The Bell To Bell News Report 06.28.09

Hello wrestling fans, and welcome to the second week of the new Bell to Bell! Last week’s column went over rather well and I got some great feedback from people in the comments and through e-mail and I appreciate everyone who took the time to throw a line or two my way to help me make this little dog and pony show of mine just a bit more entertaining. The news may have been a little light this week, but that doesn’t mean we’ll be taking it easy as there is still lots to talk about with the fallout from Slammiversary, a commercial-free Raw with Donald Trump, the spike in the ratings for said Raw show, and a whole lot more. On a quick side note, yes, I realize that this past week saw the two year anniversary of the Benoit killings and yes, I realize that I write a column about professional wrestling and the news that happens therein. That being said, I’m not going to be touching on it at all because of two reasons. One, there’s nothing new that anyone can add to the story as the information that’s out there is what’s out there and there’s not really anything that anyone can say two years after the fact that will come as some huge revelation. Two, it’s just kind of morbid how sometimes as a culture we can’t get past certain things and move on. There’s no denying it was a tragic situation, but it was a full two years ago. There seems to be a strangely North American phenomenon where people readily acknowledge and almost celebrate anniversaries of tragedies. I’m not sure where it comes from, but I’ve never seen it anywhere else and I’m not going to fall into the trap here. If you came here looking for my thoughts on it, I’m sorry and if you didn’t, then you’re in luck because this is the last that I have to say on the matter and is probably the last time I’ll ever address it directly. It’s time to let it go.

Now then, let’s ring the opening bell and get this sucker rolling!

TNA Slammiversary Results:

King of the Mountain X-Division Championship Match: Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley vs. Suicide (C) – Winner: Suicide (hanging the belt)
Daniels vs. Shane Douglas – Winner: Daniels (pinfall, Best Moonsault Ever)
TNA Knockouts Championship:Tara vs. Angelina Love (C) – Winner: Angelina Love (pinfall, Lights Out)
Monster’s Ball: Raven and Daffney vs. Taylor Wilde and Abyss – Winners: Taylor Wilde and Abyss (pinfall, Abyss’ Black Hole Slam on Raven)
Matt Morgan vs. Sting – Winner: Sting (pinfall, second-rope Scorpion Deathdrop)
TNA World Tag Team Championship: Beer Money Inc. vs. Team 3D – Winners: Beer Money Inc. (pinfall, DWI on Devon)
King of the Mountain TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle vs. Mick Foley (C) – Winner: Kurt Angle (hanging the belt)

TNA’s biggest pay-per-view of the summer, Slammiversary, is in the books and we have new champions to discuss, but before we get to them, let’s talk about the bout that opened the show and saw X-Division Champion Suicide retain his belt over four worthy challengers in the first ever X-Division King of the Mountain match. When TNA first announced two KOTM matches for the same show, I was worried that they were going the Lockdown route, where they were going to kill the gimmick, which is one of the few original matches that TNA has introduced that has been entertaining every time out. My worries were unfounded thankfully, as all five guys busted their asses and put on a match that was both true to the X-Division and the gimmick, while doing something completely different from the match that was going to close the show. The crowd was WAY into the hometown Motor City Machine Guns and way into the X-Division in a way that I haven’t seen in a long time. It was good stuff all the way around from everyone involved and honestly one of the best PPV openers I’ve seen TNA put on in at least a year if not longer.

Moving on to the two title changes in the last two matches of the night, the tag team match between Team 3D and Beer Money Inc. did not disappoint at all. These two teams have had a great feud and have had solid matches every time they’ve been in the ring together. Now that they could have a match that was just a match and didn’t have the cage gimmick or the Off the Wagon gimmick or Storm being injured or anything else dragging it down, I had high hopes. Those hopes were met and then some as Beer Money and Team 3D tore down the house for the better part of fifteen minutes in a tag match that showed that the WWE didn’t quite have the market cornered on four-star tag matches this year. The ending bit with the British Invasion sticking their noses in was expected considering they’re going to Beer Money’s first challengers, but it took away from the match a little bit for me. I would have much preferred to have Beer Money go over clean as a sheet since that would have given them the boost in credibility that they should get from defeating a team the stature of Team 3D. Team 3D doesn’t need to have that kind of protection because they’re always going to be over in TNA and it was the sole blight on a match that delivered on its potential.

In the night’s main event, AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle challenged Mick Foley in the second King of the Mountain match of the show. This one had me worried for different reasons than the opening match as all of the guys in this one, barring Angle, were hurting or just generally not very mobile, which could have been a death blow for a match like this. Instead of being terrible though, it was actually quite good and just a step behind the X-Division’s version. Despite the match being pretty damn exciting in its own right, all anyone can seem to want to talk about is the finish that saw Samoa Joe help Kurt Angle win the TNA World Heavyweight Championship while seemingly joining the Main Event Mafia. People have been up in arms about this since the pay-per-view ended, but I’m willing to give it a chance if they have Joe come right out and admit that this is just him making sure that he can take the title from Angle and destroy the Mafia from within. If it’s anything other than that, I’d be forced to completely agree with the people shitting all over this one. In a rarity for me, I’m willing to give TNA the benefit of the doubt with the hope that even they wouldn’t be so stupid as to screw up that kind of a money angle.

Touching on the rest of the show quickly, the Matt Morgan/Sting match was a little disappointing for me and showed just how far Morgan has to go before he’s at that main event level. It was an alright match, but it felt like it needed more for me. Out of the two ECW veterans that returned to TNA, Raven did a MUCH better job in his Monster’s Ball match teaming with Daffney against Abyss and Taylor Wilde than Shane Douglas did in his match against Daniels. I’m hoping that Raven sticks around for a bit, but would be pretty happy if Douglas went back to working the ECW reunion circuit after his lackluster performance at Slammiversary. Daniels needs to move on to something better stat as he’s rapidly losing all of his momentum from his big return before Lockdown. All in all, I would be hard-pressed to find a better pay-per-view from TNA this year and I was quite happy with the way the show played out.

Monday Night Raw Results:

Jeff Hardy, The Great Khali and Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler and Edge – Winners: Jeff Hardy, The Great Khali and Rey Mysterio (pinfall, Hardy’s Swanton Bomb on Ziggler)
Primo Colon vs. Cody Rhodes – Winner: Cody Rhodes (pinfall, handful of tights)
Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship: Triple H vs. Randy Orton (C) – Winner: Draw (Double KO)
Mickie James and The Bella Twins vs. Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendes and Maryse – Winners: Mickie James and The Bella Twins (pinfall, James’ Superkick on Mendes)
The Big Show vs. John Cena – Winner: The Big Show (pinfall, Miz-ference)

Yipes. Where do I begin with this one? I guess I could start with the Last Man Standing match that was contested between Randy Orton and Triple H for Orton’s WWE Championship. This one was a really good match and about as good as you could expect for a Last Man Standing match on free TV in today’s PG-rated WWE. The fact that they ran this as the mid-show main event and the fact that the show was commercial-free were two other big things that played into this match’s favor as it gave them plenty of time to work with and fans were able to get into the match deeply without feeling like they were going to miss a chunk of the action for a commercial break. I would say that this is one of those matches where they did the best with what they could do, especially heading into a pay-per-view this Sunday with the same participants booked in another match. The finish was about what you could expect as it would be hard to sell Triple H on Sunday after a loss to the champion on Monday and it hurt the match a little, but not by a lot. This was easily the high point of the show by a mile.

If you’re thinking that it’s bad news for a two-hour show to have its biggest highlight with about an hour left of the show, you’re right. Now imagine that the worst part of the show not only kicked off the show, but kept continuing all the way through the night. If you guessed that I was referring to the Donald Trump/Vince McMahon madness, you’d have guessed right. The whole thing was terrible from beginning to end and bordered on being intelligence insulting at points, especially when Vince found his office in the outhouse and was made to look like a fool by having to pay twice what Trump paid to get Raw back from him. They’ve tried to make McMahon a face after the whole Orton situation and by jamming Trump into the middle of everything for a guest starring role, they ended up making Vince look like a jackass. While I’m usually all for Vince looking like a fool, in this instance it just ends up hurting the show in the long run to pop a rating in the short term. I hope that the 4.5 was worth it Vince, because it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass if it ends up being all about Trump’s appearance.

Moving on to a segment that was at least a little better than the crap that was sprinkled throughout the show by Trump and McMahon, The Miz and John Cena continued to build to their match this Sunday on pay-per-view. It started with Miz and Cena getting in each other’s faces one last time, trading barbs before Cena cut him to shreds with his promo. While I normally wouldn’t be very happy with that, there were little things in there that kept Miz fairly strong including Miz going down to the ring and actually stepping in to talk shit on Cena right to his face, something that I don’t think people would have expected him to do. Yeah, Cena was a little harsh and could have pushed a little too far with his promo, but it was honestly one of Cena’s better promos in a long time and because it was so well-executed and Miz stayed so well into his character despite the verbal thrashing, it ended up being a great segment. The build continued in the main event of the show as Miz ended up costing Cena the match against The Big Show and even got to close the show standing over Cena and looking strong. Granted, it was the only entertaining thing about the entire Cena/Show match (a feud that is WAY past it’s expiration date and needs to be over now), but it was still a strong end to the show.

ECW on Sci-Fi Results:

Evan Bourne vs. Tyson Kidd – Winner: Evan Bourne (pinfall, Shooting Star Press)
Finlay vs. Zach Ryder – Winner: Finlay (pinfall, single-leg takedown)
Jack Swagger and Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer and Christian

ECW was up next and the show just felt flat for me from beginning to end. I’m not sure what it was about it, but the entire hour was just kind of there and it’s hard for me to muster the excitement to write about the show. The lone bright spot for me was the Tyson Kidd/Evan Bourne match, but even that only got about five minutes or so, so it wasn’t a very long bright spot. The Finlay/Ryder stuff was kind of bland and showed that ECW needs to get itself some depth if these two are being pushed as “stars” of the brand, while the main event tag was pretty cookie cutter and felt a lot like it could have happened that night or been a tape from three or four months ago and it would have been exactly the same match. I’m sorry for the people who were expecting something a little more in-depth for the ECW show, but I found myself struggling just to get through the hour of the actual broadcast, let alone having to re-watch portions to write about it.

WWE Superstars Results:

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne – Winner: Jack Swagger (pinfall, gutwrench powerbomb)
Dolph Ziggler vs. Jimmy Wang Yang – Winner: Dolph Ziggler (pinfall, jumping Russian legsweep)
United States Championship Triple Threat Match: MVP vs. Matt Hardy vs. Kofi Kingston (C) – Winner: Kofi Kingston (pinfall, Trouble in Paradise on Hardy)

After a lackluster week last week, Superstars had a lot of ground to make up this week and they came really close to doing it, even if they came up a little bit short. The Ziggler/Wang Yang match-up didn’t really need to be here as it was pretty much a squash that could have been better served by having Ziggler take on a bigger name. I get that they’re trying as hard as they can to get Ziggler over and that having him look impressive helps that, especially with a high-energy bout like this, but I would have preferred to see him in a real knock-down, drag-out match against someone like R-Truth. Truth is a guy who could take a loss against someone like Ziggler and not really be hurt by it badly while not having the same type of jobber stench that comes from Wang Yang.

The ECW contribution to the show was a solid match between Evan Bourne and Jack Swagger. It wasn’t a classic and it wasn’t a match that will totally change the world, but it was nine minutes of entertaining action featuring two of the top rising stars on any brand in the company. Bourne had a great showing for himself and is slowly starting to establish that he can hang with the bigger guys, something that will be very important for him if he wants to move up the card. Swagger stayed strong and in the title hunt by getting the pinfall with the gutwrench powerbomb, but Bourne was also able to be strong with his performance. Look for these two to end up facing each other many, MANY more times before their WWE careers are over, so we’ll consider this one an appetizer and judge it as such.

The night’s main event was a triple threat match from Raw with the United States Championship on the line. I’ll touch on the Hardy injury later in the column, so for now I’ll just focus on the match itself. I’ll be honest when I say that in the frst few minutes I wasn’t terribly impressed. All three guys can go and are capable of having good matches, but this didn’t seem like one of them out of the gate. The end of the match however, was high-paced and action-packed, more than making up for the beginning of things where I was worried that this was going to end up dragging Superstars to its second bad show in a row. Kingston picked up a big win by countering a Twist of Fate from Hardy into Trouble in Paradise for the pinfall. This type of things helps Kingston big time because he’s someone that needs an extra little bit of a push to help legitimize his title reign. My only problem for this one was that MVP was involved, which left me feeling like he’s spinning his gears a little bit after dropping the title to seemingly move up the card.

TNA Impact Results:

Brutus Magnus vs. Brother Ray – Winner: None (double disqualification)
Abyss vs. Kevin Nash – Winner: Kevin Nash (pinfall, Dr. Stevie tasers Abyss)
10,000 Thumbtack Match: Daffney vs. Taylor Wilde – Winner: Taylor Wilde
Scott Steiner vs. Robert Roode – Winner: Scott Steiner (pinfall, backslide)
Booker T vs. James Storm – Winner: James Storm (disqualification, beer bottle shot)

I apologize for not having TNA Impact covered this week, but I wasn’t able to get the show DVR’d as I screwed up on the recording schedule and ended up bumping it completely off the list of shows that needed to be recorded. From the looks of it, I don’t think I missed a lot, but I do apologize again for not being able to talk about it. As I’ve said a hundred times, I won’t write about a show I haven’t seen, and I’m standing by that again this week. Watch for Impact to return next week folks.

Friday Night Smackdown Results:

R-Truth vs. Shelton Benjamin – Winner: R-Truth (pinfall, corkscrew elbow)
Michelle McCool and Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim and Melina – Winners: Michelle McCool and Alicia Fox (pinfall, McCool’s Styles Clash on Kim)
John Morrison vs. CM Punk – Winner: John Morrison (pinfall, bridging counter to a roll-up)
Cage Match w/Special Referee CM Punk:Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho and Edge – Winners: Chris Jericho and Edge (pinfall, Edge’s spear on Hardy)

The WWE’s week closed out with the go-home show for The Bash and as has been the case for the past few months, Smackdown delivered the quality in both the in-ring action and the storylines that are much more compelling and much deeper than anything that is coming out of Raw right now. The two final matches of the show could easily have been matches that could headline a pay-per-view and have the pay-per-view draw well. Starting with Morrison and Punk, they’ve put together quite a body of work from their times in ECW and judging from the match on Friday, they’ve only gotten better. They got a TON of time to put together a quality match and they did just that, taking everyone on a fun little rollercoaster ride before Morrison got a pin on Punk to help solidify himself as a wrestler on the cusp of the main event. Morrison has impressed mightily since he’s split away from The Miz and this match could be one that people point to as a difference maker when Morrison is headlining pay-per-views in a year or two.

The main event for the night saw Punk in action again, but this time as a special referee in a tag team cage match between the team of Edge and Chris Jericho and the team of Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy. These guys had a tall task to try to top the Punk/Morrison match as match of the night and while they came up short, that’s not for a lack of trying. The cage almost felt like it didn’t need to be there as things ran as mostly a straight tag match with tweener Punk adding just a little bit of extra intrigue. The finish was fantastic and I have to say that the tandem 619 with Rey and Hardy scoring on Jericho was an eye-opener. Not only was the match great, but the post-match promo from Punk, asking the fans to give a hand to his number one contender all the while smirking and looking like a cocky asshole, was even better. Punk is starting to take the show over with his character and I think that he’s got a chance to become a megastar if he can keep riding this line until the swell of the fans pushes him into a full-on turn.

The only blight on the show for me was the whole idiocy with Vince and Smackdown GM Teddy Long. Long has done a great job in all of his stints as General Manager and I honestly think that he’s been the best GM since they’ve been implemented on the brands. Vince coming out and giving Teddy a hard time reeks of someone who’s been made to look like an idiot wanting to pick on someone lower on the totem pole to feel better about themselves. Granted, it gave us the great main event, but I really think that the show would have been a lot stronger without having that stuff. At the very least, it could have opened up some time for more wrestling, which is Smackdown’s strong suit. It’s a small quibble, but a quibble nonetheless and I’m hoping that this continues on to next week and ends there rather than being something that runs for a few weeks or a couple of months.

ROH on HDNet Results:

Fight Without Honor: Jimmy Jacobs vs. Delirious – Winner: Delirious (pinfall, Shadows Over Hell through a table)
The Young Bucks vs. Sal Rinauro and Brandon Day – Winners: The Young Bucks (pinfall, 450 splash/moonsault combo)
Ernie Osiris vs. Brent Albright – Winner: Brent Albright (pinfall, half-nelson suplex)
ROH World Tag Team Championship: Bryan Danielson and Tyler Black vs. The American Wolves (C) – Winners: The American Wolves (pinfall, roll-up on Black after miscommunication)

Yeah, I think I’m going to get Dish Network out here soon to move my Dish because for what seems like the millionth time, my HDNet is scrambled and barely visible, so I’ve had to miss ROH this week. I really need to figure out a way to get television to just run through my computer at all times since it’s where I spend most of my time anyhow. Next week….hopefully.

MAIN EVENT

Trump may = Ratings, but Trump = Boring is just as true…

The biggest story of the week from where I sit was the somewhat shocking news that this past week’s commercial-free edition of Raw scored a 4.5 rating, the highest in over two years and the second hour did a 4.8, which is perilously close to a 5.0. The last time there was anything even close to a 5.0 rating was over seven years ago with Raw’s post-WrestleMania 18 show. Whether it was being commercial-free that kept people from switching the channel or whether people were genuinely interested in Donald Trump remains to be seen, but this is a very strong number at a time when the WWE could sorely use it.

The ratings have been slowly slipping and slipping as people have been turning away from the product and it looks as if, for once, a “shocking twist” storyline may have actually paid off. I’m not going to back off of what I said last week about Donald Trump because it’s true and he’s not someone that can pull off believable television (just look at his performance on Raw on Monday for an example of that), but if he helped pop the rating with his “I’m buying Raw” stunt, than more power to him. I’m sure that he was a part of the boost and probably a pretty big part of it, but there’s another factor here to consider, and that’s the commercial-free aspect of the show.

Wrestling fans have been trained from as far back as the Monday Night Wars to be channel-flippers when watching the program. Back in the day, you used to have to frantically zip the remote back and forth between TNT and USA to try not to miss any of the developments on Nitro or Raw. Today’s culture is about instant entertainment and I know that even today I find myself flipping through when commercials come on any show, especially wrestling. I also know that there are times where when I’m flipping through I find something that piques my interest and takes me away from the show I was originally watching for longer than I intended. By taking out the commercials, the WWE didn’t give their viewers a chance to find something else to watch and took the remote out of the viewer’s hand for the better part of two hours.

As I said, I’m leaning towards it being a combination of both Trump’s appearance and the commercial-free nature of the program as there was nothing particularly earth-shattering in the build to the show that made it must-see television. It’s not like we were getting Taker/Michaels in a rematch from WrestleMania or Ric Flair’s return to the ring or anything like that. Granted, we got a pay-per-view level main event with Triple H and Orton in the Last Man Standing match, but that was about the only thing that pulled this above a regular Raw episode. I’m expecting the rating to dip a bit this week as Trump is gone and Raw is back to commercals, but I’ll be interested to see what happens when the ratings come back for the next commercial-free Raw, whenever they decide to do one. That will be when the real story is told about why the rating took such a spike this week.

Featured Bout

“Yeah, that makes it three injuries. Can I get a year without something going wrong? Please?”

— Matt Hardy’s star seemed to be on the rise when the year began and he turned on his brother Jeff to cost him the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble. He was drafted over to Raw and it looked like his feud with Jeff was going to cement him as a main event star. Unfortunately, he bought in on a risky finish at Backlash in an I Quit match against Jeff and suffered a broken hand. He tried to work through it as best as he could and was becoming a vital part of Raw’s upper midcard, but fate has struck again as he was hurt again at a WWE Superstars taping in the triple threat match with MVP and Kofi Kingston for Kingston’s US Championship.

Hardy is scheduled for surgery and will likely be out for at least a coupel of months if not more for a torn abdominal muscle. This is a blow to Raw as Hardy was beginning to pick up some steam with his character, as well as picking up good heat with his cast gimmick. It’s also a bigger blow to Hardy as someone was just recently released for being considered “injury-prone” and it stalls yet another attempt to push Hardy to the top of the card. I’m not suggesting that he’s going to be cut from the company because that would be about as silly a thing as the WWE could do, but I do think that they’re going to be leery of pushing him hard on his return and that he’s going to have some rebuilding to do before he gets another look at being elevated.

In my opinion, the reason why I don’t think that Hardy is injury-prone is that he’s wrestled a high impact style for years and has only recently had to deal with injuries that have mainly been beyond his control. Outside of his knee injury in 2005 that kept him on the shelf and led to the whole Edge/Matt/Lita triangle, he’s been relatively injury-free. And when you consider that the injuries he’s suffered in the past couple of years include the broken hand and appendicitis, two injuries that he can hardly be blamed for, he seems far less fragile. Another factor to consider is that it’s likely that Hardy was compensating for the injured hand, which usually leads to bigger injury elsewhere as was proven by the torn abdominal. Either way, it’s sad that he seems to be constantly having to deal with problems that derail his push right when it seems to be getting ready to break out and become a huge star and we here at 411 wish him a speedy recovery.

The Midcard

— Unfortunately, it always seems like there’s some sad news when it comes time to get near the end of the column and this week is no different. Billy “Red” Lyons, a fixture on the Toronto wrestling scene and a frequent contributor to the WWF’s Canadian programming, passed away at the age of 77 after battling cancer for some time. Lyons wrestled for over thirty years and during that span, he held titles in various promotions throughout North America and Asia, mainly with his partner (and brother-in-law) Dick Beyer, who was better known as The Destroyer, though he held titles with Bill Watts, Red Bastien and Fritz Von Erich as well. For as much as Lyons accomplished during his wrestling career, he is likely best known for his work afterwards where he was the main interviewer for Maple Leaf Wrestling, the WWF’s syndicated wrestling show in Canada. With his signature “Don’tcha dare miss it!” catchphrase when pushing house shows or the next week’s program, he became an integral part of the WWF’s Canadian programming and our verison of Mean Gene Okerlund. For those of us who grew up in the 80’s watching Canadian WWF shows, here’s a trip down memory lane and for those who didn’t, here’s some of Billy Red’s work in the WWF

Billy Red Interviews Iron Mike Sharpe (Hilarious stuff…)

Billy Red and Bret Hart in Bret’s First WWF Interview

Two back to back promos now that are fantastic as Roddy Piper rails on Canada before Hulk Hogan defends the country in his own promo time. Rather funny that it ends up that way since Piper grew up in Winnipeg and Hulk probably couldn’t point out Canada on a map.

Roddy Shoots on Canada and Billy Red Can’t Believe It

Hulkster Defends The Land of the Maple Leaf And Wants A Summer Home

Finally, here’s Billy Red and his signature catchphrase, one that nearly every Canadian wrestling fan in the 80’s can remember at the drop of a hat…

Billy Red Interviews The Honky Tonk Man Before A Card in Toronto

Rest in Peace Billy Red, you will be missed.

— Japanese wrestling fans are still reeling from the in-ring death of puro legend Mitsuharu Misawa late last week and it appears that they’re not handling it in a very good way when it comes to the man who delivered the back suplex, Akitoshi Saito. Apparently, Saito is under a suicide watch as he copes with the depression of the situation and it’s alleged that he’s also received death threats and that his house has been vandalized by angry fans. This is just ridiculous as Saito was merely someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I would be surprised if Misawa was injured because Saito was being careless in the ring and if the reports of him being suicidal are true, the last thing he needs is for people to be blaming him and berating him daily. I can understand that grief makes people do crazy things, but this is taking it too far and I would hope that the Japanese fans can see that before it’s too late and they lose another of their favorite stars, this time at their own hand.

Jerking The Curtain

Since it was a light week in wrestling news, I figured that I would close out by jerking the curtain with a story that’s not exactly wrestling-related, but does feature one hell of a brawl. Just when you thought Randy Orton had the market cornered on heelish sneak attacks and dropping deuces, here comes this story from Benton, Louisiana…

In a mother-daughter fight that included pushing, shoving, wrestling, biting and wielding a pan, a woman kicked her mother unconscious and then defecated on her while she was lying on the floor, Bossier Parish sheriff’s deputies said.

“It was a donnybrook,” Lt. Ed Baswell said of the Tuesday morning brawl at a residence on Chelsy Drive in Benton.

The women — Destinie Rechelle Duvall, 37, of Willis, Texas, and Patricia Ann Hacker, 62, of Benton were treated at LSU Hospital and then booked into jail.

Sheriff’s deputies went to the house after Hacker’s 12-year-old granddaughter called 911.

Deputies said they weren’t sure what started the fight, but they said the daughter knocked her mother out of a chair and then kicked her in the head, causing her to lose consciousness. While Hacker was unconscious, Duvall defecated on her back, Baswell said.

The fight started up again when Hacker regained consciousness, Baswell said. There was more hitting and wrestling and the fight eventually made its way outside, At one point, the daughter bit her mother on the lip, causing a cut. The mother grabbed a steel pan and hit the daughter five times, Baswell said.

The daughter broke her hand at one point.

The daughter was booked on charges of second-degree battery and simple battery. The mother was booked on charges of simple battery and the more serious charge of aggravated battery because the pan was used.

Some key points to go over here;

First things first, I can’t think of a situation where I would EVER….and I mean EVER lay a hand on my mother let alone hit her with a chair. If that’s the case, it also goes without saying that I would never decide to drop trou and plant a steamy load of crap on her unconscious back after I had kicked her in the head either. There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed and that’s probably about ten miles past that line. As if that’s not enough of a crazy situation, the mother actually gets up and goes after her daughter when she comes to, with a FRYING PAN!! Eee see dubbayoo, eee see dubbayoo, eee see dubbayoo, eee see dubbayoo!!!

Honestly, they should just lock up the both of them and keep them in there for the next two or fifteen years because this kind of crazy shouldn’t be allowed on the streets. At least this is one angle that we’ll likely never have to worry about seeing in wrestling….unless Vince Russo reads this column, in which case, all bets are off and I apologize in advance. In a related story, look for the daughter to begin headlining the independent circuit as “The Brown Menace” in bouts against the recently-fired Santina Marella throughout the summer.

The Final Bell

That does it for me this week. I’m pressed right up against the deadline so I’m going to cut this part of the festivities short. Randle’s in tomorrow, I’ll be back next week to talk about The Bash and everything else that’s gone on in the world of wrestling. In the immortal words of Ed Whalen, in the mean time and in between time, I’ll see you back here next time for a brand new edition of the Bell to Bell!

If you’re a fan of MMA, be sure to check out Nokaut.com for more of my work.