Takin' A Mulligan 9.26.09: SuperGimmicks! - Circa Present
Posted by Chris Remington on 09.26.2009
You can't step on Superman's cape and you can't spit in the wind.
Jumpin' On the Gun
Future…Future…I got plenty of feedback regarding the future that won't happen because of the past. Reverend Lovejoy, who might be related to the Reverend Slick (remember him saying Bam Bam Bigelow over and over) takes the shots I thought most would.
Gun this is Goob. I think the best choice is not currently in the WWE but TNA. If I had to pick one guy to give that gimmick too it would have been him (Matt Morgan). He's definitely got the size and agility Taker was once known for. Plus he is in my opinion a much better talker.
Why can't people keep their original names when they join the cloth? I really thought hard on Matt Morgan but he has had so many personalities at this point, I didn't think he was a good fit. The challenge for me was to find someone that fit the gimmick but didn't really have any long-term baggage to overcome to jump into the role, if the role hadn't been cast roughly 20 years before. You can place Abyss and Kane into this "abyss" as well, so I disqualify them. I tried to lay out the rules for my selection during the column, hence Samoa Joe was Dqed as well as Umaga, who I feel could have been considered as well.
Continuing on the theme Nailz wannabe Guest 1158 chimes with the list!
1. Festus (he could pull off similar mannerisms and style, he would just need to get in shape a bit)
2. Edge (think about it... even view him with dark hair if need be... it's in there somewhere)
3. Kane (for obvious reasons)
4. Vladimir Kozlov (already has the stoic demeanor and power, the Russian accent could be worked around, utilized, or acted off)
5. Mike Knox (see Festus)
Guest will have to share credit withBFF, who recollects why more wrestlers should have managers who do the speaking while the wrestler does the posing. I melded the comments together in tribute.
Sean O'Haire would be a great choice, if he were a legit option. Shoot, I'd still accept him as the heir to the Undertaker now if he could get his crap together. I know he's not in the WWE (he appears to be in the Girlfriend Choking Federation) but I think he could pull off even a darker, more sinister version.
CREAM CHEESE !
Edge totally blows my own rules but I am certain with his talent, Edge could just about play any role effectively. I really like the gimmick he is on though and I was so totally wrong about him as a worker. The mark in me is thrill about that. Knox is very good as Mad Mountain Mike and he needs refinement in channeling Bruiser Brody/Will Bill Irvin/Jerry Blackwell/John Nord. I do believe that is the correct gimmick for him in the long run.
Festus – I'll be totally honest, I don't know who has more incriminating evidence on VKM, Festus or Pat Patterson. Both of them remain gainfully employed and I have no idea why.
Kozlov – Evil Russian! Stereotyped will never die, thus his character slating is set.
Sean O'Haire – While Bill Goldberg is the PowerPlant graduate everyone loves to hate, Sean O'Haire is the prodigal son. I hadn't give Sean a thought in years until the news bite last week regarding his rage and I thought of his juiced physique and his awful interviews. I think he is better off in anonymity at this point and he is 10 years older than the prodigal son we saw in WCW. Clearing the record, no one was darker or sinister than the original Undertaker, no one. Less is more! Undertaker said little and delivered a lot, especially to endless jobbers who were fed to him to make his character stick.
Wrapping up last week is my favorite mark The Great Captain Smooth with the freshest idea of the bunch.
Gun, thanks for the honor! You make some great points that I haven't even thought of. I think the aspect of Taker's gimmick that I like the most is the over-the-top nature of it. That fits in perfectly to what pro wrestling is. I am probably in the minority on this, but if you saw SD this week, I loved the whole limo bit. Is it stupid? Yes it is, but it fits into what Taker would do to somebody who screwed him over. Finally, good pick in Zeke. Never thought of him. I got one better: Yoshi Tatsu? I can just picture him stealing Taker's powers and becoming THE YOSHITAKER!!! BUM! BUM! BUM! I need help. :-)
I would totally be on board with this! I can visualize the marketing and the merchandising now. We have found our replacement for Rey Rey and both The Hardz combined! The gimmick shelf life might be an issue though, the over/under is 3 months.
In other newsCook's Corner New's Reportsuggests I lay off medication and Eubank's echoes a lot of the same stuff about Hardy that I did. I got your back, partner.
Thankfully, HHHoney is there to make me smile
You picked someone I am not too famliar with, but I will now be looking for in up coming matches. After I read the comment that Smooth posted last week, I thought about it and could not quit picture the wresltling scene with out the Underake in it. There would be so many other wreslters that would not have made the impact on us, that they did without the Undertaker. So that was a hard question to answer, because some of the stars today, would not be stars if he would not have came to the scene when he did.
Good job, I look forward to next week. Can't wait to see "Who's Next" on your list, for a life changing mulligan.
I change lives! Eubanks, Cook, Lansdell, Small and other minions change nothing! Nothing! This is what I feel like now, thanks to HHHoney! Why can't you all be more like HHHoney!!!
The Address
If you hadn't noticed, SuperCena has just captured his 4th WWE Title. Not bad for a man who is probably the top main event face, one of the most consistent merchandising sellers, has time for movies, has time to make the rounds on the talk show circuit as the "face" of the WWE and is engaged to a megahot girlie. As a matter of fact, let's review he accomplishments in 7 years, shall we:
The following are the accomplishment of one, Super John Cena. In 7 short years, he has amassed the following titles in the WWE: World Heavyweight Championship (2 times) World Tag Team Championship (2 times)– with Shawn Michaels (1) and Batista (1) WWE Championship (4 times), just made Orton "Quit" to get the current title. WWE United States Championship (3 times) Royal Rumble (2008) WINNER
Not bad for a Limp Bizkit leadman impersonator, eh? Fred Durst lives on, even if no one is buying the music anymore. Well, they are selling out stadiums in Latvia at record levels. On a parallel note, Jerry Lewis still draws well in France.
Back to SuperCena; he is lined up to faceoff against Orton at Hell In A Cell, which has the overtones of ending this chapter of the Cena/Orton feud. So, what happens after Cena/Orton? Does Orton "injure" Cena that he can disappear so the WWE tweens can hold their collective breaths and wait for him to resurface and rescue the belt from the villainous heel of the month or does Cena dispose of Orton, putting the 2009 nail in the coffin only for Orton to rise up at a future date and challenge again?
Been to 411Forums lately? Once the columns got a comment section box, the forum became less special to most. The forum is still the best place to exchange new ideas and thoughts, unless you just want to post on top 5 list or whatever Eubanks converses about on a weekly basis. Credit XC_TF for the following post regarding SuperCena's future:
Who does Cena feud with after Orton? Who is there left on RAW?As far as heels are concerned...
Jack SWAGGA - Right now he's tied up with the US title and even though he faced Cena before, it just seems like he's been shifted down the card recently. I would think he would have to win a Battle Royal to become #1 contender.
THE MIZ - Similar to Swagger plus Miz has already lost to Cena on PPV. It seems like a pretty one sided feud and, unlike Swagger, he hasn't held a singles title in the WWE.
Ted DiBiase OR Cody Rhodes - Too vanilla right now, and even with the DX feud, I can't imagine either facing Cena.
Big Show - Unless the WWE want to put the Unified Tag Team Titles on the back burner, Show isn't going to be in the world title picture anytime soon.
So heels seem to be short on main eventers, so then we have faces.
Triple H - As awesome as their past matches have been, face H vs. face Cena is just boring and stale.
HBK - I would like to see these two feud right now, actually. Out of all the feuds possible, I wouldn't mind seeing this one again.
MVP - Seems all but forgotten. He's just been floundering on RAW, randomly teaming with Mark Henry. While it's kept him on screen, his singles career seems to have stalled since coming to RAW. Also, if it was heel MVP vs. Cena I would be all for it.
Mark Henry - If Henry turned heel, hell yes. That would be a fun feud to watch. But again, Mark's single's career seems to have stalled since coming to RAW. Though I still wouldn't mind a face vs. face feud between Henry and Cena.
So, how do you transition to the next opponent? Not correctly by doing the following:
The Bad Shot
WWE.Com wouldn't lie!!!
Days before his first-ever Hell in a Cell Match, WWE Champion John Cena clashes with Randy Orton & Unified Tag Champions Chris Jericho & Big Show in a 3-on-1 Gauntlet Match.
I hate the Gauntlet Match! I hate the version in which one faces multiple people at the same time and I hate the version in which they have to beat wrestler x to face y and beat y to face z. This gimmick falls into severe paint by numbers booking and generally insults the intelligence of even the biggest mark (or SuperCena fan). Two results are expected in such a match, both could happen simultaneously:
Either our hero (always the face) overcomes all odds and wins (likely due to miscommunication from the evil heels)
Or
He falls just short of glory, due the odds being too great.
A beatdown ensues no matter the result from the nefarious heels.
Why wouldn't a Gauntlet Match be in order though, didn't we just see an "I Quit" match in which a face rarely loses? For those of you who want to point out HBK tapping out, I am not convinced that HBK is a face anymore. He hasn't given me much to convince me that he is since HHH begged, yes begged, him back. We are about to see a HIAC match, which either turns a heel into a future babyface or cements a face's victory over a heel. All of these gimmick matches do more damage to the heel(s) involved than the face. SuperCena has the best of all worlds here, as he is likely to get the ultimate victory and make Orton, Jericho, and Show look very weak in the process.
For instance, I see the outcome of Monday as follows, Orton is going to do an RKO onto Cena while Show believes that Jericho is setting up Cena for the PUNCH. Jericho attempts to whip Cena to the ropes, only to have Cena reverse with Jericho bounding off the ropes Show PUNCHES Jericho, with the follow through causing Show to be in the line of the RKO. Whammy!!! Cena pins whoever he wants – cue the music!
Execution Of The Mulligan
How do we fix this? You aren't going to fix SuperCena, he is the hero of heroes. The fixing needs to be a gimmick match that doesn't erode a heel in the process. I prefer my heels, you know, heels. Threats, if you will. I have the gimmick match that rules all and is just that, a gimmick.
My idea:
The Random Count Match!
We have a normal wrestling match with the added stipulation of pinfall count variation. Big Price Is Right Looking Wheel is in full view (on the screen) has numbers randomly placed on the wheel from 1 to 5 (in appreciation to King Kong Bundy). The wheel is spun each minute to determine the pinfall count for that minute. Number spun is on full display with the countdown clock. Ref also has to shout the number to make the wrestlers aware .After that minute has passed, assuming the match continuing, the wheel is spun again to determine a new number. Rinse and Repeat until the match is finished.
You could give a twist on the match such as: a one is spun; you will see lots of attempted pinfalls as well as the wrestlers trying not to be put into a pinfall situation. The crowd will be in it to countdown the clock as well.
That would be awesome if the count was also representing the number of minutes you get. So if the count is 1, there is 1 minute before the wheel is spun again.
Fluky pinfalls will happen but most of all, it will allow the wrestlers to work at an active pace while eying the constantly changing stipulation. Finisher can be hit but usually during a 4 or 5 count time, while you have rhythm change with the wheel possibly determining a new number and a new pinfall conclusion.
I like it. It would allow Cena to have his Super moments without Orton quitting or heel miscommunication booking. Cena aside, the problem with The Gauntlet and I Quit matches is that someone can't help but to come off as a tool in the deal. These matches seem to revolve around faces so much that it makes the modern day heel look less than credible in the long run. A match with the random count gimmick could end with a "one" count, which is very very possible in the grand scheme of things. Plus..it would allow more cheap heel victories that would prolong a face from obtaining the goal he seeks.
Regarding Cena's future opponents, looks quite thin. Unless it is HBK, which I feel a vibe toward, then I think Cena will be either losing the title in the HIAC or becoming injured in the cell and unable to defend. I wouldn't mind a tournament at Survivor Series for the belt.
We really don't want to be stuck with The Miz as a challenge, do we? If I get The Miz, I would rather see the Bears on Sunday. Not the Chicago Bears, these Bears!!!!
End The Gauntlet, move to the Random Count Matches, Save The World from SuperCena. The Gun continues to solve all your ills.
If you ever want to find "The Gun" outside of the confines of the cozy 411 caverns, you can look me up in a gaming league on POGO. Come and join us, look for the kingofrants and you might be talking to a legend in his own mind
I am also on daily on a sports radio program which you can find here. I may or may not be called "The Gov", you will have to decide.
Gun, as far as Cena goes, I'd love to see him turn on the fans, come out each and every week to run them down, aline himself with all the other heels, so they can DESTROY all the faces. Can you just imagine how euphoric the smarks would be? Cena has FINALLY turned! This all goes on for about three or four weeks, until the next PPV. As the heels are about to finish off the faces once and for all, Cena comes out, brandishing a pipe, to land the killing blow, taunting the faces, then BAM!!! Down goes Orton! Down goes Legacy! Down goes Show! Down goes Frazier! (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) Down goes all the heels! HOLY SHIT! It was all a trick! All of the faces are out, except HBK. Cena picks him up. Pats him on the back, then lifts him up to do the FU!. Another swerve? But wait! Cena sets him down? As this goes on, the faces start to come to. They all kind of look at each other, nodding, grinning, and high-fiving. The heels start to come around. Next, a big brawl ensues with the faces coming out on top. After the enemies are defeated, the faces bow to the crowd and soak in the cheers. One of the final images would be the smart fans, wearing a look of eternal sadness. And finally, the IWC explodes.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest) on September 26, 2009 at 09:21 PM
Gun, as far as Cena goes, I'd love to see him turn on the fans, come out each and every week to run them down, aline himself with all the other heels, so they can DESTROY all the faces. Can you just imagine how euphoric the smarks would be? Cena has FINALLY turned! This all goes on for about three or four weeks, until the next PPV. As the heels are about to finish off the faces once and for all, Cena comes out, brandishing a pipe, to land the killing blow, taunting the faces, then BAM!!! Down goes Orton! Down goes Legacy! Down goes Show! Down goes Frazier! (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) Down goes all the heels! HOLY SHIT! It was all a trick! All of the faces are out, except HBK. Cena picks him up. Pats him on the back, then lifts him up to do the FU!. Another swerve? But wait! Cena sets him down? As this goes on, the faces start to come to. They all kind of look at each other, nodding, grinning, and high-fiving. The heels start to come around. Next, a big brawl ensues with the faces coming out on top. After the enemies are defeated, the faces bow to the crowd and soak in the cheers. One of the final images would be the smart fans, wearing a look of eternal sadness. And finally, the IWC explodes.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest) on September 26, 2009 at 09:21 PM
but that would mean less revenue for vince for how many number of weeks cena is heel. I dun see it happening. Until the next uber baby face comes around, cena becoming heel will never ever happen.
Posted By: Guest#2573 (Guest) on September 26, 2009 at 09:49 PM
Guest#2573, they would have YoshiTaker to take his place. By the way, imagine how cool a remix of Taker music and Yoshi music would be?
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest) on September 26, 2009 at 10:45 PM
Face this, Heel that, this should be the era of the Tweener. Unfortunately PG doesn't quite allow Austin type characters. The black and white is just getting old. I'd like a little grey area please.
Posted By: Burnout (Guest) on September 26, 2009 at 11:00 PM
3 things......
1.) SuperCena? Who am I? An internet smart mark who doesn't give Cena a fair shake and screams "YOU CAN'T WRESTLE" when he's in the ring.
2.) If not the first one then you're Vince Russo cuz that gimmick match while fresh and interesting spells cluster fuck, or a future Impact match to determine a number contender for the X-Division title, OR WWE's idea for a gimmick themed PPV to replace Wrestlemania.
3.) And more importantly.....I think you've strayed away from the premise of this column by not executing a mulligan on a prior event in wrestling's history. Let alone predicting future events, and quite wrongly I might add.
Posted By: Andrew Price (Guest) on September 27, 2009 at 01:26 AM
If hell freezes over, and the Cubs win the (this year's) World Series (not making playoffs), and Cena turns heel you awful awful smart marks probably would shit all over it. Funny how things work sometimes.
Posted By: Justin (Guest) on September 27, 2009 at 01:30 AM
"Face this, Heel that, this should be the era of the Tweener. Unfortunately PG doesn't quite allow Austin type characters. The black and white is just getting old. I'd like a little grey area please."
I don't think the PG era has any effect on shades of gray. We saw elements of shades of gray from both members of Legacy in the past few months, as well as from people from the other two brands (Shelton Benjamin and Teddy Long, to name a couple). I think it's more because they know who they want to push, and are adamant to push them that way.
Posted By: Homie (Guest) on September 27, 2009 at 12:28 PM
"Face this, Heel that, this should be the era of the Tweener. Unfortunately PG doesn't quite allow Austin type characters. The black and white is just getting old. I'd like a little grey area please.
Posted By: Burnout (Guest) on September 26, 2009 at 11:00 PM"
Except that tweeners have never been over. That's why they're tweeners. Austin, despite his bad attitude, was a face.
Posted By: His Bubbliness (Guest) on September 27, 2009 at 06:35 PM
Awwwww thank you Gun, I am so glad that I make you smile. Thank you for the tribute, it made my day.
Any way onto the subject at hand. I will agree with you that there is no one on Raw right now that I would like to see fued with Cena, that is not already been done to a certain limit, or who is not already preoccupied. Your future match is a little unruly but I can follow where you were going with it. I can see the total cause and effect thing, but........
I would like to see it play out a little different. Maybe after the whole show punches jerico scene, it causes jerico to get a little angry at the show, he sits back and watches show get the rko, and cena Fu's ortain, and then he gets the pinfall over, ortain, only cause jerico is outside the ring argueing with show. Knowing that this will cause jerico/show to have problems, thus resulting in them losing the unified tag titles to henry/mvp. So this will piss off show and he will take it out on ortain. Now jerico will have only one thing in his sites, cena's belt. I would love to see a fued between them. Plus that would fuel the fued between DX and Legacy a little more also. Will have to have sevral tag matches for the number one contender match for the tag belts. Would give a little more purpose to the dx/ legacy fued. Would give us a good heel to battle with cena, and an all out death match between ortain and show. Sounds like a win win all around to me. But what do i know. Until next week, great column.
Posted By: HHHoney (Guest) on September 27, 2009 at 10:08 PM
Edge totally blows my own rules but I am certain with his talent, Edge could just about play any role effectively.
====================================
As much as the IWC would love to pretend that "size doesn't matter," the truth is that Edge is far too small to pull of the "intimidating presence" necesary for the Undertaker. Really, it would make everyone look foolish.
Posted By: MDK (Guest) on September 28, 2009 at 12:31 PM
Gun, if I partied with The Bees like I partied with Suede, there wouldn't have been any coke left for me, although I still would've gotten laid...unless The Sheik has sole rights and privileges where Blair's ass was concerned.
Ew.
I'm not sure how I feel about the Wheel of Bundy, personally, although I can certainly see it happening and being accepted and popular by WWE's current target demographic. "Hurray! We get to count again! I feel like I'm part of this crummy show!"
I remain steadfast against joining the Cena hate because I admire him quite a bit, but I can't remember the last time I've been so absolutely PISSED OFF following a match as I was last night when Cena rolled over Show AND Jericho AND Orton.
I can appreciate the fact that sometimes an athlete just hits his/her stride and really starts to click, but this was just beyond ridiculous. JUST as I was beginning to be convinced that JeriShow were really lending The UTTTs a quality of legitimacy they'd been sorely lacking for a good long time, then THIS shit goes down. Jericho, in particular, has been logging about as much time on his back as Missy Hyatt. The fact that he can absorb so many pinfalls and still be viewed as a threat is a great testament to his respectability, but why must McMahonagement insist upon seeing how thin they can wear that fabric before it tears?
Too, I read Jim Ross recently respond to why WWE views Raw as being the "A" show, where he said that WWE's performers strive to be valuable enough in the company's eyes to warrant being brought up to the show with the widest audience. I have to question why? We've seen time and again how a SmackDown! midcarder is a bigger star than 3/4 of the Rawster. If I were Mr. Ziggles, I'd BEG to remain on Fridays.
I mean, how many people were enumerated in your quote from the forums from Raw who, for one reason or another, are poor choices to be in Cena's on-deck circle? Half the fucking roster! We've either seen it to death or they're all lateral points on the mid-card who've been allowed to do jack and shit on the lauded "flagship" show, none of whom pose a credible threat to Cena, especially after last night!
Way to manage your top talent, there, Vince. Gun, you, me and Schmoove need to muscle our way into Creative and get some shit straight.
No pun intended.
Now take off those ridiculous yellow and black undies.
Posted By: geoff eubanks (Registered) on September 29, 2009 at 05:06 PM
Bastard! There goes 1/5 of my show prep!
Posted By: thegunisgood2009 (Registered) on September 30, 2009 at 03:11 PM
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