The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 06.19.09

Posted by John Meehan on 06.19.2009

Business picks up as The Donald arrives in the role of Jack Tunney!



Hi there, and welcome to another fun-filled edition to the FreeThinks.

I wanted to start by thanking each and every one of you who took the time and effort to play along with the WWE Creative Writing Challenge that I included in last week's column. I can't even begin to tell you just how cool it was to see my inbox flooded with all sorts of replies from readers all across the board who'd followed the step-by-step writing experiment to the letter and hammered out a full-on "ten week" breakdown of how their fantasy booking attempt fared amid a swirling array of (fictional) injuries, suspensions, and ratings woes.

Sadly, the sheer size and number of each of these e-mails would pretty much commandeer an entire column unto itself. And since y'all really appear to have busted your asses in playing along with the rules of the game, I just don't think it'd be fair to pick and post any one particular reader's results over the other -- as each one most definitely was the product of some serious hard work and dedication on your part.

So to those of y'all who played along, kudos, and my thanks. Whether you ended up with the unfortunate decision of throwing a last-minute main event together for Summerslam, handing a pink slip to your favorite RAW superstar, or hotshotting the United States Championship on over to GOLDUST (!!!) -- I hope you found the creative writing experiment to be as entertaining and insightful to play as it was to write.

And for those of y'all who wanted to jump back in and give it a go this week -- the contest has been posted in its entirety (and without the interruptions of that other news stuff) on my 411 blog.

Oh right -- this week's report!

Rock & Roll.

Normally I like to award this honor to just one particular performer on any given week. But in the past three days, there was some seriously good wrestling from WWE's blue brand main eventers (not to mention Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio and others), and so I'm making a rare exception and doling out honors to not one, not two, but THREE performers all at once. As such, the SELL of the week goes to Edge, Jeff Hardy, and CM Punk, each of whom went above and beyond the call of duty and delivered what may well be one of the single most convincing week's worth of onscreen performances this year. Things started off with a bang on Friday night, as Jeff Hardy did a masterful job of wincing with selling the overall soreness of his body and wincing in pain (every time he so much as gestured to the crowd!) in order to hammer home the after effects of his Ladder Match against Edge and his sudden ambush at the hands of CM Punk at Extreme Rules. Not to be outdone, Edge met Hardy in a single's contest at the conclusion of the show, and the Rated R Superstar likewise moved at a slowed pace and took every opportunity possible to put Hardy on the mat (or over the announce table) in order to keep the match from escalating into another high-flying affair. Just great work from both of these men to underscore the toll that the ladder match had taken on their health several days earlier. But just when I thought these performances couldn't be topped, newly crowned World Champion CM Punk interjected himself into this longstanding rivalry in a triple threat match for the big gold belt on a special edition of Monday Night RAW. About three quarters of the way through the contest, the Straightedge Superstar took a brutal plunge onto the steel ring steps, and appeared to have blown out his knee in the process. As the match continued, ringside trainers and medical staff really helped to add to the illusion that Punker might indeed have been seriously injured, yet the World Champion showed just how scrappy and determined he truly was by ducking back into the ring to break up a pair of nearfall pin attempts. It was almost as if we were watching a wrestler who *knew* what the planned finish was supposed to be ("you're supposed to RETAIN, dumbass"), but was simply too banged up to throw any more than a few errant and glancing blows in the direction of his competition. BONUS POINTS to Jeff Hardy for flipping a gasket and kicking the everloving hell out of Punk's already "injured" knee the moment that the Straightedge Superstar cost him his best attempt at scoring a clear-cut pinfall victory. Tremendous work from all parties involved, and a great way to kickstart Punk's reign as World Heavyweight Champion with a brilliant assortment of "shades of grey" where three separate competitors are willing to do ANYTHING to get the gold around their waist -- and keep it there.

The TELL of the week goes to Shane Douglas, whose one-two-assault on The Fallen Angel managed to make a simple pair of handcuffs simultaneously look like the DEADLIEST WEAPON KNOWN TO MAN *and* the Gordian Knot all in a mere thirty seconds of television programming. How's that? The Franchise's first major tell was when he laid out Christopher Daniels by cold-clocking him in the back of the head with a pair of handcuffs that were (wait for it...) wrapped in a fluffy white terrycloth towel (Daniels, of course, was forced to sell the impact as if he'd just been laid out by a steel chair). As if this loaded towelshot wasn't implausible enough, Shane Douglas then proceeded to take his devious plan one step further by actually *handcuffing* The Fallen Angel and continuing his assault. Only problem was, Douglas couldn't quite seem to get a handle on just how, exactly, one might slap a pair of handcuffs around another dude's wrists -- and so he spent the better part of the segment fumbling around with the cuffs while Daniels continued to play dead for the cameras. For his sheer ineptitude (not to mention that God-awful farmer's tan), TNA's Shane Douglas is a clear choice for the TELL of the Week.

New and/or newly returning performers or events of the past week.

Donald Trump - was announced as the new onscreen "owner" of Monday Night RAW this week, where he appeared in a pre-taped interview and announced that he would be appearing LIVE on next week's broadcast in order to officially begin his tenure as the show's figurehead authority.

A more detailed coverage of this storyline appears in the "Developments" section below.

Finlay - returned to WWE programming following a several month-long sabbatical when he made a series of run-ins on this week's ECW on SciFi broadcast. Finlay now finds himself thrust squarely into the thick of the brand's title chase, and he will join Mark Henry, Christian, and Jack Swagger in a Championship Scramble match for the ECW Championship currently held by Tommy Dreamer at The Bash pay-per-view next Sunday.



Obituaries, retirements, and/or performers whose contracts have ended this week.

Mitsuharu Misawa - Japanese puroreso legend Mitsuharu Misawa died last week at the age of 46 from a suspected heart attack following an in-ring injury. At the time of his death, Misawa was hailed as a pioneer of the industry, and one of the greatest living professional wrestlers in all of Japan.

Though he was a veritable icon in the Land of the Rising Sun, Misawa never actually competed for any of the major North American promotions, and thus his fame remained something of an outlier to most casual fans of the mainstream Amerian product.

Regardless, his passing was still felt in all corners of the industry, as former friends, promoters, colleagues, and co-workers sounded off from all corners of the globe in tribute to this fallen legend. TNA Wrestling issued their statement shortly after his death, and World Wrestling Entertainment extended their condolences in a statement on their website shortly thereafter. Casual fans may likewise have noticed that World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk further expressed his tribute to the Japanese legend by writing "MISAWA" on his arm tape during Monday night's RAW.



Performers injured or suspended in the past week.

None - In a welcome development, no performers were added to the disabled list in the past seven days.



Performers Common Sense that's landed in hot water over the past week.

The English Language - The biggest addition to the doghouse this week was THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, which recieved a serious beatdown courtesy of two particularly noticable flubs on WWE and TNA programming this week. On last Thursday's iMPACT!, Velvet Sky was discussing TNA's newest knockout, Tara, and she informed Jeremy Borash that the word "lovely" is a noun. Perhaps a forgivable enough mistake (well ok, not really), but one that was made all the more awkward when JB pushed her to clarify her (mis)usage only to let it go without first giving the camera so much as a "wow, this chick's a moron" kind of look in order to hammer home that her mistake was actually made *in character*.

But what's even worse than a missed opportunity at revealing an *in character* mistake is when an onscreen peformer is exposed for an equally obvious *out of character* flub --ESPECIALLY when the performer can't even manage to do a damned thing to save face after the fact (compared to, say, Hunter Hearst Helmsley's once famous accidental quip of "I'm 'bi' a lot of things, but lingual's not one of them. [beat] Wait -- did I just say that?")

Such was the case three days later on RAW, when Ted DiBiase showed just how green he is behind the microphone in claiming that he and Cody Rhodes were "more better" than the Unified Tag Team Champions. And when Cole pressed him on the issue ("did you really just say 'more better?'"), DiBiase was at a total loss for words.

Look, I realize that Velvet's flub may well have been scripted, but as a self-professed "English dork" I really can't help but comment here: idiots playing idiots for the sake of a laugh, I can get. But people being called out for obvious grammatical mistakes without using these gaffes to lead to some sort of equally obvious onscreen payoff just makes everyone involved look ameteurish and stupid.

Friends, when "this young man," "Vintage" MICHAEL COLE ("that BULLY!" "the best pure striker in the business") is calling you out on a poor choice of words, you *know* we've reached a new low.



Developing scandals, scuttlebutt, and budding backstage rumors.

Mick Foley - posted a new blog entry on Wednesday of this week in which he once again made direct reference to 411mania. Here's this week's update:

Hello friends - You know, I was actually going to see about taking down my last blog the morning after I wrote it. After all, those kids on 411 or any site are entitled to their opinion. But it seemed to have touched on something that alot of you guys out there could relate to, as there were almost 100 comments about my blog in the first day alone.

I really did appreciate the feedback, and I really did read every one. So many of you offered great insight into the minds of people like those I mentioned - people who spend so much time on wrestling chat sites, but don't seem to like very much about wrestling. There was one comment, voiced a few different ways that stuck with me, about how people on myspace , facebook, etc., are at least people whose opinions are backed by photos, information, real life stuff, not just anonymous screen names. Granted, there are some posers out there, and that's a shame, and I know as well as any of you how addictive this messaging thing can be, but at least you guys (and girls) have the strength of character to stand behing your words, which is cool.

I know I said I would check in with 411 in a few days, but I'm a little on the tired side from slamming Super Dave through a table and working on my book, before catching an evening flight which turned into a redeye flight due to a four hour delay. So maybe I'll check in next week and find out if that one guy has ever done a single thing to help out someone in need. Now, a word of warning to that guy - I will need to verify any positive work that you claim to have done. I will need your name, even if it's just a first name, a date your positive work or volunteering was done, along with a contact person to verify it - perhaps the number of a scout leader. I do hope I'm wrong, but something tells me you've never done anything to help anyone.

Now as many of you may recall, Foley's remarks come on the heels of a tinderbox of controversy that started up last week, when a number of anonymous internet commenters took issue with Foley's decision to pen a fourth autobiography. The Hardcore Icon seemed particularly offended by one 411 commenter in particular who posted the following remark under the pseudonym of "Seeker of Truth and Justice":

As much as I like Mick Foley and think he seems like a really nice, stand up sort of bloke. I think I've read enough of his charity or 'how he went out of his way for some youngster' stories to last me a life time!

Following the flap-up, Mick Foley challenged his critics to sound off about what they did and didn't like about the current state of professional wrestling, and promised that he would be checking back at 411mania to read and review each comment directed his way.

So in LAST WEEK'S COLUMN --

I accepted Foley's challenge and posted a personal open letter to the Hardcore Icon in reply. In it, I gave the man his dues for all that he had accomplished in the industry (some, of course, immediately cried "fanboy" and "foul" at the thought of such a gesture), but immediately thereafter I made absolutely no secret about my general dissatisfaction with what I believe to be the wasted potential and short-sighted booking philosophy that seems to continually hamstring this once young and promising company of new stars.

Some liked it (thanks!), some hated it (surprise, surprise -- these folks remained anonymous. Keep livin' the gimmick, fellas!) -- and some even took the time to shoot me a personal e-mail with TheirThinks on the the entire ordeal. Shockingly, the most well-reasoned responses actually came bearing PEOPLE'S REAL NAMES!

Pretty amazing how anonymity and disrespect so often go hand in hand, no?

One such letter arrived from a gentleman who even claimed responsibility for the "Seeker of Truth & Justice" comment that had initially caught Foley's attention. For the sake of providing a better insight into this developing story, I added the following excerpt of his letter to last week's column. I've reprinted it here for your convenience... and Mick Foley's, of course (FANBOY! YEAH! *thumbsup*):

Hi John,

I write as a long time reader/fan. I'm contacting you about the piece you wrote regarding the Mick Foley debarcle. As it was me that wrote the comment about 'reading enough of his charity work'. I would firstly like to say that on reflection this was a childish and immature remark, which (if I had the oppotunity) would apologise to Mick for. It was uncalled for and needless to say, I'm embarassed about the reaction.

However, I wish you would have read the comment probably, prior to referring to me as a 'cretin' and a 'knucklehead', sure my comment wasn't thought out but it was never designed to knock his charity work but more a comment on his writing style. As (for what it is worth now), I purchase his books for the wrestling content and humourous stories. As, to be honest, I wouldn't read your column if it was made up of 50% of what you do for charity. Again, that wouldn't be a knock on the good work you did, just a personal opinion.

Nonetheless, the comment was uncalled for and I would take it back if I could, I just think it has been read out of context. This was a hard lesson to learn but its showed me that the comments section is knowhere for personal opinions to be aired.

Thanks for reading

Cheers

- [name withheld by request]

Since Mick asked, the guy's first name is Paul, and he lives in the United Kingdom (but that's all I'm saying -- you'll have to take the rest of it up with him).

Moral of the story?

A lot of fans feel empowered by the ease of correspondence and the anonymity that the internet provides. And a lot of times, this can lead to a world of problems.

If you go back and peruse ANY columnist's comments section (here on 411 or elsewhere), you'll probably notice that a good number of the remarks -- positive AND negative -- are typically submitted by folks who never actually provide their real identities. For many, it really can be a tall order to take a public stand on an issue in either direction.

Ultimately --

Paul's letter most definitely sheds a much better light on his initial comments than Mick Foley (and many of us around the 'web) might have otherwise gotten by reading them the first time through. While I don't believe that Paul is correct in stating that "the comments section is [sic] knowhere for personal opinions to be aired," I *DO* believe that this reader is truly remorseful for having spoken so flippantly and for having so clearly offended a fellow human being as a result. For that, I give him credit -- as it takes a lot to admit when you've made a mistake -- and I encourage him to visit Mick Foley's MySpace Blog in order to send his apology directly to the TNA World Heavyweight Champion himself.

---

Jeremy Borash - came under fire from former wrestling personality Eric Bischoff this week. The former WCW honcho called Borash "obnoxious," and argued that the TNA announcer had no business being in front of the camera.

In response, Borash posted an announcement on his Twitter page indicating that he would be honoring Bischoff's suggestion and resigning from television immediately. This resignation was then broadcast later that evening on TNA's web-exclusive Spin Cycle program:

To watch this week's Spin Cycle, click here.

(Granted, comedy is a pretty subjective animal. But for my money, the dream sequence bit with a delightfully self-deprecating Mick Foley and the unnamed talking sock is arguably more entertaining than just about any other wrestling skit I've seen in recent memory).

OMG! Meehan's kissing Mick Foley's ass again! Epic Fail! One Shot Deal! Fanboy! TNA Suxxors! LOL etc.
- anonymous commenter that's sure to arrive any minute now

Needless to say, Borash is not expected to resign from his role as an onscreen television personality with TNA any time in the near future.



Recaps and thoughts on the major onscreen happenings of the past week.

Donald Trump Gets RAW
WWE's Flagship Broadcast is "Sold" to a New Owner

Obviously the biggest bombshell of the wrestling news week arrived on Monday Night RAW this week, when WWE Chairman Vince McMahon announced that he had finalized a deal to sell complete and total control of the WWE's flagship broadcast to none other than his longtime billionaire rival in Donald Trump. Appearing in a pre-recorded video segment immediately thereafter (the WCW/WWF simulcast this was not), The Donald then announced that he would be making a personal appearance on the next week's show, which would -- in turn -- be televised without commercial interruption for the entirety of its two hour broadcast.

As predicted --

The announcement of Donald Trump as RAW's new figurehead owner has attracted a most impressive array of critical disdain. The main gripe from the anti-Trump camp is that the last thing that RAW needs is yet *another* all-consuming "new figurehead authority" storyline, ESPECIALLY if it's going to come in the form of a guy who really has nothing at all to do with professional wrestling in the first place.

MeeThinks?

Hey, if Bob Saget can be a success as CHIKARA's figurehead from afar, then it's certainly not the worst idea in the world.

But in all seriousness --

I really don't see what the big problem is with putting The Donald at the (largely removed figurehead) helm of a WWE broadcast in order to liven things up, even if it is only for a short while. After all, he can always just arrive to great fanfare, toss out a handful of ratings-grabbing publicity stunts (free PPV-caliber main events, a commercial-free broadcast, etc.) and fade right back into obscurity until Vinny Mac and company need to devise the next major curveball in their show's ongoing soap opera.

Besides --

We all know that Trump can just go ahead and appoint an onscreen General Manager in order to handle the everyday (read: weekly televised) activities that might otherwise allow the show to run in a smooth and efficient manner. And even if Trump himself is something of a dud as the show's uberauthority, a GM that actually is playing middle man between the talent and the brass (rather than running roughshod with authority, ala EVERY HEEL GM IN HISTORY) would certainly be a refreshing change of pace from the usual "GM/CEO/Executive Shareholder/Founder/etc. squares off with/plays favorites with the top star of their brand."

Let's be honest here --

The feuding onscreen authority figure cliche has become pretty worn out in ten years' time, so much so that modern audiences (in the post Austin/McMahon era) tend to forget that onscreen authority figures (and their inevitable wars against a promotion's top stars) are indeed something of a relatively new concept in the broader history of professional wrestling.

Sure, the faster-paced modern-day sensibilities of your average audience virtually demand that at least *SOME* semblance of an onscreen authority figure need be present in order to allow a show to develop effectively, but older fans (e.g. -- those of us who started watching, say, BEFORE 1990 or so) will happily recall that laissez faire show runnership has clearly worked to great effect in professional wrestling before. And if done right, it can do it again.

How's that, you ask?

Here's a quick trip down memory lane for you "veteran fans" like Mee, and a mini history lesson for all of you newer fans:

Going into WrestleMania IV, Andre the Giant conspired with Ted DiBiase to rob Hulk Hogan of his WWF Championship and place the gold firmly into the hands of the Million Dollar Man instead. Of course in these simpler times of wrestling-as-clear-cut morality plays pitting "good against evil," Vince McMahon knew that this prototypical screwjob didn't sit well with the Hulkster's screaming legions of Hulkamaniacs.

As such, Vince and the collective WWE Universe World Wrestling Federation Fans turned their eyes to the Fed's resident beacon of truth and supreme arbiter of justice in "World Wrestling Federation President Jack Tunney" (who was, in actuality, no more than a one-time promoter from Canada who'd become a simple working stiff for WWE front office). Since Tunney tended to run things from afar, his rare appearance on WWF television was IMMEDIATELY viewed as something of a big deal. And in turn, his announcement was immediately received as credible and of extreme significance. Take a look:

Jack Tunney announces WM4 Tournamentby Stinger1981

In short? Rare as it was, a Jack Tunney appearance meant that shit was about to get real.

(Consider a Linda McMahon cameo versus a Vince McMahon appearance, for a more modern example).

And with a heavy hitter like The Donald? There's no reason to believe that WWE can't duplicate this same template in order to raise the stakes and ensure future success.

Sure each of these "offscreen authority figures" are little more than professional wrestling's Deus ex machina. But the fact that they spend most of their time AWAY from the show that they're supposedly "keeping an eye on" makes things appear all the more significant on those rare moments that they are forced to step in front of the camera.

And With That, I'm Outta' Here

That does it for Mee this week. Thanks again for reading, and do feel free to post a comment below. Heck, if you're feeling REALLY brave, you might even consider including your REAL NAME and contact information. After all, you never know when Mick Foley will be reading! 'Till next time, have a great weekend, and always stay positive!

- Meehan

The National Domestic Violence Hotline : [phone]-SAFE.