The Tuesday Small-For-All News Report: 06.16.09

Posted by Jeff Small on 06.16.2009

411’s Jeff Small discusses the fragile animal, Mick Foley and 411, Samoan tough love, commercial free mondays, Green Man, WHAMMY Nominations, and a 3-Hour Raw recap! Checkout the full column for all the details!

I have an announcement to make. After three years of news reporting here at 411Mania, I have decided to forego my senior season and head to the WWE Universe Draft. Yesterday, I signed with agent Drew Rosenhaus and together, we feel that I would make an impact in the major leagues. I want to thank each and every one of my Smallophiles for staying with me throughout the years. It's been a long journey from jobbing on Sundays to moving to midcard Thursdays to finally main eventing Tuesdays but it was well worth it. In a few months, when I am writing fluff pieces for WWE.com, I will look back at these days and say…

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S TUESDAY MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Welcome back to another Maniac Monday edition of the Small-For-All News Report! Unlike last week when I exhausted all of my segments to complete my FILLER-FOR-ALL, today I will actually try to conduct a normal news report. I really wanted to make tonight's edition devoid of any pictures, movies, or even humor, but I'd fear that Larry would shoot me a nasty email. You see, 411 has a new policy in place to make all columns use graphics, banners, and whatnot – you know so every article looks the same. I call this 411 Style and am glad that I started following this trend years ago when I ran out of original ideas for this news report!

In today's Small-For-All News Report, we take a look at Batista's injury, the latest on Umaga's release, the prospect of a commercial free Raw, Foley's attack on 411, and most importantly, it's the final week to vote for the 2009 WHAMMY Awards! Yup, somebody's been readying the Wrestling Observer Newsletter again!

NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

One, Two, Three, Four, Five Against One

From the Wrestling Observer, "The feeling with giving Batista the belt before he left was that he had come up short so many times in big PPV matches in challenging for the title that they felt he couldn't afford to fail this time or people wouldn't believe in him in title matches on top. That's also why the match itself was a borderline glorified Batista squash of sorts. They intended it to be convincing.

Batista is definitely out of SummerSlam and the three-way program with HHH and Orton that was planned for the summer. There was talk that if his recovery is more normal, as in six months, to hold his return off until the Royal Rumble, where there was already preliminary talk of having him win to set up a big return."

Let's address the decision of Batista squashing Randy Orton first at Extreme Rules. I honestly do not why Orton looks like a pussy every week on Raw since winning the Royal Rumble. First, Super Shane O Mac used his flying open air fists of fury to kill Orton's momentum through February. Then when Orton finally skull punted Shane o Mac to the DL, he had to put up with Triple H for two months. While Orton looked like a good threat to HHH's title, the resulting WrestleMania match once again halted his momentum. Even after Orton won the title at Backlash, did he have to look weak for Shane O Mac (again), a retired Ric Flair, and the Animal Batista. If Orton losing to Batista in seven minutes wasn't bad enough, Triple H returned on Raw and decimated him again. Even Rey Mysterio had a better reign than Orton (Mysterio at least got to win one PPV match).

The second part of this newspiece addresses Batista's fall return. While I think it's a smart idea to save him for the Royal Rumble (especially since this past year's buyrate wasn't anything special), I really do not see why he has to win the Rumble. Then again I am not going to harp on this since we all know that the Rumble won't be booked until that morning anyway.

Samoan Tough Love

From the Observer, "Creative didn't get the word until late in the week that Umaga was to be leaving. Umaga was originally scheduled until that point to beat Punk in the strap match and at that point the result of the match was changed. The win by Punk on television was planned to make the two even with one win each, with the strap match being the blow-off with Umaga going over, and it wouldn't hurt Punk because he was going to come back to win the title at the end of the show. Umaga then would be set up down the road as a credible challenger for Punk."

Very sound logic there. I enjoyed the Smackdown match between the two men so a main event feud wouldn't have been a bad idea.

"Umaga was still, as late as a week ago, still being groomed for a program with Undertaker, when the Undertaker returns. The update on Undertaker is he's expected to be off crutches in mid-July. They are saying it will be a photo finish for him to make SummerSlam."

I'm guessing the Dolph Ziggler push is back on!

As for the reasoning behind Umaga's release, from WWE.com: "As reported on WWE.com on Monday, June 8, 2009, WWE Superstar Umaga (Edward Fatu) has been released from his World Wrestling Entertainment contract. However, consistent with the practice of announcing wellness policy violations, it should be noted that Umaga's termination was due to his second violation of the WWE Wellness Program and his subsequent refusal to attend a rehabilitation facility."

This is not the first instance of the WWE playing tough love with addicted superstars. In the past, both William Regal and Eddie Guerrero were released from their contracts in hope that both men would clean themselves up. Thankfully, both men did and returned later on to have great careers in the WWE. While Umaga might not see the benefits of attending rehab now, here's hoping he either has enough personal support to get help. If he does clean himself up, I definitely know there will be interest for his return in the WWE or a career in TNA (Samoa Joe vs. Umaga – BOOK IT).

CM Punk to Drink Pepsi on Raw Next Week!

From the main page, "For the first time in the show's history, WWE Monday Night Raw will run commercial free on June 22nd. The show takes place from Green Bay, WI, and with it being commercial free, WWE will have to write the show like a PPV."

Of course this was confirmed by Donald Trump (why?) on Raw yesterday. Honestly, it should be an interesting night and the extra time will be needed finalizing the Bash card (since it's only two weeks away!). On the other hand, you have to wonder if the creative team will be fully burnt out by the Bash. In the span of two weeks, the team would have had to write a three-hour Raw, a full two hour Raw, and then a three hour PPV. But I guess that's why Vince pays them the big bucks.

HoboGoblin?

Last week on ECW, a stagehand told Tiffany that a guy in green saved him when a lighting rig almost fell on him. While most expect this brief encounter to lead to the return of the Hurricane, I can tell you that you would be wrong. For this mysterious green guy is not the Hurricane. Nor is he Brian Kendrick. For he is Green Man and he's coming to the WWE. BEHOLD.






Let's first get this out of the way – am I the only one who sees an issue with the "3-For-All"? Is that really the best fucking name that the WWE could think of? And where do you think they got that alliteration from? That's right – the Brawl for All. (Or at least that's where I got my news report title from.)

Yes, Mr. McMahon is here tonight to announce the return of McMahon's Million Dollar Giveaway!!! Please let that be true!

Even better, Randy Orton will be playing the game tonight. I really hope its Chutes & Ladders. Of perhaps this game…


Yes Double Dare. The game even included Marc Summers's OCD!

Hey look, it's the WWE Women's Champion, Chris Jericho! And he immediately shoots on Raw. Sadly, Jericho is correct with the current state of Raw.

Ok, quick question – we are two weeks away from the Bash so why is the WWE throwing out PPV quality matches on tonight's show? Shouldn't tonight's TV show promote the PPV not overshadow it?

That said – I do like the real-time counter to the WWE Championship match and the rolling text on McMahon's announcement. It's an easy and effective way to keep people watching the show.

The Jericho/Mysterio match was easily better than anything that's been on Raw in weeks. Solid start to the show.

Did You Know: Almost 2 million women watched Raw last week.

Did You Know: Almost 2 women spoke to me over the course of last week.

Oh man, that Cena interview was brutal. Like Saturday Night Live from two years ago brutal. For that reason alone, I do not want to see Cena win the belt tonight.

Woah – Mr. McMahon is selling Monday Night Raw! I knew the last few weeks were bad but I did not expect things to be this bad. Damn that Enus Stan Kroenke!

Tommy Dreamer is still the ECW Champion. In 2009. That's crazy for me even to type. And what's with a Championship match lasting less than 4 minutes?

You know, the Bella Twins and Kelly Kelly could make a good Beautiful People rip-off. And why not? It's not like any of them have characters.

With Batista out, a Cena vs. Triple H feud should be the WWE's top priority. We shall see…

Good four way match. While Orton winning was not a major surprise, it had a hot ending with a clean finish. Now Orton can finish his business with Triple H before becoming Cena's next victim at SummerSlam. Then we can have Cena/Triple H throughout the fall before Batista's return. Good thing Raw doesn't have any other viable main eventers cause there's no time for them until 2010.

Now's the moment we have all been waiting for – the new owner of Raw. Oh great, Trump's back. And he's being booed while giving a face promo. So wait – this whole angle is because of next week's Commercial Free Raw. Did they even really need a storyline for this? Eh, thank God they did not close out the show with that.

Like fucking seriously, couldn't the Macho Man be the new owner of Raw? How about Paul Roma? Or even RVD? Ted Dibiase Sr? JBL? I'd even take back Mike Adamle! That was just lame.

I can't believe that Rosa Mendez's debut match was not hyped! She's quite the hot tamale.

Honestly, Rosa wasn't awful. Outside of her tramp stamp being placed on her side (a weird angle for a bullseye), I have no issues with seeing Mendez replace Jillian as a weekly wrestler.

Here's our participants for tonight's 10 man battle royal – the three losers of the four way match and a bunch of jobbers. While I would love to see someone like MVP win the shot, it's probably going to be Triple H or Cena.

And here's the Miz to either save Raw or to get hit in the balls with a t-shirt. My guess is on the latter.

My friends it was actually the former. Goldust was more useful here then he's been in years while Miz once again gave a good promo. And Hornswoggle of all people was hit in the balls. Oh and…


Even in 2009, Ahmed Johnson references rule!

Solid promo by Punk. I still smell a heel turn coming down the road. Or perhaps I just need to shower more frequently.

And it looks as if Punk is now legit injured. Jesus, can't the WWE catch a break? At least Trump did not purchase Smackdown. The Swanton Bomb would have been a convincing near fall had the ref not look out of the ring after his first count to make sure Punk would interfere. I wonder if Punk's really injured or that it was a pretty good sell job. Funny how both the Smackdown and ECW championship matches had injuries come into play (at least we know that Christian's was kayfabe).

Hardy vs. CM Punk at the Bash! Well that's a good reason to order that show.

Woah – a tag team championship match at the Bash. Color me pink and black.

Trump wants Impact! Is that a shoot?

I hate Battle Royals. Few are actually good and most of the time people do stupid things in them (top rope moves, saving nemeses for no apparent reason, etc). Granted the ending might be hot but it's always 32 degrees leading up to that point.

Ha ha, stupid me thinking that the WWE would give the win to someone like MVP. God knows you can't freshen up the main event scene.

And Triple H gets his job back from the 2008 Royal Rumble. And there's Donald Trump announcing a Last Man Standing match between HHH and Orton for next week! Fuck the Bash! Seriously, what's the point of the Bash?

A truly mixed bag here. While the first hour was strong, the entire show grinded to a halt with the announcement of Donald Trump: owner of Raw. Things really didn't get any better until the Miz and Goldust's dueling promo. On the bright side, there were three solid matches (the World, WWE, and IC championship matches) which is 3x as many as a normal week of Raw has. On the flip side, how fucking stupid is Donald Trump? You'd think he purchase the best WWE program and move it off Friday nights. Oh and the Bash might break a record for buyrates in two weeks. Yes, for least purchased show since ECW December to Dismember.


NEWS FROM BRO-TOWN

Foley brings da hits

Obviously much hoopla reigned supreme last Thursday when Mick Foley blogged on MySpace that he was unhappy with the negative comments he received in reference to his fourth autobiography at Wrestling411. Seeing as how there is no Wrestling411.com, it could be inferred that he was referring to this glorious website. Since Foley's post, hundreds of comments flooded the news piece and many of our writers have responded to Foley's questions.

I must admit that I was pretty startled when I returned home from Six Flags on Thursday to see that Foley was beefing with 411. At first, I hoped that it had nothing to do with me calling him a prostitute and thankfully it did not. (While I do not regret or rescind my comments, I really have no interest of starting internet beefs.) And since most of my fellow esteemed colleagues have responded to Foley's demands (with a gratuitous amount of ass kissing), I will not follow suit. I will say this -

The best thing Foley could have done was mention our site. I do not know what caused him to go off on a bunch of stupid comments but since he did, it was nothing but great publicity to the site. A few message boards that I read even had threads dedicated to Foley's feud with the IWC. Well done, Mick. Now stop wrestling.

~ Thanks for everything,
Julie Newmar




2009 WHAMMY AWARDS

While many of you voted for the first ever SFA WHAMMYs last week, I would like to let my Smallophiles know that there is still ONE WEEK LEFT to vote. So if you haven't voted, you still have time.

Remember, there are two ways to vote – if you are a private person, feel free to email me your votes. If you want to start a discussion with fellow Smallophiles, feel free to post your votes below in the Comments Section. One rule only: in order for your votes to count, you must vote for EVERY category. Yup, it's that easy.

Next week, I will announce the WHAMMY winners! Let's take a look at the categories:

The Steve Blackman "How in the Hell is this guy getting a push" WHAMMY
The nominees are:
Ricky Ortiz
Mike Knox
CM Punk

The Chyna "I look better with my clothes on" WHAMMY
The nominees are:
William Regal
Matt Striker
Mae Young

The Candice Michelle "Look he/she's improving very slightly so let's give him/her a serious push" WHAMMY
The nominees are:
Maryse
Dolph Ziggler
Kelly Kelly

The D'lo Brown "Holding a Black Man Down" WHAMMY
The nominees are:
R-Truth
Cody Rhodes
Ezekiel Jackson

The Great Khali "Future Small Man Crush" WHAMMY
The nominees are:
Vladimir Kozlov
Chris Masters
Festus

The Billy Gunn "I Look Better in Women's Clothing" WHAMMY
The nominees are:
Santino Marella
Vickie Guerrero
Jeff Small

The Ken Kennedy "Mr. Glass" WHAMMY
The nominees are:
Batista
Randy Orton
Ken Kennedy

The "Oh Yeah I Totally Forgot about TNA like Usual" WHAMMY
The nominees are:
Jeff Small
George W Bush
Rosa Parks

Remember voting ends Friday June 19th!!! Vote or die, bitches.


COMING ATTRACTIONS

Yeah, it seems as if I should have saved some of last week's mojo for this week. Blame it on the three hour Raw, the bellhop, or even the al-al-al-alcohol. Things should take a turn for the better next week when I will announce the 2009 WHAMMY AWARD winners. All this and puppies!


Awww.

Until then…

For the Tuesday Small-For-All News Report, I'm Jeff Small… and you're not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!