The Tuesday Small-For-All News Report: 06.23.09

Posted by Jeff Small on 06.23.2009

Who Let the Dogs Out, The Trump Fiasco, Goodbye Candice MIchelle, Smackdown DVD, Kibbles N Bits, The Slammiversary Swerve, Paul Roma Got Balls, Kennell From Hell, Raw Thoughts, and the 2009 WHAMMY AWARD WINNERS!

You're My One And Only… Pound Puppy!

Now normally I do not address feedback unless it's a Swayze Malebag week (which unfortunately won't occur again until mid-July). However, I received one email that was so timely I just had to answer it. From 411's own JP Prag, he writes:

"Eric Bischoff call Triple H one of these in his latest blog:

Lhasa Apso

Tell me you are going to include that in your all-dog news report next week!"

Oh JP, you have no idea. Good thing you just write "business" style reports and leave the entertainment to me!


Ninja Dog is way more exciting!

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Who let the dogs out?

WHAMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Welcome back to a dogmatic edition of the Small-For-All News Report. Now why dogs, you might be asking. Well, a couple weeks ago, I posted a picture of Debra and I was immediately reminded of my love for puppies. And seeing as if I had a hard time completing last week's Small-For-All, I knew I needed a certain theme to keep me going. Hence, the debut of a Puppy Power edition of this news report.

In addition to a ton of puppy pictures, we will also cover all the latest news involving our favorite dogs of the wrestling community including Sunday's dog of a swerve, a certain WWE Diva's release, and the whole Donald Trump/Monday Night Raw situation. Throw in news from Paul Roma AND the 1st Annual WHAMMY AWARDS WINNERS and tonight's edition might not be so dog-gone awful!


Fine fine, that pun was terrible.


NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

First it giveth then it taketh away

The big news of the week is that Vince McMahon still loves to give away his money. At a press conference Monday afternoon, Donald Trump announced that all ticketholders to last night's Monday Night Raw would receive a full refund. The total value of the refund would hit $235,000. In addition, to the refund, last night's Raw was commercial free! So what's the deal with all of these free incentives? Let's first talk about the commercial free Raw.

According to the Observer, "WWE and USA Network started discussions of a commercial free Raw several weeks ago. The move to not air commercials during Raw is an experiment to see if it would result to higher ratings since a large percentage of Raw viewers switch channels during commercial breaks. The loss in the ratings battle to TNT's "The Closer" and other shows also help with the decision not to air commercials.

USA pays WWE $550,000 per week for the rights fees to Raw and makes a profit from selling commercial time. If there is no major jump in the ratings, expect the next Raw to air commercials."

Shockingly, JP did not even cover this in his "business report" last week. I guess leave it up to the real professional to speak on it.

Anyway, last night's commercial free Raw really did not hurt the WWE's profit at all. They still received a payment from USA regardless of the ratings. If more people tune in, both USA and the WWE will be happy and if not, the WWE should still be happy. Cause they got paid.

Perhaps, this is why the WWE decided to give back roughly half of this week's rights fee to fund this stunt. We all know that Vince LOVES mainstream publicity so if this keeps his name in the news for another two days, then it's totally worth it. Of course, we know this stunt won't increase Raw's rating (for the mere use of Donald should do this) or even help promote this Sunday's PPV, but hey, it's not our money. Or is it?



By the way, according to ProWrestling.net, "the reason Vince never went through with such a storyline until last week was that WWE officials feared such a storyline would have a negative impact on WWE stock. Their fears were realized last week after WWE stock took a serious hit the day after the Trump announcement. There was such confusion among shareholders after WWE & USA issued a press release announcing the sale on Tuesday that the USA Network issued a follow-up press release later in the week admitting the "sale" was simply a storyline."

Considering the stock hit a high of $13.05 on Friday before falling back down to $12.24 by COB Monday just shows that these Trump announcements really do confuse the company's shareholders. Silly shareholders, Vince's ploys are just for kicks!

Youth in Asia

On Friday, the WWE released Candice Michelle. While most of us were not surprised with this news, Candice was seeing as she was just cleared to return to the ring. According to the main page, "Some in WWE were upset that she was working on other projects while convalescing from her recent ankle injuries and most feel that she was never the same after returning from her collarbone injuries."

Ok first off, who the fuck uses the word "convalescing" on a wrestling website? Talk about not knowing the audience.

Second, it's a shame that Candice was never the same after his collarbone injuries. While she was never the wrestler that Trish Stratus was, she improved just enough to spark a legion of bikini models to try wrestling (like Kelly Kelly) and convinced enough of us to think that she really deserved a push as the #1 Diva on Raw. Unfortunately all of that came crashing down when she decided to perform God-knows-what from the top rope. Too bad, it looked like this:



Since that fall, she rushed back to the ring in order to perform at WrestleMania 24 which never happened as she shattered her injured collarbone a couple weeks before the show. Then when she returned last Fall, she clearly had ring rust. After her loss to Beth Phoenix at No Mercy, Candice disappeared with an ankle injury and then got fat. Due to all her injuries and (mainly) her weight gain, Candice was finally released last week.

In memory of her wrestling career, allow me to post my favorite moment of Candice's career – teaching Kelly Kelly how to dance. Before their ECW encounter, Kelly Kelly danced like an awkward white girl. After their time together on ECW, Kelly learned enough stripper moves to win "fan voted" dance-offs. Thank you Candice.



The Best You Can Is Good Enough

Over the weekend, the details of the upcoming Best of Smackdown 10th Anniversary DVD leaked. Like the Raw XV DVD, this one is also made up of segments spanning three discs. Unlike Raw's, these segments are ranked from 1 -100. Here are the top 100 moments from Smackdown's 10 years (with my clarifications in italics).

# 100 – The Spinner April 14, 2005 (Duh, the start of my favorite belt)
# 99 – Unlikely Merger October 31, 2002 (Al Wilson + Dawn Marie? No, Big Show and Heyman)
# 98 – Here Comes the Chokeslam July 10, 2003 (Big Show chokeslames Brock Lesnar through the announce table)
# 97 – A SmackDown Tradition (I'm guessing this will deal with Thanksgiving)
# 96 – Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker September 16, 2005 (Eh, no burning caskets.)
# 95 – Mattitude (Clearly, this has to do with Matt Morgan's speech impediment.)
# 94 – Show Hunters September 23, 2004 (Bald Big Show!)
# 93 – Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero September 9, 2005 (The blowoff to the neverending feud – with the heel winning!)
# 92 – Mr. America (For this alone, I will purchase this DVD set.)
# 91 – Out of Tune July 19, 2001 (McMahon sings for Stone Cold!)
# 90 – Signs of Friendship (Here's hoping this segment revolves around the ShowGunns!)
# 89 – Chris Jericho vs. Chyna December 30, 1999
# 88 – Hardcore Injury June 29, 2000 (Yes, when Angle's moonsault shattered Holly's arm!)
# 87 – No Way Out February 24, 2000 (Foley being dragged in a cage at the end of Smackdown.)
# 86 – Return of Piper's Pit April 10, 2003
# 85 – Carlito vs. John Cena October 7, 2004
# 84 – Sewage Bath October 9, 2003 (Not one of Eddie Guerrero's finer moments.)
# 83 – The BoogeyMan
# 82 – Hulkster Returns January 23, 2003
# 81 – Triple H vs. Tazz April 20, 2000
# 80 – Bar Room Brawl January 20, 2000
# 79 – Gore! Gore! Gore! August 9, 2001 (If the Fist stage was better liked, this should have been in the top 20)
# 78 – Time to Play the Game September 23, 1999 (5 Triple H matches, 1 night.)
# 77 – Rock ‘N' Sock Connection
# 76 – Hulk Hogan vs. Chris Jericho May 2, 2002
# 75 – Gold Medal Thief August 30, 2001 (This is with Stone Cold not when Chris Benoit put Angle's medals in his trunks.)
# 74 – Gold Medal Auction July 29, 2004 (When Teddy Long becomes GM.)
# 73 – Funeral Fight (Big Show? Big Boss Man? Awesome!)
# 72 – Life Sucks … May 11, 2000 (Somehow I doubt this involves Dean Malenko's match with Chyna.)
# 71 – Al Snow & Steve Blackman
# 70 – Batista/Rey/Finlay/Jeff Hardy vs. MVP/JBL/Kane/Brian Kendrick October 3, 2008

Disc 2

# 69 – Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy!)
# 68 – Rough Landing September 9, 1999 (Buried alive match!)
# 67 – Stephanie's The Champ March 30, 2000
# 66 – Randy Orton vs. Hardcore Holly April 25, 2002
# 65 – Angle Wins Gold February 10, 2000 (On his way to being the Eurocontinental champion.)
# 64 – New Tag Champs December 16, 2005 (Poor Rene Dupree and Kenzo Susuki!)
# 63 – Heidenreich Poetry September 16, 2004
# 62 – The Rock vs. Dudley Boyz March 9, 2000
# 61 – Lethal Dose of Poison January 24, 2002 (What a shitty segment!)
# 60 – Parking Lot Brawl September 11, 2003
# 59 – Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy June 5, 2003
# 58 – Sincerest Form of Flattery (Yes, Cena spanking Steph McMahon's fat ass! Bet on it!)
# 57 – Superhuman Strength (Yes, a Mark Henry segment!)
# 56 – You're Hired! April 11, 2002 (Stacy dances for Vince.)
# 55 – Rob Van Dam vs. Steve Austin September 4, 2001
# 54 – Edge & Vickie
# 53 – Austin Stalks DX October 28, 1999
# 52 – Debra's Cookies (PUPPIES)
# 51 – Stinkdown!
# 50 – Team Angle vs. Tajiri / Eddie Guerrero May 29, 2003
# 49 – Rock & Busta July 11, 2002
# 48 – Fate Fulfilled December 19, 2008 (Hardy's title celebration.)
# 47 – Billy & Chuck Wedding September 12, 2002 (Now this is worth the price of the DVD set.)
# 46 – Tribute to Eddie November 18, 2005
# 45 – Where is Foley? (At Universal Studios perhaps?)
# 44 – A Classic Hit September 9, 1999
# 43 – Eddie Guerrero vs. JBL July 15, 2004
# 42 – Air Mysterio October 31, 2002
# 41 – Noble & Nidia (Hopefully, Blind Nidia makes an appearance.)
# 40 – Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker July 4, 2002

Disc 3
# 39 – MotherSlapper March 23, 2000
# 38 – A Celebration To Remember February 19, 2004 (Dancing Brock)
# 37 – Big Show Returns September 9, 2004
# 36 – Sexy Kurt March 24, 2005
# 35 – Rock ‘n' Sock vs. New Age Outlaws October 14, 1999
# 34 – Houdini of Hardcore (Crash Holly ruled!)
# 33 – Mysterio Flies July 25, 2002 (Isn't this on Disc 2?)
# 32 – Undertaker's Revenge September 26, 2008
# 31 – Divorce Court
# 30 – John Cena vs. Kurt Angle June 27, 2002
# 29 – Icon Destruction August 8, 2002
# 28 – Get In My Belly April 13, 2000 (Big Show + Fat Bastard = #28)
# 27 – Bald is Beautiful June 13, 2002
# 26 – Border Patrol April 8, 2004 (The beginning of JBL's rise to the top.)
# 25 – Zach Gowen / Stephanie McMahon vs. Big Show July 3, 2003
# 24 – Right Place, Wrong Time July 27, 2000
# 23 – Ultimate Opportunist May 11, 2007
# 22 – Angle vs. Lesnar September 18, 2003
# 21 – DX-plosion April 27, 2000
# 20 – Batista Forfeits Title January 13, 2006
# 19 – People's Elbow September 30, 1999
# 18 – Edge / Hulk Hogan vs. Billy / Chuck July 4, 2002
# 17 – Kurt Kisses Stephanie August 24, 2000
# 16 – JBL vs. Dollzilla February 10, 2005 (Yes! This was awesome).
# 15 – TLC III May 24, 2001 (Benoit or Noob Saibot. I'm guessing the latter.)
# 14 – Blockbuster Champ November 11, 1999 (Big Show?)
# 13 – Jeff Hardy vs. Triple H April 12, 2001
# 12 – Champion Chairman September 16, 1999 (Because everyone loved when Vinnie Mac became champion).
# 11 – Thuganomics
# 10 – Tribute to the Troops
# 9 – Supermarket Brawl December 13, 2001 (King Booker needs an appearance on this DVD set.)
# 8 – Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero September 26, 2002
# 7 – The Rock Says…
# 6 – Funeral Crasher November 11, 1999
# 5 – Austin & Angle – Unplugged July 12, 2001
# 4 – The Pilot April 29, 1999
# 3 – The Rock vs. Triple H August 26, 1999
# 2 – The Bigger They Are… June 12, 2003 (Awesome moment.)
# 1 – 9-11 Tribute Show September 13, 2001

Overall, that took me forever to do. And I gave up one-third of the way through. Oh well. Regardless of my lack of effort, the DVD does a pretty good job going through some of the more memorable moments in Smackdown's history. Of course, there are a few omissions (a lack of Edge & Christian, no King Booker, no Ironman) but overall, it's pretty solid. Make sure you pick it up on September 15th when its released on DVD!


The segment formerly known as Biten' Newsbites.

In JR's blog, he states that the Great American Bash was shortened to the Bash for global marketing reasons.

Either that or they refused to pay the Patriot for a one-time appereance.

In a recent interview, Chris Jericho stated that the Undertaker was coasting on his name and would love to defeat him at WrestleMania 26.

Silly Jericho, you know you are no match for the Undertaker's magic show. Right puppies?


Keep Rollin, Rollin, Rollin.

Seriously though, Jericho vs. Undertaker is one of the few feuds that have never been done. Throw in the fact that Jericho's recent feuds have been pure gold and that Taker is in better wrestling shape now than he was ten years ago and this could very well be a WrestleMania program. Sadly, it will probably be blown off in the Fall.

The WWE is contemplating having a Hell in the Cell themed PPV.

As long as they call it Lock Up. As long as they call it Lock Up.

"The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes is not dead.

That's good to know. What about Pauly Shore?

Hooray, Donald Trump was added to the Raw opening. And he still allowed The Brian Kendrick a spot too!

Just so you know, I'm dreading tonight's commercial free Raw. You see during commercials I write the majority of Raw. Now, I'm just hoping for a Triple H promo.

Well, kicking the show off with Donald Trump won't hurt.

And here comes a commercial! Oh wait, nope. It's John Cena. And Cena vs. the Big Show is booked for tonight – which means are we getting Miz vs. Cena at the Bash!

Here's the Miz! And yes, we are getting Miz vs. Cena at the Bash! Sunday will be the most important day of the Miz's life. Here's hoping he performs well enough to win the Most Improved 411 Award in December (yes he's already in discussion).

Hooray product placement! Me love some Kentucky Grilled Chicken!

Khali! RAW! WHAMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally need a bathroom break now.

Now if Khali jumped from the top rope, the ring would have exploded along with the testicles in his knees.

Fun Smackdown 6-Man match. CM Punk was good on commentary and it only goes to show how well the Blue Brand is clicking at this moment.

No more Santina! Well, that was uneventful!

And even with no more commercials, we still get Did You Know segments. DID YOU KNOW- remember 100 Smackdown moments is really fucking tough.

What happened to the Priceless music? Boo!

A Goldberg reference, while not as good as an Ahmed Johnson reference, is much better than watching Primo wrestle Cody Rhodes.

I think the WWE is hoping that a good Last Man Standing match will redeem the earlier Orton/HHH matches and provide good heat for their match on Sunday. Personally, if their LMS is good tonight, then a singles match on Sunday will pale in comparison.

Logically, the match ended in a Draw. Good match though. The lack of commercials really helped this match as its flow probably would have been interrupted with that lady who raps in that Taco Bell commercial.

Oh geez, a celebrity manager each week. How many weeks will it take until Rob Schneider night?

Okay, why is Trump already promoting WrestleMania 26? Does anyone care about Sunday's Bash?

That's it? The entire Trump era is over just like that. They couldn't even have this confrontation lead to a PPV match? I really do not understand this logic at all.

Triple H vs. Randy Orton in a 2 out of 3 falls match! Well, that is much more appealing of a singles match between the two.

A six divas tag match without Kelly Kelly or Jillian Hall? And here lies Trump's legacy!

Is it just me or does the Big Show look like he's about to assrape someone before his camel clutch? It's probably just me.

I have mixed feelings on tonight's show. On one hand, the commercial free aspect really enhanced the show as I did not miss any of the commercials, the long LMS match benefited from no breaks, and it was definitely out of the ordinary. On the other hand, the entire Trump storyline was ridiculous as it became only a one-week diversion. Who do they think he is? RVD? Ken Kennedy? Seriously, the only lasting things to come out of Trump's reign was Santina's firing and the use of the Bella Twins in the six diva tag. Even Mike Adamle got more accomplished and he was an idiot.

NEWS FROM O-TOWN

Dog Day Afternoon

At Sunday's Slammiversary, Kurt Angle became the new TNA Champion when Samoa Joe turned on AJ Styles and sided with the Main Event Mafia. While many people were shocked at this outcome, looking back we really should not have been surprised. You see earlier in the show, Samoa Joe and AJ Styles were doing a backstage promo together. During the promo, Styles stated something like they had the advantage since him and Joe get along and no one else does. That was the proverbial red herring. Because in Vince Russo's world, babyfaces are really stupid, tag team partners never last, and we never did find out who impregnated Stacy Kiebler. Using that logic, Styles became the later-day Sting. Really, we shouldn't have been surprised.

That said, for those who are complaining about the logic behind the swerve, it's Vince Russo and TNA – are you really expecting logic? Seriously, give them credit for doing something shocking and let's see if they can pull off the storyline behind it. And if they don't, commence to bitchin' next week!


The segment formerly known as Biten' Newsbites.

Paul Roma stated in an interview: ""Mick Foley can't wrestle – plain and simple. Most wrestlers would agree. Probably even him. So if he's not launching himself off a roof, gouging his head, breaking bones, or spitting blood, it's boring. He can't do anything. What is it he can do?...They expect to see this idiot jeopardize his life, otherwise they don't care because that's what they're used to."

Oh man, I do not think that Roma has any idea what he's getting himself into. Prepare for a MySpace blog by Wednesday evening!

Sting is contemplating retiring again…

… until Spike TV and TNA fork up even more money. Negotiating is something at least Sting has over Ric Flair.

Jacqueline and Rhaka Khan are back on the road.

Uh, perhaps I can steal Larry's "No Buys" for this one. Nah, I'd rather use this:


I don't get the need for them either.

The Victory Road poster has been revealed.


And it's fucking awesome.

KENNELL FROM HELL MATCH

To continue with today's theme, embedded is one of the classic dog matches in WWE History. If you have 15 minutes to spare, I suggest you watch the following match. Even better, this video comes with hilarious commentary from Kevin Kelly and Mick Foley (I guess Vince was too busy that day to yell in his ear.)



You can thank me later.




2009 WHAMMY AWARDS

It's with great honor for me to announce the winners of the 2009 WHAMMY AWARDS! Remember that all the winners were voted by you, my Smallophiles.

The Steve Blackman "How in the Hell is this guy getting a push" WHAMMY

And the winner is… Ricky Ortiz.

Well no surprises here even though Mike Knox had the initial lead. I guess this goes to show that beards are still cooler than afros.

The Chyna "I look better with my clothes on" WHAMMY

And the winner is… Mae Young.

In a landslide. This one wasn't even close.

The Candice Michelle "Look he/she's improving very slightly so let's give him/her a serious push" WHAMMY

And the winner is… Kelly Kelly.

I guess I need to change the name to the Candice Michelle Memorial Award. Perhaps next year.

The D'lo Brown "Holding a Black Man Down" WHAMMY

And the winner is… R-Truth.

In a not-so-funny sidenote, Cody Rhodes received more votes here than Big Zeke.

The Great Khali "Future Small Man Crush" WHAMMY

And the winner is… Vladimir Kozlov.

Kozlov defeated Chris Masters by ONE VOTE! I guess I'll have Meehan work on a new banner for me.

The Billy Gunn "I Look Better in Women's Clothing" WHAMMY
And the winner is… Jeff Small.

I guess my secret is out.

The Ken Kennedy "Mr. Glass" WHAMMY

And the winner is… Batista.

Batista was the runaway winner here as no one voted for Randy Orton and only a few voted for Mr. Kennedy. I guess he's already forgotten by the Smallophiles.

The "Oh Yeah I Totally Forgot about TNA like Usual" WHAMMY

And the winner is… Jeff Small.

Wow a two-time winner! I'd like to thank God, my mother, James Thomilson, Larry CSONKA, Al Issacs, Widro, Scott Slimmer, Kegger, Ahmed Johnson, Masterbating Carlos, Boy Meets World, VH1, Master Shake, Perez Hilton, the Great Khali, and snausages! Am I forgetting anyone here?


COMING ATTRACTIONS

Next week, we celebrate a special 100 day anniversary! Of course, it pertains to "you know who" and no, I do not mean Chris Benoit. That and kittens!!! JUST KIDDING. Until then…

For the Tuesday Small-For-All News Report, I'm Jeff Small… and you're not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!