The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 07.24.09

Posted by John Meehan on 07.24.2009

Now if only TNA could only figure out how to make their ONscreen storylines so compelling...



Welcome back, folks -- and thanks for tuning in to this week's FreeThinks. After two trips to the Washington Hospital Center, five hours with an orthopedic surgeon, three types of medication, an X-Ray and an MRI, I'm happy to report that...

(wait for it)

... they're still checking out my knee.

Awesome.

Test results are forthcoming, but I'll be on vacation next week and so they've decided to load me to the gills with even MORE pills in hopes to manage the pain while I'm kicking (one leg) back in the Florida sun. What pills, you ask? Here's a hint:

It rhymes with "bo-deen."

Should be good times!

But before I go -- we've got plenty of news to discuss in this week's column, so let's get to it!

Rock & Roll.

The SELL of the week goes to Christopher Daniels, who was a rare glimmer of light in the otherwise bleak pit of WrestleCrap known as Victory Road 2009. This past Sunday night, the Fallen Angel stepped into the ring with Matt Morgan. And even though he came out of the contest without a victory to his credit, Daniels (who was reportedly competing with a legitimate leg injury to boot!) did a masterful job of selling a kayfabe leg injury throughout the match that really helped to hammer home the notion that Morgan was a bona fide main eventer on the rise. Bravo, Daniels. Well played!

The TELL of the week could probably be awarded to Jenna Morasca and Sharmell Sullivan for their atrocious PPV outing this past Sunday night. But both women are hardly what one might mistake for "regular" performers -- and so I'm going to have to give this week's dubious "worst" spot of the week award to The Icon himself, Sting. Word has it that Stinger just plum forgot the finish of his match against Samoa Joe, and so the former TNA Champion completely sandbagged his Samoan opponent when Joe attempted to nail his trademark Muscle Buster finishing maneuver. After two attempts to hoist Sting's dead-weight onto his shoulders to finish the match according to plan, Joe was forced to call an audible and apply his Rear Naked Choke submission maneuver instead -- which pretty much stole what was scheduled to be the "tapout victory" drama out from the main event contest just minutes thereafter. For shame, Stinger -- you should know better!

Sarita - TNA Knockout Sarita (a.k.a. "'Dark Angel' Sarah Stock") made her official in-ring debut on last week's iMPACT!, where she defeated fellow newcomer Alissa Flash in a bout that is widely being praised as one of the best Knockouts matches in recent TNA memory (heck, I'd even go as far as to call it the current leading contender for the best TNA Knockouts match of the year)! Sarita has a ton of experience, and looked quite promising in the time that she was given on iMPACT! this past Thursday -- so I fully expect to see great things from her in the near future.


Alissa Flash - TNA's Knockouts ranks were similarly greeted this week with the arrival of fellow newcomer "Alissa Flash." However, Melissa Anderson (a.k.a. "Cheerleader Melissa"), the woman behind the Alissa Flash person, is anything but new to the TNA ranks, as she has been appearing for the company since 2008 under the guise of Raisha Saeed. It appears as if Anderson will continue to pull "double duty" and work using both gimmicks in the coming weeks -- though Awesome Kong's Twitter page has promised a "big announcement" in the near future, and so one can't help but wonder if this means that the TNA Knockout monster will soon be ridding herself of her mysterious accomplice.


Mike Williams - Local talent Mike Williams made a one-time appearance on this week's ECW on SyFy broadcast, where he was quickly defeated by Ezekiel Jackson. Williams is not believed to have signed a long-term WWE contract at this time.


Taz - To the collective surprise of absolutely NO ONE, this former ECW Champion and WWE announcer made his official on-screen debut with TNA Wrestling on Sunday's Victory Road PPV, where he was revealed to be the "Mystery Advisor" responsible for Samoa Joe's recent change in attitude.

Taz's TNA debut is one of those rare instances of a company telegraphing its booking so far in advance that they effectively steal any and all impact that the move otherwise might have. While Taz is certainly a fine aquisition to the TNA roster (provided he doesn't steal *too* much valuable television time away from younger stars), the live audience's reception for the Human Suplex Machine seemed more obligatory than excited -- which could spell disaster for any long-term plans TNA might have of keeping Taz at the forefront of their increasingly bloated Main Event Mafia storyline.

Let's face it:

Taz is finished as an active competitor. He's 40+, and he's relegated to a "consultant" role (read: manager) for a stable that already has not one but TWO ladies among their ranks who do little besides walking down with them to ringside. While Taz is a great talker, he's being paired with Samoa Joe -- who's pretty much one of the better talkers currently signed to a TNA roster (sorry AJ, Daniels, Suicide, etc.).

So what does he bring to the table?

In a word? "Recognition." In three words? "Not much else."

My non-wrestling fan of a cop friend and I were watching some other show on Spike the other day, and a commercial came on featuring a clip from Sunday's PPV where the Main Event Mafia's latest acquisition marched on down to ringside. Since my buddy's been subject to my wrestling fandom for quite a while now (eight years or so), he's picked up a handful of wrestling tidbits in spite of his adversion to the pseudo sport. Needless to say, he was pretty quick to recognize that angry dude in the orange and black with a quick shout of "hey, that's Taz."

Unfortunately, that's about all that my non-fan of a friend could say about the guy. And even more unfortunately, that's about all that Taz is really bringing to the TNA roster at this stage of his career.

While TNA's intention in hiring Taz was probably to attract the casual interest of non-fans and disaffected WWE faithful, the simple fact of the matter is that the guy probably won't hook their attention in the long haul unless he's booked in some meaningful way to reward his fans' interest with anything more than a "hey, that's Taz" response. As the resident "positive thinker" around these parts, I'll hold out hope that TNA has some master plan in place in order to keep their audience enthused about their latest "new arrival."

But judging from Sunday's "big debut?"

Things aren't looking all that promising.




Damien Steele - Former WWE developmental wrestler Damien Steele passed away suddenly yesterday morning. Steele was signed to a WWE developmental contract in 2004, and wrestled in the Deep South Wrestling developmental territory for several years prior to WWE's decision to part ways with the company in 2007. No cause of death has yet been reported in his passing, and 411 would like to send our condolences to the family, friends and fans of Mr, Steele.




None - in a welcome development, no major injuries were reported over the past seven days.





HERE'S WHAT YOU MISSED ON TWITTER THIS WEEK


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Jeff Jarrett - has been sent home/"taken personal time off" (depending on who you ask) by/from TNA Wrestling in order to deal with what could end up being the catalyst to the biggest story in the company's history.

Last week, an unidentified caller contacted the Bubba the Love Sponge radio show and let the cat out of the bag that Jarrett had recently opened his home to Karen Angle and her children. In other words? The former "Mrs. Olympic Gold Medalist" was now shacking up with the TNA founder -- and just about everybody else was none too pleased at the news.

Obviously, this public confirmation of a long-rumored backstage story didn't sit well with many performers and front office types within the TNA ranks, and Kurt Angle himself was among the most vocal critics of Jarrett's behavior -- to the point where many sources have reported that the TNA World Heavyweight Champion gave the company an ultimatum: either lose Jeff Jarrett or lose Kurt Angle.

While no permanent decision has yet been reached, this story took a new twist later in the week when TNA President Dixie Carter reportedly dismissed Jarrett from his day-to-day duties as a member of TNA's booking committee -- a move that was then presented publicly as Jarrett's own decision to take some "personal leave." Carter -- who co-owns the company alongside the TNA founder -- is reportedly livid at Jarrett's behavior, and is working overtime to come up with a solution that will keep her company (and her roster!) intact.

MeeThinks?

A lot of folks have argued that Kurt Angle really doesn't have much of a right to complain what (or who?) his EX wife is doing. And while I'd normally agree with such a line of thought, the simple fact of the matter is that Jeff Jarrett (as the TNA founder) should probably have been self-aware enough to realize that getting romantically involved with the former love interest of his top star *probably* wasn't going to go over all that well with "the boys" in the back. Wrestling relationships are notoriously volatile the way it is (see: Hardy/Lita/Edge, Benoit/Nancy/Sullivan, and even Savage/Liz/Hogan) -- but the bottom line is that the BOSS of a company should have all the more reason to steer clear of getting too friendly with the arm candy of his employees.

Especially when the woman in question is only mere months removed from her marriage to your company's world champion.

AND she has two kids by him, to boot.

All in all --

This story has become a powder keg just waiting to go off at any second. And if Dixie and Double J aren't careful? MeeThinks there is some serious potential of this issue blowing right up in TNA's face.

Here's the three most logical ways that this story could end up:

Option 1) Angle and Jarrett make amends - not a likely situation by a longshot, but this would see both men agreeing to co-exist in a working environment for the duration of their contracts and beyond. Jarrett would continue to retain booking control of the company, and Angle would remain an active member of the TNA roster througout.

Option 2) Jeff Jarrett is removed permanently from his front office role in TNA - given how "close to home" this issue must be hitting the Olympic Gold Medalist, one can't really help but feel that this is a viable option (seriously, Jeff -- the guy has to do what you say IN the ring AND pick up his kids every other weekend at YOUR house?). While Jarrett would be more than welcome to maintain his relationship with Karen, he's probably going to have a hard time convincing ANYONE that he's unbiased enough to run Kurt's career AND his ex-wife's romantic life at the same time.

Of course, this either means that Kurt Angle would then assume Jarrett's role on the booking committee (noble in intention, but never a wise idea to give your active performers the book), OR that Jarrett's "creative" duties would subsequently be absorbed by TNA's remaining bookers like Vince Russo (never a wise idea to give Vince Russo majority control of the book, period).

Option 3) Kurt Angle decides to leave TNA - Angle's contract is up in September, and it's no stretch to believe that WWE would be thrilled to sign him back to an ironclad contract in no time flat. As a result, Angle is sitting in a power position if there ever was one -- since TNA will likely be more willing to honor just about any demands he can dream up if it means that they'll be able to keep their top star under contract.

Of the scenarios outlined above, I'd say that option three is (regrettably?) the most likely in the long run. Jeff Jarrett has invested too much time and effort in building the TNA brand, and there's really no chance for him to jump back to World Wrestling Entertainment. Unless he's content with selling his share of TNA Wrestling and retiring from the business altogether (there are worse ways to retire than with Karen Angle by your side, ya' know) -- I've gotta' believe that he will dig his heels in and stay squarely at the forefront of TNA's business decisions right up until the moment he decides to hang up the boots for good.

All this said, however -- there is that much-less discussed FOURTH OPTION:

Option 4) It's all a work - A longshot? Maybe. But you've gotta admit that the timing of this entire flap-up seems MIGHTY convenient now that the Mafia is once again running the show and Kurt Angle's TNA contract just so happens to be expiring in a little over a month's time.

So what if this is all just one big elaborate work?

Obviously Jill Jarrett's real-life passing and Kurt & Karen Angle's real-life divorce were anything *but* scripted. But if you'll allow Mee to play conspiracy theorist for a second here...

1) Jarrett's onscreen rivalry with Kurt Angle is well-documented, and Jarrett has said for MONTHS (on TV, no less!) that a rubber match between them would "tear this entire company down around us."

2) By devaluing the Front Line, turning Samoa Joe, and burying any shot at a self-destruction payoff between Angle and Sting, TNA has painted themselves into a corner, and needs a logical "kill switch" to the Main Event Mafia storyline.

3) After decrying Vince McMahon with much fanfare upon his arrival in TNA, Kurt Angle has softened considerably on his "anti-WWE" stance in recent months, thus planting the seed that he's open to the idea of returning to his former employer. Heck, WWE's own creative team has even been kicking around possible storylines for his return.

4) Somebody makes an "anonymous" call to a rumor-mongering radio host and sets the wheels in motion that Angle and Jarrett's beef goes well beyond the confines of the squared circle. Suddenly, everyone's a-twitter (and a-Twittering!) about the on-screen implications of this "real-life" war. Dixie plays the part of "outraged employer" to perfection, and fans sympathize with her dilemma:

You can't fire Jarrett -- he's a part owner.

You can't lose Kurt -- he's your world champ and the centerpiece of your storylines.

So where do you go?

If you're TNA (and if this is indeed a work)? Right in the center of the ring and right to the bank. TNA's recent PPV buyrates have been atrocious, and the audience seems to have had their fill of the Main Event Mafia storyline. What better way to flip that much-needed kill switch AND deliver the most logical "in-ring" payoff to your "real-life" rivalry than to pit Jarrett against Angle in a "LOSER LEAVES TNA FOR GOOD!" war to settle the score?

On Pay-per-view, of course.






Shaquille O'Neal to Host July 27 RAW
NBA All-Star to Helm WWE's Flagship This Monday

If you'll allow Mee a brief moment to revel in my kickass fortune-telling skillz...

Meehan totally called this one last week.

There, all better.

See folks? THIS is why I write this freakin' column -- to size up events as they unfold, shine as optimistic a light on each new story as it develops, and then use that insight to help set reasonable and POSITIVE expectations on future developments as possible. That way I don't get my hopes up for some far-fetched fantasy, and I can brace myself for those moments that will follow each inevitable letdown.

I've found that it makes it a heck of a lot easier to appreciate and enjoy the product in the long run.

And even if you've never had the pleasure of watching "Kazaam" (yes, I have) -- have no fear, Shaq is a born entertainer should be awesome.

---

Jeremy Piven to Host Aug. 3 RAW
Entourage Star Takes Center Stage One Week from Monday Night

Jeremy Piven is a pretty big "get" by WWE's standards, as the Emmy-winning actor's hit television series Entourage just entered its sixth season and has continued to receive rave reviews from critics across the board. Piven also has a new feature film, "The Goods," that's set to debut on August 14.

More importantly for the WWE Universe (ug -- I'm still not sold on that term):

This is a pretty good sign that the RAW "guest host" stunt is working the way that WWE had hoped it would. As we discussed in reference to Seth Green's cameo spot in last week's column:

Seth Green was brought in to show younger fans that wrestling can be fun and entertaining -- even if it's not exactly "must-see" television. While [Green] didn't set the world on fire (or bring the ratings up), his celebrity cameo could definitely pave the way for future "mainstream" crossovers to follow in order to help perpetuate this impression in the weeks to come.

The fact that RAW is busting out not one but TWO certifiable "celebrities" in the coming weeks (Shaq is easily as recognizable a professional athlete as has ever graced a WWE ring, and Jeremy Piven -- while no "A" lister -- is certainly no slouch himself) just goes to show just how successful Seth Green's trailblazing cameo truly was.

While each of these "celebrity" crossovers probably don't do all that much in terms of improving IN-RING action, they most definitely help to attract at least a handful of mainstream media attention (Seth Green's WWE appearance was discussed at length on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien last Friday night). And if even the teensiest bit of media attention continues to be paid WWE's way for their Monday night stunt-hosting approach to summer programming, you can bet that at least a handful of other "stars" will consider making a one-night crossover appearance as they attempt to shill their latest project along the way.

It's win/win.

Here's hoping that Shaq keeps up the "good cop" act for this week's RAW, so Piven can make a splash as next week's host in full-on Ari Gold asshole mode.

---

WWE and ZZ Top Get Cold Feet With Live Appearances
Hall of Fame Rockers Opt for Pre-Taped Vignettes at Last Minute

Despite the fact that ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill are big fans of World Wrestling Entertainment, word has it that neither of the bearded rockers were particularly comfortable with delivering their lines in front of a live audience. As such, WWE officials had even go as far as to fly in WWE Hall of Famer Dusty Rhodes, who they were considering for use as the band's onscreen cohost had the company decided to shoot their segments in front of the capacity crowd.

Ultimately, WWE officials got cold feet at the last minute and decided to pre-tape the band's vignettes backstage instead -- which was probably for the best, because the bits were absolutely brutal even in spite of their pre-taped nature, and the crowd would likely have crapped all over them had they unfolded in front of a live audience.

Say -- that kinda reminds Mee of:



SummerSlam '97, when Mosh and Thrasher of The Headbangers were tasked with the unenviable job of accompanying then-New Jersey Governor Christie Todd Whitman out to receive an honorary WWF Championship Belt in front of the capacity crowd at The Continental Airlines Arena (now the Izod Center). Problem was, New Jerseyans weren't too fond of poor old Christie Todd at the time -- and so the governor accepted this so-called "honor" while being greeted by a chorus of 20,000 boos.

Strangely --

This unexpected show of fan vitriol never quite made it to WWF home video of the event. So if you have a VHS or DVD of SummerSlam 1997, turn it on and skip to this segment -- where you'll probably hear the audience cheering like crazy at the sight of their beloved governor.




This week's random 'rasslin reference comes from the most unlikely of sources -- squeaky clean boy band. But then again, maybe it's not all that random after all. I mean when you think of it -- the Jonas Brothers are headed to Philadelphia's Wachovia Center this weekend too, ya' know. AND WWE recently made the switch to TV-PG, right?

Jonas Jet Event :: Joe Jonas with Billy Costa from Justin Emery on Vimeo.

A JoBros cage match? Oh man! My money is totally on the kid with the fluffy hair... if only because I can't wait to hear a rabid crowd of tweenie-bopper fangirls screaming "JOE'S GONNA' KILL YOU!"

That *is* Joe, right?


And With That, I'm Outta' Here

Thanks again for reading, all. And I'll see you in two weeks (barring knee surgery, of course) for the next edition of the FreeThinks. 'Till then, enjoy Sunday's PPV and the sun-soaked arrival of August -- and always stay positive.

- Meehan

The National Domestic Violence Hotline : [phone]-SAFE.