Five-Star Conversation 09.15.09: SmackDown! Thoughts!

Posted by Geoff Eubanks on 09.15.2009

This week, we look at the burgeoning Punk/Taker program, John Morrison’s face turn, JeriShow versus Cryme Tyme and more!

DID YOU KNOW?: CM Punk has no lips? No, really, look at him. He resembles Sesame Street's Bert with a five o'clock shadow and a hoop piercing.

SMACKDOWN!
DAMN, CM Punk's level of perceived self-confidence, and thus, to me, his believability, credibility and "watchability" have all collectively sky-rocketed. Seriously, would you have bought a face Punk exhibiting this degree of assured antagonism toward Taker during his first world title run? Too, that was a great call by Punk claiming to be stronger than Taker's former victorious conquests, Hogan, Flair and Michaels, thereby tacitly referencing, respectively, steroids, wearing-nothing-but-boots-a-robe-and-a-lampshade-in-the-hotel-bar and abuse of prescription pills as the reason he feels he is such. And his point is difficult to argue. Remember, he said "stronger than" not "better than".

I'm looking forward to eventually viewing the submission match between Taker and Punk. I'm aware of the ending and the screwy finish (allegedly the reason why The ICT match between John Morrison and Dolph Ziggler was ultimately scrubbed from the card and replaced with The UST match instead; to be honest, at this point, I think The ICT needs PPV time more than does The ICT), but, considering Punk's various martial arts training, is it out of the question that he might have, somewhere socked away in his mental catalog of maneuvers, a counter for Hell's Gate…?

Incidentally, and this is by no means meant to be a dig on either Taker or his fans, but have you noticed that Taker is starting to resemble an aging woman, in that, the older he gets, the more he seems to slather on the eyeliner? Also, Punk accuses Taker's fans of all being chemically-dependant, which, of course, is an overstatement. However, if he were to attack them for their lack of self-discipline, I have the angle by which to do it. Check out the beginning of each and tell me Pavlov hasn't been proven right yet again:





Seven-layer burrito…MMMMMMM…

I never would have thought of Mike Knox as possessing aptitude to create/impart such a thoughtfully creepy character as the one we've seen evolving over the last few weeks. He seems to be a clever man playing a clever man, more akin to Dan Spivey playing Waylon Mercy (who actually, really scared me Cape Fear-style back in the day), as opposed to, say, Sid Eudy trying to play, well, any character required to open his mouth and speak.

At any rate, this character Knox is now playing really has the opportunity to branch out and grow in several different directions. I'd love to see him cut a promo where we see him calmly and thoughtfully considering the myriad, bloody, sadistic ways he has to do away with his opponent, and then, upon reaching the ring, unleashing his inner-beast and reeking savage havoc, sort of like Festus if he went to Oz and scored a brain, but played in a freaky, brilliant, creepy and predatory Hannibal Lecter-type thing…?

Did I hear correctly when Michelle McCool referred to Layla El simply as "Lay"? Wow, not even Missy Hyatt was called simply "Lay" by even the women.

Michelle: Why would you want to be with a ditzy little girl like Maria when you could be with a sexy woman like me?

Dolph: Are you kidding? I know Taker's here! Are you trying to get me KILLED, woman?!

There was something very "mischievously Tutti and Natalie about the way Michelle and Layla looked as they conspired to frame poor, innocent Maria, wasn't there, although you gotta hand it to Michelle…in heels and on crutches?! And if you weren't listening just so, there was something a little off about the sentence, "…and Layla defeats Melina, thanks to Michelle and her crutch."

The match between JeriShow and Cryme Tyme was just plain awesome good fun tag action that told a great story:

Jericho starts and, after his embarrassment Monday we see glimpses that, perhaps he and the team as a whole is beginning to crack under the pressure of being WWE's only multi-brand champions. CT get the early jump on Jericho, cutting him from his side of the ring while keeping him disoriented and increasingly damaged with quick strikes fueled by quick tags. An obviously rattled Jericho bails out of the ring following a sequence that displayed CT as a solid tandem, able to establish and maintain dominance over experienced champions.

Jericho finally tags in Show, who immediately takes control, but JTG manages a desperate tag to the larger Shad Gaspard, who fares well initially until comes off the top into a waffle iron of an open palm. With enough recoup time and instigated to violence from Gaspard having sucker-punched him off the apron upon entering the ring a moment ago, The Greatest Talent in the Industry Today was ready to re-enter the ring, immediately clobbering JTG off the apron in like fashion. Then it was the champion's turn to dominate, and it was the larger of his two opponents, it should be noted, so the better since the smaller, therefore more believably pinned and more talented of the two, was better served to receive the eventual hot tag. Said hot tag was, indeed, made, closing a sequence whereby we allowed the champions to assert and maintain control over previously established and completely game competitors.

Jericho and JTG engage in a quick, clever game of one-upmanship, both conceivably looking as if he could believably take the match, until Show, appearing out of nowhere after seemingly having been taken out of action by a Patriot Missile off the apron to the floor, with a mighty swing, landed about a 12-pound, bone-in pork roast across the side of JTG's head from the ring floor. JTG went limp in mid-air, facilitating the pin for the win.

After having allowed MVP and Mark Henry both separate momentum toward challenging JeriShow for The UTTTs at BREAKING POINT on Raw the previous Monday, it was crucial to allow the same to the defending champs, an easy task for the multi-branded team. The fact that we accomplished just that while still allowing Cryme Tyme to look strong was a great feat!

VINCE: I didn't build my empire on "good"!

LONG: No, sir, you built it by dishonoring the business relationships your father had built with his peers, then you lured away their top talent and moved into their market once you'd forced them out of business.

VINCE: [thoughtful pause] Congratulations, Teddy, you're no longer on probation!

LONG: I'm NOT?! Oh, Mr. McMahon, THANK Y…

VINCE: Yooooou're FIIIIIRED!!!

I've been really surprised over how well John Morrison's face turn has been received thus far, especially considering the total hard-sell to which we've been subjected and especially since it was clear to McMahonagement that Jeff Hardy wasn't going to be re-signing his contract.

The fact that Morrison was chosen to succeed Rey Mysterio as the next ICC, instead of Dolph Ziggler, against who Mysterio had been embroiled in a series of close, surprisingly competitive matches over the belt recently, became clear on Friday. Dropping the title from a god-like fan favorite such as Mysterio, complete with the mutual respect displayed by each man for one another, both prior to and after the match, is as close to a passing-of-the-torch as you're liable to see, it's a hell of a rub! This, to me, was McMahonagement's attempt to turbo boost Morrison staunchly into the role of SmackDown!'s #2 face role, just behind The Undertaker, because that's where he's needed (although, as smooth as has been his ascension thus far, one wonders if fans are buying the hard-sell to the top, as Morrison was really struggling to coax the appropriate responses from the fans in last week's promo).

Meanwhile, now we're not robbed of Ziggler's chase and eventual capture of The ICT, a good story whose pay-off could have been squandered out of necessity (Mysterio's suspension) to what could and likely would have been an ultimately weaker conclusion. You see, Ziggler will eventually defeat Morrison for the strap, which is why when he does, Morrison has to be hot enough such that fans will rally behind him as he tries to win it back. Plus, Ziggler's coming along nicely and there's no need to rush him into a place he'll achieve organically. PLUS, Mysterio's only gone for a month and now he has something to prove against them both and vice-versa, so we stand to see some awesome Triple-Threat action once he returns!

However, the Mr. Ziggles stuff? More evidence that WWE is targeting kids, because the exchange became rather childish toward the end. Will Mr. Ziggles stick, or will it fall to the wayside, like "Christina" did with Jericho?

COMMENTPALOOZA!
Have any of you ever actually tried to get a copy of a record/prescription? I needed one for school a year or so ago and I couldn't get it for a few days at the earliest, and I seem to recall it took longer than that. Just because you call or fax doesn't mean somebody is going to be on the other end handling your problem right away. You people need to enter the real world already. Things don't happen instantly, you don't just text things and get responses instantly.

Furthermore, someone posted the WWE Wellness policy and it explicitly stated a 3 day period post testing, whereas here he was only given 1. You arm chair attorneys need to get over yourselves. I've done medical malpractice cases and it's a bitch ever getting anything, and I'm threatening people with jail time here for not complying. You people thing you can get instant records by just asking?
Posted By: A real attorney

Preach on. It's as if people expect to call up what is assuredly a busy medical facility and on the other end is a person who is apparently not doing jack squat other than waiting around for their call requesting records.
Posted By: His Bubbliness

Well, if you are a real lawyer, then you realize that we only have Rey's word that he was only given one day to respond. You surely see the problems with an uncorroborated statement. You would also have to wonder at the WWE's intent here, as Rey is popular with a target demographic and pushes merchandise. They also have lawyers who would see the problem with this - $$$.

As for the rest of the stuff you said - yes, I have gotten records quickly (I'm 6175 there). The problem is that you have tried with a lawyer's approach and charisma. This does not motivate people to help you. Asking nicely, treating it as a favor, and explaining the dilemma always speeds things along. A famous hacker once stated that working the human side with the easiest "in".

So get over yourself (see what I did there?) and ask some questions. You didn't address the problem of Rey not informing his employer of his medications when it was prescribed. Wouldn't a smart agent or lawyer recommend this when so much money is at stake?

Why can't his pharmacy produce a record of his prescription? He travels, which means he may lose/forget his meds and would need to fill them on the road. Walgreens as well as other chains will send the records right away (people on vacation have verified this for me) to other locations or even competitors. They can do the same for Rey.

Rey travels - why wouldn't he have a copy of his prescription so he can fill it if he loses his meds?
Why doesn't his agent have a record?

Who really gains by Rey being out? Not WWE - unless they thought this was an actual problem (see history of many wrestlers with drug issues). If they thought this was legit, they gain more by bending over backwards to let him get proof. In fact, unless he has a highly publicized meltdown/incident, the WWE stands to lose by having him out. Rey is a proven quantity.

Doesn't Rey have a very strong motivation to lie, exaggerate, bend the truth here? So when you say the REY claimed he was given only one day, another witness would be very important? In a fake sport, it seems to me reputation - and therefore perception - is what each wrestler really has to sell.

I know I looped around there, but it is early.
Posted By: Guest#5633

I have a serious back problem and take heavy narcotics for it. I have not brought it up to my employer. I would produce the script IF I was tested, but not unnecessarily. Why? There is quite a stigma even if a person obtains a legitimate prescription for certain things. It is also none of their business.
Posted By: Stinkylicious

I see the point lawyer is making, certainly, as well as His Bubbliness, however, also find merit in the other two posts, too, and actually lean towards 5633, simply because there are those whose prescriptions allow patients to survive if an illness/pre-existing condition should flare up and overtake them, or if their meds, say, prevent them from getting all Britney and having an episode with a pair of hair clippers in front of TMZ's ever-present cameras.

There are some cases one has to believe where expedition of prescription should, could and can jump the first-come/first-served hierarchy. Obviously, those, young or old or in between, who rely on their meds to live a normal life or as close to such as such meds allow, or that outright allow patients to live period should come first. However, in a case where someone's livelihood comes into play, such as a professional athlete/entertainer who stands to lose a month's work/wages (and we'll use that as a catch-all phrase for Mysterio's pay, merchandise cut, downside, etc.) due to a misplaced/lost prescription on file with one's employer, it stands to reason that a pharmacy should be willing to play ball and bump that to the front of the line over all these people who are way overmedicating themselves because of their fundamental inability to cope with stress and anxiety. But I will admit absolute ignorance where all of this is concerned, this is just the way it seems it is/should be.

This is also why I suggest that Angie get involved on her husband's behalf. If Mysterio's travelling prevents him from sending adequate time on the phone with his pharmacy to get results, considering all that's on the line and were I her, I'd make damn sure I went down to that pharmacy and raised a little hell to make sure that sucka got placed in my hand and was faxed immediately back to Connecticut, but again, I don't know all the extenuating circumstances involved.

Notwithstanding how it all works after the fact, it still befuddles me as to why Mysterio failed to make absolutely certain that he didn't get that prescription back to Titan as soon as he was given the slip of paper. As far as I'm concerned, if it comes down to losing a month's pay, to say nothing of compromising my good name to my fans, most of whom are impressionable kids, I'd make damn sure I got that thing scanned, faxed, e-mailed back to my boss, as well as kept a copy on me at all times, just in case.

Unless, of course, there was no prescription in the first place, or not one WWE would honor as being "legal", then that's a whole different situation…

But then I work in administration, and this all the crap I've learned by watching other stuff go down. There's no substitution for preparedness!

I love MST3K. Be funny as hell if they could get Joel or Mike and the Bots to host. Especially if they have the silhouettes providing commentary on the bottom of the screen during matches.
Posted By: Minimoose

First off, I'm a HUGE fan of both U2 & MST3K!! Why the SyFy channel doesn't get the rights to re-run that show on weekend nights as opposed to the horrible (yet guilty pleasure on rare occasion) Monster movies they churn out is beyond me! Hell, put it on at 8am, I'd watch it!

I actually dug Raw this week, Bob Barker was great, he was a bit confused about the end of the Big Show/ Santino body-slam contest but all-in-all... awesome show! I've hated Raw for a while now but the guest host thing is sadly working here & there. I loved Sgt Slaughter screwin with the Canadian crowd--- that cracked me up! With the stale main events going on over on Raw, it's a nice change.

Granted, they could be spending more time on the US title division but they don't seem too interested in that. The IC title seems to be worth something over on Smackdown but there is the argument that a title is something to fight over (I totally agree) but it would be nice to give Kofi a storyline, a nemesis or 2, a memorable feed, or even some mic time but what can you do? Hopefully next week will be all Trish (don't know if I dig the nose-job) but it's still Trish so that episode will make me watch.

MVP was getting great in his rivalry/ forced "friendship" with Matt Hardy and then his face turn was kinda muddled with HHH interference & now that he's on Raw, he's not even the same cat... I kind of gave up on him, he's a different character. If he turns heel, maybe he'll be fun again but right now... blahhhhh....

I'm not feelin the submission PPV or Hell-in-a-cell PPV... that means Cena & Orton will continue?? The submission PPV is lame, I remember Billy-Jack Hayes & Hercules had their mid-card WM3 "master of the full nelson" fight, that was a great mid-card stipulation but a WHOLE PPV on that stipulation leaves me not giving a flip!

& on a lighter note, the Bellas rocked that hot tub and I'm building a Plinko board in the garage.

Great Column! Good stuff!
Posted By: theHomewrecker!

Masters was in the main event because Shawn Michaels wanted him there. Masters was Michaels' student, wasn't he? I'm pretty sure they had a feud on Masters' first run for the very same reason.

Syfy can't get the rights to MST3K's shows because they also have to get the rights for the original movies, so it's too much of a hassle for them. The same reason so many MST3K's shows won't ever come out on DVD.
Posted By: Sly Reference

Minimoose, agreed, although it would be a lot like watching me watch Raw…

Holy shit, a Homewrecker citing! So great to hear from you, man!!! How did I know you were a MSTie…?! Do you recall, at its last gasp, that Sci-Fi was showing (Mike-only) MST3Ks at 9am on Saturday mornings before it was finally cancelled for good? Really, what greater encouragement does one need to bust out a wake-&-bake hippie speedball? Also, Sly is right, MST3K gets into some very unique territory, because, to show it, falls into some sketchy legal territory, because of multiple rights required to show even a single episode. When you have to jump through five different hoops to get five different shows from the same season to air in repeat, there had better be a damn good rating to warrant all the office hours it would take to get them back on the air. That's why even releasing them to DVD is such a hassle (see Wikipedia over the hoohah surrounding getting the tenth boxed set released and re-released because of some Godzilla copyright SNFU).

At any rate, here's a lovely gem:



I'm glad someone enjoyed Slaughter's stint as guest-GM. I mean, I get why he was doing what he was doing, but it didn't really seem to add anything to the overall show, it was just a means to taunt Canadians, and, really, isn't that why we have MST3K?



By the way, I must stress, I love Canadians and fail to see why they get all the shit they get. That song would be funny pointed toward any particular country or people. It's all just in good fun as far as I'm concerned!!!

Agreed, Homewrecker, there should be a storyline surrounding The UST that's based on the champion, not solely surrounding the drive of one challenger to unseat the incumbent, which is what we're seeing in The Miz' regard now. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of The Miz and Kofi Kingston is growing on me (his mic work is actually a lot stronger than I thought it might be!), but if the champion has nothing going on directly and the story comes from the challenger, the focus of the story is centered around the challenger's chase of the belt, not the champion's struggle to retain it, and in a heel-chasing-face situation, that serves simply to telegraph a title switch, unless there's a genius swerve we don't see coming.

However, how many times have we seen this sort of thing happen around the mid-card belts, where a seemingly arbitrary switch occurs and we wait for the new champion to do something of note, only to appear in various matches that have no build accompanying them with any of the challengers/opponents and then, one night, a title match is announced sans fanfare to open a show, the switch goes down and the strongest sense of urgency you find within yourself is to go pee?

Quite frankly, where The UST is concerned, if this is the ass-backwards route McMahonagement wants to take toward a switch, it had better go down, because Kingston can survive dropping the belt to The Miz, especially if The Miz cheats or employs some other form of chicanery to ensnare it; however, if The Miz makes this grand proclamation that his new career goal is to become the next USC and then fails to accomplish his goal, he's going to have a whole lot more than coming up short in that whole Cena thing to live down and this is a time when he really needs to start socking away credibility.

Sly, I wish HBK had stood up for his other trainees, in terms of Brian Kendrick and Paul London before they were future-endeavored, because I'd much rather have them back and in main-eventing, but that's just me. Too, let's hope, if HBK really did stand up for Masters, that he does the same for another performer he's had a hand in training in Bryan Danielson when he debuts on WWE-TV!

Geoff, you shouldn't get any flak for liking the Barker RAW. It was glorious from start to finish. Mark out moments galore! I.R.S.! The horn! A name tag on a bare-chested Y2J! "Do the Bella twins come with it?"! The only thing that would have made it any better and I know most people are tired of Chavo/ Hornswoggle, would be for Barker to make Chavo dress up like Kerwin White and have to face off with Hornswoggle in a game of "A Hole in One...Or Two!".
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

I had a feeling you'd dig The Price is Raw, Schmoove! I'm pleased you made mention of some of the bits I failed to mention, like the glorious kayfabe return of IRS (who still manages to get mileage out of a pretty one-note character!) and the whole bit surrounding Jericho. And you know, I'd much rather have seen the "Hole in One…or Two" spot you described. Look, basically, if you're gonna make a mockery of Chavo, allow him to be smeared in a non-Guerrero-type character role, such as Kerwyn White, as opposed to making a Guerrero look this inept and foolish, OR let Chavo and Evan Bourne cut loose and make some curtain-jerking oohs and ahhs. Should I rephrase that…?

Steve Sullivan used "JeriShow" in the Happy Go Sucky Report 2 weeks before you ever used it. Huzzah for him!
Posted By: Bob

I was watching one of wwe.coms online videos with John Morrison 'The Palace of Wisdom' and he mentions JeriShow. Maybe he checks out Internet wrestling sites...
Posted By: AH

Thanks, Bob! I'm all about credit where credit is due. I'll maintain that, although I'd never seen it anywhere else when I thought I'd created the term, if someone else beat me to the IWC punch, then by all means, indeed, huzzah to Sullivan! I appreciate the clarification!

AH, the one thing for which I will take credit is the whole Mickie James/Rachael Ray thing, and, considering The Miz & John Morrison's history of being internet-aware in the past, I'd be willing to bet Morrison reads us, although I'll be willing to defer to Sullivan's column before mine. You'd be welcome here, though, too, oh, Guru of Greatness!

Geoff, do you think Raw will eventually install a permanent GM or authority figure soon? If so, who do you think would fit that role?
Posted By: Brad

Of course, Brad, logic would dictate that, at some point, the guest-GM stint, like all angles, will run its' course and an another, permanent fixture will be introduced/re-assigned whenever the powers that be decide it should go down.

Geoff, my friend, sorry that I haven't commented in a while but things have been crazy with the beginning of school starting down here. Haven't been able to get into the swing of work yet, but I was motivated by a comments section appearance by the Homewrecker and needed to slide in with a quickie.

What's your beef with Sting? If I remember correctly, you've said that you weren't watching NWA at this time period, so I was wondering what gives?

Keep up the good work.
Posted By: Angry Bear

No need to apologize or explain, Bear. We all have lives to live and, considering Halloween is a month-and-a-half away, thus signaling the wild-n-crazy slip-n-slide to the end of the year, we all stand to get a whole lot more crazy as 2009 spins us ever-closer to Armageddon (the real thing…not the WWE PPV that has apparently been renamed TLC: Tables, Ladders & Chairs, yet another gimmicked PPV…).

As for Sting, I've already explained all that…let me see if I can find that…

From 5SC 08.04.09:

I think what always bugged me about Sting was that I just didn't have a context for him in my mind, and if that's my own deficiency, that's my own problem and nothing on him. To me, he just didn't have the same size and strength of a Hogan or Luger, even though he was doing power moves, while he didn't have the smoothness and grace of a Steamboat or Savage, yet he wasn't adverse to trying some aerial moves (for the day). He also didn't have the fundamental chops of Bret Hart, but used the same submission finisher, and, although he clearly had more on the ball than some remedial punch/kick one-note, he seem to rise too far above that level of acumen in my eyes. His matches always reminded me that what I was seeing was scripted and for me to enjoy a match involving him, I had to rachet up the willing suspension of disbelief. His offense seemed so hodge-podge to me, like he was borrowing from all over the board to get the job done and none of it really converged to make me see him in a cohesive light as a wrestler.

This aside from the runaway train he seemed to be when he got on the mic. Old school bleached-blond Sting seemed to be spouting out non-sequiturs and paragraph fragments during his promos, punctuated by his little scream, which, as I've said before, seemed to be to me a hyper rip-off of Flair's classic WOO! I don't mean this to be offensive to anyone, it's just my opinion based upon my perception of Sting the performer and why he never connected with me. If anything, rather than be pissed off at me, pity me for not getting it and missing out on all the great moments with which he's provided you.

I'll have some further thoughts on Sting, BTW, once I finish watching The Rise & Fall of WCW. I've watched DVD 2 twice now and should get DVD 3 from Netflix on Wednesday. Suffice to say, I am SO buying this set. This is all kinds of awesome, but we'll get to that, hopefully next week.

Wait ... you're gay?
Posted By: Alec

you're gay? that actually explains a lot
Posted By: sammy

Yes, this, too, has been covered, a couple times, as a matter of fact, but no matter, I don't mind touching on the subject again. And, yes, sammy, I imagine it does, whether to my benefit or not! LOL!

Damn, you just reminded me that I haven't drunk-dialed you in a while. The shit's on sometime this weekend...
Posted By: Steve Cook

Cook, Cook, Cook. If you want to drunk dial me and expect me to pick up, the smart money is not to call me during SmackDown!. And how dare you insult my brilliant Mr. Herbert voice mail message! That shit is stellar!

That's all for this week! Thanks for reading; RESPECK!