The Wrestling Bard 10.18.09: 'Mania Odyssey, Part III

Posted by Aaron Hubbard on 10.18.2009

90,000+ watch the greatest wrestling spectacle in the arena. A young child and his family watch it on Pay-Per-View.

FUN WITH COMMENTS!

I don't know what it is about her/me, but I'd rather bump uglies with Bull Nakano than half the current WWE Divas roster even though she looked more bloated than usual in that match. Cool to see Kong in a singles match, i only ever saw her in the 95 SurSer match which was probably the best on that card. I recommend anyone to search it and check it out Kong playing the monster role perfectly, Madusa putting on a clinic that makes you wonder why people think Trish Stratus was so great, and sequences that a 95 WWF crowd were absolutely blown away by.

Posted By: Grimes

The only gripe I have with this comment is that I do feel that Trish Stratus is great. Is she in the league of Kong or Mayami Toyota? No, but those two would probably make my list of the top 100 wrestlers ever, regardless of sex. Trish was brought in as eye candy and made an effort to became a great wrestler, and she accomplished that. Effort goes a long way in my eyes.

But yeah, bumping uglies aside, the rest of this is pretty accurate. Japanese women are amazing. And I don't just mean wrestlers.



One of the most underrated matches in WM history is The Bulldogs vs The Dream Team

Posted By: kid

I actually feel that Wrestlemania 2 as a whole is underrated. Yes, there are some stinkers, but there is enough quality wrestling and/or entertainment to recommend viewing it. It's also a breeze. When one looks at Wrestlemania IV or VI, those last forever.

This was an Epic Fail of a column.

Posted By: Guest#3485

If you can't come up with a better insult than an internet meme, people won't listen to you

This column is far from perfect (spelling & grammar mistakes are more prevalent than they should be) but I'll be damned if the innocence and nostalgia of this (fictional?) story didn't resonate with me.

With all of the matches, it sometimes feels like you're just describing the match and slapping on an appropriately (uninformed about the business) feeling at the end and it comes off kind of hokey.

I think more detail will prove more genuine.

Although.. I'm once again intrigued by the column idea because it'll be interesting to follow a kid's journey through the different eras of pro wrestling.

All in all, a good second effort, even if it was not as focused as the first. (to be expected due to the nature of WM2.)

Posted By: Dylan

Thank you for the kind words and constructive criticism. Nostalgia was the main purpose of this series (which is fictional, hope that answers the first commenter's question, since he lacks the capacity to read past the teaser). I do feel that the second one kind of had a "sophomore jinx" as they say, but as you said, the nature of the event lead towards that. I used the matches as sort of a structure to base the beginning around, so I could establish the characters a bit. Hopefully, there is enough exposition in these first three that I can start progressing a little faster and focus more on the emotions and less on the matches.

I've tried to keep the grammar mistakes to a minimum, but sometimes I have to rush through these. Hopefully you enjoy this one better.

Really enjoying this series........ As one poster said I am getting nostalgic for stuff I didn,t see. Started watching in 1990, but its gripping. As the series goes on I hope Johnny never grows up!!!!!!

Posted By: Guest#1704

Sorry, but his name is Johnny Sullivan, not Peter Pan. I hope you will enjoy the rest of the series regardless.

The presence of Ulysses 31 alone makes this column an epic win of epically winning proportions.

Posted By: Lansdellicious

Thanks Chris. Now put on the Daniel mask like a good boy.

ZOMGD, Little Johnny, there you are!! Been looking for you everywhere, my friend!

Posted By: Heiden, Heiden, Heidenreich!!!

It's a miracle I managed to post this column after reading this. I about died. WAAAAAAY out of left field and totally marvelous.


DEODORANT BREAK!



It is March 1987. Ronald Reagan is in the middle of his second term as President. The New York Giants won the twenty-first Super Bowl, besting the Denver Broncos 39-20. Johnny is eight years old, and his brother Mike is eleven. Together, they are the biggest WWF fans in Chicago. Last year, they went with their father to the local third of Wrestlemania 2, seeing Andre the Giant in person and witnessing the British Bulldogs win the WWF Tag Team Championship from the Dream Team. The year before that, they saw the very first Wrestlemania on closed circuit television. Both nights were extremely memorable for them, ranking amongst the best days of their young lives.

But this year is different. Tonight, the Sullivan family is watching Wrestlemania III in the comfort of their living room, via Pay-Per-View. Mike's best friend Bobby Jacobs is deep in discussion with Mike, arguing over whether the Bulldogs or the Hart Foundation are the best team in wrestling (and consequently, who will win the six-man tag team match). His mom is busy cooking popcorn. Johnny is trying to beat the twelfth level of Super Mario Bros. for the three-thousandth time (and is failing). Perhaps the fact that he's more excited about his favorite wrestler Ricky Steamboat challenging for Randy Savage's intercontinental title is adversely affecting his ability to play.

His dad barges through the door, carrying six pizzas. Johnny helps his mom set the boxes on a picnic table, so that everyone has easy access. Suddenly, Mike and Bobby yell to the family that the show has started. Johnny rushes into the living room in time to see thousands of people in the Pontiac Silverdome. Vince McMahon welcomes everyone to Wrestlemania III, and introduces the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. The first woman in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame sings a terrific rendition of "America the Beautiful", captivating the matriarch of the Sullivan family and no one else. Instead, Johnny, Mike, and Bobby talk about Andre the Giant betraying Hulk Hogan, how he sided with Bobby Heenan, selling out his friendship to the champion for a shot at his title. There is a sense of dread between the three young children: they cannot remember Andre ever being beaten. Is this the final night of Hogan's reign?

Johnny's mom shushes the three kids as Aretha belts out the last long note of the song, but the conversation resumes in earnest as the opener gets underway. It is only broken up by Johnny's dad saying that The Can-Am Connection defeated Don Muraco and Bob Orton. Realizing that they missed the first match, the three settle down a bit. But only for a second, because Hercules vs. Billy Jack Haynes can't hold their interest for very long. Only the signature sound of a fiddle can pull them out of their banter. The presence of Hillbilly Jim and midgets keep their eyes glued to the TV screen. All four of them let out a collective gasp as King Kong Bundy drops an elbow on Little Beaver. Johnny feels similar to how he felt for S.D. Jones two years prior; he really feels as if Bundy has killed the poor midget.

"HONEY!" calls Johnny's mom, and his dad rushes off to see what she needs. Mary Hart appears on the screen and tries to interview Elizabeth, but Randy Savage breaks it up. "I can't stand that loser!" comments Johnny. "Shut up twerp," shouts Bobby. "Just because you like goody-two shoes Steamboat doesn't mean the rest of have to hate the champ!" This sparks a spirited tête-à-tête between the two that turns into a fistfight. Mike manages to break up the scuffle, and saves face with Bobby by ordering Johnny to get them all pizza. "Yeah, do what he says, twerp!" threatens Bobby, and Johnny reluctantly carries out Mike's wishes.

While Johnny carries out his unexpected errand, he hears shouting from the hallway. He sighs for what seems like the billionth time in the last twelve months. His parents have been growing rapidly less friendly with each other for reasons that Johnny can't figure out. Mom spends a lot of time crying in the garage, and his dad usually comes home drunk every couple of weeks. At first, they tried to hide their arguments from the kids, but they have given up. Johnny prays every night that they will smile at each other tomorrow, a rare treat for him.

Not even Junkyard Dog blasting Harley Race can fix Johnny's solemn attitude. Mike and Bobby return to their debate over the Bulldogs and Hart Foundation, but Hogan's appearance shifts the discussion to the main event. Johnny ignores them. His eyes start to water, but he quickly rubs them out of his eyes as he sees his dad walk back into the room. No matter how much he may hurt, Johnny doesn't want to look week in front of his dad. "You okay Dad?" His dad looks at him for a second and smiles a weak smile. "Yeah, I'm okay Johnny." He pats Johnny on the head, which is about as affectionate as he gets. Johnny smiles and is able to regain his focus in time to see Brutus Beefcake abandoned by his teammates.

A video recap of the Roddy Piper-Adrian Adonis feud shows on the television. "Well, looks like I got back just in time!" his dad says. Although Piper has been a villain for most of the time Johnny has watched wrestling, Johnny has never despised him the way he despised Greg Valentine and Randy Savage. Piper obnoxious humor has always resonated with him. So when he announced his retirement, Johnny was saddened, as was everyone else. Unlike many other matches of the evening, there would be no split allegiances: all four of them were for Piper.

They cheered every punch Piper threw, and booed when Adonis put him in the sleeper. But Piper's last match would be finished in short order, as Piper defeated Adonis with his sleeper hold, drawing huge cheers. Drawing slightly smaller cheers was Brutus Beefcake coming out and cutting Adonis' hair. Since Beefcake has been aligned with Greg Valentine for over a year, Johnny was more confused than anything. "Maybe he's turned over a new leaf?" asks his dad. "It's going to take more than a haircut for him to get on my good side," huffs Johnny.

The next match kills the anonymous support. Danny Davis joins the Hart Foundation to take on Tito Santana and the British Bulldogs. Elated to finally be able to side with his brother, Johnny joins Mike in extolling the virtues of Dynamite and Davey Boy. Sadly, the Danny Davis wins, and Bobby practically crows with delight. He starts mocking the Brothers Sullivan relentlessly. Only the threat of being kicked out is enough to shut him up, but he keeps the shit-eating grin. But Johnny removes that too with a simple argument. "Danny Davis got the pin!" Before Bobby can retort, he catches the eye of Johnny's father and seems to think better of it.

Koko B. Ware facing Butch Reed provides time for Johnny to go to the bathroom. He comes back fetches his own plate of pizza, and gorges on it. It's been a bit of a rough night, but the spectacle of the event has made it fairly enjoyable. Johnny starts to soak it all in for a second. He can still hardly wait for the two title matches yet to come. But he won't have to wait very long, as a video package for the Savage-Steamboat rivalry blares on the TV Screen. Johnny is forced to watch Savage crush his hero's throat one more time, and his hatred for Savage grows even more intense. "Savage is going to lose that title tonight!" yells Johnny with a mix of confidence and desperation. Bobby once again rises to defend the Macho Man, and this time, Mike joins him. Deciding to make the sides a bit more even, Johnny's dad takes his side. No brawling occurs this time, but the schism of support is set.

Johnny and his dad cheer raucously as Steamboat grabs Savage by the throat, and then goes to work on his arm. But Savage attacks his challenger's throat with little mercy, causing Bobby and Mike to taunt Johnny with even less mercy. Johnny stops defending "The Dragon" as Randy takes firm control of the match, diving onto Ricky from the top turnbuckle to the floor. He silently hopes that Steamboat can make a comeback, and then explodes with cheers when he does. Johnny nearly loses his mind as Ricky gets nearfall after nearfall with roll-ups. Sadly, it looks to be all for not as the referee gets knocked out and Randy hits his signature elbow drop. Savages goes for the ring bell to put Steamboat out for good, but George "The Animal" Steel saves the day, pushing him off the top rope. Johnny hardly dares to draw breath as Savage picks up his rival, but Steamboat rolls him up and gets the three count. Johnny jumps on the couch and starts taunting his brother and his best friend. His dad prevents another fight by saying, "Steamboat may have won, but both guys were incredible in that. It was the best match I've ever seen." Johnny, Mike and Bobby look at each other, and nod their agreement.

Things calm down a bit as Johnny, Mike and Bobby start discussing the world title match. They take a few glances at the match between Honky Tonk Man and Jake Roberts, but for the most part, they don't have the attention span to watch after the classic confrontation between Savage and Steamboat. Johnny's mom comes out and pulls her husband aside, where they speak in quiet tones. Johnny takes a break from his discussion to watch the uneasy one between his parents, but a hug seems to settle the matter for now. And for the first time in nearly two years, Johnny's entire family sits down to watch wrestling. It doesn't take long for his mom to chime in with a comment. "But if this is the land of the free, that why can't he sing his anthem?" A trio of dirty looks from the kids keep her from further comment, but her husband gives a hearty laugh. Johnny hears him mutter under his breath, "You really don't get this wrestling thing, do you Darlin'?"

Finally, there is only one match left. The battle of epic proportions draws ever nearer, as Andre and Heenan are slowly carried to the ring by a smaller ring, with a chorus of boos flung their direction from the massive crowd. But neither Johnny nor his companions join in the booing. The sense of anxiety feels stronger with every moment. "Real American" might as well be Hogan's funeral march. As he stands toe-to-toe with the Giant, his imminent doom seems to be a certainty. His family lets out a collective gasp as Andre falls on top of him when Hogan attempts a slam, but he barely gets his shoulder up before the three count. Andre methodically beats down Hogan with clubs and slams, and even steps on him. Johnny has fleeting thoughts of the battle between David and Goliath, but he doesn't think Hogan has a slingshot. As Andre traps Hogan in a bearhug, Johnny's hopes fall completely. It is as if every squeeze is crushing breath not only out of Hogan's lungs, but Johnny's as well.

Suddenly Hogan begins to fight back. But Johnny believes these punches to be the last bits of offense that Hulk can muster. Only when Andre misses a headbutt that collides with the steel post does Johnny dare hope. But this fleeting audacity to hope is crushed when Andre counters a piledriver on the floor and back body drops Hogan onto the concrete. Back in the ring, Hogan finally fells the behemoth with a clothesline. Andre slowly gets to his feet, and Hogan grabs Andre for a second attempt at a slam. Johnny growls with disappointment at Hogan's stupidity, but amazingly, incredible, Hogan SLAMS Andre! The five people in the Sullivan house join the thousands of fans in the arena and the millions watching at home in jubilant cheers. Hogan drops the big leg and defends his title in the most incredible moment that Johnny and the rest of the wrestling world has ever witnessed.

It may not be the live experience of last year. But Ricky Steamboat is the Intercontinental Champion. Randy Savage has gained a new level of respect. Andre the Giant fell. Hulk Hogan celebrates in the ring, posing for the incredible crowd and holding up his finger to the heavens. Once again, Johnny feels that this moment will never be topped. Even if his parents start fighting tomorrow, they are smiling and cheering with their children. Even if Bobby is a punk kid that Johnny can't stand, for this moment, they are kindred spirits.

This Wrestlemania tops the previous two, and sets a new standard. Johnny again feels that this is the best day ever.

*****

Since Ricky Steamboat is such a huge part of this kid's story, and had a career moment at Wrestlemania III, I figured I'd get a match of his. You can never get enough Ricky Steamboat! Here is facing Mitsuharu Misawa, then under the mask as the second Tiger Mask.