411Mania's Squared Circle News Report 09.05.09

Posted by Dustin James on 09.05.2009

411's Dustin James is back to discuss the latest on Kurt Angle's legal situation, Christopher Daniels DUI arrest, the failure that was "The Portuguese Man O' War" Aldo Montoya, the top 10 funniest moments in wrestling history and much much more!

Welcome back inside the Squared Circle! How is everyone doing this week? Me? I'm fan FREAKING tastic! You want to know why? Well, after attending UFC 102 last weekend in my home town of Portland....I had one of the BEST DAYS EVER! I have been to numerous WWE events as well as WrestleMania 19 yet they can't even touch the greatness that was UFC 102. I had cage side seats for the event and I met A LOT of people! I got pictures taken with Shane Carwin (the guy who is fighting Brock Lesnar next), Thiago "Pitbull" Alves, UFC president Dana White, UFC official Mario Yamasaki, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (minutes after his victory over Randy Couture in one of the greatest UFC bouts I have ever seen), and Antonio Rogerio Nogueira. However, my favorite picture was the one I took with former UFC light heavyweight champion Rashad Evans which is right here......



I warned Rashad before the picture that if he got out of hand I would have to hurt him....


Man, that's a great picture!

Anyways, sorry I had to bore you to death with that little story. I was just giddy as a school girl that I got to meet all those UFC dudes (Dana White even mentioned he recognized my name, either from the site I currently write for or from my days here at 411's MMA zone) and I had to share it with you.....my loyal readers!

Anyways.......


LET'S GET IT ON!!!!!



Biggest News Of The Week:

The latest on Kurt Angle.....


Is this what Angle would look like if he were in heaven?


Of course everyone wants to know the latest on the Kurt Angle arrest situation, so let's get down to business! To recap the situation, Angle was arrested a few weeks back for apparently violating a protection order that his ex-girlfriend (TNA's Rhaka Khan) filed against him after an argument between the two. When the police came to arrest Angle, they also happened to find HGH in Angle's car which caused a HUGE stir in the TNA office. What do you do when the biggest star in your company gets arrested for HGH and "stalking"? Well, let's see what TNA owner Dixie Carter had to say to the Baltimore Sun regarding the entire situation.....

"I can talk about it to some degree because it's an ongoing legal case. I was briefed on the details of what happened, and I also know that people are innocent until proven guilty. And I think just like most sports franchises these days, they let the legal system do what they do best and you await the outcome. And that's what we did."

Yes, I totally agree that everyone is "innocent until proven guilty", but I think we can all agree that Angle is guilty here. Why would the man be in the same parking lot as an ex-girlfriend of his, driving around in circles staring at her? Does Angle have a habit of driving around Starbucks parking lots while staring at the customers inside and this was just a pure coincidence that he picked the SAME Starbucks she was in this day? Did someone else come up to Angle's car and throw a thing of HGH in his car through an open window? If so....Angle was having a bad day!

Now, I'm all about equality, so I'll give Angle a chance to defend himself here.....

"This girl obviously had some kind of motive. We'll see in court, whether it's financial or she wanted to be in a relationship that I didn't want to be in. I can't really say anything further.I didn't do anything wrong. And I was sitting there in the county jail, just thinking about why I even started dating this girl. I can't believe she did this to me."

C'mon now guy! If I had a $1 for every time someone was arrested and stated that they were indeed innocent of the charges....I would be a freaking millionaire! While Angle can state his case all he wants (it is America you know), I pretty sure 85% of America knows the man is guilty. The past few years haven't been good for Angle. We've slowly seen the man go up a few notches on the "insanity meter" and it doesn't look like he's getting any better. It's a sad time for Angle fans (like myself) who have seen their Olympic hero make bad decision after bad decision. I for one truly hope that he can pull his life together quickly and go back to his old ways of the three "I"s. We should all use our "intelligence", "integrity", and "intensity". However, we should try to use the first two WAY more than "intensity" and we won't find ourselves in a situation like Angle's.

What do you guys think? Do you believe Angle is guilty here or do you think his ex is trying to rape him financially? I know I can't be the only one here that doesn't believe our "Olympic hero". VOICE YOUR OPINIONS GUYS!

---

Remember This Guy???



Aldo Montoya


Pop quiz hot shot.....

What do you get when you take a talented wrestler, put a jock strap on his face, make his attire full of colors that don't blend well together and make his nickname "The Portuguese Man O' War"? You get the crapfest known as "Aldo Montoya." Poor Aldo. He was a jobber in the WWE for awhile as "PJ Walker" and then he heard he was going to be getting a singles push with an all-new gimmick and the man was EXCITED! After years of busting his ass for the WWE, they were finally going to get behind him and push him to the moon! And then this happened......



Aldo Montoya attempts to bring back the "Macarena".....


Ya...about that push! Needless to say, this character didn't last that long. Once the WWE decided to ship him over to ECW, he was given the BEST NAME IN WRESTLING EVER, "Justin Credible" and became multiple-time ECW champion! However, once ECW shut it's doors, Aldo returned to the WWE for a few months and jobbed his ass off once again. You know how some things just don't go together? Well, Aldo Montoya and the WWE just don't mix......


Here's Aldo Montoya squaring off against HHH........

---

Random News Bits:


- TNA's Christopher Daniels was arrested earlier this week on DUI charges (why am I sensing a trend between TNA wrestlers and the law?). Apparently Daniels was hanging out with The Hurricane and the two were downing a few adult beverages and "tweeting" about it on Twitter. Well, talk about your ultimate backfires. Just a few hours later, Daniels was pulled over by police and registered a 0.14 on the Breathalyzer. He was later released on $2,000 bail. All I want to know is...if the Hurricane is such a super hero, shouldn't he have swooped in and saved Daniels from this whole mess? The man's a fraud folks....A FRAUD!

- Taz has apparently been telling friends how he's having more fun working for TNA than he ever did for the WWE. Well DUH! As a WWE announcer you constantly have a senile old man in your ear telling you exactly what to say. In TNA you have a semi-hot owner who you'd probably like to motorboat if given the chance. I don't see anyone exactly wanting to motorboat Vince. Well, I guess Jeff Small would....but that's a story for another day.

- MMA fighter Nate Marquardt (who I saw destroy the undefeated Demian Maia at UFC 102 last weekend in just 21 seconds) had the following to say regarding his training with Bobby Lashley:

"I train with two of the best heavyweights in the world, Shane Carwin and Brendan Schaub. And [Lashley's] not anywhere near them. I've trained with Bobby a couple of times and for some reason he doesn't have a loyalty to our team. I've kind of written him off. I'm loyal to my guys."

I believe this falls under the category of......





In all seriousness, I met Marquardt at UFC 102 and the guy is one of the nicest fighters I've ever met. For Marquardt to bash Lashley like that just goes to show you how unpopular Lashley really is in the MMA world.

- Playboy has announced that the Traci Brooks spread will actually not be appearing in the magazine but will instead be shown on the company's web site in a few weeks. This is actually good news because I hate when I ruin my magazines......

- As of right now, the current rumor is that the WWE could be holding the 2012 WrestleMania at the Rogers Centre in Toronto. This would be a great move for the WWE as Toronto always makes for a good crowd. The bad part is, Toronto is in Canada and I've been banned from Canada ever since Chris Lansdell told me it was legal to punch babies in his Provinces. That man is a tricky bastard......

- Here's the updated card for WWE's Breaking Point:

*CM Punk vs. The Undertaker for the World Title

*John Cena vs. Randy Orton - I Quit Match

*DX vs. Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes - Falls Count Anywhere Match

*Chris Jericho/Big Show vs. Mark Henry/MVP - WWE Tag Team Titles

*Christian vs. William Regal - ECW Title

*Kane vs. The Great Khali - Cane Match

On paper, this is actually a good card (minus Kane/Khali) and one that I would consider letting someone buy for me.....

- Trish Stratus is scheduled to be a guest host on RAW on September 14 in Toronto. For those of you who have forgot what Trish looks like, allow me to refresh your memory.......



Mmmmmm delicious.......


- In related "RAW guest host" news, former Price is Right host Bob Barker (yes, he's still alive) will be the guest host of RAW on Monday. For those of you who have forgot what Barker looks like, allow me to refresh your memory.....



Barker predicts the reaction to his stint as RAW guest host....


I tried looking for a picture of Barker in a revealing outfit for the ladies, but I couldn't find one. SORRY!

- WWE has increased the amount of a fine for someone caught with marijuana in their system from $1,000 to $2,000. I know a lot of pot heads and I gotta say....nothing pisses off a pot head more than when you dip into their munchies money.

- As of right now, the current plan is to turn Ted DiBiase into a babyface around Survivor Series. The turn will probably involve his brother somehow. Are we going to have ANOTHER brother vs. brother feud in the WWE soon? I believe so!


(Credit goes to The Wrestling Observer for the above news!)

---

Wrestling Top 10 Lists:





Top 10 Funniest Moments In Wrestling History

A few weeks ago, the wonderful staff at 411mania ranked their five funniest moments in wrestling history (found here!) and I figured it was time for me to rank MY own top 10 funniest moments in wrestling history. You see, the reason I don't participate in the 411mania weekly top 5 is because I later steal the idea and rank them for myself so I can get blasted by all of you! That's just how I roll......


This list IS IN a particular order......




10) The Rock badmouths "Mr Ass" Billy Gunn


Let's take a look at things. On one hand, you have "The Rock." Perhaps one of the funniest characters in pro wrestling history. On the other hand, you have a guy who comes down to a song that lets everyone know that "he's an ass man." Hmmmm! Let's see who's going to win this battle......

(I'm counting ANYTIME The Rock verbally abused Billy Gunn as #10. No specific promo needed. The Rock always OWNED Gunn.....)

---

9) The Rock & Hurricane


Whoever would of thunk that when you put The Rock together with The Hurricane....you would get the comedy gold that is this:







Man, I sure do miss "The Rock." Will anyone ever come close to having the charisma that this man did? I highly doubt it but I for the sake of us wrestling fans....I sure hope so!

But is it as funny as this......





Of course it is!

---

8) Kurt Angle's wig


This wasn't exactly a "moment", but WHO CARES! After Kurt Angle lost a "loser must shave his head" match to Edge in 2002, the strangest thing happened! All his hair grew back just a day later thanks to some MIRACLE GROW that Angle wouldn't let anyone know about. Of course, it was Angle in a silly ass curly wig....but the wig made for some VERY entertaining months in the WWE. There was no one funnier in the WWE in the early-2000's than Kurt Angle. Yes, not even YOU Rocky!

---

7) Chris Jericho steals Goldberg's entrance!


While the WWE was The Rock and Kurt Angle's territory to be the "funny" guys in. That role belonged to none other than Chris "Lionheart" Jericho in WCW! Jericho remains one of the funniest pro wrestlers around today, but perhaps his funniest moments took place in WCW. It doesn't matter if you discuss his "Man of 1,004 holds" gimmick, his manager being "Ralphus", or the time he stole Goldberg's elaborate entrance. Oh...what's that? You didn't see that? That's OK. Let YouTube fill you in. Words can't do this justice.....





Man.....Jericho RULES!

---

6) Hey Rocky.....This is YOUR life!


This was the highest rated segment in RAW history. Do you REALLY need an explanation? If you haven't seen this yet then how big of a wrestling fan are you really?......

---

5) The Rock sings a song to Sacramento!


Remember when The Rock was one of the most popular wrestlers ever before he left for Hollywood? Well....remember what happened when he came BACK from Hollywood? He blessed us with perhaps the best version of The Rock we have ever seen. That's right...."Hollywood" Rock! Not only was "Hollywood" Rock a bad ass heel, but he had some great moments as well. Perhaps his best moment was when he sang the following lovely lullaby to none other than the "armpit of California"....Sacramento!

---

4) Kane, Hogan, and The Rock....cut an AWESOME promo!


Kane is one of the most underrated comedy performers in WWE history. One of his greatest (funniest) moments came during a backstage segment involving none other than The Rock and "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan. Words can't describe how awesome this promo is....so just view it and we will all laugh together! YAY~!!!

---

3) DX mocks the Nation.....


I sure had a lot of "parodies" to pick from here. We had the nWo mocking the 4 Horsemen, DX mocking The Corporation and of course, DX mocking Vince & Shane McMahon. But to me, none of them were as classic as when DX parodied the Nation of Domination! When you get HHH, X-Pac, Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, and Chyna together with the little unknown wonder known as "Jason Sensation"....then my friends, you have a recipe for laughs. See for yourself......





MIZZ-ARK~!!!!

---

2) Edge & Christian


This is kind of a broad one seeing as I couldn't really decide on ONE Edge & Christian thing to include here. Instead, I'm just going to include their WHOLE run together! I've mentioned in the past how awesome Edge & Christian were as a tag team....but they weren't only great in the ring. Oh no! They had perhaps their greatest moments in backstage segments, all of which were hilarious. I sure do miss these guys teaming up together and I'm sure we'll get a reunion once Edge returns next year.....





Christian REALLY needs to bring the kazoo back. The guy is hella talented on that thing!

---

1) "Cowboy" Kurt Angle, "Cowboy" Steve Austin, and "Cowboy" Vince McMahon


Going through the 411 staff's picks of the funniest moments in wrestling history I was flabbergasted that this wasn't ranked on EVERYONE'S LIST! Kurt Angle's WWE run in the early-2000's was one of the single greatest runs I have ever seen in wrestling history. Not only was he great in the ring, but the man was gold on the mic...as well as absolutely hilarious! Perhaps his funniest moment of all-time was when "Stone Cold" Steve Austin presented Vince McMahon and Kurt Angle with some gifts. Well, when Vince opened his package he had an amazing looking cowboy hat that resembled one that Austin had. HOWEVER...that wasn't the end of it! Austin had another package for Angle and what was in that box made for my personal favorite funniest moment in wrestling history. Look for yourself.......








COWBOY HATS AND BADGES~! Awesome! Just plain and simply awesome....

---

YouTube! Find Of The Week!


It's not wrestling related, but it's still an AMAZING video......

---

And that's it for me this week. Remember, don't be a stranger to 411! Bookmark the site and visit it countless times a day. Hell, be brave and make it your homepage! Trust me, it will make you a better person......

See you next Saturday back in the Squared Circle! Until then, you can find me on MySpace or Facebook! .

Also, make sure you follow me on Twitter for plenty of good sports updates, MMA news, and tons of hilarious stuff.


All of 411's zones are also on Twitter, so make sure you check it out.....


http://www.twitter.com/411mania
http://www.twitter.com/411wrestling
http://www.twitter.com/411moviestv
http://www.twitter.com/411music
http://www.twitter.com/411games
http://www.twitter.com/411mma