News From Cook’s Corner 10.28.09

Welcome to the Corner! I’m Steve Cook, and I was prepared to have absolutely nothing to talk about because I just did a news column on Sunday and the lead story on Tuesday morning was Mickie James pursuing a career in country music. Things have changed since then. Now there is absolutely way too much to talk about, so I need to cut down on the pre-news reporting banter.

I am in a very good mood, at least partially because my Bengals absolutely beat down the Chicago Bears on Sunday, making up for the failings of my college football team. I’d apologize to reader neverAcquiesce, who is a big fan of the Bears…but honestly I’m not very sorry about it. And I’m sure he’d feel the same way if the Bears had taken it to the Bengals. So it’s all good. Louisville basketball starts tonight…well, it’s an exhibition game so it doesn’t count, but to me it means that college football season is over, and that’s all that matters.

I figured since we’re coming up on Halloween, who better to feature than Daffney? We here at the Corner hope that Miss Spruill is recovering well from her injuries suffered at Bound For Glory, and if she needs any help or consolation, she knows where we are.

Well, actually, she doesn’t. Damn. I really need to get myself some business cards.

So John Cena got busted open during the Iron Man match at Bragging Rights, right? Apparently they went all UFC with it and had people put some Vaseline on Cena’s face to stop the bleeding, which is somewhat bizarre by wrestling standards. The reason they did this, I’m told, is that certain people thought that people would use Cena’s bleeding against Linda McMahon in her upcoming Senate election. OK…um, wouldn’t people be more offended by Randy Orton trying to blow Cena up with explosives coming up through the stage? That would be a hell of a lot more dangerous than a little blood from where I sit.

Then again, Linda’s running as a Republican, and Republicans have no problems with blowing people up if the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan are any indication. As long as they don’t have to see it, they really don’t give a damn. But a little blood…oh my goodness, oh my gracious! That damn WWE woman’s gotta be stopped! Please.

There were other reasons offered up by the Internet reporters, such as that the state athletic commission wouldn’t be happy, and there were health concerns, but they sound like complete and utter spin to me. Like good ol’ JR said many moons ago…it ain’t ballet. I also got a kick out of various 411 commenters praising WWE for cleaning up the blood…I wonder what these people would say if they watched some of the wrestling shows I’ve watched, where sick and twisted wrestling fans wiped wrestler blood on their clothes. They’d probably all have heart attacks and cry to their mommies.

Jeez, when did wrestling fans become such pussies?

And yeah, the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission was so strict on all those ECW shows where people bled all over the place. I remember that one time when they had to shut down this show at the ECW Arena because Sabu got a trickle of blood on his forehead-wait, that never happened? What the hell?

Mickie James has signed with agents involved in the country music business, which has led to speculation that she may become a country singer. This may be a bit of a leap because I’ve never heard Mickie sing…but hell, if they can make Kellie Pickler a star maybe there’s a chance for Mickie. Then again, I just looked at some pictures of Pickler, and Mickie’s gotta do some work to get to that level of attractiveness. Yowza. She might be dumb as a brick and not that great a singer, but I see why she has a career.

Back to Mickie…there’s been plenty of reporting lately indicating that she isn’t exactly happy with her status in WWE, and her in-ring performance has really fallen off a cliff over the past year or so from where I sit. So it doesn’t surprise me that she’d be looking to pursue other endeavors. I don’t know the girl very well so maybe country music is her kind of thing…in any event we here at the Corner hope that she does whatever makes her happy.

Even if it involves questionable porn.

WWE Raw will have a new theme song soon, and it will be by Nickelback. Joy.

Apparently WWE.com teased a possible Undertaker vs. Big Show casket match for Survivor Series, but the teaser was pulled not long afterwards. This might be because somebody realized that there was a casket match with Undertaker & Big Show at last year’s Survivor Series. Either people were concerned that readers would assume that this year’s Undertaker/Big Show match would also be a casket match, or WWE Creative completely forgot that Undertaker & Big Show had a casket match last year. Well, I forgot, but I’m not paid to remember these things. I don’t write Ask 411 Wrestling anymore, so I don’t have to remember a damn thing.

Apparently my website is including YouTube videos in their newsbites now in order to increase hits, or something like that. I don’t know why they do most of the things they do most of the time. In any event, Chris Jericho defended Fozzy in some trailer for a movie nobody will see, saying that people shouldn’t dismiss the band merely because the frontman is a wrestler. Well, I’d respond to that by saying that Fozzy is probably more well-known by the general public than Stuck Mojo, the band that everybody in the band besides Jericho is in. So if people dismiss Fozzy because their frontman is a wrestler, why did they dismiss Stuck Mojo? Of course, I’m sure hardcore metal fans would disagree with my assertion on that…but they’re the same ones who said Metallica would never sell another album after they cut their hair, so who cares what they think?

Some distressing news on the Jim Ross front…his neurologist and radiologist who read the results of the MRI on his brain had some differing opinions on how he should go forward. When there’s differing opinions regarding the brain, that usually isn’t a good thing. We hope that JR will be back on WWE television as soon as possible, but it won’t be on this week’s Smackdown and it might not be on the next few editions of Smackdown. He remains in positive spirits and seems prepared to fight through it, so we continue to with JR the best of luck going forward.

Matt Striker will be replacing JR on Smackdown until he’s able to come back, which is something I recommended in this column last week. Bryan Saxton from FCW will be replacing Striker on ECW, I’m not familiar with his work so you should catch him on ECW and see how he does.

The WWE Breaking Point DVD will include “The Price is Raw” as an extra. Clearly I’m not the only one who thinks that Bob Barker was the greatest Raw guest host of all time and will likely never be topped. I don’t see Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne doing it, and David Arquette only has a shot if he defends the WCW title.

WWE has a Hulk Hogan DVD set coming out in three weeks. Heh.

Well, just when we thought that Desmond Wolfe (pictured above with Kurt Angle) was going to be the biggest TNA acquisition of 2009, they go and blow my mind out of the water by bringing in Hulk Hogan.

I’ll pause for a minute while that sinks in.

Hulk Hogan in TNA. We almost saw it back several years ago, when Hogan was in Japan and they did an angle where he got attacked by Jeff Jarrett and teased that he might come after Jarrett’s NWA title…at the time, Hogan was just testing the waters and trying to get WWE’s attention so he could get more money. Money was not a tenth of the concern for Hulk Hogan then that it is now, thanks to expensive divorces, various medical procedures and the typical spending spree that celebrities go on. TNA has grown a lot since the last time Hogan associated with them, and is a much more viable option for him now than they would have been back then.

You know, I could list several thousand reasons why this could blow up in TNA’s face. I’ve always advocated that TNA push young talent and give them a chance to establish themselves as stars. Hulk Hogan is obviously not a young talent. I’ve always advocated that TNA needed to do something different, something fresh to get the attention of the casual wrestling. Hulk Hogan ain’t different, and he hasn’t been fresh in a long time. I’m not even going to get into the backstage politics Hogan has played over the years, or if he and Eric Bischoff (who, by the way, is also coming in with the Hulkster), are going to combine their forces and hold all of my TNA favorites back. Brother.

But you know what?

None of that matters.

Whether us jaded cynical Internet wrestling fans like it or not, Hulk Hogan is the biggest star in the history of professional wrestling. We tried to make Steve Austin into that in the late-90s, but we didn’t quite get him there. Hulk Hogan is pro wrestling. People who don’t watch WWE, who still think it’s WWF, know who Hulk Hogan is. Regardless of what’s happened to the Hulkster over the past few years, people still know him, and his fans still love him.

Raven. Christian Cage. Sting. Kurt Angle. Mick Foley. At one point, each of these men were hyped as the biggest free-agent acquisition in TNA history. None of these men come close to comparing in star power to Hulk Hogan. This is a huge signing for TNA, one that proves that they are on WWE’s level…at least when it comes to throwing money at professional wrestlers.

Lots of news will follow on this story in the days to come. It’s too soon to say how Hogan will be featured in TNA or what it means for one Vincent Q. Russo. Hogan was asked about Russo at the press conference, and he said that as long as Russo knows his place in the company, everything should be fine. I’m hearing a lot of laughter coming from a hundred miles to the southwest of me on Interstate 71…JC, is that you?

Eric Bischoff’s involvement with TNA right now seems to consist of helping produce their television product and helping them launch more television shows in different markets. Well, when he’s not running wrestling companies that’s what he does. Should he become more involved with the product, I can’t say I’d be too offended. His major flaws were spending way too much of Ted Turner’s money and becoming too friendly with the major talent…so it’s not like he could possibly make things any worse on that front. People forget that while Bisch may have never pushed certain Internet-friendly wrestlers as much as they may have deserved, he was the one who got them on television when the WWF didn’t have a lick of interest. For what it’s worth, Bubba the Love Sponge seems to think that Hogan & Bischoff will be booking TNA. I have no idea if that’s true or not, but that’s what he’s saying. Speaking of other rumors, I’ve heard from multiple sources that TNA may want to have a show on Monday nights against Raw and that’s part of what Bischoff will be working on. It sounds like a horrible idea…but then again, so did WCW going against Raw. So I don’t know what to believe anymore.

As far as TNA talents’ opinion on the signing…Samoa Joe, for one, seems pretty happy about it. After the signing he tweeted to his followers “I’m down, let’s rock.” We tend to forget this sometimes, but many of our favorite young wrestlers were fans themselves. Working in the same company with Hulk Hogan is a dream come true for most of these guys.

For you Aussies, all of this news does not affect the Hulkamania tour in Australia, which is still going on as scheduled.

Oh, and in case the Hulkster and ATM Eric coming in wasn’t enough for you, rumor has it that Ric Flair is also talking with TNA about signing. Well, we all know that he sure as hell needs the money. The only reason I can think of for Flair not to sign with TNA is if his old buddy Triple H feels sorry for him and offers him millions and millions of dollars to be a WWE guy forever and ever. Whether Flair ends up appearing in TNA or not, he may end up appearing on Spike TV, as the network will have the first crack at a reality show that Bischoff & Jason Hervey are producing featuring Hogan & Flair. I can’t even begin to imagine what that would be like. Probably nothing like reality, if I had to guess.

The bottom line here is this…contrary to all of the people I read commenting on the story, I really like the fact that TNA is doing this. This combined with the news about Desmond Wolfe last week makes me think that TNA has given up on being the “alternative to WWE”, the second place promotion that has no chance of catching up with big, bad WWE. They’ve gone balls to the wall here. They’re either going to catch up with WWE and pass them, or they’re going to fail miserably and fade into obscurity.

If you ask me…that demands respect. It’d be easy for TNA to stay in their number two slot, keep getting their 1.1 rating on Spike TV every Thursday night and just do enough to keep Spike happy and keep their timeslot. From what I see, that isn’t enough for Dixie Carter and the TNA gang anymore. They want more than second place, they want the whole damn pie. They think they have the horses to get there, and with the exposure and notoriety that Hulk Hogan can bring them, there could be a lot of eyeballs on TNA as they take the next step towards wrestling immortality.

Yes, it could fail. But I give them an immense amount of credit for stepping up to the plate, and for the sake of bringing some change and upheaval to the wrestling business, I hope they succeed.

Oh, there is some other TNA news.

The Torch is reporting that Kevin Nash has been suspended from next week’s TV tapings for his outburst after Chris Sabin’s injury at the previous tapings. While I respect Nash’s right to his opinion and can’t say I really disagreed with it, TNA’s within their rights to suspend him for going off the format and going into business for himself.

Let me fill you in on what happened here…on the Impact episode that will air this week, Chris Sabin was injured during a match with Team 3D. He suffered a stinger and should be OK, but it was still a scary moment in the Impact Zone. Nash, who is a fan of Sabin’s and Alex Shelley’s and has been since he was in backstage segments with the two, was not happy that the match was continued even though Sabin was hurt. He let everybody know about it backstage, and then right after the match when he had been scheduled to cut a promo, he went off topic and bashed the management backstage for allowing the previous match to continue. I don’t disagree with Nash’s sentiment, but that’s not the way you do business. You pull the people responsible aside in private, air your concerns, and hopefully come to some sort of conclusion that works for both parties. You don’t go out in public and air your dirty laundry. I’m kind of surprised Nash did this, as in the past he’s been a pretty darn good businessman. Maybe it speaks to the kinship he feels towards Chris Sabin…in any event, hopefully Nash will be back in action and ready to go after a little break.

Eric Young had his routine surgery to remove polyps from his throat yesterday. He’s had this done several time before, it’s kind of like how I go to the eye doctor every year to have my prescription checked and get new contacts. Young should have a speedy recovery and not miss much in-ring time.

AJ Styles was not happy with his program with Kurt Angle being aborted, and let Vince Russo know all about it. He thought that he was going to be feuding with Angle after Bound For Glory, and when that proved not to be in the cards, he was not pleased. I think AJ needs to be patient in this particular situation…as the past couple of weeks have proven; TNA is in a period of transition right now. If AJ waits a couple of weeks, he’ll probably be in a completely different situation with completely different people, so he shouldn’t get too worked up about how things are going now.

The Tara vs. Kim Couture feud may be dropped because TNA Creative has no idea how to make it work. Well, I have no idea how to make it work either, so they aren’t the only ones.

To update a previous story…I stated last week that Daffney had suffered a broken arm during the Bound For Glory PPV. It turns out that she suffered a concussion instead. I’ve seen some bad doctors in my day, but how does somebody confuse a broken arm with a concussion? This makes no sense to me.

Booker T has been removed from TNA’s roster page, but Sharmell is still on it. I’ll assume that’s an oversight because they forgot Sharmell was on the roster page. It would be funny if Sharmell was still under contract and TNA tried to make her appear on Impact or house shows. They did already add Hulk Hogan, so they obviously looked at the roster page yesterday.

Of course I had to bring Daischif & Mizee Haze back for Halloween.

WWE won’t be the only wrestling promotion in Arizona on WrestleMania weekend. ROH will be running at Phoenix College on March 26th & 27th, while Dragon Gate USA will be at the Celebrity Theatre on the same dates. WWE had tried to get the cities of Phoenix & Glendale to block wrestling promotions from running in their towns on WM Weekend, but both ROH & DGUSA were able to find private facilities. I’m torn on the trend of indy promotions running the same town that WrestleMania is in every year. On the one hand, it makes perfect business sense to run a show somewhere that you know that a lot of wrestling fans will be. On the other hand, whatever happened to doing something original? If I was running an indy wrestling promotion, I’d schedule a big show the night before WrestleMania in the biggest venue that I hold my shows in so the fans in my town that couldn’t afford to make the trip to Arizona could still have a fun live wrestling event that weekend. And of course I’d make it cheap enough so they could still order the PPV. If somebody in Philadelphia can’t afford to make the trip to Arizona, maybe they’d like to attend an ROH show instead.

It’d be worth a shot, right?

Roddy Piper & Iron Sheik will be appearing on It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on Thursday night. I haven’t seen this show, but with Piper & Sheiky on it, it should be pretty entertaining.

Ashley Massaro recently made an appearance in the CMLL promotion in Mexico. It doesn’t surprise me that a former WWE Diva would find work in Mexico, but AAA seems like a much more likely place for Massaro to find employment than CMLL. Well, AAA’s been featuring Rain lately, and I’d rather watch Rain than Ashley any day of the week. And don’t get me started on Sexi Star or Fabi Apache.

The Paul Roma vs. Ted DiBiase Sr. feud continues!

“He has a right to defend himself, which is fine. And this isn’t me against him. But, with that being said, in his response to what I said, he said a few things that aren’t true. He also said at the end of his response that he gave his son his blessing and The Million Dollar Man would be his son in the not-so-distant future. So, again, it’s all about money.”

“Exactly, so he tried to defend himself, but in the end, the truth came out. It is all about money. And that’s OK, you know? You are who you are. If you’re a hypocrite, you’re a hypocrite. Just, you know, deal with it, man. Don’t come firing back at me like you’re this patron saint when you’re not.”

“Yeah. The other thing is that how he says he’s there, he’s making a change. Listen, you’re not making a difference. OK? Let’ s just get that straight. Let’s go over a few things here. I did a little research and (James) knows what it is. In 2006, you know, Vince (McMahon) was mocking God in a church. You have “Live Sex” on Raw – again, 2006. You have Randy Orton telling Rey Mysterio that Eddie Guerrero, who just passed away, is in hell. Now, I don’t think Randy meant that. As a matter of fact, I know he didn’t mean that. But with that said, it’s still the family that hears it or maybe Guerrero’s children hear it. You know, while you think that’s okay and working an angle, you don’t care about Guerrero’s family and how you’re hurting them or their children in saying this. Is it really worth an angle? Is that really going to get those people in the seats? Can Ted DiBiase change that? No. He doesn’t have that kind of juice to change it. He does what they tell him to do. That’s why he’s there. Otherwise he wouldn’t be there. If he set up a deal with them saying, ‘This is how it’s going to be,’ it wouldn’t be the way it is.”

What happened to the Roma love from the commenters? All of the people commenting on this story were burying Roma like no tomorrow…I thought you guys loved him! I’m so confused.

In case you missed it, there was a special Sunday presentation of the column featuring lots of love for the Bella Twins and more on the Desmond Wolfe saga. I was also in the Rs doing the Superstars thing, made a Buy or Sell appearance, and will be appearing in Fact or Fiction tomorrow. Yup, it’s almost time for one of my lengthy sabbaticals.

Doesn’t Slimmer doing the Instant Access thing ruin his whole gimmick in Small’s column where the higher-ups won’t let him write a column?

Peters gets in the Halloween spirit by listing the top ten scariest wrestlers of all time. I, for one, thought Face Doink was a lot scarier than Heel Doink.

Eubanks talks about Bragging Rights and other things with the unwashed masses.

In our second AJ Grey article of the week, we find out that there’s actually a reason to watch ABC Family besides Full House reruns. Who knew?

Next week…

Yeah, the Hogan stuff took my attention away from this topic. However, next week we will discuss the past, present and future of breast implants in wrestling. If that isn’t a topic that can get most of you excited…I don’t know what is. Until then, WHODEY!