The Wrestling News Experience: 05.25.09

Posted by Stephen Randle on 05.25.2009

Tonight, Raw is all about revenge against the city of Denver, so we've got a preview. Plus, Sacrifice results, we compare last week's PPV to next week's PPV, and appearances by dozens and dozens of former World Champions that may or may not be under contract! See them now, before they decide they have better things to do!

Monday, May 25th, 2009

From 411Mania's Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!


Unofficial sponsor of www.makeitseven.ca

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, and I'm already late. Plus I'm already hungover. God bless whoever invented drinking during the afternoon.

Hey, I was golfing first. That makes it okay.

Moving on.

PPV In Review - TNA Sacrifice 2009

Larry has live coverage.

Lethal Consequences and Eric Young defeated The Motor City Machine Guns and Sheik Abdul Bashir (Lethal pinned Bashir, Official Finisher of the X Division)

Taylor Wilde defeated Daffney in a Knockouts Monster's Ball Match (pinfall, TKO)

Daniels defeated Suicide to win the TNA X Division title (pinfall, Official Finisher of the X Division)

But wait, Daniels is a sucker of the highest order…er, I mean a good sport, and once he finds out that he won the match due to Sabin and Shelley's interference, he offers to give up the belt and go five more minutes. What a moron…er, competitor.

Suicide and Daniels wrestled to a 5-minute draw. Suicide retains the X Division title

I had to re-read the recap just to make sure. So, Daniels is such a good guy, that he not only gives Suicide five more minutes, but he also gives up the initial pinfall where he won the belt? Who is that nice?

Angelina Love defeated Awesome Kong to retain the TNA Knockouts title (pinfall, Official Finisher of the X Division TNA, apparently)

Seriously, does nobody in TNA have a finishing move? Or are they operating under the theory that finishing moves telegraph the ending, and only a roll-up properly creates the "surprise" finish?

Samoa Joe defeated Kevin Nash (submission, bodyscissors)

Hey, they let Joe beat someone up and get a clean win before he went nuts and started beating down Nash. No knives, no weak DQs. That can't possibly work towards making Joe look like an actual badass instead of an insane violent lunatic.

Beer Money defeated The British Invasion to win the Team 3D Invitational Tournament (Storm pinned Williams, superkick)

I am shocked, shocked and dismayed, that the Invitational trophy was not destroyed by an angry British Invasion. What's the point of having a trophy at a pro wrestling event, then?

AJ Styles defeated Booker T in an "I Quit" match to retain the TNA Legends title when Jenna Morasco "threw in the towel"

I'm really, really hoping that this is considered an acceptable end to an "I Quit" match, because from my viewpoint, it's a really, really cheap ending to a match, obviously set up to protect Booker for reasons that escape me. I mean, it's not like he can't afford to eat a clean loss, hell, he survived four years in WWE losing nearly every big match he was in, and he still kept coming back and remaining a viable main eventer.

Sting won the Ultimate Sacrifice match, pinning Kurt Angle. Sting becomes the Godfather of the MEM. Mick Foley, incidentally, retains the TNA World Title

Well, I guess that answers the question of what happens if Mick doesn't get pinned, but then, I have to question why Sting would choose to pin Kurt, winning the head spot in the Mafia (which I'm pretty sure he had originally), a group he's already a part of anyway, rather than go for the TNA World Title, allegedly the highest honour in TNA. But I guess then we wouldn't be treated to another month of "tension in the Main Event Mafia as it falls apart from within rather than be defeated by avenging TNA wrestlers". No wonder Sforcina wants Sting to be captain of Team Moron in his upcoming "Un-Dream Match" feature.

What's On Tap - WWE Raw for May 25th

I don't know if you heard anything about it, but apparently tonight's edition of WWE Raw was forced to move out of its original location due to some basketball game in Denver, and will now be originating from the Staples Center in Los Angeles. And since nothing tastes better than overwrought, humiliating, public revenge, WWE has already announced the main event, that being a massive ten-man tag match involving Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, The Miz, and The Big Show taking on Batista, John Cena, MVP, Jerry Lawler, and a player to be named later in a "Lakers vs Nuggets" match. Plus, Vince McMahon has stated that he will be confronting Denver Nuggets owner Stan Kroenke.

But in more storyline-related confrontations, Ric Flair declared last week that while he may be retired, he can still fight, and he's tired of Randy Orton running his mouth, to the point that Flair is planning to call out the Legend Killer tonight.

Plus, Vickie Guerrero, by hook and by crook, and with the extensive help of Chavo Guerrero and William Regal, wrested the Miss WrestleMania crown away from Santina Marella. Will Santina, or her twin brother, have thoughts of revenge against the Raw GM?

All this, plus The Brian Kendrick continues to search for a tag partner capable of doing exactly what he wants, and the rush to Extreme Rules continues, tonight on Raw!

The Wrestling Threatdown

5. Former World Champions

So, TNA has made it clear that they will not be using Bobby Lashley on television again, until he actually signs a contract. Lashley, for his part, has made it equally clear that MMA is his first priority at this point in time, and he has no interest in being under TNA contract. Lashley, thus, becomes the latest in a growing line of free agent wrestling talent that TNA has brought in, put on TV, and even pushed in meaningful storylines, without actually having them under contract, only to have them disappear from the promotion mere weeks after showing up. So, like any intelligent human being that has been screwed over multiple times, TNA learned from their mistakes and stopped promoting upcoming appearances by "Former World Champions".

Well, not quite.

Last night at Sacrifice, TNA made sure to promote, via their mobile service, that three more former World Champions would be appearing at this week's Impact. I'm not sure if its entirely a spoiler if its being promoted by TNA, but what the hell, I'll be generous and tell you that this is a spoiler warning, so if you read past the end of this sentence, you've only yourself to blame. So, according to TNA Mobile, the three appearing wrestlers will be Shane Douglas, Raven, and apparently not-so-retired former WWE Diva Victoria. Hopefully, TNA has actually learned, and gotten at least one or two of those wrestlers to actually sign some sort of contract, or barring that, doesn't plan to use them for anything more than a one-time special appearance. Myself, I'm not so sure that any of those three is going to entice anyone new to watch Impact this week. Well, except maybe Sforcina.

4. Matt Hardy's Blog

Ah, Matt Hardy's blog. Possibly the craziest, most kayfabe-breakingest journal of any employed WWE Superstar. Years ago, it brought us "Adam Copeland is feces", the Angelic Diablo, and resulted in Matt getting unceremoniously turfed from WWE. And now, it seems, Matt has learned to encode his messages to the Internet in vague poetic phrases that apparently caused some people to worry that Matt, the person, was going insane and getting really depressed about the success of his brother Jeff (while everyone else just assumed he was intimating that Jeff had finally signed a contract extension to remain in WWE). Fortunately for those who aren't quite as quick on the uptake, Matt swiftly removed his entry ranting about Jeff, then explained, out of character, that everything was actually fine and he wasn't really upset, but also not to read too much into anything he might have posted. Careful, there, Matt, if WWE finds out you're making friends with the Internet fanbase again, you might end up stuck in another "can't miss" losing streak gimmick. I mean, look at CM Punk. Do you want to be jobbing cleanly to Kane on PPV for no particular reason, Matt? Well, do you?

Oh right…he already did that one. I guess Matt Hardy really can't die.

3. Rematches

Hey, just for fun, does anyone remember the match listing from Judgment Day last week? Let's dig through the archives.

- CM Punk vs Umaga
- Shelton Benjamin vs John Morrison
- Big Show vs John Cena
- Rey Mysterio vs Chris Jericho
- Christian vs Jack Swagger
- Batista vs Randy Orton
- Jeff Hardy vs Edge

Ah yes, I remember it well. I bet I'll remember it even better when my cable bill comes. Anyway, for further S&G's, let's take a look at the current card for Extreme Rules, coming up in two weeks.

- CM Punk vs Umaga
- Big Show vs John Cena
- Rey Mysterio vs Chris Jericho
- Batista vs Randy Orton
- Jeff Hardy vs Edge

*blink blink*

You know, I can understand some feuds require rematches, especially rematches where they raise the stakes and add gimmicks to intensify the hatred of the competitors. But five rematches? Is WWE really, really sure that they wouldn't survive if they cut one of Judgment Day, Extreme Rules, The Bash, or Night of Champions from their spring PPV schedule?

2. "Legitimate" Sports Media

Okay, now, obviously this is coming from an unabashed WWE fanboy. And also obviously, Vince played this whole "WWE vs Kroenke" feud for every ounce of publicity he could get, and does sort of come off looking like the little jerk who hops around the tight inner circle of sports behemoths, kicking dirt and making fun of them, daring someone to take a swing at him so he can be front page news for the next week (see Balsillie vs Bettman for another example). But what really grinds my gears is tuning into all those alleged "sports expert" shows like PTI or Around The Horn, and hearing the talking heads rip into WWE for trying to steal the spotlight away from the poor, defenceless NBA, and not just letting them take the Pepsi Center and play their game without making a big deal. Are you kidding me? If the roles were ever reversed, let's say some arena agreed to book WrestleMania after already knowing that there was an NBA regular season game scheduled that date, how many sportscasters would be all "just kick out the NBA, after all, it's just a regular season game, WrestleMania is the biggest grossing event of the year for WWE"? I'd predict that the number would be somewhere between zero and one, with a margin of error of one. Of course, that would never happen in the first place, because WWE makes sure to book all their venues months in advance, to avoid scheduling issues.

The real shame here, of course, is that now that Vince has all this free publicity, there's a better than even chance that he'll piss it all away for an opportunity to make an actor portraying the owner of the Nuggets join the "Kiss My Ass" club (never mind that in storyline, Vince is supposed to be recovering from injuries at the hands of Legacy), instead of taking this as an opportunity to gain more permanent viewers by attempting to put on a dynamic and exciting episode of Raw, instead of the fairly tedious and boring fare that have been presented for the last month or so.

1. Submissions

Rumour has been going around that, despite Vince openly decrying WWE having anything to do with MMA, WWE is planning to change one of their PPVs to one in which the main event matches will all have submission-style matches. Of course, if you pause to remember that WWE is planning to put on a submission match between a 500 pound man whose submission offense consists of a recently-introduced Camel Clutch that resembles a lazy version of a rear chinlock, and a man whose submission finisher is…also essentially a modified chinlock, neither of whom have any offense which builds to their respective maneuvers, and the entire thing looks like a sick joke. But it also seems to be going forward, as WWE has reportedly sent out a survey asking fans to choose between the following names:

- WWE Total Submission
- WWE Breaking Point
- WWE Submission Sunday
- WWE Submit & Quit

I presume the person who came up with "Breaking Point", the only remotely creative and marketable name in that horribly tacky list, will probably be quickly canned. Seriously, who got paid to think of "Submission Sunday", and what are the chances that she's the son of the owner?

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 05.18.09

WWE Raw

- Triple H, out indefinitely as of April 26th (kayfabe, Orton punt)

WWE SmackDown

- Candice Michelle, out 6-8 weeks as of March 8th (ankle)
- The Undertaker, SD!, out indefinitely as of May 2009 (hip/knee)

ECW

- No reported injuries

TNA

- Christy Hemme, out indefinitely as of January 10th (neck surgery)
- Hernandez, TNA, out 6-9 months as of May 2009 (neck)
- Rhaka Khan, TNA, out sixty days as of April 30th (suspension)

Transactions

- Serena Deeb, signed to a WWE contract and made random backstage appearance on ECW

- Shane Sewell, TNA, released from his contract

Well, all that time spent creating the "wrestling referee" for nothing, I guess. Will someone please buy Vince Russo an attention span longer than three weeks?

Who's Holding Gold

WWE

WWE Champion: Randy Orton
- 29 day reign, with Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes, defeated former champion Triple H, Batista and Shane McMahon in a Six-Man Tag Match on April 26th (Backlash PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Batista, Steel Cage Match, Extreme Rules PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: Edge
- 29 day reign, defeated John Cena in a Last Man Standing match on April 26th (Backlash PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Jeff Hardy, Ladder Match, Extreme Rules PPV

ECW Champion: Christian
- 29 day reign, defeated Jack Swagger on April 26th (Backlash PPV)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rey Mysterio
- 50 day reign, defeated JBL on April 5th (WrestleMania XXV PPV)
- Next title defense vs Chris Jericho, No Holds Barred Match, Extreme Rules PPV

WWE United States Champion: MVP
- 66 day reign, defeated Shelton Benjamin on March 20th (Smackdown)

WWE Undisputed Tag Team Champions: Carlito and Primo Colon
- 50 day reign (+191 day reign as WWE Tag Team Champions), defeated World Tag Team Champions The Miz and John Morrison in a Tag Team Title Unification Lumberjack Match on April 5th (WrestleMania XXV PPV)

WWE Women's Champion: Melina
- 120 day reign, defeated Beth Phoenix on January 25th (Royal Rumble PPV)

- Next title defense: vs Michelle McCool, Unknown future date
WWE Diva's Champion: Maryse
- 151 day reign, defeated Michelle McCool on December 26th (Smackdown)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Mick Foley
- 36 day reign, defeated Sting in a Six Sides of Steel Match on April 19th (Lockdown PPV)

TNA Tag Team Champions: Team 3D
- 36 day reign, defeated Beer Money, Inc. in a Six Sides of Steel Match on April 19th (Lockdown PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Beer Money, Inc, Unknown future date

TNA X-Division Champion: Suicide
- 69 day reign, defeated former champion Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Jay Lethal, and Consequences Creed in an Ultimate X Match on March 15th (Destination X PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love
- 36 day reign, defeated former champion Awesome Kong and Taylor Wilde in a Triple Threat Six Sides of Steel Match on April 19th (Lockdown PPV)

TNA Legends Champion: AJ Styles
- 69 day reign, defeated Booker T on March 15th (Destination X PPV)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Harrison and James have the weekend news reports.

The Triple Threat talks Sacrifice and WWE vs the Nuggets

Bond has Please…Don't Hate.

Rodriguez has For The Record.

And Ari has Column of Honor.

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT.

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And for the drunken ramblings of Sean Carless and his merry band of reprobates, check out The Wrestling Fan.

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