer: No, Fink, there were no winners in this match.
Slimmer: Hey, it was better than Taker / Gonzalez. (9:00)
Small: I disagree.
Slimmer: It had a clean finish.
Slimmer: And a hot crowd.
Small: We all knew what we were in for with Taker/Gonzalez.
Small: This match could have been so much more.
Slimmer: The worst matches are the ones that the crowd just doesn't care about.
Slimmer: The crowd cared here. (10:00)
Slimmer: They hated both guys.
Small: Thank goodness.
(End of Part 2)

Slimmer: Damn, where are the Stunners?
Small: Then again YouTube doesn't care because they cut out the best part of the match – Austin stunning both guys.
Small: And then drinking beer before riding out on his ATV.
Slimmer: Seriously.
Small: Color me disappointed Slimmer.
Slimmer: I'll go along with that.
Slimmer: I remembered this match being much more impressive.
Small: Yeah, I remember that this match sucked, but not nearly as bad as it actually did.
Small: Brock had Goldberg in that chin lock for minutes.
Slimmer: But it was kind of a cool chin lock, as chin locks go.
Small: Randy Orton's chin lock is the best. So is his lip lock says Stephanie McMahon.
Slimmer: That was hot.
Slimmer: Very Spiderman / Mary Jane.
Slimmer: Toby Maguire should totally play Randy Orton in the Randy Orton movie.
Slimmer: Anyway, put the matches in order of quality for me, Small.
Small: Lesnar/Goldberg, Taker/Gonzalez, Tori/Sable
Slimmer: Is that 1 2 3?
Small: I'll let the readers decide. For now, I shall be ambiguous.
Slimmer: I'm going Taker/Gonzalez, Tori/Sable, Lesnar/Goldberg.
Slimmer: And that's 3, 2, 1 from me.
Slimmer: Who's your MVP of the night?
Small: Dude he wasn't in any of those matches!
Small: Stupid!
Slimmer: I hate you so much, Small.
Slimmer: Okay, any last thoughts on these three great WrestleMania moments?
Small: Honestly, as much as these matches all suck, they will always be remembered in
WrestleMania history. I guess that has to count for something.
Slimmer: Word.
Slimmer: Because there are many more that have more or less been forgotten.
Small: Pretty much.
Slimmer: Do you expect any matches this year to be this bad?
Small: No, but then again, considering my drinking plans, I just hope to remember most matches.
Slimmer: Small will be joining Instant Access live from Houston, Texas.
And hella drunk.
Small: Here's hoping they have funnel cakes.
Slimmer: Um, dude, I think we need to do another match. Got any ideas?
Small: You know I do…

BONUS MATCH: The Ultimate Warrior vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley from WrestleMania XII

(Start of video)
Small: yes, super fan video!
Slimmer: We're at WrestleMania XII, and we've got another match that I've never seen.
Small: Hey Sable's back!
Small: And who's she with?
Slimmer: Does Brock know that his wife is hanging out with Triple H?
Small: That can't be Triple H.
Small: He doesn't have a water bottle or massive growths from HGH. (1:00)
Slimmer: Hunter's taste in ring music definitely improved over time.
Small: Yeah Lemmy > Mozart!
Slimmer: Was this Warrior's return match? (2:00)
Slimmer: Had he not been on TV before this?
Small: I don't recall WrestleMania 12 all that much.
Slimmer: It was the one with Piper in an ally.
Slimmer: AND HERE'S WARRIOR!
Small: And the iron man match, I never really got into!
Slimmer: Warrior weights in at 260 tonight. (3:00)
Small: Oh man, how great would it be for Warrior to take on Chris Jericho?
Slimmer: Oh, dude.
Slimmer: Somebody call the Fink.
Slimmer: Book it.
Slimmer: We've still got a week.
Small: I'd probably fall out of my seat if it were to happen.
Slimmer: Say what you will about Warrior, but he can pop a crowd. (4:00)
Small: And be an easy joke for 411 writers.
Slimmer: Don't knock easy jokes.
Slimmer: It's not like we're professionals.
Small: You're not, but I get paid for this. (5:00)

(Start of the match)
Small: Cheap shot from Hunter to start the match.
Small: Hunter takes control early, and the crowd goes dead.
Small: Warrior didn't even get his coat off.
Small: PEDIGREE! OH SHIT!
Slimmer: Pedigree from Hunter, but TOTAL no-sell from Warrior.
Small: This would not happen in the WWE.
Slimmer: And Hunter goes down from a single punch. (6:00)
Small: Hunter must have pissed in Vince's cornflakes or fucked his daughter.
Slimmer: Or both.
Small: To receive this treatment.
Slimmer: And this was still pre-Curtain Call.
Small: I know!
Slimmer: Gorilla Press Slam!
Slimmer: …1
Slimmer: …2
Slimmer: …3!
Slimmer: Holy crap.
Small: I couldn't ruin it for you buddy.
(End of the match)

Small: Warrior's splash is way better than Mark Henry's!
Slimmer: But it makes not sense to splash on the dude's back. (7:00)
Small: It's the Ultimate Warrior - how much sense is to be made?
Slimmer: Seriously, I knew this match was short, but DAMN!
Slimmer: And here's Todd Pettengill.
Small: Yes!
Small: I love me some Scott & Todd in the morning
Slimmer: Marc who?
Small: Marc Marrow.
Small: The Bone Collector!
Slimmer: He needs a valet. (8:00)
Small: Give it thirty seconds.
Slimmer: I seriously had no idea this was going to happen.
Small: I know.
(End of video)

Small: Slimmer, you are so innocent.
Small: You need to spend some time at a titty bar with me and JP.
Slimmer: What's a titty bar?
Small: One day you will leave your parents' basement.
Slimmer: Hey, I live in my own basement, thank you very much.
Slimmer: Thoughts on the match?
Small: Definitely the MOTN!
Slimmer: It was good while it lasted.
Slimmer: The heel took control, the face fought back.
Slimmer: And neither guy got blown up.
Slimmer: This may have been perfectly booked.
Small: And just think, it wasn't even the worst match on the card.
Slimmer: Seriously? I thought WrestleMania 12 was supposed to be pretty solid.
Small: Then you forgot about this: