The Wrestling News Experience: 06.01.09

Posted by Stephen Randle on 06.01.2009

This week, Raw gets previewed without threats of evil basketball owners, plus the great mystery of Ken Kennedy, the return of Flair, the evils of prom, and how Smackdown succeeds where Raw fails. Now with 200% more Robert Frost quotes!

Monday, June 1st, 2009

From 411Mania's Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!


Unofficial sponsor of www.makeitseven.ca

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience, I am Stephen Randle. I have to take some time here to apologize for something I neglected last week, which was pointed out by my readers. It seems that in reviewing TNA's Sacrifice PPV, I did not include the always informative and totally accurate Buddy the Cat rating. Well, truth be told, I did attempt to get Buddy to rate the show, but he kept attempting to figure out the booking strategy of the main event, gave up, and sprayed me with kitty litter in revenge for making him participate. And when your product makes a cat throw toiletries, I guess that says something.

Moving on.

What's On Tap: WWE Raw for June 1st

Tonight, with Extreme Rules only one week away, Randy Orton and Batista continue their war against the sins of the past. And speaking of the past, Ric Flair will also be lurking, surely not yet satisfied with his attempts to get a piece of the WWE Champion.

Plus, John Cena must prepare to face down both the mammoth Big Show at the upcoming PPV, and the irritating Miz before he starts claiming to be 173-0 or something.

Meanwhile, MVP will defend his United States title against the Jamaican Sensation, Kofi Kingston, while The Brian Kendrick continues his search for the ultimate tag team partner. And I'm sure there will be more pig jokes from Santino Marella. All this and maybe more Kroenke-bashing, tonight on Raw!

The Wrestling Threatdown

5. Ambivalence…No,Wait, Indecision

Well, apparently Ric Flair is officially back in the warm, loving clutches of WWE once again, as he has told ROH and its fans that he will not be back with that organization, choosing instead to go back to WWE and the forefront of the Evolution vs. Legacy feud. And really, who can blame him, even if it does make everything Chris Jericho said absolutely true. Plus, you just know that this is going to continue to make those rumours that Flair will be wrestling again more and more credible, and even Good Ol' JR is stoking the fires on his blog.

Frankly, I don't want to see Ric Flair wrestle another match, and it's not some sort of "not wanting to tarnish his farewell ceremony from last year" thing, it's the simple fact that Ric Flair is a senior citizen who isn't that enjoyable to see falling around the ring any more. Look, he was the greatest wrestler of all time, once. But he's not any more, and how can we condemn Mick Foley rolling around the ring in TNA eight years after he "retired" and still continue to demand that Flair keep coming back for another match. At least Foley is still a (relatively) spry 43.

But the real bottom line is that Flair needs to make a decision. Either he's retired as an active wrestler, or he's still available to wrestle matches. Stop making big appearances on WWE TV, threatening active Superstars like Chris Jericho or Randy Orton, and then hiding behind the "I'm retired because I promised Shawn Michaels" thing. It teases the fans, and doing things like that are what resulted in "Sherriff" Steve Austin, the biggest draw in wrestling history that we just wish would go away for a while. It's pro wrestling, I'm sure Shawn understands just as well as anyone that your retirement match is not necessarily your last match. Besides, if I understand Christianity, he has to forgive you anyway.

4. The Mysterious Mr. Kennedy

Fresh off making a fairly high-profile return on the past Monday Night Raw, it seemed that all was not well with the man with Vince's middle name, as footage and rumour suggested that Kennedy had injured his wrist, albeit not seriously. Jokes about his fragility abounded.

Then, in a shocking move, WWE.com announced this week that they had come to terms with the release of Mr. Kennedy. The Internet exploded with…well, more jokes, actually, as fans quickly turned on the man whom many online had anointed as a sure-fire main eventer shortly after his debut. Well, perhaps he can console himself with his 5000 friends on his new Facebook account.

More interestingly, from this reporter's perspective, is the fact that nobody in the know seems to have any idea why Kennedy was suddenly released. The popular theory is that Kennedy's alleged wrist injury and history of other ailments led WWE to decide that he wasn't worth the trouble of keeping around, a theory that Kennedy himself seems to wish put to rest, as he has released both statements on his website and a 20 second video featuring him showing off the full flexibility of both wrists. The other popular rumour is that Kennedy has a history of in-ring sloppiness, reportedly messed up a suplex on current golden boy Randy Orton on Raw and was dressed down for it following the show, which may have also factored into his instant release.

The truth is, nobody seems to have a definite answer, and even Jim Ross hasn't offered any vague hints on his journal, so the release of Mr. Kennedy, and his sudden fall from the limelight, looks to remain a mystery for at least the near future.

3. Prom!

In the continuing and baffling story that is the apparent working alliance between WWE and The View (which probably ties into why those "Did You Know" segments keep talking about beating Oprah.com) it was reported online that MVP agreed to accompany View hostess Sherri Shepherd to her high school prom this past weekend. According to the report, neither Porter nor Shepherd attended their original high school proms, which begs the question, why would you go to one now? I mean, it's not like you miss anything by not going to prom. It's not like it's a big event that defines the end of your high school life and that you would have gone to if you hadn't moved halfway through high school and ended up in a new school where all the little cliques were already formed before you got there, so you end up sitting alone at the back of every class, plus you break up with your high school girlfriend a month before because you find out that she's planning to do it to you anyway before she goes to university, and only learn on the day of prom that your entire Writer's Craft class was assuming you were going and tell you about how they would have hung out with you that night, or anything…

I'm sorry, I'm going to need a moment.




*sniff*

Okay, we can continue.

2. Apparent Forgiveness

Yes, it seems that despite featuring an "Adamle Original" concept in the Scramble match, WWE has decided to remove Unforgiven from the yearly PPV lineup, and will replace it with their new theme PPV, WWE Breaking Point. In this show, apparently, all the major matches will have submission-related stipulations. Let us all pause for a moment and offer up prayers of thanksgiving that they did not, in fact, go with "WWE Submit or Quit", which in retrospect makes even less sense since submitting and quitting mean exactly the same thing.

Actually, this reporter can't help but come out in favour of this new thematic PPV, as it does add a reason to buy one of the minor PPVs, rather than expecting to pay forty dollars for an extended version of Raw. Now, if we can only figure out a theme for Judgment Day, No Mercy, Armageddon, and Great American Bash (assuming No Way Out remains the Elimination Chamber show), then we'll be set. Of course, then you have to make storylines that build towards those PPVs and make people want to buy them for better reasons than gimmick matches, but baby steps.

1. Two Shows Diverged In a Yellow Wood, And I…

I don't think it's any shock that the general consensus since the WWE Draft is that Raw has been a horribly boring show dominated by Triple H, Batista, and Legacy cutting twenty minute promos while WWE's biggest money draw John Cena gets shuffled down so that he doesn't overshadow the "real" main event and Santino Marella makes jokes to fill the midcard time, while Smackdown has featured great wrestling matches involving some of the most athletic talent available in North America. Never was this more highlighted than the past week's shows. Let's take a quick comparative look.

Raw went into their show with massive mainstream publicity thanks to the feud with Denver Nuggets owner E. Stan Kroenke, following the whole "double-booking" fiasco. On every sports-magazine show you could name, pundits all over North America were weighing in on the issue, and with WWE actually completely in the right (for once), they stood to potentially attract entirely new viewers who might want to see what was up with that wrestling show that used to be so popular. So, were they treated to a well-written program that showcased all the top talent that Raw was front-loaded with in the Draft in competitive wrestling matches that also helped sell the Pay-Per-View coming up in two weeks? The answer, of course, is a resounding "No Chance In Hell", as we were instead given a twenty-minute promo to open the show where Vince McMahon dressed down a Kroenke impersonator, including calling him an "Enos" for five minutes straight, then shoving him to the mat. Then there was Goldust and Hornswoggle re-enacting ‘A Few Good Men" for a Jack Nicholson impersonator, the announcement of the non-wrestling GM of Raw facing a cross-dressing male wrestler in a Hog Pen Match at the upcoming PPV, and the return of that guy who got released three days ago. And we top it off with a meaningless ten-man match with twenty minutes of lame basketball-themed introductions, which had a telegraphed ending considering who represented each team.

Meanwhile, Smackdown spent nearly the entire show in the ring, and the time that wasn't spent in matches, was used for in-ring or backstage promos promoting ongoing feuds (such as Benjamin-Morrison) or the upcoming PPV, as everyone involved in matches on that show made hard-sell speeches about how they were going to beat their opponents. Plus, the main event tied together both ongoing feuds and the overarching story for the show, as Chris Jericho and Edge spent the show continuing the storyline that they can't trust each other (since, you know, they're both complete bastards…hooray for "we don't get along just because we're both evil"), which ended up resulting in a set-up attack by Jericho on Rey Mysterio that was both shocking and awesome in its Wile E. Coyote-like complexity (see, I'll threaten not to come out, so no one will think twice about me not coming out for the match, but reall, I'll hide in the crowd wearing a mask, because Rey can't help but bump foreheads with everyone in the front row wearing a mask every time he comes out, and then I'll jump him. It can't fail…unless he doesn't do that whole "bumping foreheads" thing this time…hmmm…). Two guesses who's being allowed to book their own feud, by the way.

Gee, from those descriptions, which would you rather be watching?

Oh yeah, and despite all that free publicity, Raw ended up drawing a lower rating than it did last week, by a decent margin, while that John and Kate Plus 8 show set cable records for its debut thanks to all the free publicity they got because of the husband screwing around with college students during the summer. So, you know, it's not THAT hard to create exciting television that people will watch, hell, reality TV keeps figuring it out almost by accident.

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 05.25.09

WWE Raw

- Triple H, out indefinitely as of April 26th (kayfabe, Orton punt)

WWE SmackDown

- Candice Michelle, out 6-8 weeks as of March 8th (ankle)
- The Undertaker, SD!, out indefinitely as of May 2009 (hip/knee)

ECW

- No reported injuries

TNA

- Christy Hemme, out indefinitely as of January 10th (neck surgery)
- Hernandez, TNA, out 6-9 months as of May 2009 (neck)
- Rhaka Khan, TNA, out sixty days as of April 30th (suspension)

Transactions

- Lisa Marie Varon (Victoria), TNA, made TNA debut on May 28th Impact

- Mr. Ken Kennedy, RAW, released from his contract

- Raven, TNA, made TNA return on May 28th Impact

- Shane Douglas, TNA, made TNA return on May 28th Impact

Who's Holding Gold

WWE

WWE Champion: Randy Orton
- 36 day reign, with Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes, defeated former champion Triple H, Batista and Shane McMahon in a Six-Man Tag Match on April 26th (Backlash PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Batista, Steel Cage Match, Extreme Rules PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: Edge
- 36 day reign, defeated John Cena in a Last Man Standing match on April 26th (Backlash PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Jeff Hardy, Ladder Match, Extreme Rules PPV

ECW Champion: Christian
- 36 day reign, defeated Jack Swagger on April 26th (Backlash PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Tommy Dreamer and Jack Swagger, Hardcore Match, Extreme Rules PPV

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rey Mysterio
- 57 day reign, defeated JBL on April 5th (WrestleMania XXV PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Chris Jericho, No Holds Barred Match, Extreme Rules PPV

WWE United States Champion: MVP
- 73 day reign, defeated Shelton Benjamin on March 20th (Smackdown)
- Next title defense: vs Kofi Kingston, June 1st Raw

WWE Undisputed Tag Team Champions: Carlito and Primo Colon
- 57 day reign (+191 day reign as WWE Tag Team Champions), defeated World Tag Team Champions The Miz and John Morrison in a Tag Team Title Unification Lumberjack Match on April 5th (WrestleMania XXV PPV)

WWE Women's Champion: Melina
- 127 day reign, defeated Beth Phoenix on January 25th (Royal Rumble PPV)

WWE Diva's Champion: Maryse
- 165 day reign, defeated Michelle McCool on December 26th (Smackdown)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Mick Foley
- 43 day reign, defeated Sting in a Six Sides of Steel Match on April 19th (Lockdown PPV)
- Next title defense: King of the Mountain Match, Slammiversary PPV

TNA Tag Team Champions: Team 3D
- 43 day reign, defeated Beer Money, Inc. in a Six Sides of Steel Match on April 19th (Lockdown PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Beer Money, Inc, Unknown future date

TNA X-Division Champion: Suicide
- 76 day reign, defeated former champion Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Jay Lethal, and Consequences Creed in an Ultimate X Match on March 15th (Destination X PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love
- 43 day reign, defeated former champion Awesome Kong and Taylor Wilde in a Triple Threat Six Sides of Steel Match on April 19th (Lockdown PPV)

TNA Legends Champion: AJ Styles
- 76 day reign, defeated Booker T on March 15th (Destination X PPV)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Harrison and James have the weekend news reports.

The Triple Threat talk arrivals and departures

Rodriguez has For The Record.

Ari has Column of Honor.

And Ford has Contemplating CHIKARA

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT.

Remember, if you love poker, and are in the Kitchener-Cambridge-Waterloo area, check out Player's Poker League.

And for the drunken ramblings of Sean Carless and his merry band of reprobates, check out The Wrestling Fan.

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That's our show, Small is probably in tomorrow, I'll be back next week.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.


"How do you spell 'contravention'?"
"I don't"