The Wrestling News Experience: 06.08.09

Posted by Stephen Randle on 06.08.2009

Extreme Rules is in the books and we've got a bunch of new champions, with exclusive results and opinion inside. Plus, a suddenly changed Raw title scene makes for an intriguing preview of tonight's show, nude commentators, beaten reporters, and JR loves waffles. Wait, that's supposed to say "waffling". Actually, both are correct.

Monday, June 8th, 2009

From 411Mania's Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!


Unofficial sponsor of www.makeitseven.ca

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience, I am Stephen Randle.

This is probably a bad idea. I've spent the weekend drugged up on Dristan and Tylenol Cold and wouldn't have recognized the Rey-Edge match from Smackdown as a four star affair if I'd managed to keep my eyes focussed on it for the whole twenty minutes. Good thing I have some days off in a row. Yes, great, I get to be sick for my days off. I'd celebrate, but I can't lift my arms.

On a happier note, I did manage to pick up two of the greatest DVDs in the history of existence: Fanboys and Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog (previously only available on Amazon). When scanning the second one, the cashier said "that's like, the eighth one we've sold today", at which point I and the other cashiers exchanged knowing glances, coughed politely, and said "You haven't seen it, have you".

The bad news is, now I have to start watching "How I Met Your Mother". NPH 4 Life!

Moving on.

PPV In Review - WWE Extreme Rules 2009

Lansdell had the live coverage, I'm just a sucker who paid 40 bucks.

Kofi Kingston defeated MVP, William Regal, and Matt Hardy in a Fatal Four Way Match to retain the WWE United States Championship (Kingston pinned Regal, Trouble in Paradise)

Some obvious jitters out of Kingston here, he nearly blew a couple moves, including the finish. I do give credit for them trying not so much to make it a "two guys fight, two guys rest" match, but it led to kind of a disjointed affair.

Chris Jericho defeated Rey Mysterio in a No Holds Barred Match to win the WWE Intercontinental Championship (pinfall, rollup following unmasking)

Really smooth unmasking by Jericho, even on replay I'm still not sure how he really managed it. Hopefully this actually gets allowed to run, instead of Rey just coming back out with a new mask, like he did when Kane stole his mask last year.

Oh, God, I thought I repressed that.

CM Punk defeated Umaga in a Samoan Strap Match

Tommy Dreamer defeated Christian and Jack Swagger in a Triple Threat Match to win the ECW Championship (Dreamer pinned Swagger, DDT)

All right, that's it, I'm calling a moratorium on the Tower of Doom superplex spot. Two in one PPV?

Santina Marella defeated Chavo and Vickie Guerrero in a Handicap Hog Pen Match to reclaim the Miss WrestleMania title

Well…at least it wasn't…that…long.

The important news is, in the resultant fallout, Edge demanded a divorce! Woo! Nobody cared they were married anymore anyway, but still, woo!

Batista defeated Randy Orton in a Steel Cage Match to win the WWE Championship

Hmm, third from the top, I wonder why that is.

So, maybe I'm just spitting into the wind here, but I suspect that we're going to see some form of "I did what you couldn't do" thing here between Batista and a returning Triple H, probably with an all-Evolution Triple Threat Match in the offing.

This was pretty dull, especially for a cage match. We get it, Randy Orton's a weenie who runs away from real competition. Or is that not right?

John Cena defeated The Big Show in a Submission Match (submission, technically rope-assisted STF)

I say technically, because they had to quickly cut camera angles once it was easily apparent that Show's foot slipped right out of the ropes.

So I guess The Miz is next.

Jeff Hardy defeated Edge in a Ladder Match to win the World Heavyweight Championship

Honestly, I think the match suffers due to overhype, in the whole "people will be talking about this after we're gone" and JR and Grisham invoking the Shawn-Razor match as if this one might surpass it. It was good, and what you'd expect from two guys who made their bones in the environment, but it was nothing special as a match.

But wait just a second there, we've still got four minutes left!

CM Punk defeated Jeff Hardy by cashing in Money in the Bank to win the World Heavyweight Championship

Well, hopefully we have our summer program now, what with Jeff all "you stole my title you son of a bitch" and maybe a little heelishness out of Punk.

Buddy?



Buddy Is Worried About What Will Happen When Stephen's Fiancee Finds Out That Her Favourite Wrestler Lost To Punk


Oh…crap. And she really won't like it when she finds out about the celebrating I did when Punk won.

Wait, did I write that or just think it?

Damn it.

What's On Tap - WWE Raw for June 8th

Last night at Extreme Rules, Randy Orton suffered a massive blow as he was soundly defeated by Batista and now finds himself minus the WWE title. Plus, Batista has declared eternal vengeance on Orton and his Legacy in vengeance for their actions against Ric Flair last week on Raw, so I'd imagine that everything is not over between the former Evolution members.

Plus, John Cena once again overcame the odds and physical improbabilities to defeat the Big Show. With that mammoth challenge behind him, where will Cena set his sights next? The mouthy Miz, perhaps?

And Vickie Guerrero suffered a double shot of depression last night, losing her Miss WrestleMania crown to Santina Marella, and also the impending dissolution of her marriage to Edge. Guerrero has made it quite clear that she wants her crown back, and blames her nephew Chavo for its loss. The Marella twins will no doubt have to watch their back.

All this, and maybe more, as the build towards The Bash begins, tonight on Raw!

The Wrestling Threatdown

5. NSFW

So apparently there are images floating around that cesspool of scum and villainy known as the Interweb that may or may not depict ECW color commentator Matt Striker in the nude. Now, I haven't seen these pictures due to fear of my latent homosexual urges bubbling to the surface (no, not really, but I had you going for a minute there), but what is it with Striker and his ability to get headlines for all the wrong reasons? Hell, the reason he got a job in WWE in the first place is because he got fired from his teaching job for taking sick days to go wrestle and grabbed national exposure in the process. Granted, I'm not so sure that explicit photographs will get him far in today's "PG" WWE, but then again, you can't really fire a guy for naked pictures on the Internet, considering that up until last year one of your yearly WrestleMania angles was Divas posing for naked pictures.

Hey, gender equality works both ways now, right?

4. Mexican Reporters

If you haven't see it yet:





Of course, rumour leaked out shortly after that this interview was, at least partially, a work by WWE and the interviewer. What, you mean wrestlers aren't supposed to be assaulting news reporters anymore?









Well, at least Orton's in legendary company.

3. It's Gotta Be Kane!

Actually, it doesn't, as Kane has been off TV since being drafted to Smackdown because of the infamous "Creative doesn't have anything for him" excuse, which actually might make sense with this guy, because really, once you've feuded extensively with your undead half-brother, unmasked, lit a bunch of people on fire, been accused of necrophilia, feuded over coffee burns, impregnated an unwilling woman who you then married, kidnapped and destroyed Rey Mysterio (allegedly), stalked several other Divas, and beaten CM Punk clean at Backlash for no reason, what else is there?

Seriously, maybe it's a good idea to get Kane off TV for a while. Do you even miss him? Come to think of it, have you really noticed that The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels haven't been on TV in nearly two months, and Triple H for about six weeks? I'm just saying.

2. Good Ol' JR

After the weeks following the WWE Draft, JR was often coming out on his independent blog about how Smackdown was obviously the better show, a sentiment echoed by most of the fanbase who saw all the highly talented wrestlers moving to the blue brand and putting on regularly great matches, while Raw lumbered under the overarching Legacy storyline that took up a large amount of television time for a long time. Well, this week, JR made sure to point out that his comments about the greatness of Smackdown vis a vis Raw were "part BS and part me being loyal to my brand", and not any real sentiment about the quality of either show. Wow, way to toe a company line, there. Not that I blame him, getting paid to pretend that Raw is of equal quality to Smackdown (or even ECW, home of the next rulers of the world, The Hart Dynasty) beats not getting paid at all and also being humiliated by on-air firings and video segments involving things being pulled out of your ass. And it's not like it's hard to pretend, look, I'll give it a shot.

There is no doubt that the quality of Smackdown far, far exceeds that of the slower, duller, and more lumbering Raw brand. While Smackdown provides exciting matches and storylines, with a minimum of soap opera crap, Raw spends at least two segments focussing on Santino/Santina Marella and his/her war with Vickie and Chavo Guerrero in increasingly unfunny promos.

Wait, that's not what I meant to say. Let me try again.

I want to see various combinations of Chris Jericho, Edge, Rey Mysterio, Jeff Hardy, John Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, and CM Punk wrestling every week for as long as they can manage it. Thus, Smackdown is obviously superior.

Damn it!

1, The Next PPV

Sooooo, let's do a quick rundown.

WrestleMania was April 5th.
Backlash was April 26th. (3 weeks later)
Judgment Day was May 17th. (3 weeks later)
Extreme Rules was yesterday, June 7th. (3 weeks later)

So, that's four PPV's in just about two months, or just over sixty days, anyway. That doesn't include TNA, because frankly, WWE doesn't care if you buy those or not. Anyway, if you bought all four of those PPV's, that's nearly 200 dollars. And let's toss in the fact that WrestleMania actually drew a lower number than expected (okay, so it's still nearly a million buys worldwide, but they were claiming more before the numbers were in), so the fact is, less people are paying for PPV. Plus, in between those PPVs, there was the 3 hour Draft, and the entire episode spent mocking Stan Kroenke, resulting in little or no storyline developments. In fact, at least two of those PPVs had the bulk of their matches created on the fly during the last week of TV before the show. After that many PPVs in that short a time period, don't you think it might be a good idea to wait a while before ramming another forty dollar show down the fans throats? Maybe take some time and build new directions out of all those title changes that happened last night?

The Bash is June 28th. (3 weeks from now)

Sigh.

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 06.01.09

WWE Raw

- Triple H, out indefinitely as of April 26th (kayfabe, Orton punt)

WWE SmackDown

- Candice Michelle, out 6-8 weeks as of March 8th (ankle)
- The Undertaker, SD!, out indefinitely as of May 2009 (hip/knee)

ECW

- No reported injuries

TNA

- Christy Hemme, out indefinitely as of January 10th (neck surgery)
- Hernandez, TNA, out 6-9 months as of May 2009 (neck)
- Rhaka Khan, TNA, out sixty days as of April 30th (suspension)

Transactions

- Chris Masters, signed to a WWE contract

- Samoa Joe, TNA, removed from all matches after Slammiversary, wrestling status unknown (torn triceps)

Who's Holding Gold

So, hell, now that we have a way to define it, that's World title changes fifteen through nineteen since the last time Punk held the World Heavyweight Championship, which would actually be just about a year ago and also involved the Money in the Bank title shot. That includes an astonishing nine World Heavyweight title changes (six different Champions: Punk, Jeff Hardy, Edge, Cena, Jericho, and Batista), six WWE titles (five different Champions: Batista, Orton, Triple H, Edge, Jeff Hardy), and four ECW titles (Dreamer, Christian, Swagger, Matt Hardy). That's…incredible.

WWE

**NEW** WWE Champion: Batista
- 1 day reign, defeated Randy Orton in a Steel Cage Match on June 7th (Extreme Rules PPV)

**NEW** World Heavyweight Champion: Jeff Hardy
- 1 day reign, defeated Edge in a Ladder Match on June 7th (Extreme Rules PPV)

EDIT: Whups. That's twice I've incorrectly credited a Jeff Hardy title reign. You'd think I have something against him.

**NEW** World Heavyweight Champion: CM Punk
- 1 day reign, defeated Jeff Hardy by cashing in Money in the Bank on June 7th (Extreme Rules PPV)

*NEW** ECW Champion: Tommy Dreamer
- 1 day reign, defeated former champion Christian and Jack Swagger in a Triple Threat Match on June 7th (Extreme Rules PPV)

**NEW**WWE Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho
- 1 day reign, defeated Rey Mysterio in a No Holds Barred Match on June 7th (Extreme Rules PPV)

**NEW** WWE United States Champion: Kofi Kingston
- 8 day reign, defeated MVP on June 1st Raw

WWE Undisputed Tag Team Champions: Carlito and Primo Colon
- 64 day reign (+191 day reign as WWE Tag Team Champions), defeated World Tag Team Champions The Miz and John Morrison in a Tag Team Title Unification Lumberjack Match on April 5th (WrestleMania XXV PPV)

WWE Women's Champion: Melina
- 134 day reign, defeated Beth Phoenix on January 25th (Royal Rumble PPV)

WWE Diva's Champion: Maryse
- 172 day reign, defeated Michelle McCool on December 26th (Smackdown)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Mick Foley
- 50 day reign, defeated Sting in a Six Sides of Steel Match on April 19th (Lockdown PPV)
- Next title defense: King of the Mountain Match, Slammiversary PPV

TNA Tag Team Champions: Team 3D
- 50 day reign, defeated Beer Money, Inc. in a Six Sides of Steel Match on April 19th (Lockdown PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Beer Money, Inc, Unknown future date

TNA X-Division Champion: Suicide
- 83 day reign, defeated former champion Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Jay Lethal, and Consequences Creed in an Ultimate X Match on March 15th (Destination X PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love
- 50 day reign, defeated former champion Awesome Kong and Taylor Wilde in a Triple Threat Six Sides of Steel Match on April 19th (Lockdown PPV)

TNA Legends Champion: AJ Styles
- 83 day reign, defeated Booker T on March 15th (Destination X PPV)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Harrison and James have the weekend news reports.

The Triple Threat talks Extreme Rules.

Rodriguez has For The Record.

Bond has Against The Grain.

And Ford has Contemplating CHIKARA.

And On To Go On

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT.

Remember, if you love poker, and are in the Kitchener-Cambridge-Waterloo area, check out Player's Poker League.

And for the drunken ramblings of Sean Carless and his merry band of reprobates, check out The Wrestling Fan.

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That's our show, Small is in tomorrow, I'll be back next week.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.

I cannot believe my eyes,
How the world's filled with filth and lies,
And it's plain to see
Evil inside of me
Is on the rise…