Truth B Told 5.14.09: Ladies and Gentlemen

Posted by Bayani Domingo on 05.14.2009

My mama always told me to never to hit a girl…but clearly it doesn’t count when you’re inside a wrestling ring. Are women vs men matches a thing of the past?

I realized something very important about myself the other week. Something that I had probably ignored for way too long, an unwavering truth that has never reached the light of day from the inner workings of my very soul. That truth is: there is such thing as too much girl on girl porn. Seriously, I really have tried to wrap my head around the concept of TOO much naked female on naked female sexual activity, but it's true. At some point you just realize that enough is enough and you gotta stop the DVD…or click on a new website…or put down the binoculars and get out of the bushes.

Really there is only so much that two chicks can do together in a bedroom, or a shower, or the basement of a Halil deli before you are just becoming repetitive. At some point they end up all looking the same until it eventually breaks down into a TNA PPV. You know, all gimmicks and props and the actual "performances" are dwarfed by all sorts of weapons like steel chairs, tables, strap-ons, barbed wire wrapped dildos, and flaming ball gags. Wait a second…either I just got those two genres mixed up or I just booked the next card for "Victory Load"…I mean "road". For me lesbian porn isn't that different than women's wrestling. I don't mean that in the way you think, I mean to say that I enjoy both, but to a degree. As great as some women's wrestling can be, I have never made it through an entire SHIMMER DVD yet because at some point I always feel like the matches begin to run together. Sure, it's probably my ignorance of the wrestlers and not having enough background, but I'm just being honest. But you know, if there is one thing that irks me more than 3 hours of women's wrestling, it's the intergender match. In the ring is definitely one place I think that women should stick to rolling around with other women. Wait a second, maybe I'm not renting the right DVDs then.

I'm not talking about the tag team or multi-person man matches where the action can be somewhat crafted in a way that limits the actual the interaction between the sexes. I'm talking about the 1 on 1 match-ups, the man versus woman match that pits a trained male wrestler against fitness model. There just seems to be so few cases of the match actually working out without it either being interrupted by a run-in, have the man look like a fool by beating rolled up by the woman, or having it end up as a televised lesson in domestic violence. In fact most of these matches are just largely forgotten and thrown away in the landscape of a 2 hour program. In fact, how often has there been a match pitting a woman against a man and you actually thought the woman would be able to win fairly? Actually, maybe that just depends on the female.

There have been few females in the world of wrestling that could cut an imposing enough figure to actually strike fear in the hearts of both women and men alike. Chyna was one of the first females to possess a physique that could match a male wrestler. We now have Amazing Kong and Beth Phoenix who could probably rival a cruiserweight in a physical confrontation. Then there was of course Nicole Bass…who we're just going to gloss over. Yes, I think it's best we do that. With the exception of these two ladies it was difficult to imagine how any female wrestler could beat a regular wrestler in a real wrestling match, although that didn't stop companies from booking it anyways.

The short lived run of Chyna taking on male wrestlers early in her career was cut short as she began to shed muscle mass. She was the first ever female IC Champion and went on to feud with the likes of Jeff Jarrett, Chris Jericho, and Eddie Guerrero, all accomplished wrestlers. The reason that we were supposed to believe that it was completely plausible for her to be able to beat her male counterparts was that she was an anatomical freak and truly was the 8th wonder of the world. Awesome Kong has had few encounters with men in the ring, but considering her size and booking up to that point made it seem at least possible that she could handle herself in a match against a man. Remember that she even participated in a the "Deuces Wild" tag tournament where she faced off against Super Eric and AJ Styles and recently gave two "male dancers" a vicious beating. Although Kong is clearly not the 6'1" she is billed as in TNA there is at least some shred of believability when she faces down a man. With Beth Phoenix engaged in a feud with Santino there will surely be more matches between them, however unlike in other situations this is not a serious match but for the sole purpose of comedy relief. In this context the matches seem to be fine, but "comic relief" hasn't always been the reasoning behind inter-gender matches.

While Chyna was the first ever woman to win the IC title there have been other females who have held championships traditionally held by men. If you remember Jacqueline in her WWF run was once the Cruiserweight Champion after beating Chavo Guerrero. Daffney was also the WCW Cruiserweight Champion at one point when she defeated the co-champion, Crowbar for the title. Prior to that Madusa was the first ever female cruiserweight champion in WCW. I guess that goes to show you how much Russo and Vinny Mac has thought of those titles. The point is that the women who win those titles aren't really pushed any further up the card or given a prolonged push, but they do manage to help bury the male talent they beat for the titles. In fact most times a woman beats a male wrestler it involves a kick to the old "cash and prizes" and what good does that do either party?

The good thing however, is that it seems like the inter-gender match was coming to an end, until recently that is. With Beth vs Santina being mainly a comedy device it seems as though one of the few good ideas that TNA has come up with "Spike's no male on female violence rule" is going to be thrown aside for the Amazing Kong/Beautiful People feud. It looks like "Cute" Kip will be taking on Amazing Kong to protect Love's ass. Literally, Kong would probably hit her with a half dozen Implant Busters a pair of Awesome Bombs and then some sort of anal rape. What? You guys forgot who still books this stuff? While this is less offensive than your average beat down of a diva by a regular wrestler, it does at least add a slightly different twist to the story as Kong is probably the favorite here. Still, let's hope this is a big anomaly here and that we see less and less of this kind of match, with the "E" going PG I expect it will be.

While there is far less instances of man vs women matches on TV these days it doesn't mean there still isn't a steady flow happening on the Indy scene. In PWG Candice LaRae has consistently been matched up against male wrestlers, with very mixed results of course considering she weighs all of 105 lbs. Wrestlers like Sara Del Rey, LuFisto, and Mickie Knuckles are among a small group of women who consistently take on male opponents. Then again there are so few women wrestlers on the Indy scene that most women are trained by male wrestlers and end up cutting their teeth during the beginning of their career against male wrestlers. I guess in some cases it may be a matter of necessity over logic. Still, I'll take my woman on woman action in a ring any day over a "battle of the sexes".

The Truth

Yeah, I just never got the point of having a woman face a man in the ring unless it's used to show how big of a "heel" the guy is by having him beat up a woman. There are better ways to convey that message as well as not send the message that it's okay for a large muscular dude to power bomb a chick. The guy would only be served to look like a fool for losing and he looks like a chump for being able to "beat up a girl". There are also no scenarios left where a woman wrestling men would have any real legs to make for a lengthy storyline. Let's just let the girls roll around with each other and keep the guys far away from the ring. Although I'm still trying to figure out how that flaming strap-on on a pole covered in barbed wire and Anal Ease is going to work out.

Coming Up Short

I wonder if Randy Orton has regenerative powers like Wolverine, because after being pummeled by a chair several times in the back and ankle he managed to hop up fairly quickly to attempt to RKO Batista. Of course those mutant powers couldn't have been too effective since only a few seconds after he failed he was clutching his sore ankle yet again. I also realize how truly weak Batista must be since he hit him in the ankle several times and it apparently didn't even cause so much as a hairline fracture. If I've said it once, I've said it at least 845 times, "Selling in wrestling is fundamental". It's getting ridiculous how the WWE is becoming so uneven with their selling of extreme beatdowns and how one wrestler is out for weeks with one injury, yet another comes back a few days later with an injury just as severe if not more so. HHH is on the shelf, Shane is on the DL, Cena is hobbled, and let's see how Orton fares this Sunday, by all rights he should be unable to compete after that beating, but now the "E" booked themselves into a corner since he has to be at least able to wrestler a full match. I'm just afraid that delivering such a vicious beating this close to a PPV comes up short of any medical logic. I just wonder if Randy has an adamantium ankle brace.

6 Degrees of…



There have been few people to parlay a simple damnation of gay marriage into 45 mins of fame than Ms. California, Carrie Prejean. It's even funnier to think that she may end up being the next Sarah Palin as it seems every right wing nut job has come to her aid after the "Liberal Media" has dragged her name through the mud after somewhat compromising or at least controversial pictures of her surfaced recently. To think that someone some paranoid talking heads seem to think that Democrats are somehow out to ruin the girl…instead of some horny dude who just happened to have access to the internet and an urge to see if she had some topless pics online. Oh well, I guess we can't just accept that she's a fairly hot piece of ass with a conservative upbringing and leave it at that. Well this week we are going to link Ms. California to another former pageant contestant…



Former Miss Madness, aka Molly Holly, aka Nora Greenwald. Underrated to be sure, she helped pave the way for "thickity thick" Divas everywhere.

Whatchu talkin' bout readers?

Technically Super Smash Brothers are a 64-bit team. So that's a Huuuuuggggggggeeeeee step up.

Posted By: DemonMF777

How has that team never been booked in TNA for the Genesis PPV?

I wish someone would do PWG dvd reviews.

Posted By: Supa Dupa

Brad Garoon used to do those DVD reviews, but he hasn't been seen on this site in quite a while. Something tells me that HE'S the real Suicide. I figure sometime down the road when I retire from active writing I might take up that mantle myself.

can think of a couple gimmicks I've never seen, although they're simply tweaks of former gimmicks.

1.) I've never seen a face gay wrestler. Every wrestler I can think of who's done a gay gimmick has been a heel (Adorable Adrian Adonis, early Goldust, Billy/Chuck/Rico, etc.) Why can't a gay wrestler be a face? You could even do a bigotry storyline where someone refuses to wrestle the gay wrestler because of it.

2.) A wrestler who practices pologamy. This would be very easy to do, too. Just have a wrestler come to the ring with many women ala "The Godfather." Only instead of calling them hoes, he would call them his wives.

Posted By: JLAJRC

Actually when Goldust was playing off his androgynous gimmick he was a heel, but later when he was crazy schizo Goldust he was a face along with Booker T. the closest thing I can think of to a "face" gay wrestler is Mickie James. And there are some things I would definitely do on her face myself. I actually think the Bruce/Alan Funk character in TNA was kind of a ‘tweener he was however a heel as KweeWee in WCW. Polygamist you say? I know Amish Roadkill was in ECW, but I have yet to see a Mormon character. Perhaps the only two examples of "Multiple females" have been when PMS used to accompany "Meat" (Shawn Stasiak) to the ring and the announcers eluded to him being "shared property" and then when Macho Man had his "Team Madness" stable of his real life girlfriend, Madusa, and the future Molly Holly. I would think that a polygamist though would probably fall right in line with the Festus gimmick. Because you'd have to be retarded to actually agree to be refused sex from 3 or more women on a weekly basis.

mitch hedberg was not funny at all. i'll bet his heroin dealer didn't think it was funny when he OD'ed and he lost a customer.....

now that's funny.

Posted By: thug saint OGA

You are wrong OGA, Mitch Hedberg was INDEED a funny man. Okay, maybe not all his albums, but most of them. Funny anecdote about Mitch Hedberg is that my girlfriend sounds just like him during his comedy sets when she gets high. She also sounds just like he does now when she passes out after…silent.

Maria was close to being a retarded Diva back in the day no?...

One could make a case for Luna Vachon too lol...

Posted By: Hmmmm

Maria wasn't retarded, her gimmick was that she was from Los Angeles and waited tables at Cheesecake Factory while waiting for her acting/modeling career to take off. Luna Vachon likewise was not retarded…she was just high….constantly. So she had an early Jeff Hardy gimmick.

Don't think there's ever been a pedophile gimmick

Posted By: Guest#7386

Yeah, actually Joey Ryan is probably the only one I know of. Although it would be pretty cool to see a FCW guy debut by driving a white unmarked van to the ring and passing out candy and stuffed animals to the kids at ring side. I think his finisher would be called the "Stranger Danger".

Although he was not a wrestler, the WWE did do a suicide gimmick for about 5 months with Tim White. I am surprised you didn't mention that

Brutus Beefcake - Spends a great deal of time with his head at the level of Hulk Hogan's crotch

Another person who's eyes are at crotch level is Danny Devito

Danny Devito played the penguin in a Batman movie

Morgan Freeman was the narrorator for March of the Penguins

Whammy.

Posted By: Jeremy from Palmdale

I didn't consider Tim White's "lunch time suicide" since it was never actually on TV. But yeah that was the peak of tasteless. I would have considered this entry for 6DO, but…Whammy? Seriously? Since when did me and Small get a crossover audience?

Everytime they've done a gay hatred storyline the homophobe gets cheered. Not because the gay wrestler is a heel, because of the wrestling fan demographic. it wouldn't be any different, if they tried to make him a face.

Wrestlers with homosexual overtones get cheered when a heel has to face them because the gay wrestler always acts glad to be touching the other wrestlers, and the heel acts like he is going to "catch" gay from him. Think when Vito wore the dress.

How would you make a gay wrestler not be stereotypical? Those type of stereotypes always will get booed. You could take a regular wrestler and then what? Just have him announce he's gay and not play up any stereotypes. It would be useless.

Posted By: D

I've been sucked into the world of Marvel comics after watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and I never realized how many comic book characters were gay. It's funny how storylines can be written for those characters and still make them "fan favorites" but in wrestling it can't be done the same way. Wrestling is all about "big characters" and you have to be a total over exaggeration of any regular character or people call you "Vanilla". It would be interesting if they could manage to actually find two gay wrestlers willing to keep up the gimmick for the life of the characters and see how far they could push them as serious wrestlers, but they just happen to like to hit their "Finisher" on another dude's face. The only thing is that now the "E" has gone PG-13, I think that would never happen. "Gay Jokes" are fine, but "Gay wrestlers" aren't.

6 Degrees Results

#3

David Rindone

More like 2!

Brutis Beefcake got arrested for drug possession
Morgan Freeman played a drug counselor in 1988's undrated Clean and Sober.

Only in wrestling can "Drugs" be considered a link.

#2

How's this (My first ever attempt at this!)

1 Brutus Beefcake (Ed Leslie) was originally billed as Hulk Hogan's brother
2 Hulk Hogan was inducted to the WWE Hall of Fame by Sylvester Stallone
3 Sylvester Stallone was interviewed by Jerry Lawler in a 'live' interview on Raw in December 2006 to hype Rocky Balboa
4 Jerry Lawler had the famous feud with Andy Kaufman
5 Andy Kaufman was played by Jim Carrey in Man in the Moon
6 Jim Carrey starred alongside Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty

Cheers,

Sepulchasm

I had no idea that Brother Bruti and Hulk were billed as brothers early on. I'm sure they were as convincing as the Major Brothers too.

#1.

Jason

1. Brutus Beefcake appeared as his WCW character Zodiac in the opening of Mr. Nanny. Madeline Zima played the little girl Hulk nannied in the movie.

2. Madeline Zima plays Mia on Californication and Pamela Adlon plays Marcy.

3. Pamela Adlon was in Lucky Louie with Mike Hagerty.

4. Mike Hagerty played the obituary writer in So I Married an Axe Murderer, which Mike Myers starred in.

5. Mike Myers was in the first Austin Powers movie with Mimi Rogers.

6. Mimi Rogers was in Street Smart with Morgan Freeman, for which he gained his first Oscar nomination for his portrayal of Fast Black the pimp.

Yeah it's a little disturbing that the little girl from "Mr. Nanny" later went on to show her "goods" on Showtime. I will admit however that little "Gracie Sheffield" did grow up to sport a nice little rack. That reference was enough for the win this week.

Left Overs…

Linda was recently left out of her daughter Brooke Hogan/Bolea's 21st birthday party in Las Vegas since she reportedly wasn't invited. Sources however now confirm that Linda actually was invited to the party, however her current boyfriend was unable to attend due to not being able to legally drink as well as having prior commitments to his prom committee.

Also along the Hogan Family front is news that Nick is having problems scoring a reality show. Right now it appears that Nick Hogan is looking to get on board with some existing reality TV shows instead in the hopes that it will turn into his own series. So far Nick has auditioned for: Tool Academy II, Celebrity Rehab, Big Brother, and of course Road Rules Challenge: Sobriety.

Rachel Carr, who has played Brittney Spears' body double in the past is training at FCW to become a wrestler. This is only the second time a former body double for Brittney has been training to become a wrestler, but let's hope this works out better than the body double from last year.

I realized they are already sponsoring the WWE, but does anyone else think that if they decided to back TNA that "A Touch of Gray" would be a kick ass name for a Kevin Nash…"film".

The WWE has acquired the script for "Brother's Blood" which will star John Cena.
I'm going out on a limb here and saying that it's a story about John Cena being a man in uniform whose wife is kidnapped by a mad man and he will stop at nothing to find her and save her….but someone is a vampire. Sounds about right.

Eminem AND "Big" Ben Roethlisberger have been sighted wearing Rey Mysterio masks lately. Because clearly there is nothing that rich White guys want to be more than tiny Mexicans. Now as soon as I see TMZ with pictures of Justin Timberlake selling bags of cherries, oranges, and tube socks, I'll be packing my bags for Canada.

Big Daddy V has been added to the new movie featuring RVD and Batista. I assume it's tentatively titled, "Fat times at ‘Roidmont High".

The Great Booty Debate 2009

Last week the Asian edged the Latina, but this week I'm going to tone it down a bit and put the ladies in their most natural environments.

Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Ms Faye: Trust me, it's a Honda. And it's not good fortune to get her in the back seat, it's just the safest place for an Asian women to be in a moving car. As far away from the steering wheel as possible.

Random Latina Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Cierra Spice: You're going to find most Puerto Ricans in one of two places, bussing tables or manning an infield position.

The WWE ran a vignette hyping the return of Mr. Kennedy…which was sponsored by AFLAC.

Lance Storm will be returning to RoH in July and RoH will be setting up a special section for his fan club in Section C, Row 3, seats 1 through 3.

Kid Rock's performance will be omitted from the Wrestlemania 25 DVD…as well as every wrestling fan's memory 24 hour after it happened.

Matt Hardy now officially hates wrestling websites. Talk about "biting the hand that feeds you". It's like Mr. Kennedy going on his anti-steroid rant, Jeff Hardy doing a "Say Nope to Dope" campaign, or Vince McMahon entering a church.

Pimpin' In High Places

with so many TV shows running their season finales it's a good thing that 411 never has an "off season". Or at least that's what Csonka tells us as he's denying our vacation requests:

Ask 411

Top 5

R's

HH

CoH

Threat x 3

CHIKARA

Lansdell

D-Dubya

You know what's awesome about Albuquerque? I'm still trying to figure it out myself 25 hours in New Mexico and I can honestly say that I think I've seen about half of all there is to see anyways. Sad. I guess it's true what they say about New Mexico....nothing.

Till then, the Truth will set you free.
-B