Lansdell's Sunday Saturday Brunch News Report 04.11.09

Posted by Chris Lansdell on 04.11.2009

It's baaaaaaaack! Dwayne Johnson brushes off the rock, WWE makes some changes, Indy guys with no respect and more!

Greetings, humanity! Welcome to Lansdell's Sunday Brunch, on Saturday! Yes, the old format is back for a one-shot deal to cover for your regularly-scheduled Saturday news report. As is usual with the week after WrestleMania, there was a lot of Mania-related news on Monday and Tuesday, and not much of consequence after that. However, I managed to find one or two things you might be interested in. But first...

BANNER!


ON SATURDAY!

The Spread~!

Dirt off his shoulder

Do the shuffle!

The Week in Links!

Indy-cent behaviour

Random Video Interlude!

Whither Sweeney?

Espresso Shots!

Are we all sitting comfortably? Then...






Dwayne Johnson dismisses Cena's challenge, continues counting his millions

It's funny how wrestling news rarely changes. Back when I wrote the Sunday Brunch, Cena was calling out Johnson for leaving wrestling and "betraying the fans" or some such bollocks. 4 months later and here we are again. In fairness to Cena, I think he's being misinterpreted a bit. He's not blaming Johnson for leaving wrestling, what he's saying is that Johnson always said he loved wrestling and wanted to do it his whole life, and then he up and leaves without giving anything back. I agree with that to a certain extent. The Rock as a face did talk about his love for wrestling, and he did leave, but he HAS been back. Several times. Cena just has sand in his vagina because Johnson won't come back, fight him and pass the torch. Cena knows that a torch-passing from Johnson would do wonders for his credibility with the smarks, and I think he really wants that, deep down. It could also spark a heel turn for him, something else I think he wants to try. Another theory is that he is attacking a scapegoat for wrestling fans in order to rally them behind him. If that was his aim, it doesn't seem to be working. Fans by and large have forgiven Johnson (if they thought there was anything to forgive in the first place) and attacking him is going to alienate more people than it will convert.

I sympathise with Cena because he is constantly being asked when he's going to do what Rock did. So far Cena has adamantly denied any desire to do so, but it's got to be annoying as hell to be unable to escape the question. Whatever your feelings about the guy's character, there is no doubt that he is the face of WWE right now and does everything he can to help the company succeed. For his thanks, half the fans hate his guts for whatever reason they may have. How could anyone blame the guy if he DID leave wrestling?

You can see the video here. Personally I think Johnson sounds awkward and out of it, possibly having enjoyed a little too much of the bubbly. That said I think he handles the question very well if his aim is to dismiss all speculation without giving any rub to Cena whatsoever. To call the idea and Cena "very funny", and in a later interview to call it "borderline laughable" shows that Johnson is giving it about as much thought as he gives to the side of his mouth on which he starts brushing in the mornings.
He then goes on to wish Cena well in whatever he does. "STFU about the wrestling. Live your life, I'll live mine, never the twain shall meet."

So can we finally let go of the ridiculous idea that Johnson-Cena is going to happen anywhere but on Smackdown vs Raw? Some dream matches – Cena-Rock, Hogan-Austin, Austin-Goldberg – are dream matches precisely because the only place they will ever happen is in a dream. If any of these matches were to happen today, there is no way the match quality could ever live up to the hype or expectations. The atmosphere would be insane, but that's not enough to make a good match. Vince has tried to get Johnson back in the fold, and failed. Why Vince? Because as I said all those months ago when this pseudo-feud first broke, Cena is not spewing these lines independently.



You put your JR here, you bring back Hermie there...
Tazz's departure sparks a total announcing reshuffle.

A WWE announcing change seems to happen at least once a year recently, and it looks like this year is no exception. Following Tazz's sudden departure a couple of days before WrestleMania, Todd Grisham will be moving to Smackdown to announce with JR. According to JR's blog he is going to move into a more hybrid role, halfway between play-by-play and colour. I have to admit I like this idea, as it allows him to cover for Grisham as he learns (and inevitably stumbles) while giving him more freedom and removing the temptation to revert to old school and start calling all the moves. Grisham is not great, but he's good enough and he'll only get better working with JR.

Unfortunately, Raw remains the same with Catchphrase Man and Stale Pervert. I would have loved to see Cole and JR on Raw so that JR could continue lampooning him like he did at Mania, but alas no.

ECW will see Josh Matthews working with Matt Striker. I liked Matthews when he did Heat a couple of times, and Striker has been gold since moving to the booth, taking to it like a fish to water. The new WGN Superstars show has not had an official team announced yet, but the DirecTV preview for the show says that Kevin Kelly, best known to fans as "Hermie" since The Rock belittled him, will be hosting. Oh good, I missed him and his smooth masculine voice so much.
Dammit, there goes another Sarcasmatron. Maybe I should try the Apple iSarcasm, they're a bit more expensive but they get no viruses and they dress so much more casual. It wasn't too long before Kelly (no relation to Kelly Kelly, although if they got married she could be Kelly Kelly-Kelly...) denied the rumour on Voice of Wrestling, saying that it was an old promo from when he used to host Superstars. This wasn't a big surprise to me, as Kelly has repeatedly said that he hated WWE when he left, and would never go back.

What has been a surprise is that JBL has not been linked to any of the vacant announce spots. In fact, the word is that he won't be in an on-screen role at all. This is a shame since JBL, like Striker, was a natural in the booth. It will be interesting to see who they stick on WGN, but Kelly and JBL should be considered out of the running.


The Week in Links


The shows
Just like a TV Guide that's a week old

Larrchibald W Csonka's RoH Report. Alas ratings for HDNet are as common as a good column from Jake Chambers, so we can't really tell how it's doing. This might be a blessing in disguise though, I can only take seeing "EPIC FAIL!" so many times a week.
Dunn's RAWtopsy. Raw pulled in a 3.9 rating off the back of Mania. While this is a jump from the last few weeks, it would have to qualify as a disappointment given that interest should be at its peak less than 24 hours after your biggest PPV of the year came to a close.
Bauer's ECW Report A 1.3 for ECW, as TNA has reeled them in and is staying level. Last time I wrote a news column there was a 0.3-0.4 gap between the two, so maybe in another 4 months TNA will be half a point up! ECW's rebranding, if it happens, cannot happen fast enough in my mind, as right now the whole WWE landscape is feeling stale.
A Brace for Impact with no Lansdell, but with Bauer, Short and McNew. They did a great job too.
Lansdell's Smackdown Report Last minute covering is fun.


Required Reading
Best of the week's editorials

The biggest geek alive takes you through his traditional WM Weekend.
Bauer leads the staff in the Top 5, this week discussing people who should be in the Hall of Fame. Also features Lansdell.
Martinez compares DiBiase and JBL. Very well, I might add.
Sforcina takes my old Ask411 gig and does an admirable job.



RESPECT!
WWE talent complains that Indy extras have no respect for the business, but is it a case of peanuts and monkeys?

WWE has long used indy talent as extras on shows, be it PPVs or TV shows. The paydays for these shows were always fairly decent, on a level with what some of the top indy guys would get for working a full indy show. According to reports this week, WWE has recently lowered their pay scale for extras, leading many of the higher-up indy guys to turn down the chance to appear. WWE was still able to find some younger guys who would take the payday, but this ended up being a mixed blessing. On the one hand WWE saved some money, but the word we're getting is that the workers they found were very cocky and disrespectful of the business.

I can see two sides to this story. The new generation of wrestlers certainly seem to have less appreciation for those that have gone before, and seem less attracted to wrestling and more attracted to the spectacle of it all. With some of the guys around WWE this would be a crime only marginally below flipping the bird at Ric Flair when he tried to give you advice. I will never understand this. If Dolph freaking Ziggler tried to give me advice, I'd listen. The young wrestlers these days have their ideas set and they refuse to believe anyone from the "boring old days" can do or say anything to help them. They also have no regard for things like kayfabe, ring psychology, storytelling or any of the other aspects of professional wrestling that don't involve being dropped on your head or doing twisting double somersaults.

On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if some of this isn't the WWE talent, especially the younger guys like Rhodes, DiBiase, Miz and Morrison, acting like they're better than the Indy workers just because they have WWE contracts. The Indy guys wouldn't take the shit and so they are branded as disrespectful of "the business". There's also an element of "What do you expect?" There's an old saying when it comes to paying for something: you can have it fast, cheap and good quality – pick two. If you won't pay for the best, don't be surprised when you don't get the best.

Random DOUBLE-STUFFED Video Interlude!

Oh come on, you know it had to be done.



The greatest sketch comedy show of the last 20 years.



Sweeney on his todd?
The Sweet and Sour one posts a curious message to MySpace; the rumours commence

After being mysteriously excluded from the New York show recently, there was some confusion about the whereabouts of RoH and CHIKARA wrestler/manager Sweet and Sour Larry Sweeney. This week on his MySpace, Sweeney shed some light on the situation. According to Sweeney, a very traumatic car crash 12 years ago, for which he was behind the wheel, lad to a series of medical conditions that eventually wound up as bipolar disorder. As anyone who has suffered this disease would know, it's hard to live with and causes you to do things or act in ways that seem strange and "out there" from time to time. Sweeney was adamant that he is not battling depression, he does not have a drinking or a drug problem, and that he has never shown up for an event without being fit to perform. He claims that he was suspended as if he had a drug problem, with less than 2 days' notice, and since he has a recognised medical condition he is in a position to take action against RoH. He wants to go back but from the sounds of it, he wants Cary Silkin to apologise first.

Without knowing both sides of the story I hesitate to make any categorical statements, but IF this is true and there are no embellishments on Sweeney's part, than Silkin and RoH are in trouble. Sweeney is under contract to RoH (until May, according to the MySpace post) and if he has done nothing to breach that contract, then at the very least he's going to be entitled to be paid for the outstanding bookings. My knowledge of contract law is minimal, especially American contract law, but it would seem he also has a case for discrimination too. However, all of this needs to be taken with a grain of salt because there are 3 sides to every story: his side, your side, and the truth. Especially when reading the last section of the post, Sweeney does sound very aggressive, almost as though he might have taken his frustration out on someone, which of course would be grounds for dismissal from almost any job. As it stands Silkin has some apologising to do.




One-line looks at minor news

Barack Obama watched The Wrestler - Gasp! I wonder if the Internet Toilet Paper Community can tell his which way he hangs it, and if he wipes up or down?
TNA wins award for Thinking Outside The Box with Suicide - They ate at Taco Bell?
An ECW reunion booked for The Arena in November has been postponed as a comedy show has the place booked - TNA is going to Philly again in November? Good for them!
Kurt Angle admits he took steroids - I hear Demolition also lost the tag titles.
Jimmy Snuka sets the record for oldest man to compete at WrestleMania - Another one for HHH to go after...
Evan Bourne and Jack Swagger kept of Mania due to being too new to the business - Not like that established veteran Kofi Kingston
WrestleMania XXV breaks WWE gate receipt record - Mainly due to a mysterious patron known only as Vince M...no, that's too obvious, let's call him V McMahon...paying $8.27 million for a seat.
Big Vision Entertainment to Release Amy Weber vs Joy Giovanni DVD - Equally exciting, they are planning a B-Squared vs Mantaur DVD for the summer!

No iSarcasm explosion? Wow, it really is...

Fuck.

Well folks, that's all for this one-time issue of the Saturday Brunch. It's been a blast rounding out Lansdell Weekend! Stay Cool, Rock Hard

Lansdellicious – Out.