wrestling / Columns
The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 06.12.09
UPDATED (9:30 a.m eastern): Following my open letter to Mick Foley (see below), I have added an e-mail that arrived today from the commenter who posted the original remark regarding Mick Foley’s charity work.
Howdy folks, and welcome back to the FreeThinks. Yesterday, I covered a handful of the week’s top stories in Fact or Fiction alongside Stephen Randle, and so I’ll be skipping on those suckers in order to focus on the remaining newsbits instead (hey, it was either provide a one-click link or cut and paste eight separate mini-stories below). Likewise, we’ll be omitting the Sell and Tell of the week feature in favor of what you’re about to see below instead.
With the free space this has given Mee —
I thought it might be fun to conduct an interactive “reader participation” feature. The rules are pretty simple (they’re spelled out in complete detail below), but basically — you’ll need a pen and paper (or perhaps a blank .txt document), and you’ll be asked to provide answers for a handful of questions that are sprinkled throughout this week’s column (each new challenge is sectioned off and marked accordingly — so you really can’t miss it).
The premise of the challenge?
It’s no secret that RAW has struggled since this year’s draft. Whether its the result of injuries, egos, fear of getting fired, ratings wars or a simple dearth in creative output, WWE’s flagship show has most defintely seen better days. Wrestling fans are consistently underwhelmed, and many have sounded off against Vince McMahon and his “crack” team of writers who can’t seem to woo our interest in spite of themselves.
So what’s the problem? Wasn’t the WWE Draft supposed to *freshen* things up?
After all, it certainly seems like a reasonable request to have a pretty good idea of what all you’ll be doing with SIX MONTHS worth of programming at a clip, right? That way, the post-Mania/WWE Draft fallout will always lead to a big payoff to SummerSlam, and the aftermath of the August PPV and its ensuing storylines will take you right back up through next year’s WrestleMania, no?
Well YES… in theory, anyway.
In principle, writing a solid slate of storylines to lead you through six months of programming should hardly be an insurmountable task for a “professional” television writer (even if they aren’t first and foremost a wrestling fan). In PRACTICE, however, an inumerable array of circumstances have seemed to hamper any and all of RAW’s creative momentum at every turn. And so while a good chunk of the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of the folks writing the show, perhaps there’s something to be learned from their mistakes.
Or even better… by walking in their shoes.
So you wanna’ be a WWE writer, eh?
Grab a pen and paper, or pop open a new .txt document and stay tuned for the WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment segments as they pop up in the column below. Feel free to skip these segments if you’re not a “creative” type — but don’t worry if you’re not much of a writer, as the actual “creative writing” challenges are nothing more than a series of one or two word answers throughout, and so they really shouldn’t take more than ten minutes of your time.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled program:
New and/or newly returning performers or events of the past week.
Jesse Neal – the former Navy officer made his official in-ring debut with TNA programming this week, where he competed in his first televised match in a losting effort to Matt Morgan. Neal has been training (both in kayfabe and in real life) with former ECW Champion Rhino in preparation for his professional debut, but it appears as if the former sailor still has a long way to go if he’s ever going to win a match or the War Machine’s respect. Not to sound like a Debby Downer here, but if TNA’s Jesse Neal experiment fares as well as their last homegrown attempt to create a “crossover star” (Referee Shane Sewell), then the Petty Officer *AND* the Man Beast could both end up in the unemployment line by 2010.
Triple H – The Game returned to RAW this week and resumed his rivalry with Randy Orton. Triple H has been out of action since receiving a punt to the skull from the Legend Killer several months ago, and it appears as if he will immediately be placed into the WWE Championship title hunt starting with a Fatal Four Way match on next week’s three-hour RAW broadcast (more on that one below).
Tony Atlas – WWE Hall of Famer Tony Atlas returned as an in-ring competitor this week when he squared off against Evan Bourne on Tuesday night’s ECW broadcast. Though Atlas was pinned cleanly to conclude the match, it’s most definitely worth noting that he looked a heck of a lot more impressive than his Hall of Fame cohort in Jimmy Snuka, whose WrestleMania appearance against Chris Jericho was pretty much as painful a match as we’ve seen from a “Legend” in recent memory.
Atlas’ loss on Tuesday night’s broadcast seems to be further sewing the seeds of dissent between himself and Mark Henry. As Tony Atlas is not likely to continue on in a full-time competitor or managerial role once his partnership with The World’s Strongest Man has reached its logical end, presumably, the inevitable dissolution of their partnership will result in one (or perhaps both) of these men being removed from television shortly thereafter — though Atlas may still continue in his offscreen role as Mark Henry’s unofficial “chaperone” while traveling on the road.
Luke Hawx – local talent Luke Hawx made a one-off WWE appearance in a handicap match where he paired with fellow newcomer Chris Lewis in a losing effort against Vladimir Kozlov on Tuesday night’s ECW broadcast. Hawx is not believed to have signed a long-term WWE contract at this time.
Chris Lewis – local talent Chris Lewis made a one-off WWE appearance in a handicap match where he paired with fellow newcomer Luke Hawx in a losing effort against Vladimir Kozlov on Tuesday night’s ECW broadcast. Lewis is not believed to have signed a long-term WWE contract at this time.
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week One
Using performers that are CURRENTLY SIGNED to a WWE Contract (sorry, no developmental talents), CURRENTLY ASSIGNED to the RAW roster, and NOT CURRENTLY INJURED at this time, let’s put ourselves in the shoes of a WWE Creative Team member and see if we can’t map out our “dream match scenarios” for the Red Brand’s major feuds leading up to SummerSlam. While you’re at it, name the general manager of your choosing (as long as they’re alive and have prior ties to the industry, they’re fair game). And keep in mind that you’ll probably need four offerings for each PPV.Ten weeks of TV and three PPVs might sound like overkill, but that’s just one of the pre-existing variables around which a professional writing staff must work.
On your mark, get set… GO!
Homework assignment: Pick a GM, and select performers for each of three PPV matches at The Bash (WWE Championship, US Championship, Number One Contender’s Match).
Obituaries, retirements, and/or performers whose contracts have ended this week.
Umaga – the Samoan Bulldozer parted ways with World Wrestling Entertainment early this week, following a clean loss to CM Punk at the WWE’s Extreme Rules PPV. Reports are conflicting as to *why*, exactly, Umaga was let go (some are claiming that he requested his release, while others maintain that it was WWE’s decision), but the fact remains that this Smackdown! superstar is no longer under contract with World Wrestling Entertainment. To date, he has declined a number of independent booking offers — which may indicate a no-compete clause in accordance with the terms of his release.
Obviously, Umaga’s departure leaves WWE with yet aNOTHER high profile hole to fill in their upper midcard/ sub-main-event level. Looking briefly at the list of “big name” performers who have similarly gone absent from WWE’s main event picture in recent weeks, one sees that the company has now lost:
The Undertaker (injury)
Shawn Michaels (injury)
Batista (injury)
Rey Mysterio (injury)
Mr. Kennedy (released)
Umaga (released)
… giving the company a half a dozen top-level spots that now require filling in order to sustain each of their two highest-rated programs. While this is great news for guys like Shelton Benjamin, John Morrison, and (of course) CM Punk — it will certainly take more than an overnight success story for WWE to build the staying power and momentum of each of these new(er) stars if they’re ever going to fill the void left by their decidedly higher-profile predecessors. Regardless, it seems as if Smackdown! will now be *THE* (long-sounding “eeee”) show to watch when it comes to building new stars.
In the mean time, stay tuned to 411 as more details emerge surrounding Umaga’s WWE release.
Vickie Guerrero – RAW General Manager Vickie Guerrero resigned from her position as the show’s figurehead authority on this week’s broadcast. Off screen, the real-life widow of the late Eddige Guerrero has requested her release from World Wrestling Entertainment in order to spend more time at home as a single mother with her daughters.
From a human compassion perspective, it’s pretty hard to find fault with Vickie’s decision to step away from the life of a performer. In truth, she only became an onscreen personality by accident once her husband passed away, and she certainly must have her hands full in raising two children on her own even WITHOUT the added pressure of traveling around the country to take part in WWE’s television tapings and the like.
From a fan’s perspective? Again, it’s pretty hard to criticize Vickie for wrapping up her tenure in the way that she did. On Sunday night, she allowed herself to be made into a laughing stock who’d finally been given their long overdue comeuppance (which is a classic sendoff for a heel authority figure). And on Monday night? She finished out her onscreen tenure by throwing in the towel as RAW’s General Manager, while at the same time using her departure to wrap up some loose ends with Edge *and* open the door for a possible new direction for The Rated R Superstar in the weeks to come.
All told?
Vickie Guerrero left the wrestling business in a much better way than she entered it. While her initial foray into an onscreen role was oft-derided as cheap, classless and thoroughly unprofessional no matter how you sliced it, her exit was anything but, as she’d brought wonderful closure to a number of lingering questions while at the same time using her departure to springboard new performers to the forefront of new storylines as she left. Kudos and best wishes to Vickie Guerrero as she closes this chapter of her professional life and transitions back into a more quiet and subdued personal life away from the spotlight with her family for many years to come.
Frankly, I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I would love to see Vickie Guerrero show up on WWE programming again one day in the future. And at the risk of sounding blasphemous, for as one-dimensional as her gimmick may have been and in spite of all of the charisma that she lacked, Vickie Guerrero was pretty damned good as a heel — maybe an even better “pure heel” than her late husband.
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week Two
It’s June 22, and you’re just six days away from “The Bash” PPV. Tonight’s the night your General Manager makes a splash! By now, you should have each of the following elements in place:1) Your General Manager Is:
2) Your WWE Championship Match Will Be:
3) Your U.S. Championship Match Will Be:
4) Your Number One Contender’s Bout (Must Be a Singles Contest) Will Be:Got it? Cool. Good luck with this weekend’s PPV, and we’ll be back next Monday to see how you fared!
Homework assignment: Pick the winners and losers for Sunday’s PPV (the U.S. Champ must retain).
Performers injured or suspended in the past week.
Batista – The newly crowned WWE Champion is expected to miss close to four months worth of time as the result of a serious muscle tear that required surgery this week. This puts The Animal *back* on the shelf (where he resided for the better part of six months right up through WrestleMania 25), and leaves the WWE Championship belt to be vacated in his absence — thus setting up a Fatal Four Way match to crown a new champ on next week’s three-hour RAW broadcast.
Since we discussed Batista’s injury and its implications at length in this week’s Fact or Fiction, I’ll simply add that Big Dave is proving increasingly fragile, which could lead to some serious problems if he’s expecting to negotiate a new contract once his current deal expires next year. Interestingly, in accordance with WWE’s existing contract structure, performers who are injured for extended periods of time *actually owe* the company just as many months’ worth of work AFTER their existing contract would have otherwise expired. In other words? If you only have a year left on your current deal, but you miss four months’ worth of work due to injury, then you actually have to remain with the company for one year PLUS four additional months (to make up for the time you’ve taken off for injury).
While this might sound ridiculously one-sided and harsh (“indentured servitude” much?), it is worth noting that WWE does offer to pay for any and all surgeries/rehab services that are required as a result of an injury that you’ve sustained on the job. So in effect, they’re paying you a four months’ salary for simply sitting on the sidelines and nursing your way back to health (which, in turn, is an “investment” for them, as it means that you’ll agree to make up for any lost — and paid — time off by adding those missed months onto the back end of your current contract).
Long story short?
This means Batista will probably be contractually bound to WWE *AT LEAST* through 2010. As to whether or not he’ll actually *last* that long, however (both in avoiding injury AND a pink slip)? Well, that’s a story for another day. Bottom line is that Big Dave’s bargaining power most definitely took a big hit with this latest injury, as the guy now OWES his employer a few extra months on his existing deal… which means that the “Creative” team can pretty much bury the hell out of him should he decide to play hardball and threaten to retire once his current contract draws to a close.
Rey Mysterio – Smackdown’s masked superstar was pulled from this week’s television tapings in order to deal with some nagging knee injuries. Mysterio is not expected to miss any extended period of time for this latest injury, and his feud with Chris Jericho is scheduled to continue upon his return in the coming weeks.
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week Three
It’s June 29, which means that it’s the first night after “The Bash” PPV. How’s your next show gonna’ go? Well, let’s throw in a variable or two you tell me…1) Your General Manager stays the same.
2) Your WWE Champion stays the same.
3) Your U.S. Championship match stole the show at the PPV (the U.S. Champion retained).
4) You’ve named a new number one contender, and the guy he beat has asked for his release.Yikes. Good thing the guy who lost your number one contender’s match was nice enough to put the other guy over on his way out the door. Push that guy to the moon! Night of Champions is just four weeks away.
Homework assignment: Cross the loser of your number one contender’s match off of your roster for good. Now assign remaining performers to three of RAW’s FOUR title matches at Night of Champions. These bouts will be announced on next week’s show.
Performers who’ve landed in hot water over the past week.
Candice Michelle – a lot of backstage scuttlebutt has been directed at this WWE Diva as a result of her extended stint on the disabled list. Apparently, Candice is pretty much viewed as the female equivalent of the recently released Mr. Kennedy, and has come under fire for being reliably UNreliable, both in terms of sloppy in-ring performances and a nasty penchant for getting hurt at precisely the wrong time.
Many fans will also recall that Candice likewise drew some negative attention several months ago when it was reported that WWE officials were less than impressed by her physical appearance (reportedly, she’d gained some weight — which is bad news for an image-obsessed business like women’s wrestling). Needless to say, Kennedy’s release has put Candice (and her fans) on high alert, as WWE seems to be cracking down on performers who end up being more of a liability than an asset over the long run.
(Insert obvious Batista jokes here — but then take a quick second to realize how INSANELY POPULAR Big Dave remains with the merchandise-buying crowd of younger fans. Candice? Not so much).
The Go Daddy Girl appears to be on her “last strike” with World Wrestling Entertainment, and so it will be most interesting to see what improvements she will have made once she returns to competition later this year. Divas are (regrettably) pretty interchangable in the WWE ranks these days, and there’s no reason to believe that the company won’t just cut their losses with the girl if she doesn’t give them a reason to keep her around.
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week Four
It’s July 6, and you’re gonna’ need to start announcing your title matches in a hurry. And don’t forget about making your number one contender look like a serious threat! So what’s on tap for the Night of Champions PPV? You tell me…
1) Your WWE Championship Match Will Be:
2) Your U.S. Championship Match Will Be:
3) Your third championship match (tag or divas) Will Be:
4) Tonight’s Main Event Is:
The pieces of the puzzle are starting to come together. But the hard part is just about to begin.
Homework assignment: Announce next week’s main event, and put the number one contender squarely in the spotlight to help sell the PPV. While you’re at it, assign participants for RAW’s remaining title match at Night of Champions.
Developing scandals, scuttlebutt, and budding backstage rumors.
Mick Foley – recently announced that he’d be penning a FOURTH autobiography, tentatively entitled “Crossing The Line.” And when this announcement hit the major wrestling websites, it lead to the typical deluge of kneejerk critical response from anonymous commenters across the board.
Shockingly, the Hardcore Icon himself actually took note of this feedback, and posted a blog entry detailing his thoughts on the matter. In it, he even singled out the 411mania commenters. Check it out:
I think it’s great that so many of the wrestling websites pick up and print my blogs. I was interested to know what kind of feedback the Knoebel’s Grove Park was getting, so I did something a little unusual for me – I went on a couple of those sites. I have to admit, I was a little surprised by all the negativity, especially on Wrestling 411, and can’t help but think that these fans who post comments can’t be indicative of most big wrestling fans – which would be people who acually seem to LIKE wrestling. There were 15 comments about my upcoming book, and 14 of them were negative – with the one person who was positive being made fun of for having the audacity to make a typing error.
I would just like to ask a little favor of these “fans” who made the comments: let me know a little bit about you. Honestly. As many of them pointed out, this will be my fourth autobiographical book, so my life is literally something of an open book. Let me know a little bit about yourselves. I’ll check back on the 411 site in a couple of days, and see if any of the commenters will care to tell me their age, if they happen to be married, have kids, what they do for work, and what it is they currently like or dislike about wrestling. Specifically, I would like the one person who said he’d heard enough stories about me helping youngsters to last him a lifetime to let me know if he’s ever done a single thing to help out someone in need. Because my gut says “no”.
Well, ask and ye shall receive, Mickster. Here’s a bit more about yours truly, and “MeeThinks” on your blog post and its questions:
An Open Letter to Mick Foley
Hi Mick.
My name is John. I’m 26 years old, and I have a B.A. and an M.A. in English literature (cheap plug: I actually wrote my University Honors thesis on professional wrestling and the inherent problems of a non-unionized sport of scripted combat). I’m kind of a “literature dork,” and I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I even had the opportunity to meet you at a book signing for brief second when your book tour for “Scooter” passed through Washington, D.C. a few years back. In a word? I’m a fan.
(I was one of the few guys in the crowd who *wasn’t* singing your entrance theme or wearing a WWF t-shirt. Again — that’s a literature dork for ya).
I’ve read all three of your autobiographies (“Have a Nice Day” was tremendous, “Foley is Good” was insightful, and “Hardcore Diaries” was something of a mixed bag), and both of your novels (“Scooter” was alright, but “Tietam Brown” was top-notch). If I recall correctly, you even managed to score a blurb from John Irving. Kudos for that — the man is a certifiable master of modern-day classics. Now that you’ve escaped from the censorship umbrella of your former employer, I’m really looking forward to reading your next autobiography, as I’m sure it will be as honest and hard-hitting a work as you’ve ever written.
(Which reminds me: have you ever had the opportunity to read William Kennedy’s “Ironweed” or Richard Ford’s “The Sportswriter?” Two outstanding books on their own merits, and both of ’em are a great fit with your writing style, and I think you’d really enjoy them).
As for my personal life? Not married and no kids, but my life’s not entirely unlike yours, as I’ve been fortunate enough to land a full-time career as a writer, and I too have taken part in a number of volunteer and community service efforts, both stateside and abroad.
Regarding your volunteer work and literary endeavors? I find them consistently impressive and worth my attention (as opposed to, say, certain weeks of TNA programming — HIYO!). And in all seriousness, you’ve done a tremendous job of giving back to those less fortunate than you, and I apologize for so many of the cretins (especially some of those 411 commenters) who’d sooner hide behind the anonymity of an internet alias and tear other people down rather than following in your example and making a difference. If it’s any consolation, I’ve been writing for this site for like four years now, and I get more than my fair share of knuckleheaded hatemail as well (you’ll probably find at least a few examples below). So the good news, I suppose, it at least you’re not alone.
Now then, I try to stay positive about most everything I see in the wrestling business and beyond. But since you asked? Here’s what I like and don’t like about today’s wrestling product:
I realize that WWE has been riddled with top-level injuries of late, as well as the inevitable generational turnover of an old guard giving way to younger, less established performers. While I’m thrilled that new stars are currently working their way through the ranks (CM Punk, John Cena, John Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, Evan Bourne, and the Hart Dynasty look fantastic), I can understand why a good chunk of fans are hesitant to plunk down hard-earned money on lesser established performers.
Frustrating, but understandable. After all, it takes time to build staying power and momentum (just ask Al Snow… ZING!), and certifiable “main eventers” simply aren’t just the guys who happen to be wrestling in the last match of the card on any given night.
So yeah, that’s my “state of the union” for that little company up north where you used to reside. But I have a pretty good feeling you didn’t come here to talk about them. So now as for your new home down in Orlando in TNA-land…
If I had to sum the company up in just two words, it’d probably be “wasting potential.” Here’s why:
The Main Event Mafia storyline has beyond run its course at this stage of the game. Though I was wowed by the group’s formation, and it’s hard to deny that their collective name value has certainly bumped the promotion’s ratings a good ways northwards, the bottom line is that the stable has not really done much beyond bragging about past accolades and glomming up much of your promotion’s weekly television time that could otherwise be dedicated to TNA’s lesser-known (but equally important) younger stars.
The sad truth of the matter is that of the five men currently listed in the stable’s ranks, you’ve got one, MAYYYBE two, performer(s) who’s actually capable of delivering a match lasting upwards of ten minutes without some serious hand-holding (on a good night). For as good as each of these men once were, the simple fact is that most (if not all) of the gang are more than a few solid years past their in-ringprime.
Scott Steiner is a walking Wellness violation waiting to happen, and the guy hasn’t been a credible main eventer since WCW folded. Most nights Booker T seems to have forgotten his working boots up in Stamford, and Kevin Nash was never much of a ring general to begin with. Angle continues to amaze, but it seems like the man is just one small step away from serious injury or worse. Sting can still go when paired with the right opponent (i.e. Jeff Jarrett), but his refusal to play a clear-cut heel or babyface at any given time (while the rest of his cronies take pride in breaking almost every rule possible) has — once again — stolen the focus AWAY from the Main Event Mafia’s opponents (remember the TNA Front Line? Ha.) all for the sake of keeping the gold (and the bulk of any single week’s television time) squarely within the ranks of “The Family.”
TNA’s most recent solution to the problem?
Liven up the main event picture by throwing a second batch of in-fighting older stars into the mix (Jeff Jarrett, yourself, and now Shane Douglas, etc.). This, in turn, continues to relegate the homegrown acts to lower midcard status. Remember when Abyss was the TNA World Heavyweight Champion? How about AJ Styles? Who’s that guy with the facepaint that swallowed Samoa Joe? And what ever became of that main event push for
Curry ManSuicide 1.oChristopherDaniels?Ooh, but don’t worry — we’ve got AJ defending a second-tier “Legends” vanity title!
And The Fallen Angel working his way up the card by scrapping with… SHANE DOUGLAS!
Plus Eric “On Again, Off Again” Young finally standing up to Jeff Jarrett! Two guesses on who all comes out ahead on THAT feud.
Ooh! And then there’s Abyss and his never-ending feud with
James Mitchell“Dr. Stevie” and his latest “Monster Heel du Jour.” Yup, because that worked so well with Judas Mesias.Are we sensing a trend here?
To close —
While I can appreciate the need for “big name value” at the top of the food chain, the bulk of the show ends up crammed with old-timers or new hires who routinely get the better of the next generation of performers who’ve helped build the company from the ground up. In short, it’s like WCW’s Millionaire’s Club versus The New Blood angle all over again.
TNA is a young company with tremendous talent and great promise. And as a fan of professional wrestling, I *REALLY DO* want to enjoy their product. But again and again and far too often, the company seems to favor a series of short-sighted, boneheaded decisions that rely too heavily on some misplaced notion of “name value” (The Main Event Mafia, Bobby Lashley, etc.) at the expense of the very stars that attracted TNA’s core audience in the first place — Joe, AJ, Daniels, Petey Williams — which means that the next generation of stars like Matt Morgan, Eric Young, Sheik Abdul Bashir, The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley in particular), Beer Money Inc., and Frankie Kazarian get plunked even further down the card for the sake of whatever the next “big name acquisition” that TNA brings into the fold.
In turn —
Fans have little reason to care about any particular storyline or who wins and loses any given night’s contest, because we’ve learned all too well that a “grizzled old veteran” or a “hot new free agent” will likely be walking in that door any second to steal their thunder and shove ’em right back to square one. Rinse and repeat.
(Countdown to Umaga and Ken Kennedy’s hiring starts… NOW!)
– John Meehan
[email protected]
UPDATED (9:30 a.m eastern): The following e-mail arrived in my inbox this morning. For the sake of the anonymity, I have removed the reader’s name and contact information.
Due to the high volume of readership that this story and this week’s column has attracted, I believe that the letter below most definitely warrants inclusion so as to shed some valuable insight on this developing story.
Hi John
I write as a long time reader/fan. I’m contacting you about the piece you wrote regarding the Mick Foley debarcle. As it was me that wrote the comment about ‘reading enough of his charity work’. I would firstly like to say that on reflection this was a childish and immature remark, which (if I had the oppotunity) would apologise to Mick for. It was uncalled for and needless to say, I’m embarassed about the reaction.
However, I wish you would have read the comment probably, prior to referring to me as a ‘cretin’ and a ‘knucklehead’, sure my comment wasn’t thought out but it was never designed to knock his charity work but more a comment on his writing style. As (for what it is worth now), I purchase his books for the wrestling content and humourous stories. As, to be honest, I wouldn’t read your column if it was made up of 50% of what you do for charity. Again, that wouldn’t be a knock on the good work you did, just a personal opinion.Nonetheless, the comment was uncalled for and I would take it back if I could, I just think it has been read out of context. This was a hard lesson to learn but its showed me that the comments section is knowhere for personal opinions to be aired.
Thanks for reading
Cheers
Chris Masters – Recent online mutterings suggest that The Masterpiece could well be headed back toward the ranks of World Wrestling Entertainment for a second stint in the big leagues. Masters — a two-time violator of WWE’s Wellness Policy — was dismissed after repeated run-ins with banned substances, but it appears as if he may well have scored a new lease on life and a new WWE contract as a result of the company’s recent departures at the upper-midcard level.
Hopefully, Masters has cleaned up enough to steer clear of yet another WWE tenure plagued by drug-related suspensions. Even though he’s mighty green in the ring and on the microphone, Masters is a pretty effective “natural heel” for the midcard ranks, as he’s pretty much the kind of guy that you really can’t help but find yourself rooting against no matter WHO he happens to be facing on any given week.
Speaking of Chris Masters, however…
WWE’s Wellness Initiative – made a handful of headlines this past week when wrestling historians realized that in the past one year’s time (Since Jimmy Wang Yang’s suspension during this week of 2008), only ONE performer (Dolph Ziggler) has been suspended from any of WWE’s three main rosters as a result of violating the company’s drug policy. While just one suspension in a year’s time is hardly a noteworthy development on its own merits, many couldn’t help but notice that this is a pretty stunning departure from the two years PRIOR to the past 365 days, during which time close to 30 separate suspensions were handed out to violators of the Wellness Initiative.
This leads to one of three logical conclusions:
A) WWE’s locker room has ACTUALLY CLEANED UP THEIR ACT, and performers have done a much better job of steering clear of “the gas” so as not to find themselves on the wrong side of a Wellness violation.
B) WWE has simply given up on handing out public disciplinary measures against Wellness Policy violators, meaning that drug use is still as rampant as ever and the company is simply turning a blind eye until the next major tragedy. Or…
C) WWE has changed their approach to handling performers with drug-related issues, which has been evidenced especially in the developmental territories, where a good number of the company’s firings over the past year’s time have been directed at performers with a history of violating the Wellness Initiative.
MeeThinks?
There’s probably some combination of all three of these things going on. Older performers suffered the wrath of the first round of suspensions as the Wellness Initiative was rolled out to much fanfare in its infancy, but it seems as if YOUNGER performers now find themselves in the firing line of the company’s efforts to maintain (at least the “appearance” of) a drug-free culture from the bottom on up.
Regardless — and even if the older stars are being “grandfather claused” out of high-profile drug-related suspensions — the move towards a crackdown on younger performers is most definitely a wise investment in ensuring a drug-free culture for the future of the company.
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week Five
It’s July 13, which gives us two full weeks until the Night of Champions PPV. Now’s the time to turn up the heat on your PPV feuds! Only one slight problem…1) Your number one contender is hurt. Nothing major, but he’ll miss a month of ring time.
2) Your NEW Number One Contender Is:
3) Your Remaining Championship Match (tag or divas) Will Be:
4) Tonight’s Main Event Is:Well, so much for *THAT* momentum. I guess the smart move is to have some opportunistic young challenger come and take out your number one contender in order to steal his spotlight (and his title shot). Not a bad idea. But let’s see if it works in the long run.
Homework assignment: Kayfabe an injury explaining why the number one contender is out of action (who put him out and why?). Put the US Champ & Challenger into a tag match with the WWE Champ and your newly crowned number one contender for next week’s Main Event.
Recaps and thoughts on the major onscreen happenings of the past week.
CM Punk Shocks the World
Straightedge Superstar Wins World Championship at Extreme Rules
I’m cheating a bit here by copy-and-pasting from this week’s Fact or Fiction, but this story is just too high profile *not* to be mentioned again in this week’s column:
Last time CM Punk cashed in his guaranteed title shot, his championship run was forced to fight an uphill battle as the Straightedge Superstar attempted to transition his “opportunistic cheapskate” momentum into an improbable “fighting champion” role that nobody except Jim Ross actually seemed to buy.
The result?
An underwhelming run as a babyface champion, and a quick demotion back to the midcard.
THIS time around, however, it seems as if WWE is actually going to stick with their decision to put CM Punk into an infinitely more credible role as a heel World Champion, and that should serve Punk *and* the WWE Universe much more effectively in the long run. Plus there’s a crapload of “young stars” who can be paired against Punk for a fresh and exciting slew of Championship matches where the outcome is nowhere near as telegraphed as the last time the guy squared off against the ranks of perpetual non-threats like JBL.
Point number two —
The nature of the briefcase pretty much dictates that EVERY time it’s cashed in, it will either be done so in a cheap manner (see: Edge, Edge, Punk, Punk), or in a fashion that strips it of any spontaneity whatsoever. In short, you’re either a cheapskate (picking the bones of a fallen champ) or a chump (blowing the element of surprise simply to appear “noble”). So why not throw the template for a loop and use it to springboard what could amount to one of the biggest heel turns WWE has seen in years?
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week Six
It’s July 20, and that means Night of Champions is this Sunday! Don’t give away your PPV matches for free, but get ready for the hard sell!1) Your General Manager Quits out of nowhere. Your New GM Is:
2) Every remaining segment on your show must be used to hype a match on the PPV.
3) The Divas Champ is in a mixed tag (non-title).
4) Your US and WWE title champs and contenders are in the main event. So what happens before that?The GM walkout steals valuable time from your hard-sell, and the already announced main event means that your four biggest stars are stuck in the same show-ending segment. So how do you pad out the middle of your show? A midcard that’s loaded with tag champs in singles bouts and divas in non-title action might get the job done, but the ratings won’t be kind.
Homework assignment: Give a kayfabe reason why the GM left. Pick the winners and losers for Sunday’s PPV (the U.S. Champion must retain).
Tommy Dreamer Lives the Dream
ECW Original is Now the ECW Champion
(Again, with some cut-and pastes from the Fact or Fiction write-up)
On Sunday night, Tommy Dreamer pulled off the single biggest win of his WWE career by besting Jack Swagger AND Christian in a triple threat match to become the NEW ECW Champion. In return, Dreamer was “granted a new WWE contract” on Tuesday night’s ECW broadcast, which means that the Innovator of Violence will likely be sticking around the ECW ranks for at least a few months longer than many fans had initially thought (there were even rumors of Dreamer weighing his options of leaving WWE to sign with TNA).
Now then —
While a Tommy Dreamer title victory in the 2009 version of ECW is certainly nowhere near the same caliber of a story as a Tommy Dreamer title victory in the original (circa 1998) version of ECW, the fact remains that his big win is undoubtedly a “feel good” moment if there ever was one. And his subsequent title celebration and victory speech(es) have really gone a long way to make him seem both likeable and worthwhile to a new generation of fans who might not otherwise have much a reason to care about “that guy with the goatee who wears a T-shirt when he wrestles.”
Since Dreamer had always prided himself in being pro wrestling’s answer to a “Real Life Rocky Balboa,” there’s little to complain about to see the guy defy the odds and come out on top, for a change — even if the PPV match was nothing to write home about. Regardless of whether or not Tommy is long for the championship ranks (MeeThinks the ECW strap will have long since left his waist by SummerSlam), it’s certainly nice to see him rewarded for all of his years of company loyalty with a brief moment in the sun as the champion of the brand that (nominally) bears his “ECW” legacy.
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week Seven
It’s July 27, which means that Night of Champions is in the books. Let’s see how we fared:1) Due to backstage ego, the WWE Championship match ended in a DQ. Announce a Summerslam rematch.
2) To shake things up, a previously injured star (HBK, HHH, Batista) returns early. Put him in the title hunt ASAP.
3) Once again, your U.S. Championship match stole the show at the PPV (the champ retained).
4) Tonight’s Main Event Is:Conventional wisdom says that the most effective way to get a newly redebuting performer back into the thick of the title hunt is to plug him right into the night’s main event (with number one contender’s implications on the line). And just like that, you’ve got a tailor-made race-to SummerSlam triple threat main event in the works!
Homework assignment: For next week’s show, announce who will be facing off against one another in order to become the #1 contender for the U.S. Championship.
Vickie Guerrero Resigns as RAW General Manager
Red Brand in Search of New Onscreen Authority
As mentioned above, Vickie Guerrero asked for her release from World Wrestling Entertainment this week, thus explaining her onscreen resignation on Monday night’s RAW, and thus freeing up the red brand for a new onscreen authority figure to take her place.
You know, it’s funny —
The General Manager role is such an oddball, when you really think about it. Rarely does the GM him/herself actually draw any money for the promotion on their own merits (who’s *really* paying to see Teddy Long say “Holla, holla, holla!”), and yet a show with the wrong person “in charge” ends up looking third-rate or inept in spite of the guy’s relatively limited onscreen presence (Mike Adamle comes to mind).
Needless to say, for as incidental a part as an onscreen authority figure really is, the modern climate of professional wrestling virtually mandates that the dude “in charge of the show” be somebody who fans can either LOVE (ala “Vince McMahon”) or love to HATE (ala “Vickie Guerrero”).
So who gets the top spot on RAW, then?
My money is on Ric Flair, who has walked away from his open-door invitation to continue appearing as a regular with Ring Of Honor in order to score a more sizable payday (and, of course, a wider audience) as a semi-regular out-of-ring character with World Wrestling Entertainment. The good news here is that the GM role allows Ric to stay “close to the action” (and thus remain involved with the wrestling business to some capacity), while at the same time all-but-guaranteeing that he won’t feel tempted to step back into the ring as an actual competitor (thus honoring the terms of his 2008 retirement match at WrestleMania XXIV).
What’s more — Flair is more than a full year removed from his tearful sendoff, which means that placing him back onto a WWE program will probably have a LOT more impact than if he were merely shuffled into that same role mere days after fans were still learning to accept the fact that he’d never wrestle again. With time and distance from his retirement match and ceremony, Ric Flair has transitioned into something of an elder statesman for the wrestling business. In turn, it seems that his addition to one of WWE’s main rosters (even in a non-wrestling role) would be both credible and well-received by audiences all across the globe.
And quite frankly, if given the option to add a GM who will *attract* fans rather than inspire apathy? I’d say you’d be foolish to give the position to anybody BUT The Nature Boy.
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week Eight
It’s August 3, so the road to SummerSlam must be heating up. Problem is? So’s the backstage drama.1) Turns out the guy who returned last week is still hurting. He can wrestle, but not often.
2) To hide his injury, you’ll need to make the PPV main event into a triple threat.
3) The current WWE Champion is totally tanking in the ratings. Get the belt off him ASAP.
4) Tonight’s Main Event Is:Three weeks left until SummerSlam, but you’ve got a champion who can’t draw and a challenger who can’t wrestle. So do you hotshot the belt off of your lame duck champion and onto the other challenger, or do you just let it ride until the PPV?
Homework assignment: Pick your WWE Champion, and pick the new number one contender for the U.S. Championship.
Edge Spits in the Face of the Brand Extension by Appearing on RAW
Rated R Superstar Makes Surprise Red Brand Cameo on Monday Night
This one is really more of a “mountain out of a molehill” scenario, but there have been a handful of critics who’ve cried foul on account of Monday night’s surprise appearance by The Rated R Superstar. In short, their gripe is that WWE has (once again) completely ignored the simply stated rules of their very own brand extension, thus stealing valuable TV time from the Monday night’s regular roster in favor of giving increased exposure to a star who’s already headlining another show.
MeeThinks?
Edge’s Monday Night appearance was probably done a LOT more for the sake of one Vickie Guerrero’s exit than it was for the sake of giving more television time to the recently dethroned World Heavyweight Champion. Though Edge scored a pretty sizable crowd reaction for his “face-like” decision to dump his erstwhile lady love right in the middle of the ring on WWE’s flagship broadcast, my gut tells Mee that the main reason why Edge made a one-off appearance on Monday night’s show was simply to tie up all of the loose ends that would have otherwise lingered were Vickie to have “quit” WWE programming without first being confronted by her power-hungry “husband.”
Did it steal some TV time from RAW’s regularly scheduled program?
Sure.
But is it likely to turn into a regular occurance to see Smackdown! performers waltzing on over to RAW unannounced each and every week to come in the near future?
Not likely.
The brand extension is still alive and well, people (the very fact that RAW continues to sputter without any real direction when WWE could have easily imported a few stars each week from Smackdown or ECW should tell us just how serious WWE is about making each brand work independent of the others in this post-2009-Draft era). It’s the rare exception that proves the rule. So give the guy and the company a break, people. It makes a heck of a lot more sense for Vickie to quit on Monday and be interrupted by Edge than it does for her to quit on Monday only to show up on FRIDAY simply to repeat the exact same segment all over again.
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week Nine
It’s August 10, and you’ve only got two weeks to radically restructure the second biggest show of the year.1) Your other (healthy) #1 contender breaks his leg, forcing the SummerSlam main event to be a singles bout after all.
2) The two guys fighting over the WWE Championship are a lame-duck champ and an injured returner.
3) The show-stealing U.S. Champion was busted for doping. He’s banned from TV for 30 days.
4) Tonight’s Main Event Is:If you’re smart, perhaps you’ll pull a phantom title switch for the US Championship at a house show that never really happened, or start a tournament to crown the new champion (with the finals taking place at the PPV). But what about the guy who was named the number one contender for the United States Championship JUST LAST WEEK? And how do you make sense of that main event?
Homework assignment: Next week’s the hard sell, so what’s your main event gonna’ be?
Next Week’s RAW to Go Three Hours Long
Speaking of Diluting the Brand Extension…
In a funny little addendum to WWE’s “the brand extension is alive and well” mantra, it was announced this week that next Monday night’s RAW broadcast will span a full THREE HOURS LONG, and will feature title defenses of ALL THREE of the company’s top belts. In other words? We’ll be seeing the Red Brand invaded by superstars from Smackdown! and ECW.
Well, “so much for that brand extension” — right?
Not exactly.
Since announcing their intention to keep all three brands separate from one another just two months back, WWE has done a pretty solid job of letting WWE Superstars be the one and only show on which performers from opposing brands actually set foot in a ring and do battle with one another. True, there have been rare exceptions to the rule (MVP versus Dolph Ziggler on Smackdown!), but each of the company has actually taken the time to explain and announce each of these contests well in advance of the actual in-ring confrontation — so as to reiterate just exactly what a “big deal” it truly is when performers compete against superstars from brands outside of there own.
Next Monday night’s RAW will be no different, as WWE will trot out the “big guns” from each of their three rosters in order to fill out a three-hour-long show and (hopefully) win some ratings by distracting from the fact that much of the RAW roster hasn’t really been doing all that much in the way of WWEntertainment since Backlash came and went.
Hopefully —
This crossover show will spur some form of life back into the show that is widely regarded as WWE’s flagship broadcast. Because with the umpeenth iteration of Triple H versus Randy Orton or Big Show versus John Cena (THEY FOUGHT AT WRESTLEMANIA TWENTY FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD!!!) likely to dominate the program otherwise? Fans might just use Monday night’s tri-branded showcase of the company’s best and brightest to take their television-watching fandom to another night of the week (Tuesday or Friday) when they’d likely be better rewarded.
WWE “Creative” Writing Experiment: Week Ten
It’s August 17 — SummerSlam is this Sunday night. You’ve got a main event mess and a serious need to liven things up. But how?1) The remaining #1 contender is simply too banged up to main event for more than 8 minutes, tops.
2) Your lame-duck champion continues to plunge your ratings through the floor.
3) That guy who was injured in week four makes a SURPRISE RETURN tonight. So where does he go?
4) Tonight’s Main Event Is:Decision time — youre back to a singles match, and you’ve got a lame-duck champ facing a number one contender who’s not going to be able to main event for so much as 10 minutes. Meanwhile, you’ve got a SURPRISE RETURNER who left as the number one challenger, but what about his unfinished business with the guy who put him on the shelf? And the big question is — do you throw out six weeks worth of storytelling and shoehorn him into the main event just SIX DAYS before the PPV?
Final Evaluation: Sunday is the Summerslam PPV, which marks the end of our little “fantasy booking” experiment. And if your creative writing project turned out anything like mine, chances are good that your PPV card looks very little like what you might have otherwise intended, hoped to see, or mapped out in the first place.
What’s your main event going to be?
Who’s walking away with the U.S. Championship?
And where does this newly returning performer fit into the puzzle?
As you can see, simply by throwing in a *standard* string of variables (falling ratings, contract terminations, injuries, and newly returning peformers), a WWE writing team can really have their hands full when scripting any sort of long-term plans for a PPV or storyline that lasts any longer than one week’s time. While each of these variables are hardly “new” questions for an experienced writer, hopefully this little column-long writing experiment helps give you at least some sort of insight as to exactly *what* kind of problems and odds your typical writing staff will regularly encounter in the wacky and wild world of professional wrestling.
Bottom line:
RAW is a mess right now, no question (perhaps even to a point where it’s as bad as we’ve seen it in ten years time). But the simple fact of the matter is that there is a crazy array of variables that seems to have crippled the show’s best efforts at every turn, of late (Triple H’s kayfabe injury, Legacy’s complete inability to cut a promo, the Nuggets distraction fiasco, Ric Flair’s sudden rearrival, Kennedy’s firing, Batista’s injury, Vickie’s departure) it takes a LOT more than a simple injection of “new stars” or hotshotted storylines in order to give the show a longer-term chance of bucking the trend of declining quality.
Sure you could push Cody and Ted to the moon — but that doesn’t mean that either of ’em are going to keep an audience so long as their promos continue to sound like they’re being read off of cue cards.
Yeah you could pit The Miz against John Cena — but the guy barely has so much as ONE single’s victory to his credit in the first place, which makes it awfully hard to believe he’s actually posing a threat to the WWE’s resident poster boy.
And true, you could program the hell out of an Evolution main event revisited eight ways from Sunday. But when Ric Flair is retired, Batista can’t stay healthy, and Triple H is forced off of television to try and get at least a modicum of momentum back in Randy Orton’s favor, it’s pretty much a moving target that poses just as many problems as it does solutions.
Hey —
I’m not saying that it’s wrong or that it’s right, I’m just saying that it *is* — and that the bottom line is that it’s such a deep-seated problem that it’s going to take a lot more than a week’s time to fix. Hopefully, next week’s three-hour RAW will be a major step in the right direction.
Some “Guy Dressed in Green” Makes a Backstage Save
Is there a Hurricane Comin’ Through the Land of Extreme?
This week on ECW, a seemingly trivial backstage throwaway line indicated that “some guy dressed in green” had come to the assistance of a backstage passerby in need. ECW Interim General Manager Tiffany was quickly interrupted after saying that she’d deal with the problem later, but speculation has ensued that this mystery backstage savior could indeed be the launching point for the in-ring return of Gregory Helms under his wrestling persona of “The Hurricane.”
A few months back, Helms was transitioned to the role of a backstage reporter while he continued to rehab some injuries that have nagged him since his return to competition in 2008. The idea (so the story goes) was to keep Helms fresh in the minds of the WWE Universe fanbase, that way the company could bring him back into action with relative ease once the injury had been properly healed.
And if this “guy dressed in green” is indeed The Hurricane?
That means that we’ve entered the payoff phase of WWE’s decision to keep Helms onscreen in a non-wrestling role. And what’s even better? ECW’s resident “superhero alter-ego” now has the added benefit of a day job as a “mild-mannered (backstage) reporter.” It’s a simple little storyline nuance, but it’s a clever little marketing gimmick (especially for the kid-friendly, TV-PG WWE audience), and a fun little variation on what we’ve seen from Helms since he’s gotten back behind the Hurricane mask.
Hopefully as “The Hurricane,” Greg Helms can help lend his veteran knowledge to the next generation of smaller superstars and really make a splash against ECW’s latest crop of light heavyweights like Tyson Kidd and Evan Bourne.
And With That, I’m Outta’ Here
Thanks for sticking with Mee this week as we broke from the usual format and delved a bit deeper into the kind of underlying problems that have really been causing some major headaches for both of the major North American wrestling promotions. ‘Till next time, enjoy the weekend, feel free to sound off with YourThinks and feedback on this week’s column below, and always stay positive.
– Meehan
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