WWE The Bash 2009: Live Event Diary

Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 07.01.2009

You saw The Bash on television but just how was it live? Click on to read a running diary about my experience of being at Arco Arena for The Bash.

Hello, I'm Porfirio Diaz. You might remember me from such 411mania columns as On The Sidelines and the very recent Syndication Files. Before we begin, I would like to tell you all a little story about how I because a wrestling fan. Unlike most of you, I didn't grow up watching wrestling. I knew who big megastars like Hulk Hogan and Macho Man were but I knew little else about wrestling until 1996. I was casually flipping through channels one Monday night (July 22, 1996) until I stopped to see the sight of Hulk Hogan, who I knew as the yellow and red patriotic American hero, now suddenly wearing black and white. I later learned that Hogan had just turned heel as the third member of the newly formed nWo.

No doubt I was intrigued and became even more intrigued when I switched channels to find the tag team champions Smoking Gunns against WWF Champion Shawn Michaels and Intercontinental Champion Ahman Johnson on Monday Night Raw. I couldn't remember who won the match, but I do remember Sunny getting a faceful of Shawn's birthday cake. It was nothing I have even since before. SummerSlam 1996 was the first PPV that I ordered and I was instantly hooked.

I rarely watch any wrestling shows anymore but do still read the wrestling section on this website from time to time. Plus I have an assortment of wrestling DVDs that I just love to waste my time on.

Since there was going to be a WWE PPV in Sacramento for the first time since Judgement Day 2001, I figured I would use my youngest brother's soon-to-be birthday as an excuse to buy some tickets and go to the event.

I didn't even think about doing a diary for the event until I read one of Bill Simmons' basketball diary columns. Bill Simmons is my favorite web writer and his diaries are always entertaining to read. I have always wanted to do one myself and figured what better time to do one than doing it for the The Bash. So I'm stealing his idea for the purpose of this column: The Bash Live Event Diary!


3:34 P.M. (PT): Live from Arco Arena in Sacramento, CA. Home to the basketball team that might not even exist in a few years!

I arrived just outside of Arco Arena with my brother and his two friends. I'll be damned if I was going to pay an extra $10 for parking. Good thing Sacramento isn't like San Francisco, where parking outside of arenas or ballparks is more difficult to find than the plot of Transformers 2.

It's already been a miserable day, as the USA soccer team choked away a 2-0 lead to Brazil and lost 2-3, and TV pitchman Billy May passed away at the age of 50 (which is strongly becoming a fad). I'll miss Billy May YELLING AT ME FROM THE TV SCREEN, TELLING ME TO BUY PRODUCTS THAT MAY MAKE MY LIFE EASIER ALL FOR TWO EASY PAYMENTS OF $19.95. Remember June 28th as CAPS LOCK DAY.

3:40: I forgot to mention that it's so freaking hot out here! I heard there was a concert earlier and wondered how the people managed to survive the heat since it was outside.

3:49: We arrived at the still-closed doors on one of more emptier sides of the arena. It was then that people suddenly got excited and rushed over to the side. Looking down they saw a smiling Edge just as he was about to enter the building. In an awesome moment, before entering the building Edge pointed with a big grin on his face at Jack Swagger, who was hiding in one of the dark corners of the ramp before Edge busted him out. Swagger stepped into the building playfully sulking. That one's a keeper for the old memory bank.

3:52: Moments later, fans once again rushed to the side of the building to see the Big Show, happily acknowledging his many fans. I know kayfabe is pretty much dead, but it's always a fun moment to see wrestlers acting out-of-character. I stayed in line and out of the hot sun as fans giddily cheered for the big fella.

4:02: We were finally let into the air conditioned arena. We found our seats and sat almost directly in front view of the entrance stage. The arena was still barely empty though I can tell you that there were still a lot more people in here than when the Sacramento Kings were playing.

4:05: I looked around to see the ring crew and camera technicians setting things up. As someone who prefers to work backstage of a show or performance, I found this to be very interesting. Meanwhile, fans around my section talked among each other about the event and other wrestling related stories. My brother happily participated in their discussions. This is what I like about sporting events: to meet a bunch of strangers discussing similar interests and basically acting like long lost pals. I do that almost every time I go to a Kings game or football game. Here, I remained silent while I listened on. I was feeling out of place for some reason.

I thought to myself that I was surrounded by a bunch of wrestling geeks but then here I am writing a running diary about my experience in a wrestling event. I have no room to talk.

4:10: Woooooooo! The first Wooo chant of the night. People are getting pumped.

4:18: A teenage Jeff Hardy fangirl sat two rows down and brought out her various signs. In what I thought was a creative idea, she took out four long pink and black balloons. The balloons had a lot of median-sized circle holes on it. She then put a pink and black balloon on each side of her arms, looking like a true Jeff Hardy nut. Other then maybe the shortage of blood circulation in both her arms, I thought it was pretty neat. A tip for all fans who are crazy enough to do this.

4:24: I'm sure many of you have at one time or another had a chance to meet the "smark douchebag" fan. You know, the one fan in your section that boos the faces, cheers the heels, and shouts smarkish remarks at wrestlers. That guy? Well, by the end of the night, he became my hero. He was Johnny Q. Funny all night.

4:30: Woooooooooo! chant #2. It's amazing how the wrestling crowd managed to turn a simple trademark into an all-time tribute. What are the odds that the "Woo" chant sticks in 10 years? 50 years?

4:34: The JumboTron shows highlights from Wrestlemania 25 before shrilling the DVD.

4:40: This was when Lillian Garcia came out…in a sparkling and colorful short skirted dress. Wow. Hot! She announces the "Special Bonus Match", to which R-Truth's theme song play and got the crowd energize. For a second, I couldn't remember what his ring name was and I wrote "K-Kwik" down in my notebook. Hey, remember that? Of course you do. You wouldn't believe how over he was with the crowd, chanting "What's Up" to his every command. Still couldn't hear what he was singing as he mumbled through his theme song. Crowd didn't care. I was suddenly blinded by a shower of golden lights as Shelton Benjamin came out for his match.

4:45: R-Truth won the match with…a corkscrew flying elbow?? Poor Benjamin.

4:50: Lillian Garcia sang one of the more beautiful renditions of the National Anthem I've ever heard. I was moved. I looked around some more to find out that since the E took away the "Great American" in the title, the PPV design looked pretty generic yet colorful.

4:52: All of the announcers came out. Not surprisingly, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler got the biggest pop. Surprisingly, Michael Cole didn't get booed out of the building. Finally, he's been accepted! I also need to point Matt Striker's theme complete with school bell sounds. Very cool. Since it's accompanied by generic rock, I guess you can call it a mixture of old and new school.

5:01: The PPV starts in its usual pretty fireworky way. The crowd saw the ECW title being bought out before the PPV began, so we already knew ECW would open the show.

5:02 I don't care what anybody says, I like Christian's new theme. I like themes with pop. Come on, who's with me?

Jack Swagger comes out seconds later. Nearly everyone is saying that Swagger is the next rising star and that if everything goes well for him, he will headline Wrestlemania someday. I have to admit, I don't see it. He's wrestling ability I don't question, but you're telling me this goofy looking kid is going to headline Wrestlemania someday? Obviously those same people have a higher wrestling IQ than I do, so take my opinion with as little salt as possible. Who knows, maybe he will. Swagger has the will inside him, just like Manny Ramirez had the will inside him to inject all those female growth steroids or like Jon had the will to help produce eight kids with Kate and turn their situation into a reality show, ruining their lives forever!

5:05: Hardy fangirl felt the need to throw up her sign right in front of my view in the middle of the match. Pro tip: if you don't want to piss off the people behind you, don't throw your signs up in the middle of the match. Meanwhile, smark douchebag fan continues to entertain those around him with his smarky smarkentary.

Possible hidden highlight: Finley got poked in the eye and was helped being admired eye-drops after being pinned by Swagger.

5:21: I try not to write anything while watching the matches since you know, I want to be able to enjoying the event that I paid a lot of money for. Match ends and no one knew who won. Once Tommy Dreamer's theme played, everyone cheered. Nice little opener.

5:25: Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho is up next and is the one match that I was looking forward to the most. Sorry folks, but I'm putting down the notebook for this one.

5:45: Wow. The crowd goes bonkers. The best match I've seen live since Bret Hart vs. Booker T on WCW Nitro (February 22, 1999) and Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit on Judgment Day 2001. Such an amazing performance from both guys and I was glad to have watched it live. Many are calling it a MOTY contender and I can't argue with that.

I will pose this question to the rest of you: if you had a choice, do you prefer watching wrestling matches like this one on TV or watching it live? I watched both live and on TV, and they both have their pluses but just being part of an enriching experience like that with an equally excited fanbase makes me prefer to experience this one live. Sound off!

5:53: The Great Khali comes out with a theme that sounds like he should be in Bollywood films. I can't wait for him to start dancing a jig with Priyanka Chopra (just Google it). He's out to face his opponent, Douche Diggler Dolph Ziggler…oh screw it. I love the name Douche Diggler that I made up for him. It rolls off the tongue better and sounds better too.

Remember when I said that I liked themes with pop. Same applies with Diggler's theme.

5:56: I see many people getting up and heading to the snack bar/bathroom. I guess this is the "bathroom break" match.

Here's my position on the subject. You don't get up to go to the bathroom during a movie, you go before and after the credits roll. You don't get up during the middle of a ball game, you go during commercial timeouts. Same thing applies here. A wrestling match, no matter how boring it is, is still a wrestling match and darn it, I wanna watch it. If people can hold their bladder for the mind-numbing film of Transformers 2, then people can hold their bladder for Khali vs. Diggler. Plus you just never know what will happen next.

5:59 BOOM! Ahh! I hate sudden explosions!

See?

Ok, so it wasn't the greatest moment but all you Kane fans in the bathroom wished you were here to watch him come out. All 2 of you.

6:01: Kane beats Khali down with the chair, which bought back flashes of Wrestlemania 17 when Austin smashed Rock with the chair. Has it been 7+ years already? Douche Diggler wins.

Whiny little rant aside, this match was boring. But hey, at least I saw it live! Also can't get Diggler's song out of my mind.

6:03 I am ppperfffectiooonnnn!

6:06: Next up was the tag team match. The crowd really got excited when Teddy long came out to announce that this was now a threat title match. As soon as he announced that, the first thing that came into my mind was, "Whoa, Crime Time is back?"

The WWE: Where Tag Teams Happen.

Soon enough, Edge's theme hit and everyone knew what was going to happen, ending results included. I mean, it's not like Edge and Jericho came out just to lose! It would be much more of a shock if they did.

6:20: After some decent action, THE ULTIMATE OPPORTUNIST spears Carito to win the tag team titles for Rated Y2J. I swear that nickname is said so many times that it's going to be engraved on Edge's tombstone.

So how many titles have Edge won that didn't directly involve him in the match in the first place? 15?

6:25: The match that the world has been waiting for: Melina vs. Michelle McCool for the Women's title!

6:27 I think these women are giving the tennis players a run for their money when it comes to grunting. If you listen while closing your eyes, you'll be prepared for an exciting adventure through imaginationland.

6:32: Michelle McCool wins the match the Styles Clash. Come on, no one is going to call it the "Faith Breaker". That's just awful.

6:38: Woohoo. CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy, another match I'm looking forward to. But I'll have the notebook out this time.

6:41 The crowd is clearly, clearly pro-Hardy.

6:47 Hardy fangirl up with her sign again. Grrrrrrrr…..

6:50 Punk is doing the best he can but he's fighting against boy wonder Jeff Hardy. He's not going to win this popularity contest. I will say that his role as a tweener is one of the more realistic ones I've seen yet.

6:55 Crowd becomes unglued when Jeff Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb and pins Punk to win the World Heavyweight title...

...or so we thought. We didn't know why the match was being restarted until the referee pointed that Punk's foot was under the ropes. No sir, I don't like it.

6:57: CM Punk: Ow my eye, I'm not supposed to get Jeff Hardy in it. That or Punk and Hardy fight like Hyde and Kelso before Punk scream, "Ow, not my eye!" Good times. Punk then kicks the referee, who's clearly in the way, to get himself DQ'ed. From the sounds of the crowd, they seem pretty pissed. They may have bought a lot of crap while at the souvenir stand but they ain't buying this!

Hardy, modest man that he is, beats the crap out of poor defensiveness Punk. The crowd, understanding as they are, loves every minute of it.

For storyline purposes, it seems like a good way to extend the feud. For being there live, it sucks. Nobody wants to see a DQ, at least not when watching it live. As for the match, it wasn't as great as I hoped it was, but still pretty good.

7:11: The Miz vs. John Cena. Before the match started, I wanted to know whether the Miz is the greatest "celebrity-turned-wrestler" ever. I'm going to ignore the fact that being in reality shows somehow turns people into celebrities. The only other CTWs I can think of are Zeus, Kevin Federline (borderline), and the reigning champion, David Arquette. Like it or not, he did accomplished more in wrestling than any other celebrity by winning the WCW Heavyweight Title and even headlined a PPV main event. It's not his fault the company that brought him in were brain dead. So what do you think readers? Is the Miz the greatest "CTW" ever or is Arquette's accomplishments actually worth something?

7:14: So far, Cena has been toying with the Miz. I don't like Miz's chances if that's the way the rest of the match plays out.

On a similar note, there is a lot more moments where Cena is cheered than when Cena is booed.

7:15 Oh wait, the Miz is fighting back. The Miz is going to do it! He's going to beat Cena! Dreams do come true!

7:16: Uhmmm…

7:17: Errrrr…

7:18: Hmm. Cena easily handles Miz for the win. Well, that sucked. Not that I hate Cena or anything, but the Miz has been on such a creative role that I thought they would give him more of a chance, especially giving that he's in the semi-main event. Worst. Ending. Ever.

7:24: It's time for the 45th installment of the Randy Orton and HHH show. Luckily for me, this is only the 14th time I've seen them fight. It'll be like new to me!

Randy comes out in what I say is my second favorite theme song right now, behind MVP and in front of Edge.

7:29: Already about five minutes in and HHH gets himself DQ'ed? I guess the feeling here is to turn Orton into a pulp and pin him for the next fall.

7:31 And there's fall number two…

7:35: PUT YOUR EFFING SIGN DOWN! I looked around to see that nobody else was holding up any kind of sign. Just my luck.

7:52: After nearly 20 minutes of stretcher riding action, Randy wins with the help of his cronies. I was getting burned out of it by the end and was glad the match was over.

7:54 HHH steals Randy's moment by hitting him with his sledgehammer. What a poor sport. Then in an ominous moment, he came back to do the DX crotch chop. Hmmm….

7:59 After several minutes of Orton laying on the ground, he stood up with the belt and the PPV ended. Nothing else happened afterwards. Lillian thanked us for being here.

8:15: We stuck around to watch some of the wrestlers come out, though I was starting to get really hungry at that point. One of the highlights was watching the Miz come out and acknowledging his fans by pronouncing that he's "still awesome". Cena came out moments later. Half the fans cheered and half the fans booed. Nothing will ever change.

8:17: The Great Khali came out as well. It's just weird seeing him as a normal person. Then someone who looked a lot like Rey Mysterio came out…just something about him…I couldn't quite put my finger on it...

Oh crap, he's without his mask! I had to triple check to check if he was him and yes indeed, it was Rey Rey without his mask. Well, that made his match a little less meaningful and just like that, the last remaining bit of kayfabe died before my very eyes. I was crushed. Among the others we saw: Teddy Long, Ted DeBiase, Cody Rhodes, and several divas. Then we left to mack on some In-N-Out burgers.


The Bash most likely won't likely be received well on television but for me, it was an enjoyable way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Obviously the Jericho/Rey match will go down as the favorite while most other matches ranged from good to decent. Only one stinker. I can't complain.

That's it for me. I don't know if I will be doing other diaries but hopefully there will be a chance for more in the future (unless you hated it).

This is Porfirio Diaz. I am out.