The Wrestling News Experience: 08.31.09

Posted by Stephen Randle on 08.31.2009

In this Experience, we've got a preview for a Raw ripe for lots of clubberin', plus Rey takes on the Wellness Policy, the costs of living like Flair, Conando shills for WWE, and they keep getting MMA in my TNA!

Monday, August 31st, 2009

From 411Mania's Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!


Not A Significant Source of Riboflavin

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience, I'm Stephen Randle. Another school year is fast approaching, and for the first time since the last time I graduated with my first degree, I don't have to go. Of course, that would be a lot more meaningful if I actually had a real job to go to instead, but I guess I'll just have to keep working at a restaurant and working on my book. Which is like playing the lottery, but with more work and longer odds. Still, I am driven by the idea that one day, my book could be a blockbuster movie that is hated by people like me who can't believe that Harry Potter is a billion dollar industry while containing all the depth of a mini-golf water hazard. But, like Lone Star once said, this isn't about money, it's about a s***load of money.

Also, thanks to having purchased tickets several months ago (thus not violating my whole "not giving money to WWE any more" policy), I will be attending the Smackdown tapings in Hamilton after Breaking Point, and in honour of the...whatever it is...anniversary of the first time I tried it, I'm considering running another special giveaway contest at the show. So try and be on your best behaviour while I decide.

Moving on.



Tonight's Host:

Tonight's Weather, Cloudy With A Chance of Clubberin', Tony!

Yes, tonight's host is the American Dream himself, Dusty Rhodes, and one would imagine that he'll have some choice words for his son on tonight's show. Will the polka-dotted working class hero try to give Cody and his compatriots a hand up, or act as an obstacle to the designs of Legacy?

Speaking of Legacy and Randy Orton, they were left in a pretty big heap last week as Raw went off the air at the hands of D-Generation X, John Cena, and Vince McMahon. Do they have anything left in the tank in order to gain some measure of revenge on their tormentors before Breaking Point?

Plus, MVP and Mark Henry earned themselves a shot at the Unified tag titles at Breaking Point with the help of guest host Floyd Mayweather. One can expect that neither Chris Jericho nor his gigantic partner will be taking this lying down.

And both The Miz and Jack Swagger have laid claim to be the next challenger to Kofi Kingston's United States title. Will another potential opponent step forward tonight? All this and maybe more, if you will, tonight on Raw!



I Wanna Be Big!

Seriously, if that fortune telling machine had only granted Rey's wish, we probably wouldn't be in this mess. Yet another reason why we should curse Tom Hanks.

Okay, so Rey wasn't really caught for that, but as has become public knowledge, Mysterio has been caught and punished for his first violation of the Wellness Policy. In the interest of a) not going a month without an Intercontinental champion and b) hopefully not diminishing Dolph Ziggler's first title victory by just stripping Rey of the belt, WWE has opted to start the suspension after this Tuesday's Smackdown tapings. Presumably, Rey will drop the belt this Tuesday, likely to Ziggler, but possibly to some other deserving competitor who could have a good match with the Z-Man at Breaking Point and isn't already otherwise occupied **coughMorrisoncough**.

Surprisingly, Rey quickly went public for the reason behind his suspension, claiming that he was caught with drugs he used for knee and arm injuries suffered recently, and was unable to provide a prescription before he was suspended. WWE, understandably, is apparently a little upset that Rey chose to go to the press with this information, since it does tend to make the policy look as if it is punishing people indiscriminately, without chance for defense, and would bring into question some of their more recent Wellness-related suspensions and releases. Of course, it does beg the question of how Rey couldn't possibly have managed to provide a prescription, knowing that he'd be suspended for the positive test without one.

I.O.Woooooo!

Lots of news has come to light about everyone's favourite retired North Carolinian, Ric Flair. It seems that years of living the Horseman lifestyle has continued to take its toll on the Nature Boy, as his list of creditors has grown to include Ring of Honor, who advanced him money for his on-screen appearances, which Flair backed out of prematurely in favour of returning to WWE TV. Come to think of it, how long has it been since Flair returned to TV, got punted, and disappeared forever again? Long enough that I'm not entirely sure that's what happened, actually. Guess he should have stuck it out on the indies a bit longer. Meanwhile, other debtors appear to be lining up for their chunk of Flair, with lawsuits threatening. Plus, Flair recently fired his PR agency, which led to the cancellation of a potential biographical film, resulting in the loss of a potential revenue stream. Flair is apparently putting all his monetary hopes into his recent sponsorship of the North Carolina Lottery, which begs the question: will he be promoting it, or playing it?

Oh, and in before: "How long before he comes out of retirement and wrestles again so he can earn money". Although I'm probably too late.

Fine! I'll Start My Own Network! With Blackjack, and Hookers! In Fact, Forget The Blackjack!

A tasty rumour making the ways out of an interview with the always candid Vince McMahon is the fact that WWE may be looking to start their own personal television network in the near future. Apparently WWE's current shows would be unaffected by this new development, at least until their contracts expire, especially the one with My(Fail)NetworkTV. Presumably, this would be the next step beyond WWE's current On Demand service.

Frankly, if this means there's a chance I might get to see the entire run of Monday Night Wars episodes of Raw and Nitro before I turn 50 (which is the current projected target at its current "one episode a month" release schedule), I'm all for it. Plus, there's always a chance that they'll decide to fill it with some additional original programming, and we could see the return of Tuesday Night Titans.

Okay, maybe not. But you considered it!

TN(MM)A?

Following in the footsteps of the signing of rising MMA star Bobby Lashley to wrestle once in a while in between choosing new nicknames, it seems that TNA stars have considered the possibility of going the other way and stepping into the cage. First up and least shocking is former Olympic Gold medallist and recently mostly vindicated TNA World Champion Kurt Angle once again saying that he could take current UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar inside the octagon. And while this may have been true back when Brock was entering WWE and Kurt still had functioning neck bones (and how many people were a little surprised to hear that Angle has only been wrestling just over two years longer than Matt Morgan on the last episode f TNA?), I'm pretty sure I'd safely put my money on the former Next Big Thing.

Secondly, TNA's Tara recently challenged Kim Couture, ex-wife of former UFC Heavyweight Champion Randy Couture and an MMA fighter in her own right, to a fight over insults that the lady Couture apparently recently made towards the former WWE and TNA title-holder. Now, I'm all for equality, but having grown up in small-town rural Ontario, in a redneck town on the border of a native reserve, I've seen my fair share of legitimate girl-on-girl fights every day in high school, and I have to say this: two women trying to actually beat the crap out of each other is disturbing and I would not want to see it if I didn't have to. Quick, jump to the Comments section and call me anti-feminist even though I'm not saying women can't fight, I'm just saying I wouldn't want to watch it!

Back already? If it makes any difference, I've never made a secret of the fact that I don't like watching regular MMA either. I find it boring and nothing more than a blood sport that is all about the worst facets of human nature. But don't let me stop you from enjoying it. Let's move on.

This Is What I've Been Missing?

Let me explain, I've never watched late night talk shows. Leno, Letterman, Conan, Ferguson...actually, I did watch Mike Bullard until everyone realized he wasn't funny or interesting at all. Which took longer than you would have thought. Anyway, that's enough preamble. Watch it while it's still available:




(If it's gone, the clip is also on Hulu, but I'm Canadian so I can't watch it there. It's the episode of Conan featuring appearances by Legacy, Big Show and Great Khali.)

Amazing how NBC is doing more work to promote the WWE WrestleMania 25 special than WWE was. Of course, I imagine they weren't thrilled when WWE aired a one-hour show of quick-cut promotional videos for all the matches instead of actual match footage.

Anyway, somebody explain to me why Conan isn't beating Letterman in the ratings with comedy like this. Wait, never mind, I don't want to know.



Inactive List as of 08.24.09

WWE Raw

- Batista, out 4 months as of June 9th (biceps)
- Maryse, out indefinitely as of July 28th (knee surgery)

WWE SmackDown

- Edge, out indefinitely as of July 4th (torn Achilles tendon)
- Michelle McCool, day-to-day as of August 1st (knee injury)

ECW

- No reported injuries

TNA

- Jeff Jarrett, TNA, out indefinitely as of July 21st (self-imposed suspension)

Transactions

- Brett DiBiase, revealed as the "fan" who interfered in the Orton-Cena match at SummerSlam

- Drew McIntyre, SD!, made television (re-)debut on August 28th Smackdown

- Jeff Hardy, SD!, contract expired, will not re-sign as of August 29th

- Rey Mysterio, SD!, out 30 days as of September 3rd (Wellness violation)



WWE

WWE Champion: Randy Orton
- 77 day reign, defeated John Cena, Triple H, and The Big Show in a Fatal Four-Way for the vacant title on June 15th (Raw)
- Next title defense: vs John Cena, "I Quit" Match, Breaking Point PPV
- if anyone interferes on Orton's behalf (hey, look, an obvious loophole), Orton loses the WWE Title

World Heavyweight Champion: CM Punk
- 8 day reign, defeated Jeff Hardy in a TLC Match on August 23rd (SummerSlam PPV)
- Next title defense: vs The Undertaker, Breaking Point PPV

ECW Champion: Christian
- 36 day reign, defeated Tommy Dreamer on July 26th (Night of Champions PPV)
- Next title defense: vs William Regal, undetermined date

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rey Mysterio
- 64 day reign, defeated Chris Jericho in a Mask vs Title Match on June 28th (The Bash PPV)
- Next title defense: vs Dolph Ziggler, Breaking Point PPV (still officially announced)

WWE United States Champion: Kofi Kingston
- 92 day reign, defeated MVP on June 1st Raw

WWE Undisputed Tag Team Champions: Chris Jericho and The Big Show
- 36 day reign (as team of Chris Jericho and Big Show), The Big Show named as replacement for former champion Edge on July 26th (Night of Champions PPV)
- 28 day reign (as team of Chris Jericho and Edge), defeated former champions The Colons and Legacy in a Triple Threat Match on June 28th (The Bash PPV)
- Next title defense: vs MVP and Mark Henry, Breaking Point PPV

WWE Women's Champion: Michelle McCool
- 64 day reign, defeated Melina on June 28th (The Bash PPV)

WWE Diva's Champion: Mickie James
- 36 day reign, defeated Maryse on July 26th (Night of Champions PPV)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle
- 70 day reign, defeated former champion Mick Foley, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, and Jeff Jarrett in a King of the Mountain Match on June 21st (Slammiversary PPV)

TNA Tag Team Champions: Scott Steiner and Booker T
- 43 day reign, defeated Beer Money, Inc. on July 19th (Victory Road PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Samoa Joe
- 15 day reign, defeated Homicide on August 16th (Hard Justice PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: ODB (or possibly Cody Deaner)
- 15 day reign, defeated former champion Angelina Love and Velvet Sky in a tag match on August 16th (Hard Justice PPV)

TNA Legends Champion: Kevin Nash
- 15 day reign, defeated Mick Foley on August 16th (Hard Justice PPV)



Harrison and James have the weekend news reports.

The Triple Threat talk about American Dragon and CM Punk.

Rodriguez has For The Record.

Ford has Contemplating CHIKARA.

and Remington has Takin' A Mulligan.



411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT.

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That's our show, Small is not in tomorrow, but he's set up a very special guest host. I'll give you a hint, he's used to being in my shadow every week. I'll be back next week.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.

"You couldn't push my buttons if you tried. In fact, I have no buttons. Please think of me as buttonless, all smooth, like GI Joe's nether regions. By the by, this image is brought to you by my son, Jack, who has been yanking pants off toy soldiers and leaving them in provocative positions on my nightstand. It is just disturbing enough so that leaving the house, I'm cranky and less able to suffer fools, which brings me back to you: The fool. I'm done suffering you, so go now. Go. Go, before you can write a book entitled: Help! A Large Doctor is Beating My Ass - The Lester Hedrick Story."