Five-Star Conversation 06.30.09: Commentpalooza!

Posted by Geoff Eubanks on 06.30.2009

We get caught up on the last two weeks worth of your comments!

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: Last week's Monday Night publicity stunt displays exactly how out-of-touch Vince McMahon is today. The inclusion of Donald Trump, in his mind, was supposed to say to the average Joe, "Wow, look how high WWE is climbing again!" when actually it only stirred thoughts of, "Wow, look how far Trump has fallen."

COMMENTPALOOZA!
I'd bet dollars to donuts that Vince games the Wellness Tests. I'm not saying he rigs them, but that he makes sure HHH, Batista, et alia know when they'll be tested so that they can cycle off the banned substances. I don't blame Vince for doing this as he sees those guys as Main Eventers. In all honesty, I don't care if they juice or not so long as they put on entertaining matches.
Posted By: Iron Knee

That's exactly the point I was trying to make, Iron Knee, without going off on some typical, accusatory IWC tirade. Yes, it is understandable for an employer in the entertainment field ensure that his/her top draws are made as attractive and believable as possible, the sub-genre of entertainment notwithstanding (though especially in professional wrestling where the perception of such talent requires a certain level of manipulation to ensure that the employer's intended outcome sees fruition); however, in the case of Batista, if this is so, is McMahon doing his employee any favors?

One has to assume Batista would rather perform than rehab and he makes the company a damn site more money when he's in front of the people than not, so might it not be wise (if not in the best interest where his overall and long-term health is concerned) that he stop trying to pack so much muscle on his frame? I mean, whether or not he's on the gas, how many times have we seen performers cause themselves harm from playing proverbial Russian roulette with muscle mass? On a personal note, part of me wonders if Batista is reticent to scale down because he recognizes that, without his larger-than-life physique, he brings very little else to the ring?

Furthermore, if it's true that a select few at the top of the card are given such special treatment, and that's if, what does that say to the rest of the roster? It seems to me that it sends a message that, to make it to the top, one must have a specific look to succeed, or at least find favor in the eyes of McMahonagement, which serves to encourage them to do freelance steroids, which could very possibly land them on McMahonagement's shit list, which is exactly the opposite of the original intention. It's a destructive and counter-productive Catch-22 that has to be frustrating to the talent.

Seems to me, Eubanks, it was just a matter of timing. Batista stuck around long enough to make an impact BEFORE each injury that took him out. He rose to prominence, won the World Title and defended it for months before his first serious injury. He feuded with the Undertaker in what you would unquestionably call a career milestone before he was out again. And now, he gets taken out the same night he wins the WWE Championship (if there was ever a time to call an audible...). For heaven's sake, he nearly - both in kayfabe and in a real-life, albeit metaphorical, sense - drug the belt into injury-leave territory with him!

Contrarily, Kennedy's injuries have taken place at HORRIBLY inopportune times. 1) Right after his red-hot debut/winning streak. 2) Right after HIS milestone feud with the Undertaker. 3) RIGHT AFTER HE WON MONEY IN THE BANK! And of course, 4) immediately after he was drafted to Smackdown last year. As in, what, his second match on the brand..?

You see, it's all about timing.

Also, there's that thing where McMahon goes gay for bulging, 4-dimensional pecs. Literally. The man is clearly a closeted bisexual. Y'know, if you keep shit like that inside, it affects your decision-making in unconscious ways.
Posted By: KanyonKreist

I've heard murmurings for quite awhile about the questionable sexuality of McMahon, The Rock and Triple H (I didn't believe my ears back during the early days of dX 2.0 when Tri was doing ringside commentary and he said, "I am many things by, but lingual isn't one of them," although I don't think he was implying –sexual after it). To be honest, if they're not going to come out full-on like Pat Patterson and Steve Lombardi, I'd rather not speculate. It's nothing that gives me a tingle anywhere, believe me.

Yes, timing is indeed crucial in virtually everything. Who thinks Elvis Presley would be anything anyone would give a creamy fart about if he started his career now? He'd just be still another annoying new act trying to befriend you on MySpace. But this kinda goes back to what I was saying above in response to Iron Knee.

Again I don't mean to get all Fox Mulder on everyone, but the latter two injuries suffered by Batista were likely manipulated by McMahonagement to keep him strong, especially this last hollow victory, which I think he was allowed, despite being injured, to add to Orton's heat (which, in turn, will only strengthen HHH when he wins the belt at The Bash). Even the second injury, when he was forced to drop the belt, upon returning, he had the stigma of never having been defeated for the belt, which was a great gimmick for him, except that he seemed to have baby oil all over his hands every time he tried to reach for the brass ring. I've said here several times that his quest to regain the gold backfired on me when he couldn't get the job done because it convinced me he didn't deserve it and the fact that he hurt himself again after having finally won it cemented that belief in my mind. It simply boggles that people still buy this guy at all, least of all McMahonagement.

As for Kennedy, you're absolutely right, he never reached a level where McMahonagement had the reason to place as much stock in him as they have Batista as far as having maintained a healthy streak whereupon he established himself as a dependable figure. Had Kennedy remained healthy for the first three years of his WWE tenure and then started finding himself in an on-again/off-again situation, McMahonagement might have had more cause to want to keep him around.

Personally, it strikes me that there was more going on in his situation, beyond the alleged proneness to injury; there was also the fact that he embarrassed not just himself, but, most importantly, the company when he took it upon himself to become the Wellness policy spokesperson at a time when he, himself, was later proved to have been in violation of it. That was just an incredibly foolish move. I'd be interested to get feedback on what you good folks think about that, incidentally; WWE still seemed to be in a position of making The Wellness Policy (at least appear to be) a serious venture in the eyes of an incredibly scrutinous public following the highly publicized (yet very different) tragedies surrounding the deaths of Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit and for Kennedy to put himself on a stage to eat his own foot…that wouldn't be well-received in any company in any field, much less by Vince McMahon, who, as we know, is nearly obsessively possessive with respect to whom in the media his employees speak.

Let me make clear, I was a fan of Kennedy's and I have a sneaking suspicion we could see him again in a WWE ring, but, as Kanyon said, it's all about timing and, for various and myriad reasons, it just wasn't in the cards for him this time.

Great article as usual.

Three guys that are most likely on roids would be Batista, HHH and someone else. The reason I don't think its Orton is because he's gone from a bloated guy and lost weight in the past two years. Look back at the formation of Rated RKO, then his title run in 07 now to the Tattoo Killer. Sure he's more ripped then ever but he's also a lot skinner.

I still say Vickie has been the top heel of 08/09... No one gets as much heat as her except Jericho.

Posted By: Brad

Thank you, Brad! That's an astute observation in Orton's regard. As I've mentioned in the past, the whole bodybuilding thing just in my world at all, legitimate or "aided", so I generally hang back on discussing it. However, one needn't have a degree, like John Cena, in exercise physiology to see patterns emerge after following professional wrestling for a couple of decades.

There was a point, though, when I was watching Raw and Orton came to the ring, did his pre-match ritual of standing on the buckles as the crane shot swopped past him and I thought to myself, "Man, he really has arrived," at least in terms of image. It was the first time I'd noticed that he'd trimmed down and was quite lean, he'd just had his sleeves completed and replaced his boyish good looks with that menacing "viper-like" glare. Knowing that some folks abuse steroids not just to achieve bulk, but to facilitate being lean and cut, I was concerned (the same goes for John Morrison, who has one Wellness strike against him). However, looking more closely, I suppose it is completely possible for Orton to maintain his physique cleanly, just as I am faithful that Cena, likewise, maintains his in such a manner as well.

LOVE the "Tattoo Killer" moniker, too…I actually laughed out loud when I read that!

I'm not buying the official story with Umaga. From all reports, he was being primed for a program with Taker, he'd JUST come back and was tossed into a PPV match...you're telling me that they sat the man down, gave him the option of some sort of help, and he walked away from the company? I don't buy it. Yes, I've been an addict of various things over the years, and I know that sometimes people can choose that over many things…but this just doesn't track for me. People don't get into the wrestling business because it's just a job. The people who do this, do it because they really love it. How many other jobs have an injury rate of 100%? The fact that he was about to get into a program with one of the highest profile starts the WWE has, that could only elevate his career…and just walked away because he wouldn't get help from something he knew that had proof of?

This isn't like a situation where he was trying to deny he did it. It's not like they found a bag of pills in his bag and he was all "Naw man, them pills ain't mine...they're Batista's .. I was just holdin' em." They had a positive urine test. Faced with this clear proof, and the offer to get some help and keep his job…knowing what was on the slate for him, knowing that just coming back they had enough faith in him to put him in a PPV to help put Punk over…he walked away?

Here's my question: What aren't we being told? I'm not so much of an idiot to believe this is the whole story. There's something much bigger going on here, and I know I'm not the only one who has to suspect as much. What's the real story here? I hope, that when Youmanga's time is up, he'll be able to talk about what really went down…and that the E didn't get him to sign some sort of NDA that would keep him quiet about this. Something clearly went down...and I for one want to know what it was.
Posted By: Nyte

For some reason i can't seem to fathom even the possibility of a Samoan taking meth. It just seems like a niche drug for people in well...my town, RuralTown, RedState. The fact of the matter is when i heard Umaga got fired over drugs i immediately thought…pills. And that was the only possibility for me. However I am completely against segregationist ideas in any form, no matter how trivial. I would really appreciate someone showing me a picture of a person of different ethnicity in a meth lab or some other place. RIVER OF TOLERANCE, ENGULF ME AND WASH MY IGNORANCE AWAY!!!!
Posted By: the dude

Awhile ago here in 5SC, faithful friend and longtime fan of the rasslin, thegunisgood, lamented about how the internet has allowed fans too much knowledge into the backstage dealings and personal lives of the performers and related personalities. I see his point, but I replied by saying that I would like to more, and by that, I meant specifically in just such an incident as Eddie "Umaga" Fatu's situation. I'm not going to go quite as Fox Mulder as Nyte, suggesting there's some kind of government cover-up (I'm kidding, Nyte, I'm just on a big X-Files kick right now), but, yes, there very well could be some holes in the story…at least, places we as fans are forced to fill in some blanks and make assumptions about the situation and I hate having to do that.

We're convinced, even manipulated, into caring about a character and, when he disappears, McMahonagement expects us to shrug our collective shoulders and turn off our admiration like a faucet and focus on something else. Human emotion, intellect and curiosity just doesn't work that way. Besides, and I've done this myself plenty of times in my personal life, as I think is the case for us all, that, when we're forced to fill in our blanks in any story, oftentimes we manufacture the wrong "facts" and end up with a picture that is very different from that which is actually the case and I don't want to do that, however, we have little choice but to speculate (Of course, let's, too, bear in mind that Fatu could come forward with his own statement and, to my knowledge, at least, he has yet to do so).

Nyte makes an excellent point in reminding us that wrestling is a specific career choice for the vast majority of those involved in it and that it isn't just a job, but a passion. However, what we need to bear in mind, especially in Fatu's case, is that, although WWE holds the lion's share of the cards, there are certainly other markets to which a performer can migrate. Obviously, there's the now-tired joke that, anytime a WWE performer is wished the best in their future endeavors, they're headed to TNA. Personally, I'd love to see a Taz-managed tandem of Samoa Joe & Fatu…damn…need to pause just a moment on that one…LOL! However, many have migrated south to the Mexican market and found themselves to be content there. Let's not forget, as well, that this is not the first time Fatu has been released by WWE (remember Three-Minute Warning?). In the interim between WWE stints, Fatu went to Japan to hone his skills. One has to think he could return to Japan, too, so refusing to succumb to McMahonagement's wishes (even if such wishes might ultimately be in Fatu's best interests) is not the end of the line for his wrestling career.

In terms of the rumored program between Umaga and The Undertaker, that was scheduled to occur, to the best of my knowledge, when Umaga returned to the ring, following having been injured, in late January. However, I speculate the fact, in two consecutive squash matches on SmackDown! that he was receiving cheers might have given McMahonagement cold feet on pulling the trigger on that particular feud at that particular time, opting instead to go with Taker/HBK for WrestleMania, a move that yielded one of the most spectacular matches in the event's 25 year history.

However, that left Umaga out in the cold for the silver anniversary, only to come back afterward to put over CM Punk, which has me wondering if Fatu wasn't at a point where he was questioning his role in the company as The Samoan Mark Henry. How many times and in how many instances over recent years have we seen Umaga set up as the unstoppable monster in the face of some face or other who, more often than not, inevitably fails to get that one, crucial victory? True, Umaga had some significant luck in the Raw mid-card, but when it came to moving up the card, he was inevitably shut down in the matches that could have helped to put him up that crucial next rung on the ladder. Perhaps he was apprehensive about becoming a mid-card fixture and is exploring ventures elsewhere whole he's still young and dexterous enough to do so?

Also, back to the Taker feud, that could very well have been scrubbed, or, Fatu could have seen, yet again, that he would likely dominate the program, only to come up short in the end, a situation which, one could speculate, might anger the much younger talent who could have stood to gain quite a bit from such a high-profile win that he'd likely never see. Again, speculation.

Of course, these assumptions are being made without bringing into play that which we "know" to be "fact", the Wellness infraction and this is where I really want to be careful, because I don't want to go throwing around accusations of addiction where they are unwarranted, because that's the height of inappropriate writing. However, this situation seems to an outsider such as myself, at least the story we've all been led to believe to be true, to be quite similar to the manner in which Kurt Angle left WWE in 2006, another situation steeped in speculation, the "real" truth seemingly skewed, depending upon whom one wishes to believe.

However, to juxtapose the situations, we've seen Angle appear to thrive in the ring during his tenure with TNA (individual reaction to the storylines aside) and rumors of deteriorating health have all but evaporated since he left WWE. If he ever had a problem with painkillers to begin with or if the lighter schedule has allowed Angle to continue to perform at the level to which he's accustomed, the move appears to have served him well. Who's to say the same can't/won't be the same for Fatu?

As for the issue of which drug WWE seems to feel Fatu requires help with managing/kicking/whatever, that, too, is not being leaked, as is always the maddening case in these situations, as I discussed when this issue was first brought up. It didn't strike me that, yes, meth amphetamine is, indeed, the drug of the honky and that it likely wouldn't be the drug of choice for someone of Samoan descent, but that's potentially a racist statement (being a "honky", myself, I claim the term in humorous fashion…come on, it's a hilarious word!), so let's not make blanket statements without probable cause. (BTW, dude, your closing sentence cracked me up!)

Meth sucks. First time did it by accident at a concert and was up for 2 days pissed off. The 2nd time, I hooked up with a stripper in college and after a few(?) lines with her, couldn't get it up. Yep, meth sucks.
Posted By: Angry Bear

Truer words were never spoken in this column, Bear. While never an issue for me, personally, I certainly dabbled in the foolishness of my youth and just never really got the addictive appeal. Granted there was the night my buddy Kemp and I went to the monthly Full Moon Rave in the Bay Area when I lived there and, after staying much longer than we'd originally intended (ie, sunrise on a school day) with me having to work a mere three hours later, a girl I'd started talking to gave me a couple bumps to get me through my shift at Musicland; an hour-and-a-half after my assistant manager and I opened the store, the manager walked in to ask how things had been thus far, to which the assistant replied, "Oh, my God, Geoff's been on fire! He's already sold three special orders and reorganized the Rap section!"

However, there was also the incident that still disturbs me, as I was in, shall we say, a sexually advantageous situation with a semi-regular partner, when I unfortunately found myself in the same predicament as Bear, only to discover that one necessarily needn't be at active length to cross the proverbial finish line. I hope that was polite enough.

But then I've found in my own experience that any illicit drug requiring a good snort is no good. My first Halloween in Los Angeles, I had close and then open the shop at which I was working, effectively putting the kibosh on my going out, unlike my two roommates, who had a friend in town from New York, and went out to do the town (and knowing them, probably quite literally). I came home to a liberal amount of powder on a couple of plates sitting on the dining room table, which I decided to claim. I scraped it all together into two big, fat lines and snorted them right up, only to realize afterward that I hadn't done cocaine as I'd thought, but Special K. They came home hours later to the sight of me all but twitching on the sofa in the dark watching "The Exorcist" on TeleMundo. Don't do drugs, kids.

Back to the rassling:

From what I understand about the Wellness Policy, as long as the performer has a legit prescription and the levels of said steroid/pain killer in the test are on par with the recommended prescribed dosage, it isn't considered a failure. HHH, Batista, and Orton may have prescriptions (how legit they are is another discussion) for any steroids they may be taking.

I also think that Kennedy was let go because he was too loose in the ring. His botched hip toss/arm drag put Cena on the shelf, and he almost broke Orton's collarbone with his back suplex. I think Vince & Co. looked at the often injured and sloppy worker in Kennedy, and saw that in the years he's been in the WWE, his sloppiness in the ring can not be overlooked.
Posted By: Flyboy

Flyboy makes a great point that a lot of us tend to forget about The Wellness Policy, in that, there's a baseline at which the performers are allowed and that anything at or under that baseline is considered a "pass" in the eyes of McMahonagement. My question in this regard, though, is, are there different standards of baselines for some as opposed to others? Who sets the standards for the baselines? And, yes, as Flyboy implies, how legitimate are these prescriptions?

Those comments/questions pertain to steroids, though; what about illegal substances? For instance, if Wrestler X baselines with minimal cocaine use and that level of usage doesn't waiver, never more, never less, therefore implying that Wrestler X is a regular, albeit minimal user and certainly not an abuser, does McMahonagement go after them? I think the answer is yes, although that's where I, personally would have a problem with it, but, as I said before, that's the argument between use and abuse, and that's another discussion.

Switching gears again back to Kennedy, though, I think Flyboy is referring back to that awkward period following Kennedy's return from his Wellness suspension when he was on what I'll call for lack of a better term, a really weird selling trip. He was wrestling in a manner that looked just plain awkward, strange and dangerous in an attempt to appear more "real" (I think this was at a time when McMahonagement was asking its performers, referees included, to sell the action as if it were more realistic, although I could be wrong), perhaps taking a McMahonagement edict a little too literally, which confused and bothered me, because I was, indeed, a believer at the time and really wanted to see Kennedy succeed. Perhaps he was trying to overcompensate in the ring to regain the good graces of McMahonagement following the embarrassment of his suspension and the circumstances surrounding it…? Again, we here in The IWC remain in the dark with respect to the specifics.

Are there people out there who really like the Colons? I just don't get it. Their matches are mostly boring, with usually the only good parts coming from whatever team they're put up against. They're constantly outclassed, and yet they still always manage to win. Seriously, in what world do the Colons beat Haas and Benjamin, and have it be believable?

Does the fact that TNA is pushing tag teams so hard, and that there is a segment of the wrestling community that is clearly enjoying that (I am for one), just not mean anything to the E? They've got plenty of talent that could be doing great things in a Tag Team division. They've got Tag Team belts. They've got Tag Team champions, (Carlito specifically...Primo isn't nearly as bad) that shouldn't be much more than jobbers. Do they need a slide rule to put all this together? I'd take Goldust and Hornswoggle as better champions at this point…at least they're entertaining to watch.

I too am going to miss Vickie. At first, she merely annoyed me…but as time went on, every time I saw her, I loathed her more and more…finally one night as I was watching Raw and she came out (Excuse me!), I realized I was nothing but a Vickie Mark. She managed, just by walking out on stage, to stir up feelings of anger and spite within me. I really, really would have loved to see her and Eddie work together as heels. I think that could have been really magic...I mean, just absolute gold. If this happened, please...point me in the right direction, because I missed it.

As a last comment, I really don't get the IWC's hard-on for Jerry Lynn. Maybe it's just that I haven't been exposed to him very much. I recall the first time I heard his name, I was watching WWF programming and he became the Light Heavyweight Champion. That was the first time I'd heard of him, and he just won a belt? Wha? I recall not being very impressed by him during the match…and then never really seeing him again after that. Yet, I keep hearing that he's pretty much the greatest thing since sliced bread all over the place. Maybe that one match just wasn't very good, or maybe it was before I really became a true "fan" and not just a casual observer and I didn't see something that I might see now…I don't really know.

In short, Carlito sucks, *sniff* bye Vickikins, Jerry Lynn who?
Posted By: Nyte

Always enjoy the thoughtful articles on here, make you think even if you don't agree with all of it.

Seeing Carlito in "the bottom" makes my heart sink!
Posted By: Ryan

There‘s your answer, Nyte, Carlito at least has a fan in Ryan. I don't think LOS COLONS are as bad as you suggest, although, conversely, I don't altogether disagree with you, in that the best moments of a match involving one or both of them come from their opponents. I especially agree with your sentiment that there really should be no way they defeat Benjamin & Haas cleanly. I did have to rub my eyes after that and check my cocktail to see if my Skyy had gone off or something.

However, I do have to admit I'm still prejudiced against Carlito and the fact he publicly decried McMahonagement and "outed" Triple H as a McMahon-by-marriage before it had occurred on TV, thereby breaking kayfabe. That's one of Vince's Ten Commandments and Carlito not only did it, he did it more than a couple times with his finger pointed squarely at Tri and was punished with a push. That, to me, is fucking crazy, especially considering that so many other performers have been axed for so much less. Yes, I hold a grudge.

Yes, I know, Vince wants the Latino viewer, but even that theory comes into question in my mind and I'll give two words with respect to why: Chavo Guerrero. The guy's got so much talent, can go on the mat and as well as take to the air (although perhaps not to the same extent as he used to, as age starts to set in), plays a great heel or face, and has the Guerrero name as a tie-in, and yet he's spent the last year or so doing nothing else but bringing his Aunt Vickie coffee. If Vince really wants to utilize the Latino contingent on his roster, give Chavo a decent on-air role. Okay, I managed to clear that blockage…

Unfortunately for Ryan, now that LOS COLONS have dropped the UTTTs to the unexpected team of Edge & Chris Jericho, where los hermanos go from here will say a lot about whether they really deserve to be placed at the bottom of the roster, where I placed them, or if I over-reacted and read their corporate value much less than is actually the case.

The move to team Jericho and Edge was curious to me. My initial reaction was instant – face turn for Edge. Ever since Jericho, who, let's face it, is the bigger heel of the two, arrived on SD!, the two have been engaging in a periodic war of words over who really owns Friday nights. For the two of them to suddenly find themselves on the same side (presumably as a consequence of Vince leaning on Teddy Long to become a more effective General Manager for The Blue-&-Silver), it's unsurprising that a team of their caliber should overcome a lesser-talented team such as LOS COLONS (and that is not a dig on the brothers, it's simply a statement of fact), although now they must continue to function as a team, which is where their rivalry will really ignite. I see them resenting one another, each claiming to be the captain of the team, Jericho because of his unprecedented nine-time ICT reigns, Edge because this is his 14th tag team championship and their derision will eventually be their undoing, leading to the two facing off against one another with Edge turning.

Turning Edge face will effectively put an end to the "Ultimate Opportunist" era of his career, which needs to happen. He's rode that wave all the way to shore and it's just time. Besides, his berating of La MooMooCita on Raw when she resigned in the ring displays that the fans are willing to cheer for him and, at this level of his career, a solid face run will boost him up another notch as well as give both his character and his brand a much-welcome shot in the arm to help change things up.

Conversely, the fans love to hate Jericho (despite the cheers he received based solely on the fantastic story he and Rey Mysterio told in the ring at Judgment Day) and this new evolution of evil his character has undergone still has miles on it before it's time to change him up.

Finally, in their regard, this could be a much-needed boost to the UTTTs, as well. Granted, this could all be just some Batista & John Cena/Shawn Michaels & John Cena-style stunt to further a program between the two principles involved, the belts used as nothing more than a cheap prop, and I hope to Flair not, but I just don't get that sense from this right now. They have a simple, effective story that is time tested, but can/will be fresh because of the two amazing characters involved. If they can have some great matches during what will likely be a relatively brief championship tenure and pass along the belts to a solid team (who will be made if the switch occurs under the proper circumstances), there could be something of a tag team renaissance in WWE.

Now I know you're laughing, and, of course, we all know Vince doesn't sweat TNA (uh, SARCASM), but look at TNA's Knock-Outs Division. When it first really got going, it kicked WWE's Women's Division's ass. McMahonagement responded by fortifying the WD, plus by adding The Diva's Division over on SD! and appeared to pay a little more attention to the quality and booking of both divisions (to say nothing of luring The Knock-Outs Division's best technical wrestler in Gail Kim back under the WWE umbrella) until such time that WWE boasts the greater collection of female performers.

With TNA, moreover and through TEAM 3D, taking pleasure and glee over dissing WWE's lack of concern and respect for tag team wrestling, it stands to reason that Vince could have realized that he was virtually handing TNA, legitimate competition in his eyes (or at least that he'd admit) or not, a niche with which they could establish themselves, much like The X-Division, only a niche steeped in tradition. I can actually hear Vince in his office looking at TiVo or a DVD, growling, "Those sons of BITCHES think THEY can do tag team wrestling better than Vincent Kennedy McMahon?! BULLSHIT!" (And I wish I had the technology at my disposal to add my voice doing that line in Vince's voice. Not to toot my own horn, but I do a hell of a Vince imitation.) Yes, I know, I'm probably dreaming here, but it's a noble dream and one to which I'll continue to cling until I am inevitably proven wrong.

One more word where Edge/Jericho is concerned, and that is, if they are busy with one another, tag titles involved or not, that leaves a completely fresh program over The World Title on SD! between Jeff Hardy and newly-turning CM Punk…and possibly even a face John Morrison, who has, for those not counting, has been involved in the best match of the night on Fridays for the past three weeks running (which is saying something, considering the talent on SD!'s current roster), the most recent seeing The Shaman of Sexy scoring a shocking, clean pin on Punk! Now, of course Morrison won't walk from this program with gold, but his star undoubtedly on the rise and this flirtation with the top of the card speaks volumes about both his standing in the company as well as proving that he can, indeed, hang with the main-eventers. Rev up those DVRs, friends, SmackDown! is gonna be hot this summer.

Also, Nyte, it seems as if you've missed Jerry Lynn's pre-WWE career, which is considerable, amazing and ground-breaking. As it appears we're going long this week responding to everyone, I'm only including part one of this, one of the many fantastic matches Lynn had against RVD in Heyman's ECW, but if you look in the right margin on the YouTube.com screen, you can access the other two parts of the match.

Although Lynn had established himself on the indie circuit long before he made his way to ECW (in particular, in a killer program against The Lightning Kid, AKA a very young Sean Waltman in The Global Wrestling Federation where both men did more than anyone had prior to pioneer the CruiserWeight style in American ring), it was this long series of matches against RVD for The ECW TVT that allowed him to ascend to IWC God status. I hope you enjoy!

Jerry Lynn versus Rob Van Dam:


Geoff, it's funny that you had thought of me when the Oddities 2009 showed up, because as soon as I saw them, I said to myself, "I'm gonna have to express my joy on the Five Star!" I do happen to like The Freak Patrol as their name though. To me, it rolls off the tongue better and it's just random enough for my odd sense of humor.

On the Bees, I see what you mean, but when I was a kid and they would go and get their masks from under the ring, I went into full-blown mark mode. I can't help it. Maybe there is a support group that I can go to.

Finally, I'm curious to see how you think they will use Masters and how you would use him.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

How could I not have thought of you, Schmoove?! You freakin CALLED that move! You looked at the roster, saw a common thread and put them together in one of those fun, speculative moments we all have at times, but, unlike many of us, saw your musings come to life, live on Raw! That's awesome, and one of the reasons we are all such fan geeks…LOL! I'm so pleased you thought of 5SC and came to claim your bragging rights! Well done!

Aw, geez, I forgot about those friggin masks. Still another reason to hate those retards. Sorry to all you little Bee-Boys out there with honey dripping out your hinders. And, no, I'm not going to make a crass remark about Blair and his boys. I just hope that situation was, as he said, completely overblown and that the Blair boys are all right. Child abuse is never a good thing, even if it can be tempting sometimes. Like Chris Rock said, "It ain't RIGHT…but I understand."

Boy, you're sure taking advantage of my admiration for your prognostication (or the fact that WWE Creative reads 5SC and periodically rips us off for ideas) bringing up Masters. And I was in such a good mood…personally, I'd use him as a driver, but if you're talking in terms of in the ring…

I see two possibilities off the top of my head. First off, I don't see him anywhere but on Raw. PLEASE Let's don't spoil the good thing we've got going over on SmackDown! in terms of actual, real wrestling. Seriously, I don't care how much he's potentially improved over his absence, there's no way I want to see the litany of amazing talent on Fridays work against Masters.

If he comes back as a heel, I can see him being hired on in a bodyguard capacity for The Miz, who, after falling to Cena last Sunday, could continue to write checks his ass couldn't cash…by himself, sort of a "What could have been with Brian Kendrick & Ezekiel Jackson" type of situation. The Miz would absolutely flourish with some muscle behind him (make your own joke) and it would require very little of Masters in the beginning as he gets back into the swing of things. Come to think of it, speaking of Kendrick, he could also be the partner Kendrick brings in to tag with him and demolish LOS COLONS, although now that they don't have the belts any longer, it will mean a lot less, although allows Kendrick a big win without rewarding him with gold, since Vince has a problem with Kendrick's affair with Mary Jane.

Otherwise, since The Big Show is being utilized as main event talent enhancement, if it's the intention to bring in Masters as a face, putting him in a "fan re-establishment" program where he slays the giant would give him a line of credit with which he could run for months and could serve as a top-of-the-card muscle-head replacement for Batista for a few months, anyway. If he works that high up the card and fans buy it, by all means, we have a new, young main eventer (whether we like it or not is another story); if not, scale him down the card. He can always be turned heel later.

Have you considered that, perhaps, Vince *intentionally* put all his eggs in the Raw basket. I mean, every single guy who's been established as a main eventer for over three years was cemented in the Raw roster during this year's draft.

Actually, I'd name Chris Jericho as an exception to that.

Regardless, my first impression of the draft when it happened was that McMahon wanted Raw to feature all of the top names because of Smackdown being stuck on the semi-public-access My Network.

I have a hard time believing that Smackdown's ratings are infuriating anybody who's in charge at WWE, because it seems like a semi-planned outcome.
Posted By: KanyonKreist

I agree with you completely. SD is on a network whose local stations frequently pre-empt the show and is hard to receive by many fans. Sadly to the hardcore fans like us, it looks like the WWE would rather push soap opera stories on RAW than the great matches that are on SD.
Posted By: mogamer

You don't know. Maybe, just maybe, Vince enjoys good wrestling and was looking to restart the Smackdown Six. I know it sounds crazy, but it's possible.
Posted By: the dude

But would he value that over ratings? That is the real question. Does he value what sells over what he personally likes? It is something every business owner has to deal with.
And if he values ratings ($$$), then things might change.

If the WWE does intend to make new stars, as is supposedly the case, they might also understand that lower ratings will be a short-term consequence. That being the case, they may be willing to sustain lower ratings in their developmental shows (as the B show, Smackdown qualifies - not ready for prime time).
Posted By: Guest#6338

If we, the IWC, are so concerned about what WWE thinks of ratings, then remember that there are ways to game the system.

Smackdown and ECW are on Hulu. Unless you are a Nielson family, your TV viewing isn't measured. But every view on Hulu is. So watch on Hulu - or at least have it on your computer's background when you do other computer stuff.

As the Superbowl "wardrobe malfunction" showed us Tivo does keep track of what people watch. Have Tivo? Record Smackdown and ECW.

Those with Digital Cable are in the same situation. So tune in even if you aren't watching.

Sure, we can only tip the numbers so much, but we can have some influence. Make technology work for you.
Posted By: Guest#8888

Kanyon, you make a great point with respect to McMahonagement orchestrating both of WWE's top rosters with a purpose, possibly even in a somewhat passive-aggressive manner…or, more likely, simply in knowing upon which side his bread is buttered.

Remember The 2008 Draft, when we were all shocked that such huge names as Triple H, Jeff Hardy and Jim Ross were headed to Friday night? In retrospect we all, "Ohhhh…gotcha," when we realized SmackDown! was being beefed up as a result of a good-faith movement on WWE's part surrounding what it had hoped to be a long-standing relationship with MyNetwork TV. Well, shortly thereafter, things quickly went south and we saw McMahonagement effectively abandon the lines dividing the brand split.

Flash forward to 2009 and Vince, knowing he has a solid relationship with The USA Network, as Kanyon said, put all his established eggs in the Raw basket, and is running a sports entertainment show the likes of which he must feel quite satisfied. Ratings are on the rise, the network is pleased and encouraging him to run gimmicky programming, whether it's a three-hour show, running commercial-free or publicity stunts like having Trump run things for a week, where there's absolutely no logic whatsoever to having him do so and no questions are asked about it (still another benefit of booking to children…a light bulb isn't go off above Little Timmy's head that makes him stop and say, "Heeeeeyyy…").

Meanwhile, he knows we internet geeks are his audience no matter what he puts on SD! and if "that shitty network" is going to have the nerve to pre-empt his programming, then he's got it on Hulu.com, as #8888 has reminded us and has wisely informed us that, yes, those ratings do count.

It seems to me that, yes, upon reflection, The 2009 Draft was incredibly deliberately planned (FINALLY!). And, you know, I really don't have a problem with it thus far. You have Uncle Vince's Sports Entertainment Extravaganza on Mondays which, if you unlatch your head and take out your brain, can actually be some innocuously mindless fun. And, really, there's only a few people about whom I am a passionate fan, although, if being on The "A" (AKA dumbass) Show means compromising logical, compelling stories for airtime on the top brand with the best ratings in the company, are they really suffering?

Meanwhile, there's The "B" Show, where there's a talent pool I'm much more interested in seeing perform, who are allowed longer, more meaningful matches with more interesting, logical stories without having to be concerned about being trodden underfoot by Vince's Chosen Ones, because they're all on Mondays. Thus, Jeff, Punk, Morrison, all three, as we've mentioned already, are finding their own quality of acclaim in a story I find quite interesting…and can't wait for that first triple-threat! We, The IWC, are entertained on a network Vince has lost faith in, although certainly appreciates having an outlet for, as #6338 astutely put it, in Vince's eyes, his not-ready-for-prime-time players.

Then there's WWECW, the televised developmental where we have a nifty mix of veterans Vince would never push on one of The Big Two, existing to train the recently-elevated-from-actual-developmental and introduce to WWE fans on a secure network deal in Sci-Fi (Sy-Fy). I'll be damned it only took seven years, but it sounds as if Vince may have actually gotten this business model right.

Time for an intervention!

This is why I warned you in April about your love for "The Draft". It really doesn't solve anything in the long run.

The real rundown:

Monday's are the wrestling fan's conditioned night to watch the show. Friday's just aren't great nights for wrestling on an off-branded station. For instance, I would rather watch "Don't Forget The Lyrics" in the first hour of Friday night because it is a more fun show for me.

How brave of you to admit to such a thing. I'm giving you shit, old friend. Continue.

Plus...I don't always think of watching SD after a long week of duties (father and boss). I want to unwind, eat carryout and smile.

The draft or talent movement is just that, movement. We are back to reconfiguring the shelf again. The toys on the shelf aren't the issue, it is the shelf itself. The shelf in this instance represents the fans themselves and a majority of them are IWC recreational users as well. They don't care if there is a spoiler or not, they don't care about wellness policies or backstage politicking. They just care about convenience.

Monday is more convenient. Tuesday's, Thursday's and Friday's aren't as convenient.

So I guess the question really is, in my twisted mind, why does Vince bother to play with the toys on the shelf in the first place? I still fall back onto the "touches" theory. What you saw in the last 2 weeks was a reason to retouch the toys, for very little real reasons than to just remind you what and who is out there. The mantra (and yes, you wrote the article yesterday afternoon) isn't "And you can see more of CM Punk on SD on Friday's" but it is more along the "He is the champion and watch him defend at the next PPV".

Geoff, for your own sanity, abandon the draft love. Instead, since we have seen your power with WWE creative recently, convince Vince to abandon it as well and just use less belts and have them defends on all the shows at any time. Then you mix in the real talent who you want to push, as needed.
Posted By: thegunisgood

If nothing else, gun, The Draft is a chance for me to feel like a little kid and not know at all what's going to happen, to speculate what could happen and do a little fantasy booking to consider what I think should happen, even if the outcome is ultimately disappointing, even if I've made a definite peace with this round, as we've discussed, or if it ultimately doesn't matter and they'll start messing with the "locked in" rosters mere weeks afterward.

So rather than belaboring the point of The Draft, shall we, instead, consider ending the split…?

Of course, you're absolutely right that Monday night, for millions of us, is "wrestling" night. That's an established signpost that's been conditioned into our minds for over 15 years; however, SD! has been on either Thursday or Friday now for a decade…does that not stick, as well, or is it easier to shrug it off in favor of either going out and meeting up with friends or staying home and doing family things, depending upon your situation? I admit, I look forward to knocking off early on Friday nights and hitting The Abbey for a couple of martinis before heading home, but should I get on a roll, I may want to stay out longer, especially if I see friends out, or I may be more inclined to take home some food (like that $22 fajita chicken burrito a couple weeks ago, with tax & tip). But, no, I am certainly not in mind of really settling in and gluing myself to two hours of wrestling, good or bad, on Friday night, especially as early as 8pm, which is why I record it on DVD and peruse it later in the weekend as I'm considering what to write for 5SC.

McMahon needs to take a deep breath, count to ten, and relax. Trump, The Give Away, Vince dies, Vince's bastard, all of these storylines stink of desperation. He needs to step back and let Creative go for a few months. It's not like he has any real competition. Worst case scenario, he has to lower his dividend and fire some dead-weight like Batista.
Posted By: Iron Knee

I totally agree on all counts, Iron Knee, but it seems as if these desperation stories are working. Ratings are on the rise (for Raw) and the network is stoked on WWE. Like we've discussed above, it's as if Vince is coddling his wack-job little Monday night baby and nurturing it with stupidity upon which it seems to thrive and then has "that wrestling show" on "that network" for everyone else who refuses to get with the program and clings to "that outdated stuff" he revolutionized. But we'll come around…after all, he trained us to chant "ECW! ECW!", right…?

I like the idea of turning DJ Gabriel heel. But I'd go slightly further and pair him with Ryder as a brand new music-themed tag team (Rhythm and Blues/Men on a Mission, etc.)

I say have Atlas start managing Haas and Shelton Benjamin. He's actually did a nice job with Mark Henry. Maybe he could help finally make us care about those two.

Did you see the ECW show from a couple of weeks ago where Koslov was for some reason smiling and actually seemed to be connecting with fans finally? Then he disappears for some reason. I say turn him face and push him like a monster. Worked for Goldberg in WCW.

Paul Burchill needs to go back to his pirate gimmick and join the Freak Patrol.

I'm not sure about Big Show. Yea, he's in main events now as a heel. But they've all been kinda blah to me. I've always kinda preferred him as a face.

I think it would be fun if Regal turned face and got into a "Battle of the Brits" feud with David Hart Smith. He's been heel for some long it's kinda boring.

Edge is another one who has been a heel for so long it's getting boring. They need to do something to freshen him up. I wish they would do that Edge/Jericho feud we mentioned here a few columns back.
Posted By: JLAJRC

I didn't realize Gabriel was a face, it's been so long since I've seen him, although pairing him up with Ryder in a team couldn't be any worse than Ryder & Hawkins. I hate to say it, but Ryder's match with Finlay last week was actually pretty entertaining and functional.

I'd buy giving Atlas a shot at managing TWGTT. I care already, but I know better than to get my hopes up.

And, NO, I missed that with Kozlov…and I'm afraid that I won't till I see it…LOL!

Agreed with Edge, and you helped me, with your comment, to come up with my bit about Edge & Jericho earlier on, so thanks, JLAJRC!

...And now there is factual proof that an intelligent interaction between commenter/author can occur on a wrestling website. Color me amazed.
Posted By: scott_nm

That's the goal here, scott! I hope to hear more from you in the future!

"Kanyon, your answer about why Mikey didn't go for the cover? His butt hurt, plain and simple."

Is it wrong that I laughed at this statement for like 10 minutes?
Posted By: Gorilla Williams

Just that you belong here. Come back and post often!

That's all for this week! Thanks for reading! RESPECK!