411's Instant Access 08.23.09: WWE SummerSlam 2009

Posted by Scott Slimmer on 08.23.2009

Go big or go home... or in Jeff Hardy's case, do both.

Hey kids, I'm Scott, and this is 411's Instant Access: WWE SummerSlam 2009. 411's Instant Access is the companion piece to 411 Live Pay-Per-View Coverage and features immediate reaction to wrestling pay-per-views. The focus in Instant Access is on first thoughts and initial reactions instead of play-by-play with the goal of providing you with instant access to one two THREE writers' thoughts on the show. That's right, Instant Access will now feature multiple analysts for all WWE pay-per-views. Here's the team for SummerSlam:

• Scott Slimmer, author of Don't Think Twice.
• Chris Lansdell, author of A Brace for Impact and If I Could Be Serious For A Moment.
• Rob McNew, author of 411's WWE Raw Report and 411's WWE Superstars Report.

Okay kids, enough with the explanations. Let's get to the wrestling.

Intercontinental Championship Match
Rey Mysterio (Champion) vs. Dolph Ziggler
Match Result: Rey Mysterio defeats Dolph Ziggler with a top rope hurricanrana.
Match Length: 12:22
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I really expected Dolph Ziggler to pick up the win and pick up the gold, but I'm also more than happy to see Rey Mysterio's title reign continue for another month. Mysterio has been on fire on pay-per-view this year, and once again he was spectacular in this match. Seriously, with all due respect to Christopher Daniels, Mysterio may have just hit the best… moonsault… ever… But while Mysterio may have been the star of this match, Ziggler certainly wasn't far behind. He looked good in the ring, and much to my surprise, he even got a nice little "Let's Go Ziggler!" chant from the crowd. Ziggler's stock is definitely on the rise, and there doesn't seem to be anywhere for him to go that doesn't involve the Intercontinental Championship. So look for this feud to continue for at least three more weeks, and look for Ziggler to be wearing gold sooner rather than later.
Lansdell: Rey Mysterio is seemingly close to the Jericho level, having great matches with everyone. Again here he and Ziggler put on a great show of counters, strong offence and resilience. The result, however...well, it reeks of politics. Rey doesn't want to drop the belt so quickly, so Ziggler suffers as a result. He did look good in defeat but I think that midcard title could do wonders for him.
McNew: Always a solid choice for the opener to go with Rey to get the crowd riled up. This was no different. Even though it was your pretty standard Rey match that's all you want in that spot. Not sure if they can squeeze another one out of this one after Rey wins two months in a row, but I'd still like to see Ziggler get a run with that belt soon. Crowd seemed to be behind him a bit tonight. Good signs for Dolph.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***½
Lansdell: ***½
McNew: ***
Average Match Rating: ***¼

MVP vs. Jack Swagger
Match Result: MVP defeats Jack Swagger with the Playmaker.
Match Length: 6:20
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I suppose this was a solid enough match, but at the same time it felt more than a bit underwhelming. The promos leading up to this match were quite good and really showcased the heat between MVP and Swagger, but that heat failed to come across in the ring. For the most part, MVP and Swagger just seemed to be going through the motions without taking the time to remember to tell a story. This match certainly didn't seem to resolve anything between MVP and Swagger, but this is the kind of feud that could rather easily go unresolved without anyone really noticing. So MVP and Swagger could easily continue their feud for another month, but Swagger could also easily transition to a feud with Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental Championship.
Lansdell: This has been one of the least-cared-about feuds on TV. They put so little effort into building it, and even less effort into making the Raw fans care about Swagger. MVP WAS over, now...not so much. The match was OK, but it was really hurt by the fans just not caring at all.
McNew: This felt like pretty much your standard 10 PM EST Raw match. Minus the commercial break. I don't figure they're done with each other yet, and since the big shows like SummerSlam are usually about the faces going over this one is no surprise. Perfectly acceptable undercard match.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **½
Lansdell: **¼
McNew: **½
Average Match Rating: **½

Unified Tag Team Championship Match
Chris Jericho & The Big Show (Champions) vs. Cryme Tyme
Match Result: Chris Jericho defeats JTG after Big Show hit JTG with the Knockout Punch.
Match Length: 9:41
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I didn't really expect Cryme Tyme to win this match, and if I'm being honest, I also didn't expect them to look as good as they did. Yes, they lost the match, but they looked great in the process. JTG flew around the ring and kept up with Chris Jericho throughout the match, but it was Shad Gaspard that impressed me the most. Shad did a great job of focusing on his size and strength when he was in the ring with the smaller Chris Jericho and then transitioning to a focus on his speed and agility when he was in the ring with the larger Big Show. That kind of innate awareness of in-ring psychology is a huge plus for any wrestler and bodes well for Shad's future. However, for the moment, I would assume that Jericho & Big Show are going to move on to a new set of challengers, so Cryme Tyme will just have to bide their time and wait for their next shot at the gold.
Lansdell: Well, let me start by pointing out that new JeriShow music is better than old JeriShow music. This match was also better than it should have been, with even the parts with Show in control not dragging too much. Yes Jericho did his normal awesome work but Cryme Tyme had a lot to do with the pacing and success of this match, especially JTG. That boy will go far. As is often the case with tag teams of dominant singles guys, I can't really see another team who can take the titles from JeriShow, unless DX want them. Therefore I hope Cryme Tyme gets a rematch and wins the belts to ice the push.
McNew: I'm beginning to wonder if Cryme Tyme, the longest tenured proper tag team in WWE, will ever actually be Tag Team Champions. I didn't think they'd win here, so I'm not complaining. Just thinking out loud. Match was quite good, as Chris Jericho again proves he is what he says he is. The Best in the World at what he does.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***
Lansdell: ***
McNew: ***¼
Average Match Rating: ***

The Great Khali vs. Kane
Match Result: Kane defeats The Great Khali with a running DDT.
Match Length: 5:54
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Okay, confession time. I've never seen Khali / Kane from WrestleMania 23. I mean, I watched the show. I saw Michaels / Cena and Taker / Batista and MITB III. But no joke, I was literally in the bathroom for the entirety of the Khali / Kane match. And so in some ways, this was a fresh match for me. And as strange as it may sound, I was actually impressed. Now look, I'm not saying this was a great match. Hell, I'm not even saying it was a good match. I'm just saying that it was a lot like the recent G. I. Joe movie in that it sucked far less than I had anticipated. And for that reason alone, I sort of enjoyed it. Khali actually looked better than he has in quite some time, and Kane seemed uncharacteristically motivated. But there is no earthly reason for this feud to continue, so let's hope Khali and Kane go their separate ways. Unless, of course, Khali wants and eye for an eye and decides to kidnap and torture Kane's brother…
Lansdell: I honestly expected this to be ass wrapped in a light ass pastry and deep-fried in ass until golden brown, served on a bed of ass with ass sauce. As it happens, they held the ass sauce and served it on a bed of "Wait, this isn't horrible!" Now I'll admit this wasn't a technical classic of epic proportions or even a hard-hitting slugfest, but both men worked their socks off and I liked the finish sequence. Does that mean it gets a good rating? Well, if I thought this was the end of the feud I MIGHT go a little higher but...
McNew: Well that was all kinds of awful. Not sure why I would have expected anything less. I don't know who thought we were clamoring for the rematch of their epic WrestleMania 23 encounter, but I guess Kane had to get his win back. Meh.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **
Lansdell: *½
McNew: DUD
Average Match Rating: *¼

D-Generation X vs. Legacy
Match Result: Shawn Michaels defeats Cody Rhodes with Sweet Chin Music.
Match Length: 19:56
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I know how this story goes. I've seen it all before. DX wins a match, and people start bitching and moaning about how DX are playing politics and trying to hold on to their spot and holding down the younger talent. So fine. Go ahead. Bitch and moan if you want. But know that if you do, then you are a freaking moron. Yes, Legacy lost this match, but that means nothing compared to the fact that they looked spectacular in the process. Not only did Rhodes & DiBiase get the chance to really show what they had in the ring, but the booking allowed them to look as though they really had DX's number. In fact, when you look back on the match, it almost seems as though Legacy was the better team and that DX's win was a bit of fluke. And because Legacy looked so good for so much of the match, I would be shocked if this feud didn't continue for at least another month. Because another month's worth of matches this good could launch Legacy into the stratosphere for good.
Lansdell: I believe my esteemed colleagues may be on LSD. The match was good, not great, and I'll agree that DX gave the kids a lot. However, the surprise of that factor doesn't make the match a whole lot better. There wasn't really anything here that made the match feel special, they just worked a standard match. If anything I'd say that Legacy seemed almost lost with so much time to put offence in, and didn't have enough to fill it. Or more likely, they got stage fright and couldn't think of anything to do with it. As veterans HHH and HBK should have talked them through that and to an extent they did, but not enough to make it a stellar match. I hope the feud isn't over because on the strength of that, I think they can do better next month with less pressure and more experience under their belts. I'm not for one second calling this a bad match, because it was very good and did wonders for Legacy, I just don't think it was THAT good.
McNew: The main fear going into this match was everyone thinking Legacy was going to get Spirit Squaded. Those fears proved unfounded. While DX came out victorious as expected it came with great resistance. Great job by all involved in a shockingly good match. Legacy leaves SummerSlam in much better shape than they entered, and that's all you can ask.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ****
Lansdell: ***½
McNew: ****¼
Average Match Rating: ****

ECW Championship Match
Christian (Champion) vs. William Regal
Match Result: Christian defeats William Regal with the Kill Switch.
Match Length: 0:06 (yes, that's right, six freaking seconds)
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Well, that was… um… Chavotastic. What the hell was the point? And yes, smart ass, I do know that the point was to put over Regal's little stable of beasts, but isn't that why ECW has a weekly television program? And would that post-match beat-down have been any less effective if it had been preceded by an eight minute match? I think not. But maybe I should reserve judgment until SummerSlam is over. I mean, if this match means that Hardy / Punk gets a little more time, then I won't complain. But if it means that Orton / Cena gets a little more time, then I might not be as forgiving.
Lansdell: Hey WWE? You know that time you spent showing off all your celeb buddies who came because they got tickets free in their baskets at the Teen Choice awards? And all that time you spent with Nancy O'Dell? Yeah, it could have gone here. Kozlov and Jackson are beasts though. I really don't get why they had to do this on PPV, but I guess...wait, no I don't guess. It sucked and I really wanted to see that match.
McNew: Obviously they were running short on time, so Regal gets caught in a fluke and they'll probably do it on ECW in a week or two. If time is a concern I'd much prefer them go this route, and just do the match later. By comparison this happened at The Bash with Cena and Miz, and they had a 4 minute match that did nothing but make Miz look like a fool because it was booked like an actual match and they didn't have time to stretch it out.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: DUD
Lansdell: DUD
McNew: DUD
Average Match Rating: DUD

WWE Championship Match
Randy Orton (Champion) vs. John Cena
Match Result: Randy Orton defeats John Cena with the RKO.
Match Length: 19:19… ish (I stopped my clock after the first disqualification and then again after the rope-assisted three count. So the actual time is probably closer to 21:00.)
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: So I was ready to go off on a rant about how the problem with Randy Orton is that he has a gimmick that is usually reserved for far less talented in-ring performers. I was ready to discuss what a shame it is that Randy Orton is being held back by being forced into a slow, plodding, boring in-ring style. I was ready to examine how telling it is that Orton can still generate some level of support from the fans despite his crippling gimmick. And then all of that fine, fine analysis was rendered completely moot by one of the most inexplicable series of booking decisions that I've ever seen. I mean, okay, we've seen the disqualification – restart – count out – restart series in the past (hey Shawn, Vader says hi!), but then we moved on to Classic Dusty Finish #7 when the match was restarted after the rope-assisted three count. So yeah, that was all strange. But things really went to a whole new level of bizarre with the maybe shoot / maybe work run-in. I agree with McNew that the run-in was most likely a work, but it looked great. In fact, it was so convincing that I'm sure the IWC will be arguing it's legitimacy for the next 24 hours at the very least. But at any rate, Cena is surely going to be unhappy that he lost under such dubious circumstances, so look for this feud to continue at least until Breaking Point. Which sort of begs the question… does Randy Orton even have a submission finisher?
Lansdell: I have a feeling that I am one of a very small group of people who didn't hate this match. Sure Lillian fucked everything up, and sure the action was slow, but I liked the story they were telling and the finish with the worked ring invasion was good. What? Of course it was a work, if a real fan ever made it that far Cena would have kicked his face in, and they for sure would not have shown security taking him up the ramp. I am hearing rumours it was Joe Hennig or Brett DiBiase, but time will tell. I'll give them points for creativity even if the execution suffered. Of course we'll get a rematch and I expect Cena wins at Breaking Point, but by then it will be almost 2 full years since he was champ so we can't complain too much.
McNew: I'm totally at a loss how to rate this match. It was very good until the TNAesque finish, but then it became an epic train wreck. From the amazing Lillian botch, to the false finishes, to the fan run in which I think was a very well executed work. Just plain odd. If this is truly Lillian's last night she went out as only she can. Somewhere Vince Russo watched this and said, "Damn that was confusing."
Match Rating:
Slimmer: **
Lansdell: **½
McNew: **½
Average Match Rating: **¼

TLC Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Jeff Hardy (Champion) vs. CM Punk
Match Result: CM Punk retrieves the belt to win the match.
Match Length: 21:31
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: The beauty of this match was that it was all about brutality instead of overly complicated, intricate spots. Yes, of course there were big spots, but they never seemed contrived or telegraphed. And in between the big spots, there were moments of glorious brutality, most of which involved chairs being hurtled at an alarmingly high velocity. But in many ways this match was all about the absolutely EPIC Swanton Bomb spot at the end. The images of Jeff Hardy perched high above the crowd will be staples on highlight reels for years to come, and watching Jeff refuse medical attention in order to continue the match was a nice homage to Mankind's similarly valiant effort in his classic Hell in a Cell match against the Undertaker. And speaking of the Dead Man, it seems as if he's returned just in time to fill the Smackdown main event face void created by Jeff Hardy's imminent departure. And the thought of CM Punk vs. The Undertaker in a submission match at next month's Breaking Point makes me… very happy…
Lansdell: I'm really torn here. I'm obviously happy that Punk is once again champion, and I'm looking forward to the program with Taker. Rather, I'm looking forward to seeing how they avoid making Punk look stupid against Taker. However, this was far from the best TLC match I've seen. There was no psychology at all, with neither man going to work on any body part to prevent climbing, and even the mini-story of Jeff going for a lot of high-risk didn't really play out as the main story of the match. I think the ending would have worked better had Punk got the title while Jeff was strapped to the stretcher, sort of a "See what living in the moment gets you?", and Jeff crawling back in only to take a tame (by his standards) bump off the ladder was anti-climactic. That said they did some great stuff here, even if they didn't sell half of it for long enough, and it was pulse-pounding.
McNew: Absolutely amazing. Everything you could ask for in one of these matches. The bar was set high for these two but they cleared it with ease. Jeff pulled out all the stops in what looks to be his swan song. Punk regains the World Title, and immediately moves to what should be a great program with Taker. In a world where HBK and Taker didn't happen this would hands down be the match of the year.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ****½
Lansdell: ***¾
McNew: ****¾
Average Match Rating: ****¼


Final Thoughts

Match of the Night:
Slimmer: Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk (****)
I just sort of assumed that this was going to be the Match of the Night, and the only point when I began to doubt that assumption was when D-Generation X and Legacy far exceeded my expectations for their match. But never fear, Jeff Hardy and CM Punk delivered in every way possible, including one spot for the history books.
Lansdell: Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk (***¾)
Not what I was hoping for, but still very good and enough to take home the honours this month.
McNew: Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk (****¾)
Can't say much more than I already did. They pulled out all the stops and gave us the first true "Holy Shit" spot in a long time. Easy choice.

Trash of the Night:
Slimmer: Christian vs. William Regal (DUD)
Some people are going to argue that Khali / Kane is the Trash of the Night, but as I said earlier, that match far exceeded my expectations, and at least both guys got the chance to put forth a little effort. On the other hand, Christian and Regal weren't even given the chance to put on a match, much less to try to have a good match. Don't get me wrong – absolutely none of the blame should be put on Christian or Regal. In fact, I'm guessing that the two of them could have a great match together. Let's just hope we actually get the chance to see that match someday.
Lansdell: Christian vs. William Regal (DUD)
Why even have it on the PPV?
McNew: The Great Khali vs. Kane (DUD)
Regal-Christian was disappointing, but it took up 10 seconds. This was absolutely a hideous match that took several minutes of my life that I will never be able to get back. Kane can be decent when put with the right opponent. Khali is not that opponent

Final Analysis:
Slimmer: Okay, we started with eight matches. Let's throw out the ECW Championship match because, um, length matters, and let's throw out the WWE Championship match because, um, I have absolutely no idea what actually happened there. So that leaves us with six matches that ranged from passable to epic, and that's pretty damn good for a WWE pay-per-view these days. But in the end, this entire show was all about Jeff Hardy saying good-bye to WWE, at least for the moment. If you ever wondered why we love this business, Jeff Hardy reminded us tonight. In almost every other profession known to man, you more or less are expected to be useless and unproductive on your last day of work. You just put forth a half-assed effort and count the minutes until you can tell them all to kiss your ass. But tonight we saw a man say good-bye in a totally different way. Jeff Hardy made the decision to leave WWE, but clearly he didn't care if he walked out under his own power or if he had to be wheeled out on a stretcher. All he cared about was that we remembered him. Mission accomplished, Jeff. Thanks for the memories.
Lansdell: My enjoyment of this PPV was hurt not just by some subpar matches, but also the overall crappiness of all the announcers, JR and Cole especially. Lillian was in her own world tonight too, and it hurt the WWE title match. There were some very good matches on this card, but the combination of JR eating a thesaurus and using half the words wrong (carcinogenic rules?? A cavalcade of moves??), Cole and King sounding like they were on Percocet and Lillian being Lillian almost dragged it down to average. For a show to truly stand out it needs the whole package, and although the wrestling quality was higher than normal... the rest wasn't.
McNew: Great show all around. The opener was very good. DX vs. Legacy was stunningly great as HBK and HHH went out of their way to make Cody and Ted look like a million bucks. Orton and Cena was quite the clusterfuck, but it was different and entertaining in a trainwreck quite away. And finally the main event delivered HUGE providing a legitimate match of the year contender. This is right there with No Way Out for PPV of the year.

Verdict:
Slimmer: ***½
Lansdell: ***
McNew: ****
Average Verdict: ***½