Truth B Told 5.21.09: On a Wingman and a Prayer

Posted by Bayani Domingo on 05.21.2009

Sometimes you need a partner, sometimes you need a stable, but sometimes…sometimes, you need a Wingman.

I'm a wrestling fan at heart so if there is one thing I know, it's being single. Okay, not me personally, but as a wrestling fan about 80% of my wrestling friends are single. Now is that a social commentary on the type of guys that wrestling fans are? Does that mean that wrestling fans are predisposed to being single or that women just refuse to date men who enjoy watching other men roll around together in spandex and no shirts on while other people watch them? I guess the world will never know. At the heart of all this is the fact that most single guys fall into one of four categories: Temporarily Single Guy, Purposely Single Guy, Situational Single Guy, and Hopelessly Single guy.

The "Temporarily Single Guy" is basically a "Serial Monogamist" and isn't single for more than a few weeks before he's in a relationship again. The "Purposely Single Guy" is the guy who is single and unattached for a reason, either he's too wrapped up in school or work, he's living a playboy lifestyle and wants to hit as many chicks as possible while he still can, or he just refuses to get serious about anyone. It's not about not having "access" it's about not having "motivation" to take it past the first few days or so. Then you end up with the "Situational Single Guy", the kind of guy who is just waiting for someone to come around and is constantly asking his friends and co-workers to see if they have some available friends. He's the guy who goes to the bars and clubs every weekend looking for someone, like Edge he's the "Ultimate Opportunist", just looking for an "in". The last guy is the "Hopelessly Single Guy", this is pretty much self explanatory and if you work at a Game Stop, have more than one WoW character, or still living with your parents after you are legally able to rent a car on your own, then you might be it. I'm going to just say that if you go to a wrestling show, look to your right, then look to your left, and if one of those guys isn't a "Hopelessly Single Guy", then you are it, my friend. Many times the only thing that separates the last two are one simple thing: A good Wingman.

Finding a good Wingman is a rare thing. It's a guy who is a contemporary and an equal, yet is not after the limelight them self. They are the kind of guy who will have your back and help you even the odds, yet is willing to talk you up while at the same time make sure that your "beer goggles" haven't totally thrown off your radar. He is the type of man, or if you're lucky woman, who is willing to dive on the grenade for you. The grenade of course being the chubby friend with uneven bangs, too much body spray, and a habit of talking about her three cats waaaaaay too much. The Wingman is one of the few noble gentlemen out there left in the world that lets us know that chivalry is not dead in the world of "ass acquisition". The problem is finding a good Wingman who is close to if not already your equal, yet does not outshine or surpass you to the point where you become second fiddle. He's not exactly an equal "partner", yet cannot be considered a "lackey" if you are to achieve success. He's an unselfish "second" who has your best interests in mind. Rare indeed is the Wingman who has not the slightest though of cockblockery in mind as you enter the bar. Even in wrestling it's tough to find a good Wingman, even more so now a day.

On RAW you have a battle of the Wingmen, so to speak. Ric Flair is winning for Batista right now against Randy Orton and his two Wingmen, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. What makes Cody and Teddy "Wingmen" is that they are basically there for the glory of Randy Orton. They are at Randy's side to talk him up to his opponents, help him reach his goal at all costs, and they are currently not after any glory or titles for themselves. They are basically Randy's cheering squad and back-up. Ric Flair is Winging again for the first time since the end of "Evolution" where he was HHH's mouthpiece at times as well as his hype-man. In fact Flair is no stranger to the concept of Wingmen considering he's had his own stable of them over the years with Arn Anderson being the "Goose" to his "Maverick" for over a decade. A good Wingman isn't there for the title, he's there to make sure you get yours.

THE Brian Kendrick has had a hard time lately since he lost his Wingman, Big Zeke. Since then he's been looking for what he calls a "partner" but in reality he's looking for a substitute Wingman, a guy who will do his job, but ultimately give up the pinfall and victory to him. I think the biggest difference between a "Tag Team partner" and a "Wingman" is that in a Tag Team either man can score the pin and the team ends up winning. If you have a Wingman that ends up nailing the hot chick while you're stuck with her acne faced emo friend who wants to keep reading you poetry about how her co-workers all make fun of her for wearing black lipstick then it's not really a "team victory". That's why a "Double Wing" formation never works, because you will hardly ever and I mean EVER run into a situation where you can approach two chicks who are both equally hot and available. A Wingman's job is to never get the pinfall, but rather let you hit the "blind tag" when he gets the girl so hammered off Patron and Fuzzy Navels that she doesn't realize WHOSE in her mouth at that point.

Some of you may be thinking that a "Wingman" is like a valet, but you'd be wrong. Think of it in terms that while a woman as a Wingman is ideal at a bar, a woman as your "back-up" at ringside isn't. If you can get a chick to talk you up to other chicks at a bar then you are golden because women are more apt to trust other women then another dude who keeps ordering MGD 64's in a matching Ed Hardy shirt, belt buckle, and trucker hat. The uniform of the Hollywood Douche bag. However, if you are a Kurt Angle and you're facing a man for the TNA title, would you rather have Karen Angle or Tomko by your side in case things get physical? A good Wingman in wrestling is able to also put in some work if necessary and not just there to provide a distraction for her friend that has a "good heart"…under those flabby pancake titties. That is the reason why guys like myself who are in committed relationships don't make the most ideal Wingmen, because you may get to the point where someone has to hook up with the ugly chick and having a married or non-single friend isn't the best option. Truly if I was going to get busted by my girlfriend for cheating on her, it had better be with a smoking hotel Import model or gymnast and not a chick that looks like Santina Marella. There really is a limit to Bro-hood that you should never be asked to cross. Although there is definitely something to be said about using a Wingman who is already getting some "trim" on the regular, he just comes off as more confident and nonchalant when it comes to rejection because for him it doesn't matter since he won't live or die off of every conversation cut short or "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend...who just happens to not be here". Those kind of guys just don't come off as desperate as other single guys might...and women can smell desperation, trust me. I'm actually told that it smells a lot like a combination of Mountain Dew, Axe Body Spray, Jurgens hand lotion, and Hot Pockets. Usually Philly cheesesteak or pepperoni pizza.

I can think of another great example of a wrestling Wingman in Tony Atlas. The guy accompanies Mark Henry to the ring, talks him up, makes him look good, and is willing to take a punch to the head in order to distract a guy long enough for the Chocolate Predator to hit the World's Strongest Slam for the pin. Now THAT is a hell of a Wingman, he's there to make sure he backs up his "Pilot" and scores the pinfall on his "Bogey", all while "Taking one for the team". I think what makes "Legacy" such a great team is that they understand that Randy is the "pilot" and the other two are his wings and that under no uncertain circumstances will that ever change. DiBiase and Rhodes are both threats in their own regards as good young athletes and both pose a threat to their opponents, but they know in the end that Orton is really the "leading man". The same goes in a good Wingman in real life. You need a "wing" that is at least somewhat of a "threat", and in these terms I don't mean you need 911 to walk into an ECW match and chokeslam someone, you just need a guy who is at least decent looking with the ability to hold a conversation so that they don't scare off your "target" or her fugly ass friend. Then again he might need to chokeslam the fugly friend depending on the situation. If at any point you have a Wingman that lacks real patience and intestinal fortitude and you see him hold up his arm in the air while wiggling his finger as the fugly friend is getting ready to turn back towards him after sipping her drink you might want to go ahead and bail cuz' it's about to get ugly up in that piece.

Seems like a stupid concept right? Well it's not like there aren't plenty of examples out there in wrestling of Wingmen. Beth Phoenix has Rosa Mendez, Finley used to have Hornswoggle, Kurt Angle has the rest of the MEM, Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams have Rob Terry, Adam Pearce had Shane Hagadorn, and most famously Hulk Hogan had Ed Leslie, aka Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake. Leslie was Hogan's long time friend and partner from when they both broke in together as the Boulder Brother or the Hogan Brothers. Hogan started in the WWF and Leslie followed, first a rival then as a Wingman as the "Mega Maniacs" were born soon after. From there Leslie followed Hulk to WCW and after a half dozen failed gimmicks ended up as the "Disciple" at Hogan's side during his heel run in the nWo. Even to this day Leslie is there as a back-up to Hogan as he served as a trainer for the CCW show. Sometimes Wingman-ship has it's advantages. Having a long career with little individual accolades isn't so bad when you're attached to a mega star like Hogan.

One burgeoning situation I am extremely interested in is the new "Hart Foundation", or "Hart Trilogy", or whatever they are called. It will be fairly telling to see how each member is booked on the show considering there are very few Divas for Natalya to wrestle on her own and with the exception of Evan Bourne there are few high flyers that can match with TJ Hart. If they push David Hart Smith as the leader and the main star of the group then you end up with a very ideal "Double Wing" situation. In real life this consists of you taking a buddy and a female friend out to a bar and it creates the perfect Wing triangle. The girl is there to help establish trust with your female "target" while also showing that you are sensitive enough to have female friends and understand their inner workings, she can also provide cover in case the "target" has that pesky "guy friend that wants to be MORE than just friends" hanging around. Your buddy is there to back you up and in case the other friend is getting jealous that the other girl is getting all of the attention he can help distract her long enough to get her blitzed off of Jaeger bombs and that weird glowing blue drink chicks always seem to find. A perfect situation in a bar and perhaps in ECW for the young Bulldog, D.H. Smith.

Funny how in real life the Wingman is both respect and revered as they undertake a most noble profession. But, in the world of wrestling they are largely ignored. Sure the "Rated R Superstar" is celebrated as a true champion of the sport, yet where would he have been with out the Hawkins, Ryders, and Chavos of the world? The Wingman is a very unselfish individual who puts others needs above his own, yet they are sometimes looked at as lackeys or underlings. The Wingman is an important part of our culture as not only wrestling fans, but also fans of female genitalia and the opportunity to view them up close. Perhaps it is time that the Wingman truly gets his just due…or at least replay some of those Coors lite commercials.

The Truth



‘Nuff said.


Coming Up Short

TNA needs to quit writing up parts in angles and storylines for guys that they aren't ready to have wrestle. They did the same thing with Randy Savage not too long ago, they did the same thing at the beginning with Hulk Hogan, they are doing it now with Bobby Lashley, and they haven't had "Dr. Stevie" or the other member of the "Nation of Violence" actually step foot inside a ring yet. TNA just needs to worry about who they have on contract and in the ring more than they do about trying to create all this mystery and hype for guys who may never actually pan out. If TNA has any hopes of not coming up short in all these overhyped dropped storylines then they better start spending more time making us care about the guys who actually DO wrestle and not the ones that one day might.

6 Degrees of…



Jack Swagger seems to be losing it a bit. The guy lost the ECW title and went from the dominant "All-American American" to the whiney little brat that ironically Christian used to be. My guess is somehow his teeth whitener and crowns have finally drove the man crazy. Speaking of another crazy ass horse toothed fella…



Really now, if you had to face Jack Swagger or Gary Busey in a dark alley, which would you be more afraid of? I thought so.

Whatchu talkin' bout readers?

You gotta be kidding me with this week's Asian and Latina, Bayani. How do expect me to choose when you put up two of the best you've ever chosen at the same time? WTF man? :P

Posted By: Mr. GE

Well Mr. GE, you've just given me a great idea for a future contest which will answer the question about who truly is the ultimate Hot lookin' Asian/Latina. My guess is it's Vickie Guerrero is a guaranteed lock for the Playoffs.

latina? asian?

this week, i'm taking molly hottie.

Posted By: memphis b-rad

I actually have heard a few people mention that pre-crazy bald, Brittany Spears-esque Molly Holly was fairly hot. I tend to agree, but if she had the same body only stretched out another two or three inches she'd probably still be employed.

6 Degrees Results

#1.

As far as gay wrestlers being face, what about Rico's short lived time on Smackdown with Jackie and Charlie Haas? He was face, and definitely had some very gay overtones. Also, nuts to whoever said Mitch wasn't funny, I loved the guy... not biblically, and plan on getting a Mitch tattoo in remembrance.

6DO:

1) Miss California doesn't support gay marriage.
2) Gay Marriage is supported my Lindsay Lohan.
3) Lindsay Lohan was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show to talk about her break up from Samantha Ronson.
4) Ellen DeGeneres is openly gay, as is Pat Patterson.
5) Pat Patterson was involved in an Evening Gown Match for the Hardcore title, in which Crash Holly won via 24/7 Rule.
6) Crash Holly is the storyline cousin of one, Molly Holly.

PS: Asian all the way.

Posted By:Beki

Yeah, Rico was slightly a face, then became a heel, as they usually do. Yeah, I also think Mitch was just funny as hell while he was around. Although that might have just been the drugs talking, in which case…man, those drugs were funny as hell, I bet those drugs would be even funnier if they were drunk though.

Left Overs…from a boring week of wrestling

THE Brian Kendrick and Goldust would have made an awesome "odd couple" tag team. Because if anyone could forget the name…GOLDUST…it would be a pothead.

Does anyone else get the eerie feeling that The Miz's push seems a little familiar? Say the same push that Christian got prior to his leaving for TNA? I believe what happened was that Christian lost clean to Cena when they finally met and was buried there after. I'm sure The Miz won't suffer that fate and history won't repeat itself…just in case though, can anyone myspace Miz some good deals from Priceline on trips to Orlando?

What are the chances that we'll see the Kelly Kelly vs Maryse Diva Title match as an Extreme rules match? You know what might be an "Extreme" stipulation for these two? A spelling bee.

I hear that the WWE is kicking around the idea of having a whole PPV based on all submission matches. I wonder if the Melina/Michelle McCool match will feature that spot they were practicing where Melina counters the Boston Crab with the Boston Power and Comb.

Daniels managed to clear his name as Suicide last week on Impact. of course that doesn't explain some of the other characteristics that the other X-Division guys pointed out. similarities in the way that Suicide moves, how he walks, and of course as Alex Shelley pointed out, Suicide's ass's uncanny resemblance to Daniels' ass. So I thought long and hard about it, I went over video evidence, poured over picture after pictures of each ass and came to a very important conclusion: this job is a hell of a lot harder than Pat Patterson makes it look.

Vickie Guerrero is the NEW Ms. Wrestlemania and I was able to get exclusive new pics of the photo shoot that Vickie had done in celebration of her win. Just stunning isn't she?

Does anyone else see Zach Ryder and immediately wonder if Curt Hawkins is going to get a Brian Christopher make over?

Look, I don't want to tell the "E" how to book, but…they might want to consider figuring a way to sign Consequences Creed away from TNA to fight Vladimir Kozlov at some point JUST before they hand him over to John Cena. I'm just saying is all.

The Great American Bash will now be called simply; "The Bash". I know that I for one can not wait for October when the WWE puts on, "NO".

El Generico has been medically cleared to wrestler in RoH. Which proves how superior Canada's universal health care truly is. Or…it proves how badly Canadians want Mexicans out of their country.

Supposedly Jeremy Borash started a rumor that Kurt Angle was approached about appearing on "Dancing with the Stars". I'm pretty sure that would quite possibly be the most awesome thing to ever rock my television sets. I know that I'd start my own drinkin' game, one shot for every time Kurt says "broken freakin' neck", pulls down his straps at the end of a performance, or suplexes his partner into Bruno.

The Great Booty Debate 2009

Its ridiculous how many pictures there are floating around on the internet of spank-worthy females at the ready for any pervert with an hour to kill and a solid WiFi connection. Luckily I have both.

Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Stephani Sweet: So when a chick is bathing in her undies it's sexy, but when a guy does it during gym class that one time in middle school he's a social pariah? C'mon, I'm…I mean he might have been shy.

Random Latina Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Suelyn Medieros: This is why I don't get why people always ask why I always show the Latinas from the backside.

I understand that Chris Hero is now "That Young Knockout Kid", but who exactly is "That OLD Knockout Kid"?

Pimpin' In High Places

C'mon…click a link already:

Ask 411

Top 5

R's

CHIKARA

HH

CoH

Threat x 3

BoS

Lansdell

You can tell it was a slow week in wrestling when the best idea I could come up with was a correlation between a dude helping you score some tail and a guy taking a forearm shot on the apron for you. Oh well, it happens, I'm sure someone will go crazy and book Mike Knox or Eric Young for a title win next week. It really doesn't matter since I'm going home to Seattle this week, actually I'll be sitting at a Starbucks waiting for my plane by the time most of you read this. I guess that means I'll have plenty of time to actually use my Twitter account while I try to recount how many Mid-Westerners at LAX walk in and ask if they can get their grilled chicken pesto panini "Chicken Fried" instead. That also means your hurtful, hurtful words can't touch me for at least a good 48 hours. I'm actually still smarting from all the ridiculous comments from my appearance on "Fact or Fiction" last week. Okay, not "smarting" per say, but laughing to myself about how many people comment on the bottom of these articles thinking that any writer who reads them is going to have a life changing epiphany that will change the course of their entire careers and literary style. Seriously guys, it's just wrestling. Alright? Calm down…no one is ACTUALLY going to go kill themselves because of a few people deciding that they didn't like your answers. Maybe cry for a bit curled up in a ball in the shower as you scrub yourself raw trying to get all the "failure" off of you while playing "Creep" in an hour long loop. But you know…Lansdell is a tough kid, I'm sure he'll come out of the bathroom eventually.

Till then, the Truth will set you free.

-B